It Was For Science!

A little story for the April Fools 2024 event. I hope you like it.

Thanks to @Bigtallman and @SirHugs and others who posted the concept on the story ideas forum. Keep chucking stuff at the wall, people!

===

"Hi dear, how was your day?"

"Fine thanks. How was yours?"

"Good. Got an interesting project. Probably won't go anywhere, but you never know."

===

"Hi dear, how was your day?"

"Fine thanks, although the neighbour's dog dug under the fence and did his business in the petunias. I talked to Ray about it. He's fixed the hole."

"Oh, good. What's for dinner?"

"Fish pie."

===

"Hi dear, how was your day?"

Hattie sighed. The same question over and over. Nothing ever changed. The dog having a poop in her garden was the most exciting thing that had happened in months. Scratch that, years. Although she did get to chat to Ray. That was nice. He was good looking, in an average suburbia way, and was happy to spend a bit of time making small talk with her as she pottered in their back garden. She didn't really get to talk to anyone except for the store cashiers. "Fine thanks, how was yours?"

"Good, good. The project I'm working on is looking promising. Computer analysis is just about complete, so we'll be starting 2D cell culture modelling soon. It's very exciting."

"That sounds fascinating Harold, but I'm afraid that's more complicated than I can understand."

===

"Good night, dear."

"Good night Harold. Sweet dreams." Hattie gave her husband a perfunctory kiss and rolled over.

Harold lay on his back and stared at the roof, quietly fondling his testicles. He'd lost count of the time since they had any sort of relations, but it was definitely years. Years of utter boredom, relieved only by the occasional self relief. He couldn't pin down what had happened, just that thirty years of marriage had slowly gone stale.

Hattie knew when, and why. Menopause insidiously crept in shortly after her 45th birthday, earlier than she had wanted, but undeniable in the effects. Erratic periods, obligatory heat flashes, mood swings, and odd pains everywhere. Being familiar with Harold was unfortunately out of the question at that time, but now that her body had settled down, he wasn't interested. She tried to give him hints things were almost back to the way they were, but he treated her advances with complete indifference.

She could hear the surreptitious rustling in his pyjamas and sighed gently. As long as he was happy, the dutiful wife couldn't say much.

===

"Hi dear, how was your day?"

Harold gave his wife a happy peck on the cheek and smiled. "Wonderful. We've been given approval to move to human testing, and if the results are as predicted, we'll be receiving a very large bonus."

"Oh! That would be nice," Hattie replied, gently touching her cheek in wonder. "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly is the project? It must be something amazing."

"It is, it is," said Harold, nodding enthusiastically. "It started as a new broad spectrum hormone balancing transdermal patch for menopausal women, but the computer modelling analysis showed some potentially interesting side effects. We believe it can help some women to deal with anorgasmia by relieving vaginismus and has the benefit of increasing their libido."

Hattie blinked as her husband rattled off the description of his work. The only words that made sense were 'hormone', 'menopausal' and 'increasing their libido', but the implications were clear. A new drug to help her, their, other women's sex life. "Umm, testing... Are you looking for volunteers?" she timidly asked.

"Well, yes dear, we are. Why?"

Hattie chewed her bottom lip and rapidly thought. "Well, it sounds important and you will help many women with their troubles. I'd like to do something, and after all, it is for science. Do you think I could umm, help?"

Harold scratched his head. "Well, I suppose. You do fit the test profile, but I'm not involved with that area. Call the office and ask for the Research Dynamics team, and they can assess your suitability. I have to tell you, if you are selected, you cannot discuss anything with me, That would be unethical."

"Certainly. I'll call them tomorrow."

===

"So you're married to Harold? Well, well, well. Has he explained how this all works?"

Hattie shook her head. "No, he likes to keep his work and private life separate. This is the first thing in nearly thirty years of marriage I've sort of worked with him on." She shrugged. "I'm not as smart as him."

Andy, the research assistant, snorted. "Yeah, well. I'll leave that one alone. Ok, it's a six-month trial, and the initial data is assessed after three months, so mid-March or early April is when the decision to continue or not will be made. There's only twenty people in the initial trial, split into two groups. Each group will be given transdermal patches - like a nicotine patch, that needs to be placed on the lower abdomen daily for a six-month period. You need to wear this sensor band on your wrist, then log into the app on your phone and..."

