All Comments on 'It's a Jungle Out There'

Couldn't finish the first page.

Amazing. 5 stars.

I thought this was one of the best stories I have ever read on this site. Excellent portrayals of characters including a culturally sensitive presentation of Indonesian culture and family relationships. A "Burn the Bitch and Bastards" par excellence. Thank you for this submission

Very good story, really very good until the tennis game.

From there, it's just ridiculous.

It was not part of my upbringing.

Your upbringing may have made you naive but it can't make you stupid.

How not to file a complaint for assault the first time he gets beaten up? especially with witnesses?

How does a nurse not know to go to the hospital right away to get checked out and checked for rape?

It's a shame that from the middle of your story, the story becomes so superficial.

Why would you marry someone that says, "sure, why not" as an answer, honestly...

Your head is for thinking, not just eating and going down on women

Gumbo you are ill. It is murder.

Go out to russia

Well that was heavy going but worth it in the end. Justice was definitely served cold.

Great story I really enjoyed it! 5⭐

It's really a shame for a story that started so well.

A first half so well written, so real, so simple...

And a second part on the contrary, totally wacky, totally unreal, .......

It almost feels like it's written by 2 different people.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

Huh! Silat! Never seen silat used in a story before. Twenty plus years back my escrima/kali instructor exposed us to a little silat, but I never went back to it. So many styles - too much to learn.

.

Classic tale of bully comeuppance with a healthy slathering of exotic settings and customs. Always enjoyable to travel the world through literature. Good story. Thanks much.

-1

Well, Indonesian women, for the most part, frankly speaking - either for the fixated, or for the unassuming, or for indifferent men... You can't call this nation stunningly beautiful. Even the models are kind of short and clumsy.

I initially considered the revenge plot to be unnecessarily complicated, but when the location was eventually revealed, I decided to temper that judgement. How often do you get a revenge fantasy that involves feeding your enemies to Komodo Dragons? Anybody can stake an asshole to an anthill and force honey up their urethra to get the fire ants to gnaw off the offenders dick from the inside, but luring them to an Indonesian sex party takes some planning.

He has a horrible father. I can't believe he encouraged his son to marry jasmine. What type of parent are they? Just cause he was fucking her didn't mean he had to marry her. If we all married the 1st person we had sex with. Divorce rate would be 110%.. his parent's should've asked him if he was in love with jasmine? They didn't have anything in common, he was in late not love. I knew this marriage was doomed when the way she answered his proposal. No enthusiasm whatsoever. Most women scream for joy, cause they're marrying the person they deemed the love of their life. I've never seen or heard a proposal response where the woman say "sure, why not? OK, I'll marry you"... even he thought it was odd.. all though we got to read a little bit how fuck'd in the head jasmine is. we really didn't get to the bottom of it. For examples: I would've liked to know why did she marry him? Why was she so angry he left her? They're divorced due to her cheating. why was she so angry at him for leaving? Was she expecting he would feel blessed to be married to a gutter slut? I'm just baffled as to why she had her brother doing all this crap to her ex? She clearly didn't want him, didn't love him, didn't respect him, considered him a wimp. I guess I'm just a bit lost. She was free to now fuck to her heart content. She should be happy. It was a long, somewhat boring story.. respectfully. Nothing I'd read twice.

Good story overall, but strange absence of info about his family (e.g., before first leaving for Indonesia) with whom he is supposedly so close.

And why didn't the MC himself take patronage over overcoming the sexual aspects of Nephi's life. And so he did not eat the Indonesian cherry. Renee is a Muslim. I would have accepted Islam, made my younger sister a second wife and fucked both of them. Until they get bored or get impudent. And then - the Suitcase, the airport, Jakarta...

"Just know this," she said smiling and grabbing my hand, "the only person that gets my body from now on, is you."

Does this mean that Rena was not a virgin at all? So this lying bitch only pretended to be a modest touchy, and she fucked half of Indonesia?

Well done and well written. The only concern I have is that a few short cuts would have been in order. Therefore 4* instead of 5.

The story is well thought out and the thoughts are put onto "paper" in a convincing manner. Great job. 5-stars.

Great tale. Little gaps about the family but not bad at all.

btw, pythons are not poisonous.

It is rare I give 5 stars even to my fave authors.

Ironically, the time I did were authors unknown to me.

