It's a Journey Not a Destination

Hello reader. Thank you for letting your curiosity click my story. While I'm not new to Literotica, this is my first attempt at writing a story. It began as an exercise to pass some time trying something totally out of my wheelhouse. I've read so many good stories here and perhaps it was their influence to challenge this side of my brain? Who knows. This is purely recreational for me, but I would be open to comments and suggestions. I've quickly learned how different speaking a language is compared to trying to convey thoughts into writing. I have the upmost respect to those with the gift of writing.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this journey. I have many ideas for multiple chapters to let this character grow (along with my writing). We'll see!

Cheers

C_T

IT'S A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION

"Excuse me... Ms.? Are you ok?" The paramedics voice brought me back to the present as I sat on the end of the bed... his bed.

"Uhm, yes. Yes, I believe so." My words sounded empty in my head, but I hoped that the cute paramedic didn't pick up on it.

"I'm told your fathers on his way up so hang in there, and your friend is going to be just fine." He seemed nice, but the way his eyes checked me out was a little creepy.

"Th... thank you." The news should've made me feel better but the twisting in my gut revealed the guilt that was churning away, waiting to rise up and consume my very being. Last time, the guilt was so bad I was physically and violently ill for days. It shouldn't have happened. Not again and especially not with Gavin. Gavin was the pride of Chesterton College. A good athlete, a better student, president of the student's council, and the son of a very prestigious State circuit judge to boot.

I met Gavin over a year ago at a school booster and he was so friendly, making me feel comfortable in this new, grand setting. In time we became friends and with more time we became each others' confidants. I've never really been an open book kind of person, as was obvious with my limited friends and social life, but with Gavin things just seemed... natural. About 2 months ago Gavin opened up to me (of all people) and shared that he thought he might be gay or at least bi. I listened attentively as this man (my newest friend) began to explain how his interest in the fairer sex was becoming cloudier. He admitted that he was always checking out guys dicks in the showers, changerooms or wherever men might change together. I suggested that in itself was not a real tell-tale sign as I too would check out other girls (more on that later) and compare my butt or tits. But he shook his head and was convinced this wasn't just a where do I fit in kind of thing. You see, his curiosity or interest was focused on size. The bigger the cock the bigger risk he would take to steal a glance. Over time his interest graduated to the internet, where he spent too many hours searching and jerking to images of the biggest cocks he could find. I guess I could understand why he felt confused. I mean big cock fetishes are not just a girl thing. In fact, I read somewhere that more men have these fantasies than women. True? I'm not a professional, so who knows.

"It's weird Isabell. I mean looking at women still gets my motor running per se'. I love the way they look, smell... don't get me started on Lulu lemon pants! I'm an ass man at heart! But why do I fixate so much on cocks? Big cocks? The thought of being with another man or kissing another dude does absolutely nothing for me! I feel like a freak!" That last comment made me giggle a little. Gavin a freak? Please... the true American boy. 6'2", short blonde hair, dreamy blue eyes, broad shoulders, thin waist, truly a sight by anyone's standards. Beautiful? Handsome? Dreamy? Yes! A freak? Not a friggen chance!

"You're not a freak Gavin. What is really normal by today's standards? Would you think I was a freak if I thought about a nicely trimmed pussy? I check other girls out all the time."

"LOL... that's pretty specific Isabel."

"Well? Would you?"

"No... I guess not. But it still doesn't feel normal to me."

There's that word again. Normal. I've struggled with the meaning of that word my whole lfe. You see... If anyone could identify with being a freak, it's me. I was born with a condition called Geno-Metamorpho.... something, something. I suppose I should be more versed on my own condition, but quite frankly it still confuses me. Somehow through a series of gene mutations, likely tied to a combination of extended, low level, radiation exposure and environmental chemicals (Ever notice how generic explanations get when they can't admit they are just guessing), I got this condition. My father, and his father, as well as my grandmother were all chemical engineers. All have worked within the government, in some form, but other than that the rest is "classified"... whatever! Apparently, geneticists have identified a peculiar xy chromosome that travels in my system. They have been researching this rare phenomenon for decades, which means I may not be as alone in this as my family and I think. Maybe one day there'll be like a support group or something. Anyway, to make a long story short... I'm a girl. Bone structure, features, voice, heck even my emotions, all female. However, my genitalia trans morphed in my earliest of years. What began as a vagina, slowly transitioned from the inside and became a penis and testicles. How my parents never jumped off a bridge I'll never know. What I did know (and still do) is my parents love me unconditionally and have been my rock through all my trials and tribulations. THEY ARE THE BEST!

