All Comments on 'It Wasn't a Dream'

Fucking garbage

Were you in a rush to finish the last page or...? It seemed to turn into a script where you merely noted which character was speaking at the end of each bit of dialogue. Hell, you even threw in some scene directions when the ambulance arrived.

Just Weird.

Then there was the story itself.

God, that had to be the silliest thing I've read in a long time. Just because it's fiction, doesn't mean you can't make it believable. The Air Force frowns on injuring civilians? No shit. It probably looks askance at trying to rape them too. And yet, inexplicably it's covered up in exchange for some convoluted financial payback scheme. And what of the two girlfriends who conspired to have their friend gang raped? One gets to live with the couple and the other has to move. Jesus, if I'm ever on trial, I hope you're on my jury.

And finally, the dialogue.

Dude, you really need to get out more and start listening to how people speak. Your dialogue is painful to read. The characters already act like they have an IQ below 100 and the dialogue only confirms it.

There were some errors at the end.

I hate it when men bitch about their woman's fantasy to include anothet man during sex but have no problem with including another woman. His fantasy shouldn't be more important then hers but Savannah let it become true. More power to them as long as they are happy with how they are living but it wouldn't be me if I couldn't have my fantasy too.

The three women were all naked, where did the gun come from????

an ariesgirl is just another fucked up round shoe slut....shut bitch and get back on your corner.

You can't write dialogue for shit, it all sounds so stilted and forced.

And your protagonist was completely unlikable, she should honestly leave his ass if he's that insecure and paranoid that hearing another woman talk about her own sex life makes him panic and need to leave the room and start threatening divorce to his wife. All your protagonists come off like that, and then they all magically get these harems of hot women.

Seriously, you are way too hung up on cock size, just admit you're bi already. There's no shame in it.

How can he and Lisa alone fill three holes?

Typical written by a man allowing himself all kind of fantasies but women have to be restricted and oppressed. Talibanish!

Because I'm friends with a black guy!

Anyone who feels the need to say that clearly has some issues, and as often as your stories veer off into your obvious author stand in hero going off about being terrified and disgusted by the thought of a white woman with a black man it's clear that you just need to stop bringing the subject up.

you are a women. The dialogue coming out of the mouths of the men in your stories sounds off. And this story in particular, the men do not talk like normal men. Of course maybe because their behavior is not normal. So it sounds stilted in the context of the story? Also, why do all the men in your stories sound whiny except for the bullies you create. Makes no sense. However the worst writing crime you commit is that your stories are not sexy or erotic. They are in fact annoyingly the opposite. OK, this is a fantasy, but at least create a plausible fantasy. The male protagonist is not plausible as a man, in fact he is emotionally more like a woman. Think that is where I started: your weak protagonist is so irrational in his reaction to things that he behaves and responds more like a woman would to this situation than a man would. I suppose if he did the right thing right away you would not have much of a plot, but then maybe you should practice writing flash stories that will hold you in check and help you precisely develop the characters' personalities in a clear, precise manner and more easily see the flaws in their development.

This has to be the most most pathetic driviel ever posted on Lit.

Story was fine.

Numerous errors detracted. Need a proofreader/editor. Just a couple examples; past for passed, loose for lose,

Michael comes across as a selfish, immature, insecure jerk.

I just love assholes who can't stand people having a different opinion. Ya like or hate it? Fine. State YOUR opinion and let others have theirs.

that portrays military men as what they are - people - with flaws. To these three the pussy was so important they tried to pick up a married woman when she said no, beat her husband down when he tried to stop them, and then were cowards enough to want to buy their way out of trouble so it wouldn't hurt their career. Didn't care they maimed another human who was defending something he cherished. Only cared about themselves.

Officers and Gentlemen? Nope. Real people. Not saints, not martyrs. Not even moral. Humans with flaws and character blemishes. Think twice about leaving your wife or girlfriend or daughter alone with them. All the uniform proves is that they've been taught to fight. Good or bad? The uniform doesn't change who they are inside.

What a sick ending ,

This story was a very realistic portrayal ( in my opinion) of what happens after u get past the infatuation phase of a relationship, and start trying things to spice up the realtionahip, and what happens when you let your single friends, who don't know have any experience with marriage, in on the inner workings of your marriage. Yes there were some grammar and punctuation problems, but those were easily avoided thanks to the greatness of the work.

pain is its biggest foe. TK U MLJ LV NV

I agree with some of the other comments, the hero is a dick! I was hoping he would get tied up so Savannah could get her rocks off.

Also with ariesgirl, why is it ok for him to enjoy a threesome with another women but not one with a man. Surely they are both "cheating", is it the wife he doesn't trust or himself?

