It's Not Always Love at First Sight

"And clean all that up off the couch! You made a mess!" Slamming it.

"Well there is a big pussy juice smear on the coffee table, do I have to clean up that too?" I called back admittedly childishly.

"Shut up!"

****

"What's the matter with you?" Sara asked, finding me out in her backyard behind the shed, it was a tiny one so my feet were sticking out where she'd probably seen from inside.

"Just trying to get some fresh air." I lied.

"You're a bad liar."

"Alright, then I think I'm going to have to move out." I don't want to speak ill of my brother and his wife after they took me in, but if anything ever told me a good portion of why they'd let me move in it was Sara in that moment. She gripped her brand new cell phone, touched her smart watch with the same fruit logo, and then the diamond earrings in her ears. My brother especially but neither him or Sara were work-a-holics, work-a-phobics would be closer to the truth. I sort of knew that they were overcharging Gwen and I rent, it was still a third of what I was paying for the apartment and everything that my ex-fiance had had to have so it really hadn't angered me. Just sort of bugged me that they would do it. "Sorry to spring that on you."

"Why? Did you find a new girlfriend or... Do you think that you can't bring girls in because of us... and Gwen?" She asked, sounding in a near panic, I wondered about THAT being her first thought.

"No, I just... I need my own space and I'm grateful you and Charlie were here for me when I needed it, but to move on I need to be alone for a while. I think." But she was shaking her head almost the entire time.

"Gwen. It's Gwen isn't it? Is she... Are you not interested in her and she's always showing you her pussy and butt?" At the shocked expression that crossed my face at the last part, she shrugged. "Yeah she told me about that. We're sisters, she doesn't want to tell me but she ends up doing it anyway. So..." A twitch of her head said she was aware of her hair color, fingers almost touching her face where she'd done a lot better job of covering her freckles than her sister had a chance at. "You just don't like her? Because I'm gonna be honest with you, Charlie and I sort of think you two are perfect for each other and..."

"I'm fucking IN LOVE with her! Fuck! Fuck I can't believe I told you that but... I am! It's crazy but true, I love her and she keeps... She's got this stupid notion that we're brother and sister because our brother and sister are married. I... I can't stand it anymore. I can't... I gotta get away from her, she's freaking killing me." Barely stopping myself from bursting into tears.

"You love her? You really do?" Sara asked, whatever expression I gave her, tortured I'm sure, was answer enough. She cheered! CHEERED! And then proceeded to dance around for several moments. "I flipping knew it! I knew it!" Seeing my face she put herself in check. "Sorry, but... I knew it! She loves you too. You're practically all she talks about to me."

"She loves me?"

"She hasn't said it but I know and... I know what you mean, she always checks herself with the fact that she thinks somehow you two are related."

"When we aren't."

"No." Yeah, I'll admit it, I hadn't really known for sure, that we weren't 'like' related somewhat because of their marriage. But if the bride said no, then it was no.

"I tried telling her, but..."

"Yeah, me too. Charlie too." She shrugged and shook her head. "When we were young she read some book and got it into her head that animals shouldn't be pets. So one day we find this kitten, it was hungry and sick and we took it in and nursed it back to health. She was the oldest and kept saying that we had to take it to some farm or something where it could be free. I don't know, she looked stuff up on the Internet, found a place. So dad, who knew better, said he was going to take it alone. Got in the car, drove away, she's got it all worked out. Knows it's gonna take fifty minutes to get to this farm. About forty-five minutes after dad left she starts crying. Finally her 'belief' that animals shouldn't be pets breaks, she runs to mom and begs her to call dad. Begs for her to beg him to turn around and not drop the kitten off. Mom goes back and forth with her about if she's sure, but she's flipping out, knows there is only five more minutes before he gets there. Says what mom and dad knew all along that she was in love with the little thing." Sara smirking wickedly. "Gwen, who is so smart, doesn't even realize that it only takes dad like thirty seconds to get home. He went to the store and was just waiting at the end of the block. She rushes out and has a name already picked out, she's had cats pretty much ever since." Charlie was allergic, plus that last cat her and her boyfriend had gotten together. She'd told me she kept thinking about visiting rights for animals but didn't even want to see her ex for five seconds. "Sometimes she gets something locked in her head, intellectually that she thinks is right." Taking the finger from her head to poke at her heart. "That she doesn't realize emotionally she feels completely different."