"Sorry Andy, I don't have any apps on my phone." She pulled her phone out of her handbag and placed it on the table.

He stared, aghast, at the item. "Umm, ok..." He gingerly picked it up and pressed the buttons on its front. "How old is this?"

"Oh, only about six years old. I had to upgrade it because my old one wouldn't work on the phone system anymore. I like this one. It's simple to use."

"Hmm. Well, I guess I can print out some sheets you can write on, and bring them in to me. Do you have a computer at home you could sync the band to?"

"Only in Harold's den. I don't know how to use it. I've never needed to."

'Wow,' Andy thought, 'And I thought my mum was a technophobe.' Clearing his throat, he said, "Tell you what, Hattie. I think I can find an old computer tablet you can use, and I can help set it up for you. You really should use the app. It makes data collection so much easier, and I'm sure you'll get the hang of it in no time. My mum's about your age and she has no trouble using one. In fact, she thinks it's one of the best things I've ever bought her. It took a while for her to get used to it, though."

"Thanks Andy, that sounds great. I'd love to try one."

===

Hattie carefully cleaned her slight paunch with an alcohol wipe. She wanted to blame her weight gain on 'The Change', but in reality she knew that was only part of the issue. Too much food and not enough movement didn't help. She sighed and placed the patch. Andy had said one of the expected benefits was an increase in energy levels and a lowering of stress hormones. She hoped that was true.

The patch tingled her skin, which made her shiver. 'I hope that's a good sign,' she thought as she buttoned up her blouse.

===

"Good night, dear."

"Good night Harold. Sweet dreams." Hattie gave her husband a long kiss and scratched the back of his head, before rolling over.

Harold propped himself up on his elbow and turned on the bedside lamp. "Hattie, have you started the trial?"

She rolled back and touched her husband's cheek. "Well, yes. About a week ago. Andy said I wasn't supposed to discuss it with anyone, as it was for science, but I thought you'd notice the patch eventually."

"Oh. Well, that's good to know." He leaned forward and let the back of his hand lightly skim her nightie covered breast, then kissed her. "I won't ask anything else about it. Do what you think you need to do. I wouldn't want to corrupt the data."

Hattie sighed at his touch and whispered, "You can do that again, please."

Harold smiled and gently cupped his wife's breast. "You have such lovely orbs, Hattie. They're still as captivating as the day I met you."

"Oh, come now Harold, don't exaggerate," Hattie said, "They're larger and droop more than when I was younger."

"I think they are wonderful. I think you're wonderful. You've aged so gracefully, certainly better than me." He slipped his hand under her nightie, and for the first time in years felt his wife's naked, soft, delightfully smooth breast. "I hope this is ok?"

"Oh, that's nice," she cooed. "Can we do it? It's been so long."

Harold licked his lips and nodded. He stood up and removed his pyjama pants, and Hattie shimmied out of her knickers, then spread her legs and waited for her husband to fulfil his role.

"Just give me a minute, dear. I'm not quite ready." Harold's penis had gone into shock at the unexpected opportunity and had decided retreat was the best option. He silently cursed his member, trying to stretch it to full size with one hand while running his fingers through Hattie's sparse black tangle. "Hang on, I'm getting there..."

Hattie placed her hands on her stomach and watched her husband frantically stretch his manhood. That was a bit puzzling. Previously on their special nights he was able to perform his task admirably, and with such efficiency. Push in, do some very nice hip movements, then fill her with his seed - all within a minute. He then rolled off and went to sleep, and she tidied herself up with a warm washcloth he considerately left on her bedside table. "Are you alright Harold? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes Hattie. Please, can you gently hold my testicles while I... Oh dear, no. I'm so sorry."

Hattie had reached down and tentatively cradled his balls in her hand. The touch was enough for Harold's penis to wake up and shoot a small burst of semen over his wife's thigh.

"Oh. Ok, that's... ok dear. It has been a while, so I guess we're both out of practice. We can try again later. Your birthday is just a month away, so maybe, if you like, we can go back to our regular sessions?" she said as she carefully cleaned her leg with her knickers.

Harold reached into the top drawer and pulled out a clean handkerchief to catch his ooze. "That would be nice, but maybe sooner? If that's ok?"

Hattie smiled as he lay down beside her. "I think I'd like that."