Now I know you want to call me a futa or futanari, but they really don't exist. They are fantasy... you know, girl's with ridiculously sized cocks (20+ inches), balls the size of grapefruits, produce sperm measured in gallons... etc. Ya, that's not me. I suppose I share some certain elements of said fantasy girls but I'm a little more complex. Ok... my cock does get pretty big, even by porno standards, as do my balls and yes, I cum a lot but we're talking slightly greater than the high end of normal (there's that word again!). How could a futa, if one was real, live as woman and hide such abnormal attributes? This is where my real life differs. You see... when I'm in a non aroused state, my entire genitalia "package" is sizeably reduced to the point that if I were to wear a pad it would easily conceal any identifying bumps. Now when I'm aroused, well there's no hiding this shit. It's super obvious! Thankfully through years of counselling and meditation I'm really quite good at controlling my "urges" and have had very few incidents. But it's also been incidents like the one I'm getting to with Gavin, that strike a little fear in me and can neutralize any growth in seconds.

Now like most girls I'm a huge fan of cute boys, although I'm not afraid to experiment with a pretty girl, but I truly felt something for Gavin. I guess our relationship had kind of turned brother/sisterish a bit (he was 2 years older than me), but I sensed that there could be something there maybe at some point. So, needless to say, ever since he opened up to me that day my head became a hurricane of thoughts. "He likes big cocks!", "He likes girls!", "He loves Lulu pants... and so does my butt. It looks awesome!", "Would he like a big cock on a girl? On a girl like me?". Ok... you get the point. So ever since that day our conversations have been getting a little more specific, maybe intimate is a good way to say it. I'm no Psychologist but I feel like he wanted or needed me to pursue this topic with him and we did. He had some insecurities over the size of his penis... he said he was about 6" erect (which is really not bad. I believe it's just above the average if I'm not mistaken) but he felt it needed to be bigger to make him more desirable. So, I asked him. "What size would you like to be? What's big to you?".

"I think 8 or 9 inches is big, but it needs to be thick too.", he said. "Wouldn't you be turned on if the guy you were with was packin something like that?", he asked.

"Honestly? Sure, but Gavin it's not the say all be all. A big dick on, well a big dick does nothing for me. If he's a nice person and I'm attracted to him, it honestly wouldn't matter."

Gavin smirked, "That's easy for you to say. For all I know you're just trying to spare my feelings because we're friends.".

"UHHGG!!", sometimes he gets me so frustrated!

"Isabel. It's so easy for girls like you. You're drop dead gorgeous! You have this JLo vibe going with your long hair, full lips, perfect boobs, and a derriere that could probably start its own religion! You could have any big cock you wanted! You think you would seriously settle for a guy like me? Especially after all you know about me now?!" And there it was. It's the first time he ever really, kind of, reached out. I suppose we had lightly flirted over the past year, but this was the first time he came out with something like that. Something so full of passion! I was so stunned it took me a few seconds to catch my bearings.

"Did you really mean all those things Gavin?".

"Ya... I mean you're a real knockout Isabel and..." He couldn't finish his thoughts as he stared down at his feet. I gently lifted his head up by putting my hand under his chin and stopped when our eyes were even.

"Gav.... I had no... well I mean I hoped you kinda had feelings for me, but I worried you only saw me as a friend or a little sister. I thought you were hot the day you introduced yourself to me! Sweet and charming... and very sexy! Getting to know you... the real you, hasn't changed a thing." As his beautiful blue eyes searched out mine, I leaned in and kissed him. Tentative a first but I soon swooped in, grabbed his head, and proceeded to really suck face! After several minutes of sensual tongue wrestling, I pulled back and saw him blush.

"I ca... can't believe you just kissed me." He quietly said.

"I've wanted to do that for a really long time Gavin."