But their work made me nod and say "this is a great story".

I did both when I finished the story.

Also it's because I come from Asia I found the rural Asian life depiction quite precise.

Thanks Gumbo25

For one great story.

Pretty good story, just like anything better be careful who you piss off.

Please ignore the ANON rude comments that seem to come from the gutter not everyone is that crude. Keep writing. 5 stars from me

For just a moment when the attorney contacted Owen regarding Jasmine's death and said his news was too complicated to go into over the phone I was afraid he was going to tell Owen that Jasmine had been pregnant when he left and he had a child that he never knew anything about. Glad it turned out to be her will and the real estate.

i just read the 1st page again and am really confused. They were sitting in a bistro and Rena asked who was that? Basically he say's Jasmine my ex-wife from 9 years ago and she said oh that Jasmine. Then she said I did know she was that, (meaning pretty). He goes on to tell the long story which included Jasmine and Rena? Did I read something wrong????????

It was a good read, the only thing I will say is that in the author’s note at the beginning, give the reader’s some forewarning of things like possible non consent/ rape.

A BIG effort, but way too wordy and long for no real reason. Yes you were telling a story but you could have made it shorter.

Great, entertaining story. Every subplot progressed in a meaningful path and stayed true to overall story arc. There were a couple minor opportunities where you could have expounded on situations, mostly his Christian upbringing and Indonesia being overwhelmingly Muslim. There's also no mention of language challenge she would have had when he first started. It's unlikely rural farmers in Indonesia were fluent in English, if at all. Truly minor points, but felt I had to find at least something to pick at - LOL! 5*

Thanks for sharing...

I like a good well thought out story... A strong 4* from me

I enjoy your stories and enjoyed this one.

A couple of small notes:

* My interest wavered some, I think because the story moved too slowly. I think you could have told the same story in a couple pages less.

* Be sure to check your details. Universities rarely hire professors without doctoral degrees, and even then only in fields like fine arts, where are the MFA is excepted as a terminal degree.

* There were a number of places where I think you meant to use a different word. I know some writers don’t like to hear it, but editors make the readers’ experience better.

Thanks.

A great story that got boring at the end. Could have finished this after Claude got his butt kicked.

As I've more or less said before, Gumbo25 and Lover1953 are my two favorite relatively new writers on the site. Both write template stories, which means one more or less knows the likely plot paths. Which actually makes the reading all that much more enjoyable, one knows the general direction, but how it gets there is where the fun is. Additionally, these two manage to keep things fresh by introducing different elements. Example being the use of foreign locales, first with "David: Survival And Adventure" (meeting a girl from Germany in Canada, they then motorbike around Africa), and now with this fine saga. I must admit it's doubly satisfying when the witch gets melted, as was the case in "Found Money" and here. Since 5 is the highest possible score, guess we'll all just have to settle for that. Oh, and meanwhile, I must take issue with some rather nasty anon remarks from the earlier batch of comments (e.g., leaping to the conclusion that if Rena wasn't a virgin she must have been a whore, Indonesian women are ugly, go to Russia). One of the other anons states that Rena (not "Renee" by the way) is a Muslim. Nowhere in the story is this stated or even suggested. Though I did wonder about that, since I believe Islam is the predominant faith in Indonesia. But that doesn't have to mean everybody. Also, believe it or not, there are in fact people with a Muslim background who ignore religion, as seems the case with Rena and her family. Just as there are people like that with a Christian background.

QM

Komodo Island doesn't have the world's highest concentration of venomous snakes. The place with the highest concentration of venomous snakes is Snake Island. It's crawling with golden lancehead vipers. Their venom literally melts human flesh and kills in one hour. Snake Island is so dangerous the country's government has made it illegal to go there. The Navy will kick your ass if you try.

You need to do better research. This one was a really easy fact to find out..... .

As to the story, there were grammar issues where you used apostrophes instead of plurals and like others said, the plot got too OTT in the second half.

Good, very good. Some might say too wordy but I have a hard time finding a part to cut that does not harm the story. I like the revenge method..... Since he was $2.8M richer, he could have gotten that farm he wanted to do his own research and raise his family upon just outside of town!?!

/

5*, hooyah, Salutes...

Coulda been better. Started well…interesting MC and dynamic with Jasmine. Interesting direction when he chose flight instead of fight and he goes to Indonesia!?