===

"Right, you're all set. The band's linked to the tablet and your home Wi-Fi, and that's linked to our server. Do you want me to show you how to use the app?" Andy asked, glancing sideways at Hattie, who was dressed in a pale blue summer dress. It was still conservative, but he thought it was probably risque compared to what she wore at their initial meeting.

"Yes please, Andy. There were a few things on the forms I wasn't sure about and wanted to clarify with you."

"Sure. Let's first have a look at your vitals over the last week, so you can see what your base numbers are. We thought about hiding those readings from participants, but really, there's no secret information there. Nothing that a decent smart watch can't do." He looked up with a faint smile. "You and Harold did something the other night, didn't you?"

Hattie blushed deeply. The thought that other people could tell when husband and wife were intimate was disconcerting, but she took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. It was for science, her husband's project. "Yes, we did. We... Had relations."

"Good for you, Hattie. That's great news. So, let's go through the app then and fill out that session."

Hattie shifted uncomfortably in her chair. It still felt wrong discussing her marital duties with a relative stranger, but she remembered why she was doing this. "Ok Andy. Let's start."

They went through the basic details - date, time, partner, length of time of event. Hattie had to push through her upbringing to answer the more intimate questions, but one had her completely lost.

"If you orgasmed, please rate it in comparison to your previous experience."

Hattie looked at Andy, confused. "I don't understand. Compare what to what?"

"An orgasm. You know, sexual satisfaction, the big O, suitably pleasured..." He looked at Hattie's still confused expression and sighed. This wasn't something they'd factored for when the project was set up. "Did you happen to go to a Catholic girls' school?"

"Well, yes. St Gertrude the Ever Pure's school for girls. How did you know?"

"Lucky guess." Andy closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, "So how do I explain this? You know men ejaculate? That's their orgasm. Women have something similar, but it usually takes more... umm, effort to get there."

"Really? Well, I didn't realise. You learn something new every day." She took a sip of her tea. "Is it something Harold would know about?"

Andy bit his bottom lip hard to stop himself laughing and shrugged. "No idea," he managed to blurt out. "Need to ask him."

"Well, are there books I can borrow from the library that could help?"

"Yes, but..." Andy swallowed a large mouthful of tea from one of Hattie's porcelain cups and slowly regained his composure. The idea that this older lady had no idea about her own body was just ridiculous, and a little sad. "There are videos online that you can search for. Self help instructions, I guess you could say. You can search for those."

"Oh. I wouldn't know how. Can you please help?"

"Sure. Why not?" Andy opened up the browser on the tablet and ran a search. "Just to warn you, you will see naked people. They will be demonstrating what techniques are useful to learn for solo play and as a couple." When she nodded her acceptance, he turned the tablet around and handed it to her.

"Oh my. That's umm, still unexpected." Hattie blushed even deeper, and her face twitched at the image on the screen. "That's her... girl parts on display. And there's a man beside her who I assume isn't her husband."

"Yep. Just think of them as teachers, and they're going to run through what makes her happy. Push the triangle on the screen."

Hattie did, and for the next ten minutes watched, amazed, as the actress gave a graphic description of her anatomy and what her partner needed to do to excite herself. Once it had finished, she carefully put the tablet down and slowly exhaled. "Well. That was educational. She certainly seemed to enjoy rubbing herself. And Steve was very attentive. I do have a question. Why is she bald?"

"Ah. Um, shaved for the camera so people can see what's going on."

"Yes, that makes sense, I suppose. And that's what my lower parts would look like?"

"Er, yeah," Andy replied, shifting uncomfortably in the armchair, "More or less. Everyone's different, but all the basics are the same."

"I've never seen down there. I hope I look nice. That lady did, but I guess that's why she's a teacher for these things."

"Hattie, I'm sure your genitals look wonderful, and Harold would say the same," Andy said earnestly. He picked up the tablet and opened the camera app. "You can use this to look at yourself just like a mirror, but you can zoom in for a closeup if you really want to."

Hattie took the device and held it up to her face. "It's a camera too? So can I save pictures?" she asked, making faces at herself.

"And video."

"Hmm." Hattie pursed her lips and thought. It was undeniable that the lady was enjoying herself, and her friend helping seemed to enhance her pleasure. She was starting to think the nuns were wrong with their 'don't touch' teachings. "Andy, I want to try some of that masturbation. Can you please help?"

"Hattie, I'm a research assistant, not a partner for the experiment. Harold would be more than happy to help."

