by Bombardierwells2
That's absolutely pathetic...only worth reading if you stupid and a chronic masterbater
Liked it , the husband should have fucked her face as he knows she a bit of a slut. When the husband is at work next Saturday,if I was the son ,I would have all my mates round with a big box of condoms and give his mum a fucking big gang bang and leave all the used condoms in the trash bin ,so husband can see what his sluty wife while he was at work. .
Posted by Ianwants2cum
It was fucking hot until the story decided to cuckold dad. That shit is just fucking weird. I feel like any dad would expose that shit after he beats the sons ass and walks out.
But hey, i guess its what the author likes. Which os weird to me.
They both collectively SHIT on Dad. He didn't deserve that.
Barring the obvious things several others have brought up, there's also some things I'd like to see done better. You kind of emphasized the fact that he was cumming inside her during the dirty talk. I think this was a mistake as your whole story premise has him wearing a condom. Instead of "Cum in mommy" as dirty talk, you could've went for "Cum for mommy".
I also disliked the inclusion of the dad but that may be my personal preferences. I just felt like the story changed from a humourous sexy story to quite a bit more serious, especially with the slap.
I'd like to see more humourous ideas. There's a lot of really well written dramatic stories, it's hard to find funny stories that are well written and still have the appeal of smut.
Overall, I enjoyed this story, I'd rate it a 4 of 5 for everything, a 4 of 5 for fapability, and a 3 of 5 for spelling, syntax, etc.
How do junk stories with such horrific spelling and grammar end up being posted, yet better stories, with correct spelling and grammar, are blocked from being posted.
Kind of a ridiculous premise but a hot story nonetheless. Gave it 4 stars due to the grammar/spelling errors.
great story, didn't know wether to laugh or cry .
rare to find a story in this category that has such humor
& then i started to read the other comments
and i was laughing & had tears in my eyes ..
so funny .
5 stars for a wonderful , mindfuck story
& for eliciting such comments / feedback.
lmao
xxxhugsxxx
Ooh my god you stupid fuckin' assholex need to shut the fuck up about the grammar you like the story or you don't, make up your fuckin' mind!!
Good story despite all the errors with punctuation, grammar, spelling, incomplete and run-on sentences.
As others have commented, it's a really good story and it moves along quite well. I was surprised that it wasn't longer, and would like to see some more of the story as some of the other comments have mentioned. I also have to agree with johnstang2 and jwoodie - it does need work on the grammar. There are quite a few volunteer editors on literotica here (I am one myself) that would be more than happy to help; Working with you so that eventually you will be able to spot and fix any minor grammar issues yourself. All in all I really enjoyed your story – keep up the good work!!
I liked this one it was good story had a ton of errors but still good in spite of them
Fantastic story plot. if you could try to extended little and please continue writing..thank for sharing
The grammar problems are basically missing punctuation and improper capitalization. As an example, the first paragraph is one huge run-on sentence. It should be five or six sentences. No guarantee this version is perfect, but it's certainly a lot better:
It all happened late Saturday afternoon, several months after my 18th birthday. I knew things weren't quite right before it began, but, well, I guess this confirmed it. Mom was upstairs saying goodbye to Dad. He had to work late on this Saturday due to some rotating shift thing or something -- I don't quite know. He explained it to me but I didn't really care or listen. Anyway, as Dad went out the door, Mom came to sit on the couch with me.
Your grammar and syntax does need work. Believe it when I see a misspelled word or a syntax error it jars my train of thought. Perhaps a good word processor that has spell correction and grammar correction is in order. Even reread your own work four times making small corrections each time is helpful. As one author to another I can tell how poor grammar and misspelled words can kill a story.
Overall I liked the story. I gave it a 5 out of 5. I love to read a sequel to this perhaps with the mother getting pregnant. After all she did end up saying he was right and what did she say was the reason for having sex in the first place - for reproduction.
I agree, work on your spelling and syntax. Not sex if you use a condom? :laughing: An interesting, if ridiculous, rationale. Perhaps mom wanted an excuse of her own? Maybe the next one should be "It's Not Sex If You Pull Out ".
I'd like this to continue, maybe dad turns out to have a gay lover and leaves them to be together, that would be awesome, if the son replaces dad has her new husband.
the direction of the story is good buuuuut you still need to practice more on your grammar and characterization of your characters... still keep on writing this story has promise.
but it's a pity he had to wear a condom on his fine fat prick. Otherwise, he could have fucked a baby up his mother's cunt. Maybe next time.