.

But it got trite from that point forward. Jasmine and Claude turned into cartoon characters. The lack of ANY conversation between the MC and Jasmine regarding the circumstances of the divorce made her anger about it all weird. And that anger led to the whole revenge plot line….yet it wasn’t anchored in any explanation.

.

And getting the 3 thugs to Indonesia? Sorry…no way in hell.

.

So…3 ***…but could have been better.

So this country bumpkin marries a whore, and she acts like whores do when they get married, so he divorces her. The whore's brother beats the husband before the divorce, then gets beat by the husband after the divorce. When the bully brother revenges himself by gang raping the ex husband's sister in law the ex husband brings about the death of the brother, one of the rapists, and his whore ex wife. Everyone else lives happily ever after.

So why did that take 11 pages? I skipped 60 to 80% of your story and missed nothing of significance to the plot. Yeah, I probably missed some in depth description of the life cycle of a Komodo Dragon, but I think I traded that for some kind of martial arts description that was equally useful to understanding why a whore girl friend doesn't stop being a whore when she marries a country bumpkin.

I don't hate you, but I didn't care much for your story. Still, thanks for the effort.

Great story, thanks for sharing.

Good story. I thought it dragged a bit but overall not bad. May have been somewhat unrealistic but it's much better than 90% of the crap being posted in LW.

Why did you make Owen such a clueless wimp. He couldn't figure out and deal with his own divorce, he minimized everything, he failed to take a drugged, nude young woman to the hospital for a rape kit before she showered, he couldn't connect two dots next to each other....I just wondered why you made a book smart guy so dumb?

Really enjoyed it. 5/5

Well written, and you're definitely one of my favorite new authors here. Perhaps this fell a touch short of some of your other stories, as pretty much every key plot element was telegraphed in 24 point font several pages in advance. That and luring the baddies out of country seemed highly unrealistic so hope they had a plan B (but it is your story so it was guaranteed to work, I guess). It was still a fun read and I really enjoyed the Indonesia setting. Looking forward to your next story!

Enjoyed the entire story. Sure their were the average mistakes (Sumbawa Island not Simbawa, routine should have replace route twice but they did not effect the story. I felt that since his style of fighting was violent that he would have done a lot more damage in his fights. Also I would hva liked to have seen a lot more terror written in to the 3 people dying. Still really entertaining and an easy 5 stars from me as i loved it.

Good. There are some earlier comments that could be useful. Mine is simply this:- what an idiot!!! As soon as he found the girl he should have contacted the police and requested a rape kit. The writer attempted to cover his ass by saying she'd had a shower. Not likely that brutal rapists, who threw her into the street naked, would offer such a privilege. In any case a shower would not extract semen from a vagina. However, this silly failure was essential for the revenge bit to make sense.

On balance it was worth it. Also worth 4 and a bit stars. No such thing. Call it 4. Keep submitting and aim for the 5, it's within reach.

I truly love your stories. You get it just right.

Scores 5/5

I agree with Anonymous. With so many new writers popping up and a very high percentage of the end product being absolutely horrid, Gumbo25 has turned out to be a very good story teller.

Nice story without any open cuckolding or mental castration of the protagonist. Seems like lately Literotica "Loving Wives Section" is becoming overwhelmed with authors and reader fascinated and I guess excited by cuckolding, humiliation, and mental castration of husbands. Many of those stories exhibit so much vulgarity and lack of imagination that I think they are written only with the purpose of cheapen the website. Thank you so much for your contribution and as a suggestion, I would make your future stories less convoluted and long.

I liked the story but the revenge was over the top. It was just to unbelievable and no way these rapists would be sucked into going to a foreign country to have sex with some girls after all any sane human would never belief the bullshit plot you set up. And the estate falling into owens hands come on way over the top. Ridiculous!

Great story.

Nice story overall.

That was a great story. The 3 assholes got what they deserved. 5stars

this could have been shorten

Hey Gumbo,

Thanks for read! Very enjoyable little tale. Always look forward to your stories.

Killian

5 stars, loved it. The revenge was appropriately brutal for what happened, horrific and unpleasant as well it should be.

I spent a couple of months sailing and diving there. Drank Bintang, saw the Komodos, loved the people. Very appropriate revenge.

