It's Not So Bad

"James, what are you doing up here? Go away or I'll jump now!"

"You're my wife, Jill. Where else would I be when you're hurting? Why would you jump off a building when you have so much to live for?"

"I'm jumping because of all the pain I have caused you and the kids. You'll all be better off with me gone. All I have to do is jump and God and gravity will take care of the rest."

"What have you done that's so bad you need to commit suicide?"

"You know good and well what I've done. I cheated on you with Stan Underhill! And in our bedroom! I fucked up our marriage."

"I admit that having sex with Stan is a reason to question your sense of good taste but jumping from a 30-story building seems to be quite an overreaction."

"Overreaction? I betrayed our wedding vows. I have brought shame on the whole family including our children. I probably got Stan kicked out of his house and into divorce. Now, don't you see that everyone would be better off with me dead?"

"I don't agree at all that your death would make me or our children better off. Yes, you screwed up, but what you did isn't worth you dying for. Jill, we can deal with your affair in some other way."

"Like divorce."

"I've never said anything about divorce to you."

"Are you saying you haven't thought about divorce?"

"Of course, I've thought about it. But I concluded that it would not help our family heal. That's the most important thing to me."

"But my death will help you heal. You and the kids would no longer have a cheating wife and mother to embarrass you when we're around other people. Don't tell me you won't wonder if I would cheat again. If I die, you would have all our financial assets instead of half from a divorce. With my death, you would get my life insurance."

"Jill, your death would deepen our wounds, not heal us. The kids and I would feel guilty that we didn't do enough to convince you how important you are to our family - alive. By the way, you're wrong about the life insurance. There is no payment for suicide in your policy. We would be trying to live on less income because your salary was gone, and we would have the depression from being part of the reason for your death. Everyday we would be reminded of you when one of us had to perform a chore you normally did."

"James, you could find a woman to replace me easily. You are a caring, intelligent and handsome man and the kids are wonderful. You all deserve a better wife and mother. After what I did to you, why aren't you madder at me? Scream, yell, hit me -- I deserve it!"

"I am mad. I am mad that you have ASSUMED things that I and the kids feel. Why don't you ask US how we feel? The kids asked me just before I came up here, "Why does Mommy want to leave us? Did we do something bad?" If you kill yourself, they are going to blame themselves and not you. And you won't be here to explain to them. That will be dumped on me.

"As far as me, you never even asked to explain or apologize. You just assumed I would be vindictive and want to get rid of you."

"I just know I would be mad as hell if you had cheated on me. I know that's hypocritical of me. That's because I am too selfish. You need a wife and mother that has your and your kids' best interest in heart."

"I thought I had her. I'm not sure I still don't have her even with this brief detour. The only way I don't have her is if she jumps."

"You mean you would consider staying married to me even after I've cheated? I broke our wedding vows."

"You definitely broke the 'forsaking all others' vow. But look at all the other vows you have kept. You stayed with me in richer and poorer, sickness and in heath, good times and bad. You've been a great mother to the kids. You've been a great lover to me. I have lots of reasons to want to stay married to you."

"I don't deserve a wonderful husband like you."

"True, but you've lucked out anyway." They both smiled.

"James, are you just saying these things to keep from jumping?"

"Darn it! You caught on. They told me that I would be responsible for cleaning up the mess on the street when you fell. Can you imagine what a mess with all the blood and brains splattered all over the place? And what if you hit someone? They would probably sue ME. Those idiots down there are standing way too close." He chuckled.

"Stop making me laugh, asshole. Suicide is serious."

"Honey, are you ready to get down now?"

"James, are you sure you want to stay with me?"

"Sure. Let me show you." James grabbed Jill's arm with his hand and jerked hard. They both went flying off the tall building. Jill screamed and yelled and kicked all the way down, story after story -- down to the air mattress James had seen being constructed by the fire department while he kept Jill busy talking.

The mattress was quickly deflated, and Jill came over to James, cursing and hitting him. "You bastard, you scared me to death." The firemen grabbed her and took her to the ambulance to have her checked out.

A policeman came over to James and asked, "Are you alright?"

"Sure, can I do that again? That was fun."

"That was both brave and foolish of you. You know she'll have to go for a psychiatric evaluation after she leaves the Emergency Room, right?"

"Can you get them to keep her and lose the keys?"

"That will be up to the doctors."

*****

AT THE HOSPITAL

"Jill? Do you recognize me?"

"Of course, you're my husband. Have you come to get me out of here? They think I'm crazy. And who the hell is that?" She was pointing to the beautiful young woman standing behind James.

"Oh, this is one of those women who you thought would love to take your place once you were gone. You were really right about that. I've test-driven several. It's going to be hard to choose. The kids really like this one. Oh yeah, the kids sent you a get-well card."

"WHAT? You said you wanted me back. We were going to work things out together."

"We are. Just, you will work your problems out in here and I will work on mine out there."

"You son-of-a-bitch! When I get out of here, I'll... "

"Calm down. I'll come back and see you from time to time. By the way, here are some papers for you to read since you have so much free time now."

Jill saw the envelope and opened it to find her divorce petition. She went ballistic and started striking out, screaming, kicking and running around. It took four orderlies to get her down long enough to sedate her.

As James and his girlfriend walked away, he remarked, "Well, that should keep her there for a while. Would you like some ice cream?"

"Why don't we take some by the hospital for Stan? I hear he's taking the loss of his testicles really hard."

"Maybe later. I'm afraid I couldn't stop laughing enough to see him."

"Let's go pick up the kids now. I'm sure they would like some ice cream. After that, I would like some privacy for what I want to do with you."