"So... I should move out?" Sara was shaking her head, not just because her supplemental income would be going away.

"You should go out on a date." Planting her hands on her hips, smirking. "A really good date, with a girl that Gwen knows. Where she takes you back to her place for a nightcap and we tell her you told Charlie not to expect you home."

"So she'll think I'm about to go to the farm and instead of calling me back she'll know where to go." Sara nodding along as I got it. "You think it will work?"

"If anything will... And if not Naomi was the first person I thought of when you said you and the bitch broke up, mostly because Gwen and her bitch were still together, but still..." Giving me a shrug and otherwise standing there waiting for me to decide.

"She's got another date tomorrow." I said, although she was probably very aware, it was the reason for my pity party.

"That wasn't me or Charlie, I'm sorry about that." I shook my head, that first bad date had...

Snapping my head up as soon as the thought hit my brain, "Did you do that on purpose?"

"Uh... Well... Yeah, of course I knew Dean was a jerk and... It sort of worked though, right?" I probably should have been angry at her, but instead all I could do was follow her logic, it had almost worked, certainly had pushed Gwen and I closer together.

"Naomi is the cute uh... Asian one right?" I was fairly sure I'd met her at a few parties, she'd been super quiet but had had a My Little Pony t-shirt on and a Star Trek case on her phone, I wasn't into MLP myself but she seemed like my people. I got a nod from Sara. "Alright, I'm in, but I'm gonna be really upfront with her." I could tell that wasn't something that was part of the plan, but Sara nodded again, albeit reluctantly. I felt like an arrogant jerk but it had to be said, so I said it. "She gets this one, if she doesn't... And if Naomi and I both want it, I'll just move on with her."

"That sounds fair."

"You doing it right now?" Because my sister in law already had her phone out typing away.

"Yeah, I'll tell her that things are complicated between you and Gwen. But that you instantly remembered her and called her really cute." I myself didn't think I would agree if I were her. It seemed like a waste of an evening and a slap in the face if everything worked as planned, leaving her alone at the end of the night when Gwen showed up and took me away. "And she replied." Sara typed back quickly. "I'm telling her you and Gwen have a thing but Gwen got it in her head that you're siblings because you're in-laws. Okay, she's asking if we're sure we want her to be the one to try and make Gwen jealous. Yes, yes we are because you two are both attractive nerds. Typing. Not typing. Typing. Not typing. Typing. Once more erased her message. Typing and she's in on one condition, no posts to social media, she doesn't want to get her mom's hopes up."

"Okay." I laughed, feeling a little freaked out by all this. "From now on, could you be a lot more Cloak with me while you're being all Cloak and Dagger? I think I trust you to manipulate me in the right direction, but I don't want to know about it. My stomach is already churning from tricking Gwen like this, not to mention the day I'm going to have to have with poor Naomi."

"Promise." Laughing herself, I don't think she got the Cloak and Dagger thing but she put it together from context clues, like her sister she was super smart despite being so attractive.

"Thanks, but Sara..."

"Yeah?"

"Before this all blows up in my face somehow, I just want to tell you that my brother never really had a chance with you did he." She shrugged, smiling but she wasn't as confident as she should have been. "No way he'd ever want to get away from you, no way you'd let him, and if that isn't enough I'd talk sense into him if he ever thought otherwise."

"Thanks!" Meaning it. "Now go away before I say that you're the best little brother I could ever ask for and Gwen comes out and overhears forever cementing that idea in her head." I wanted to tell her she had come out to MY pity party hiding spot, but instead I got up and wandered off. "Oh the date is tonight, she said you're paying for everything because it's not a real date. Plus we'll both owe her a favor after this."

****

"I don't want to go anywhere." Naomi said when she opened the door after I knocked. She was dressed like she'd read this pervert's mind. A poofy sort of knee length skirt, a form fitting t-shirt that hugged her rather alluring upper body but was half as sexy as the fact that it had the Jurassic Park logo on it. There was also knee length socks, tons of bracelets on one forearm, a leather cuff and smartwatch on the other. It took me a second, while I re-registered she was a pear shaped and rather lovely looking woman that the colors of the skirt and socks were all the red and gray of the jeeps from the movie while the bracelets were the neon colors of whatever SUV it was that was automated to go down the track. Catching me checking her out made her pause, fighting a smile. But repeat herself, "Defluer is too small, going out is like posting to the Internet, I can't have anybody see us."