He smiled and stared shaking his head, "I can't believe you... I can't believe after everything I told you. Jesus Isabel, I told you I have an unhealthy fetish for big cocks for fuck sakes! How can you even be remotely attracted to me. A guy who basically, jerks off to big cocks?" There it was. This here... this is where the real big test was. I was always so caught up in listening and talking to him about his stuff and his issues, it never really dawned on me how I was going to tell him about my secret shit! After what seemed like forever, I looked into his eyes, swallowed the huge lump in my throat and told him... everything.

Honestly... it went way better than I thought. I was worried he may harbour some anger for keeping my secret, especially since he was so forth coming with me, but he listened attentively with almost no interruption. His face and eyes were locked in neutrality, with the occasional eyebrow lift or forehead furrow. When I was done, I waited in silence for him to say something... anything. Just when I thought my head was about to pop off, he cleared his throat and spoke softly.

"So... you're a girl by birth. You live as a girl... which you look amazing, but you have some boy parts. And If I understand correctly, these, uhm boy parts, can shrink and grow? I mean I guess that's not too hard to understand. I know mine sometimes looks like a snail but it sounds like you can get pretty big. Is it weird if I ask how big?"

I studied his face for a moment and could tell he was uncomfortable to ask, but I guess it was a logical inquiry. "Well to be honest I haven't really done a true measure of things, but my friend Katie says I'm bigger than her forearm and as thick as a pop can.".

"Holy shit!" Gavin's voice shot up with that information. "You're telling me you got a dick bigger than a person's forearm? What's that 14, 15 inches? And thick as a pop can to boot?! Like...holy.... what about balls?"

"Yeah, I got those too." I chuckled. "They too get pretty big." I confessed. "And let me clarify that my friend Katie is very petite." Gavin was just gawking at me. You could tell he was trying to think of something to say, but putting words together seemed to be a huge challenge. I studied his face trying to get a sense of where his head was at. Was he interested? Turned on? Repulsed? My feelings about him were starting to betray me and wear at my defences, at my resolve. Truth was, I was getting turned on and this whole moment could go one of two ways, but the pressure between my legs and the whole package that was Gavin, was making my decision for me. "W... would you like to see it? I could barely hear myself and Gavin was clearly looking for clarification. "Look I know this maybe not the best time, but I really like you and I kinda think you like me. Plus, I believe I might be able to help you with your confusion. Maybe if you see my dick, it may help you figure out what it is that you want... in a relationship? It's just a thought. Sorry, maybe it was a bad idea."

Gavin finally spoke up breaking the awkward tension in the room. "Uhm... I must admit that I'm really curious now. You're drop-dead gorgeous Isabel and on top of this revealing information I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to... you know, see it." I Gave him a small smile and stood up. Self consciously I turned my back to him and pulled off my t-shirt. I looked over my shoulder and could see his gaze was locked solidly on my butt (I knew how good it looked especially in my Lulu's). Hooking my thumbs into my elastic waist, I slowly pulled my leggings down over my rounded posterior and pushed them to my ankles. As I was pulling my feet through the leggings, I could feel the exponential growth of my boy parts. My thong panties never stood a chance as they were stretched and mangled to exaggerated proportions. So stretched was the fabric, I literally had to bend myself in half at the waist to generate enough slack to remove the burden from my genetic anomaly.

With all things clear and wearing nothing but a sports bra, I looked back at Gavin, who was locked in an open mouth gaze. "Well? You still up for the big reveal?" I giggled. "Seriously though, we don't have to do this Gavin."

"No...it's ok Isabel. Its better than ok. I must admit, I'm really turned on!"

"I'm getting there too." I chimed in. I bit the end of my thumb and slowly turned to face him.

"HOLY...FUCKING...SHIT! Isa... what the... oh my god!". At first, I was worried that he found me and my boy parts offensive, but then he slipped off his chair and was kneeling in front of me with both of his hands on his face. "Isabel. That's the biggest, thickest, most beautiful cock I've ever seen! There's not a man in the world who wouldn't be envious of you!" I had to admit I had a decent amount of pride invested in my secret, but reactions like this, like Gavin's, still made my knees weak and my heart flutter. I wasn't yet fully erect but at half mast my cock was impressive for sure and it was only going to get better. "Jesus Isabel! It sounds corny but your... this thing is a work of art! My god! Look at the head! It's the size of a plumb! Can... can I touch it?" Gavin was already moving his hands forward when I gave him a little nod of confirmation. Now Gav was a fairly big guy, but his hands looked small as he gently gripped my cock, which was now on full alert. "It's so hard... and hot! My cock has never felt like this! It almost feels like it has its' own heartbeat!"