Good read. Always nice when the good guy is able to kick ass and the bad guys end up getting what they deserve.

get rid of this template. stop writing the ending in the beginning of the story

At times it seemed off. He marries first girl he has sex with even after a less than enthusiastic response to his marriage proposal. Father gives crazy bad advice. Jasmine is no saint but what was he thinking in marrying her?? Brings her to remote farm where he is busy all day. Major surprise that marriage goes south.

Sister in law gets drugged and raped. But he lets her shower to wash away DNA evidence and then complains about cops who can't prosecute because they have no evidence. Skip the shower and they can save on air fare to Indonesia

It's an OK story but the premise is so pathetically stupid that it's hard too accepted.

.

The whole mistake in the delivery Of the divorce papers is contrived and ridiculous. When Claude has the confrontation and beats up the guy in the alley he makes it very clear that he does not believe that Jasmine has been cheating on the husband.

.

So why not say to claude I can prove it ? The way this Story is written it seems that Claude is upset with the husband who has accused his sister of being a cheater and a slut. Therefore it follows that if the husband were to say to Claude......" I can prove that your sister's cheating on me that's why I'm divorcing her....." that would stop the attack

Nice, but not your best.

1 star. Was a 5 star right up to the point of him getting the millions. Too many authors seem to think that in order to have a good story the hero has to become wealthy. How unrealistic. Also if Rena was a nurse she would have made her sister go immediately to the hospital and do blood test. She must have the intelligence of a fish.

Was good till the whole pursuit of the sister. Way over the top.

From the very beginning, not a all realistic. Grew up in a farming community, there's more vice there per capita than in most large cities. His Polly Anna life ain't real and it goes downhill from there. No development of the ex, why is she the way she is? What motivates her and bro? You're not a bad writer, maybe tone down the over the top everything (home life, ex, her brother, and the revenge). Not everyone can pull off plots written like the Tramp. Also seems most of your antagonists die. Same thing again and again gets old too. Look forward to your next effort. Thanks.

So, I guess the cops in Benton never heard of a toxicology blood test? Nor has the DA ever heard of a trial based on good, compelling circumstantial evidence, which abounds in this instance? Apparently not. The disappearance of Jaz, Claude and Armond are similarly intertwined with Owen's trip to and from Indonesia. But hey, it's still a GREAT, well-written story. 5+++/5!!

Once in a while you run across a simply amazing tale on this site. This is one of the most engaging ones I have come across. It transcends normal genre here, it is a romance, a revenge, a encounter with exotic cultures and characters, an exploration of unconditional love vs lust, and an encounter with the various dimensions of justice. This is a story that one savors like a snifter of fine brandy..as you sit in your special chair before roaring fire in your own personal mancave.

Gumbo you are a simply outstanding author and you have shown your expertise by penning a complex and multidimensional exploration of a plethoria of topics here. I particularly love how your characters just jump off the page with their realism dialogue, and actions., This one is a true tour de force.

Like fine wine this one is a vintage to be savored repeatedly in the future. I have placed you in my Follow list and this tale in my Favorites.

Of course 5 stars!! I only wish I could join the crowd chairing you around the olympic oval in recognition of your accomplishment here!

As I've come to expect, another technically well written story from Gumbo25. The problem that I had with the story is that I couldn't really get into any of the characters. It just didn't have the same grip that some of you better pieces had to me. Looking forward to you next submission.

I love a quality revenge story and this one was some of the highest quality. 5 stars.

Fix the TAGS! This is a rape story. The revenge was totally unrealistic. No likeable characters even. You couldn't even make Rena a virgin.....

A little bit long but a well put together story I liked it (jaybee186)

Mixed feelings. A long and mostly well written story. Your main character didn’t reflect back as real to me. Perhaps because he never served in the military he seemed very soft in his actions. Other than that I enjoyed the revenge and how noble the Indonesians were. 5*s

Excellent story

Excellent revenge story. Maybe a little long, but a good read. Five stars.

Very good story. I’m usually not a fan of stories where people are killed, but with the rape and the lack of justice for the victim from law enforcement, it seemed appropriate. Loved the biblical reference from a man who, by all accounts, was likely raised a Muslim. Seemed a nice touch.