"Okay, so you want me to leave?"

"No. Please don't take this the wrong way but..." She grimaced, squirmed, and got it out. "I already ordered dinner. For both of us. I just texted it to you. From my favorite place in town, if you still want to do this, you can go pick it up."

"Gonna make me work for this, I get it." I laughed, she was so freaking cute, it was clear she'd MADE this outfit or at least spent ages tracking things down. "Okay, I'll be right back."

"Yeah?" She was surprised I didn't just give up.

"Yeah." I backed up a step and was about to turn away when I had to say it. "You look totally great by the way. The whole thing Jurassic Park theme, that's... That's freaking great. Are all your outfits themed like this?"

"The ones for special occasions are." She answered, embarrassed by having to admit that this was a special occasion to her.

"Hmm, okay, this is going to be fun. Awkward considering that I don't think anything has been more 'It's Complicated' before but... I think it's not gonna be too bad hanging with you Naomi." She just stood there smiling at me nodding.

I felt real bad at the 'Oh my god!' that rang out over and over again after she shut the door, clearly not thinking I could hear it, it went up to a high pitched delight before I got out of earshot. It was probably one of the nicest things a guy had ever said to her, or perhaps the first time that a male had noticed her outfits.

****

"Josh, can I ask you a question?" Noami said as we sat in silence on the couch of her apartment otherwise alone, her roommate was out for the night.

"Yeah, go ahead, shoot."

"Did you really think I was cute?" This was a mistake! The way she asked it was so freaking vulnerable and tormented. "Or is this all... Is this all just because I was the only girl to say yes to making Gwen jealous."

"I do think you're very cute and... Spending time with you, on this non-date has been... Not at all painful. I really couldn't imagine a girl showing up in a first date outfit that is anymore perfect than yours." I'd dropped compliments about it several times already, she loved this one as much as the others.

"It's so sad but this is the best date I've ever had, and this is not even a date." Clearly very aware of how bad that sounded.

I nodded, thinkin it had been fairly good four hours and thirty-seven minutes. It would have been just over five but I'd had to drive to the Mexican Restaurant to get dinner. Still it had been fun, she was great. I sort of thought the fact that this wasn't a date helped. I could tell she got sort of awkwardly quiet when things got conversational as opposed to directly about something nerdy. We'd watched Jurassic Park, because we'd sort of had to, then her favorite episode of My Little Pony after I brought it up. It wasn't that bad actually.

Now we were sitting and waiting for Gwen to show up or not show up. Forty-five minutes ago I'd messaged Charlie that we were at Naomi's apartment, to spring the "It's a Trap!" as it were. It only took ten minutes to get over here, Charlie and Sara had been watching TV with Gwen, so it would take a few seconds for him to casually mention where I was. Gwen already had been told I'd had a date, she even messaged me telling me "Good Luck!" which made me feel all rotten inside for a lot of different reasons.

"You're a really good person to do this for Sara and me." Shaking my head at the front window, the blinds were closed but either way somebody pulled in out there their headlights or red taillights would be visible when they parked, it was all just the orange glow of the sodium vapor lamp in the light fixtures outside. We'd turned most of the lights off inside, sat in relative darkness. "It's got to be so weird for you."

"Weird." Voice going all monotone as it did when she seemed to be shutting down, sounding disinterested, I could understand why guys had bailed on her, not realizing that she was just super nervous, instead hearing and seeing a girl who didn't seem to care.

"Hmm," Because I had to say something as I checked my phone, no messages from Sara or Charlie, for sure none from Gwen. "Fifty-three minutes."

"Calling it an hour? Or what?" I had to actually glance at her, the truth was there in her mouth, it was doing this scared twinge that said she was not bored or annoyed as her tone made it sound.

"I guess an hour." I sent question marks to both Charlie and Sara, got nothing back in the minutes that followed, not even a confirmation that they saw it.