Hattie shook her head. "No, I'd be too embarrassed just now. It's different with you. I need some help to make sure I know what I'm doing, before I ask Harold."

"Hattie..."

"Unless you don't want to touch an old woman like me."

Andy groaned. Hattie was obviously a sexually inexperienced middle aged woman, but she still knew how to work a guy's emotions. "Fine, fine. As long as you're sure, because I will probably need to touch your intimate areas and you cannot tell Harold that part. You can tell him I taught you how to use the internet, and you found the videos."

"I'm sure." She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and quickly removed her underpants. The thought that another man was watching her get naked was scary, but in a good way. A faint tingle of excitement ran through her body, something that she had never experienced before. "Should I completely undress, like that lady was?"

"Umm, sure, why not?" Andy stammered. This was not how he had expected the day to go when he accepted Hattie's invitation to set up the tablet. A cup of tea, maybe a biscuit, but an offer to tickle the fancy of one of the participants? That thought never crossed his mind, but it wasn't as if he was against the idea. Hattie was... pleasant looking, and her bits looked very inviting. He suspected they were low mileage, and rarely used. "Ok, please open your legs wide and I'll take a photo."

"Like the lady in the video?" After a nod from Andy she leaned back and opened her legs, reaching down to pull her outer labia away. "Ooo, this feels nice. You know, apart from washing, I've never touched this. The nuns said touching it would send me to hell."

"Do it right, and I guarantee you'll go the other way. Ok, hold still," Andy said as Hattie had slowly started to rub herself. He also took a few overall photos of the nervous-looking Hattie and turned the screen around. "There you are, and you look great."

Hattie hardly recognised the wanton hussy on the screen, legs spread wide and showing her sex provocatively to the camera. "Oh, my goodness. I never thought I'd have such a photo taken of me. It's so... lustful."

"Sure is. To be honest, you're making me excited." He flicked to a closeup of her pussy. "Me being very rude, you're quite fuckable."

Hattie turned bright red and started giggling. "No, I'm not. It's nice of you to say that, but I'm old, overweight, and sagging everywhere."

Andy put the tablet down and cupped Hattie's boob, rubbing his thumb over her nipple. "You're never too old to have some fun. See, you're starting to feel it, aren't you?"

Hattie's normally unexcited nipple was almost indistinguishable from her breast, but the touch from a man who wasn't her husband made it stand up pink and proud, and her pale areola crinkled up in ecstasy. She nodded, and her hand started to wander around her body. She looked up at Andy and whispered, "Help me, please. That feels so nice. What do I do? Where do I start?"

"Whatever feels good to you." He knelt down between her legs and blew gently at her vagina. "There's all sorts of ways women orgasm, but you need to find what works for you. Playing with your clitoris is usually a good start, though."

With one hand, Andy spread her labia, licked his index finger on the other and gently massaged her prominent nub. Hattie threw her head back and groaned with pleasure. In a very short time, her hips bucked once and a high-pitched squeal escaped her lips.

"That was amazing. What happened? Did I do it?" she panted. "I've never felt anything like that before."

"I think you did, but would you like me to see how excited you got?" He held up his hand with two fingers extended. "It would need me to push these into your vagina."

Hattie nodded and watched in disbelief as a total stranger entered her body, for no reason other than to see if she had some fun. She moaned in delight as Andy rolled his fingers around, then slowly dragged them out. "Even that feels great, Andy. Could you leave them there for a while?"

Andy smiled and shook his head. "I'd love to Hattie, but I should get back to the office before we do something we'd really regret. Anyway," he said, slowly separating his fingers and showing her a glistening arc of what looked like the gelatin she used for cooking connecting the two, "you got very excited. Your vagina is soaked and slippery, and I'd say you came - orgasmed."

Absent-mindedly, he sniffed his fingers and sucked them clean. Hattie gasped in horror. "Eww, Andy! That's gross! That's from... there."

Andy looked up in surprise. "Oh. Yeah, but it's fine. All natural, no added sugar, and you taste delicious." He chuckled and shrugged. "It's part of the experience. Some people like it, others don't. I kiss and lick my girlfriend's clit and vagina for ages, and she's happy to suck my cock up to a point. A little bit of leakage is fine, but she doesn't like me coming in her mouth. Which is ok by me, because I prefer coming in her cunt, sorry, vagina."