He was right about one thing, I was hard like a steel bar, almost painful hard. Maybe it was his tentative hands, his bugged-out eyes, or the thought I may just get a piece of this hunk after all this time, but I too could feel the strong throb against his hands.

"So, tell me Gavin. All this time you thought about big cocks and all those times you jerked off to them... what were you thinking? What is it you want to do with them?" I asked with sincere curiosity. At this point, his hands still hadn't moved. They were wrapped in unison trying to manage the sheer thickness.

"I...I honestly don't know. "

GAVINS POINT OF VIEW

All the shower and locker room glances... the porn influenced fantasies, none of those things were even coming close to the raw desire I was feeling at this moment. My hands were literally wrapped around the perfect cock. Exceptionally long and thick, cut with a head that was quite large yet pleasingly proportional with the rest. It was beautiful, masculine, with veins that protruded giving it a powerful persona. God it even smelt good! I let my eyes wander down the shaft and slowly sink further, curiously wondering what her balls would look like under such a perfect sculpture. As I expected, they were magnificent too! Her hairless sack hung low with two very large testicles. I know they couldn't really be the size of tennis balls, but they sure look like they were. If there was ever a written scripture or folklore of what the perfect cock would look like, it would basically reiterate my words and beside them would be a picture of this cock, Isabel's cock.

"Earth to Gavin. Having you handle my cock is not the worst thing in the world." She teased. "But the heaving breathing and stone-faced stare are getting a little uncomfortable." She chided.

"Shit! I'm sorry Isabel. This is just a lot to take in. Pun intended." As I laughed at my own unintentional joke. "I mean I'm enjoying just holding you, but I'm guessing that's not really doing it for you. Want me to stroke it?"

"That would definitely be a good start." She snickered. I slowly began running my hands up and down her full length, realizing in short order things felt a little dry. With no lube to be found in my room, I decide on the natural form. I tried to spit into my hands but realized my mouth was so dry, nothing really came out. "If you give me a really good squeeze, I bet I'll leak enough precum to help this along." Testing her theory, I gave her thick shaft a couple of squeezes (like a milking motion) and low and behold a copious amount of precum oozed out of her slit and slowly trailed down the crown of her cock onto the shaft. After repeating this process a few more times I had lots of lube to work with.

"How's that?" I asked hopefully.

"Better for sure. Can I make a suggestion?" She smiled at me.

"Yes of course!"

"Instead of using your hands separately, maybe try to overlap them slightly and maybe more pressure. I promise it won't break." She giggled. Taking her advice, I quickly changed my tactics and was giving her entire rod a thorough hand waxing. From tip to balls, up and down. I even incorporated a small twist as I travelled up and over her head. Based on her response, it was a hit. "FUCK! That feels so fucking good Gav! Anything else you want to try? I'm not sure how long I'm going hold out at this pace." She put her hands on my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes. "Take off all your clothes Gavin!"

"You want me... wait. Why do you want... I don't know Isabel. I mean it would be embarrassing at this point." My initial reaction was fear, as in why did she want me naked all of a sudden, then I reverted back to just being embarrassed of my so-called manhood. "You don't really need to see me naked Isabel. Let's be honest here... it's all about your cock."

"Well, you dufus, I want to see you naked. Your muscles, your tight butt and yes your cock, which based on the wet spot in front of your pants, is as hard as mine. Just do it... please!" I grudgingly released my grip on the prize and stood up. Sensing my apprehension Isabel helped me lift my shirt over my head. As I was pulling my arms out of the sleeves, Isabel started on the buttons on my jeans. She dropped to her knees and began the process of dragging my pants and boxers down. Isabel was right... I was hard. When she pulled my boxers low enough my cock sprang back up, just missing her cheek. "Sorry to tell you this Gav, but you are fucking hot!" Before I could even try to muster a self-deprecating rebuttal, Isabel grabbed my ass with both hands and took me balls deep in one swoop.