"An hour after the drive. That's what, eleven minutes?" Something told me she'd done a GPS maps lookup on the exact time, the hour was just about up.

"We call it at eleven forty-five." I agreed as I held up my phone, both of us easily able to see the screen, giving Gwen an extra couple minutes as I rounded up.

It had never been anything, I told myself, because despite my words and hopes the realistic part of me said she wasn't coming. I didn't know why my brother and his wife were not messaging me back, besides that they'd all gone to sleep, but an hour was more than enough. It had never been anything, not to her. It was just friends hanging out, or worse siblings, or not that much better siblings-in-law. Of course I had to be the cliche dumb guy who made everything sexual and more than it was. Just friends and I'd had her showing herself off to me on a near daily basis, I'd pushed things until I diddled her, then made her watch me twig off.

I should move out. I had used Gwen's broken heart and loneliness to get her to do things she really didn't want to do with a person she thought of as her brother. Sara had probably just been going along to get along, just trying to help her poor deluded brother-in-law. It was all so embarrassing. And we'd dragged Naomi into this! A woman I really could have dated and got along with, but for sure nothing could happen now! Not if she knew me as this pathetic human being.

"I guess..." But then a car raced up slamming on their brakes, two seconds later my phone started ringing. I looked at poor poor Naomi who was for sure hurt but also shining with hope when she cried. "Answer it! It's her!"

"Please! Please stop! Whatever you're doing! I don't want to walk in on you and... Please!" Gwen said the second I answered the phone.

"Gwen I..."

"I'm here and... And I don't care what you've been doing with HER. Please!" A second later she thumped at the door, I couldn't see her but I knew her enough to know she was pressed against it, not trying to hear what might be going on but just anguished at her many theories. "Please! Please Yosh say it's not too late."

Some bitch part of me said to make her wait, torment her for tormenting me all these months, but I couldn't. "I'm coming out." To Naomi, who despite looking a little sad had a big smile on her face. Waved me to go. "Thank you and sorry for..."

"Go to her." Actually getting up and shoving me towards the door.

Gwen went to her knees as soon as I pulled it open, not in a sexual way, but of course I sort of thought it that way. Wondering (hoping) if she'd start blowing me right here. But then I saw the misery and tears in her eyes and all that (mostly) went away. She grabbed at my shirt, the waistband of my pants, gray-green eyes staring up at me. Her hair never looking so fiery as it did in that orange light.

"Yosh! Please forgive me for being such an idiot!" It seemed a bit rude but I couldn't help but shut the door, this was for Gwen and me. That done I once more had to wrestle with myself as she went on. "I... I... I know you probably don't feel the same way about me but..."

"I love you." I told her, needing to say it before she could say it.

"Yes! It's so pathetic but that's what I was going to say. That I love you. I know you think of me as a big sister and..." I pulled her to her feet, she didn't really seem to notice the loving embrace that I held her in, or that her arms wrapped around my neck like they belonged there. Because they did. She rambled on, "And I know I've been such a weirdo these last couple of months. I yust... I yust..."

"I love you." She nodded once again, thinking I was saying the words for her. "No, Gwen Cohen! Listen, I am telling you that I love you! I don't have a scar on my forehead, there was never any prophecy about me, I'm not an only child to parents who got murdered by an evil snake wizard, but I want to be your Harry Potter. I want to be Harry and I want you to be my Ginny." Her face was bright with happiness, it seemed clear that she was ready to kiss me. But then she slapped me, not full on but certainly hard enough. "What was that for?"

"For thinking me some kind of pervert who wants a boy wizard."

"God I fucking love you." Which made her grin from ear to ear before kissing me, lots of little ones before one big one.

She hadn't dressed, wearing the shorts and a pajama top that she would have had on around the house. So it was easy for me to take hold of her butt as we kissed. I couldn't help myself, one arm holding her tight to me by her lower back, I grabbed that booty (finally) with the other. It was not as big as the impression I had of Naomi's but one cheek was too big for my hand (If just barely.) and that was good enough for me. The kiss raged on until my non-backside glued hand found it's way up to the back of her head. Her red hair in the sloppiest of buns, I grabbed it and slapped her tight buns, rather hard.

"What was that for?" She asked, neck exposed as I pulled her hair, breaking the kiss at the same time I swatted her.