Lastly the dialogue was repeditive and dull.

Sorry but I could only give it 2*

Your writing gets worse and worse.

I read the whole damned story so that says something I guess. But for the most part I was super pissed at the shallow dipshit story. If I'd of had the ,380 the fly boys would have been flying...high...by and by!

Does not do anything for me.

Oh well I'm sure those girls will keep your best interest at heart since you really showed them. I did not understand the ending at all!

Better dialogue, better editing, and a more realistic plot. No amount of free chalet time (plus $50,000) would equal taking a beating, having the leg re-broken, going back to surgery, being in a coma, having to do 9 months of rehab . . . Plain silly is all. The three "gentlemen officers" need to go to jail for attempted rape, assault and battery, and covering up a crime (I'm sure there could be a conspiracy charge or two in there somewhere). They'll just do it to someone else some other time, if not punished this time. Besides, would you trust them with multi-million dollar aircraft after seeing what they are really like?

No man who loves his wife so purely would be so quick to accuse her of things like that. It wasn't even just once - he is a repeat offender of verbal abuse and if they were real people I would say he doesn't deserve her.

The husband is a complete sexist pig. It is ok for him to see his wife with women, but not the other way. He screams & hurls abuse at her. Samantha never stands up to him. It is the most UN-sexy Loving Wives story I have read in a long time. Appalling.

I disagree with Ken Philips. I don't think the husband is a sexist pig for not wanting his wife to be with another man. Everyone has their fantasies. His fantasy was to see his wife with another woman. His fantasy was not to see his wife with another man. She CHOSE to give him his fantasy. He didn't tell her that she had to do it. She did it because she wanted to.

Everybody has fantasies. There are some that both people could live with, and some that would break a couple apart. The point of a loving relationship is to do the things that BOTH of you can benefit from. If a person knows that a fantasy of their would hurt their spouse, the LOVE for that person would keep it as a fantasy and not make it a reality. His fantasy didn't hurt her, therefore it was on the table. Her fantasy would hurt him. He isn't sexist because it would hurt him to see his wife with another man. MOST men would be hurt by this.

My wife has a twin sister. Of course my fantasy would be to have a threesome with both of them. Of course, this would hurt her. THAT IS WHY I NEVER TRY TO MAKE IT A REALITY. Not that I could if I tried. But I recognize this as something that will never happen. Her fantasy was to be with another woman while I watched. Her fantasy didn't hurt me any, so it was one that we indulged in a few times. We both get something out of it fulfilling her fantasy. Only I would benefit from mine. That is the difference.

I have read a number of this author's stories, and they are absolutely horrible. The lack of proper grammar, spelling, cohesive thoughts make these stories unreadable. That along with the multiple story lines of the husband being in comas while staying at home in their own bed is so ridiculous. As an English teacher, we teach our students to "Write to your audience". This author must think that the readers on this site are morons (granted some are), but even when writing fiction, there has to be some sense of reality as a basis.

Nice! So the guy's possessive so what, that makes him a bad guy, no way, it makes him normal! The only thing that would have made it a better story would have been the husband founding some way to physically injure the three so they would have lost their careers.

good story , i don't agree with the earlier comments about this authors work being unreadable , yes there are a few lines that i have to read twice sometimes , but other than that i find the work interesting , engaging & entertaining . ok it could be improved with some careful proof reading & editing , but in general it is better than the majority of Authors on this sites work.

worth 4 stars for content

would have considered 5 stars if it was fine tuned.

His stories are hard to read, from the jumbled up writing.

pure shit.

eat shit dear annony

Too many violations of the UCMJ (Universal Code of Military Justice) to leave those three pieces of crap on the street. Of course, they will do another job like this one on down the road and hopefully will be awarded a lengthy vacation in sunny Leavenworth KS. Those damn walls look to be 20' high around that place.

Incidently, this is close to one of the worse written pieces on Lit that I've seen in ages.

She/he/it wants to be eaten. Someone help her/him/it out

SO your fantasy is ok but hers isn't. you deserve being chucked dickhead

She gave ALL her so called friends a pass on the trouble they caused. Michael should of divorced his lying, cheating wife as-soon-as he could.

I'm glad it didn't end with him tied up watching her getting voluntarily three-holed.

You need to work on these long run once sentences. Your first paragraph is one sentence. Its hard to follow. And the same all over the story.

I appreciate that this did not turn in to a cuck fest where I thought it was going.

Try reading your story back to yourself. It helps to write better and avoid sentences that make no sense.

Savannah should've shot those three assholes.

They could have gotten the money as well as put the three criminals away for a while.