⭐

Way too many disconnects. He had no idea and evidently didn't care why his girlfriend hung around and worked at a suspicious bar with a mobster type brother and his questionable friend always lurking. FAIL. His Dad told him if he was in an intimate relationship with Jasmine he should marry her and he never questioned that. FAIL.(never marry the first 50¢ piece you find!) Jasmine was clearly engaging in inappropriate behavior with men other than her husband BEFORE he hired the PI and he did NOTHING. FAIL. Why did he have to marry Rena just because they had Sex? She clearly wasn't a virgin. FAIL. Rebels killed their parents, but given his new wife and sister came from an environment with fewer predators and he new Claude was stalking him, he didn't even bother to investigate an order of protection? FAIL. Way to many disconnects.

2 stars I agree with many of the comments below. Thankfully, after reading the first 4 pages I went right to the comments. Even though this is fiction/fantasy, there were too many inconsistencies that make this story too difficult to read and it probably only needed to be 5 pages long.

this was a great story!!!!

Too long and kind of sketchy logical connections

A little unbelievable but an interesting story

Thanks for writing!

Excellent

Your story was excellent. Right up there with the best of them. I commend you for your submission. I can't count how many hundreds of Novels I put down thinking it was not interesting enough or slow only to pick it up later and was amazed at how well written it was. I was stuck on this one from the start. Well worth 25 stars but have to settle for 5 BIG FAT TWINKLY STARS! Thank you. I'm now a follower!

Enjoyable reading time! I gave five stars before reading other comments and getting swayed! I am surprised by many anonymous giving positive reviews. I have seen that longer stories get roasted too often despite quality of writing. I assume the readers and commenters must have short attention span issues! I know I have read several other of your stories! Gumbo25 going to branch out into ePub like so many others have recently and some still write here as well! Please drop a line in your bio if you do happen I would definitely be interested.

If you keep writing I will keep reading!

Very good, Five Stars.

I agree that this one is quite lengthy but was well worth the time. Thanks so much for your sharing your talents

I really enjoyed this, but will say that the Jasmine character seemed to go from just a promiscuous wife to an evil woman. The plot at the point where she starts frothing at the mouth about getting revenge on her ex, that was the point this slipprd into pure fantasy.

Aside from the character shifting, a good read. Thanks for sharing.

good try but way, way too long. I kept waiting for a good revenge punishment.

I enjoyed it.

I did kinda want them to be punished by the group a bit more directly. Perhaps a bit of whipping or caning or drawn and quartered.

Nice story of revenge. Very nice, if not a bit macabre.

Couldn't rate it because of conflicting feelings of writing vs. story. Except for the usual improper grammar (e.g. "I" vs "me", "lie" vs "lay": standard for LW?) writing was OK. But the awful revenge was too unpleasant.

While I disliked what happened to Nephi, and there were 2 parts where I felt that Owen and Dennis were stupid, I still enjoyed the story (5 stars). All's well that ends well for everyone. Those 3 that died are no loss to humanity.

I enjoyed this story. Found it very interesting and was pleased with the different cultures and travel. Thanks for your writing.

Fantastic story! A few extra paragraphs with their bitter end would of been awesome though.

I loved it. Gave it a 5. The idea of getting the stupid American’s to go to a foreign, third world country for pussy, was the icing on the cake. My only issues with the plot, involve the rape. Both the daughter and her boyfriend, can pinpoint the last time they remember anything, in the bar. So why wasn't a rape kit done on the daughter, as well as drug toxes on both of them? Pretty sure, that would have ended it. So I think that maybe having someone connected with the DA, to get it dropped, would have been more believable. Even a mention about how the bar girls do sexual favors, and police look the other way, would have been more believable. That, however, is the only flaw, I found in this story...

first off Taft is only a two-year College in Kern County California it is a Oil town and very small one at that. My City of Arvin was their High Schools Rivals in sports But that City was known for its underground Gay and Bi Community. When I was a freshman in High school I dated a college freshman from Taft Her dad was a well-known Gay Male Nurse

Owen needed to back his Civic into the alley. That evens out the fight.

Sweet retribution! Quite fitting.

OK story until the incredible plan to lure the baddies to Indonesia.

"Eye for an eye", "Vengeance is mine, so sayeth Me"

I loved this fantasy

GOOD STORY! SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO

A solid 5 star story. Very entertaining and satisfying outcome getting revenge on evil people.

Sorry you lost me when you had them abducted and abandoned on an island. Just took what was mostly a grounded story and ruined it.