It's Not What You're Thinking

I'd bought a lacy see-through bra and matching panties, both in black, which I was wearing when my husband looked at the little black dress on the bed and probably was wondering if he had forgotten some special occasion. But I was not mad so he deduced that something else was the reason for me dressing up. Mike attempted to give me a hello kiss. I told him my lipstick was still wet and let him kiss my cheek. "It's only a few drinks with my girl friend and I won't be gone long." Giving him a serious look he usually knows to let it go, but not this time.

"You can't relax and talk here at home?"

"I promise nothing is going to tempt me. I'll be home to you before you know it." Trying to reassure him and get my way. He just stood there staring at me with those cold blue eyes. We have been together for years and I could tell his mood by their colour. It varied from passionate loving deep blue to ice-cold gray-blue. Smiling up at him " honey dinner's all ready for you it's in the oven keeping warm and our little angel is over with her grandma. Mom said she was okay keeping her for the night."

I was not in the mood for an argument and was tired from working in the barns all day. I have plenty more on my mind but decided to just let it go, staring Meryl down for a few moments. After finishing my shower returning to the bedroom to get dressed. Realizing she was no longer in the bedroom I picked up my cell and headed to get a bite. I got my meal from the oven and a cold beer from the fridge. I'm not much of a drinker but tonight I just felt as though I needed one or two. I was about to call my daughter and say our goodnight, even at fifteen she is still my pride and joy my little girl. I wouldn't go to sleep without say goodnight. My wife and daughter are my life, family means everything to this good old boy. Realizing I have a text,

(Hey my Love out with BFF like I said be home soon won't be late MissUkissU). After calling my little girl I decided to watch some TV and finish my tall boy beer. Sitting there thinking to myself Merly's been spending much more time with her friend Amanda a lot more than ever in the past. I don't know what it is but something just seems off. I don't know if it's her actions or the way she talks or just a gut feeling but something seems to be different. But tonight tonight my wife was different, I know she had mentioned a while back about going dancing with her friend one night soon. We got into a discussion about me coming along, she stated you only like to slow dance. I don't see a problem Amanda can dance fast I can dance slow and that was the end of that conversation.

Now out of the blue she goes dancing without me I assume and with that little dress with that lingerie underneath. I drifted off to sleep in the chair. Waking looking at my watch I realize it's 1:15, hearing water running, is someone taking a shower?

Getting in about 5 or 10 minutes ago it was a welcome relief to see Mike asleep. I kicking off my heels and skirting up the stairs quick. Taking off my dress and bra grabbing my panties out of my purse putting everything into the laundry hamper. Looking at myself in the mirror my hair looked wild my lipstick smeared mascara running from my tears. Seeing myself I can only wonder what the cab driver must have thought, or what Mike would have if he had seen me as I came through the door. I quickly jumped in the shower and tried to pull myself together. I can't believe what I've done, but is it considered cheating? Oh my God who am I kidding, of course it is, what am I going to do? How am I going to make this right I can't lose my husband? He's the only man I ever loved or ever will love, and my daughter oh my God if she ever found out what I've done.

After my shower and composing myself under the circumstances as best I could still being half drunk. I wrapped myself in a towel and proceeded into the bedroom. I was startled to see Mike sitting in bed. He was sitting up back against the headboard and had the blankets up to his waist. Mike sat bare chested his arms crossed in front of him. His muscle-bound chest and arms from hard farm labour still turned me on after years of marriage. But not tonight, tonight they looked menacing. Even though he'd never raised a hand to me or his voice for that matter ever. He spoke softly "You were not going to wake me up?"

I started to shake and cry, "I I I drank a little too much tonight Mike and needed to compose myself I didn't want to disturb you. until I was ready for bed." I dropped my towel and jumped into the bed as quick as possible. Not knowing for sure why I was afraid to expose myself to my husband. Curled up in a fetal position with my back to him I continue to weep quietly to myself. After a few moments of silent I felt him stir "Can I get you anything Meryl?"

"No" I weeped.

He got out of bed and left the room, I'm so scared, has he left? I started crying even harder now. I was surprised when a few moments later I felt him crawl back into bed behind me.

"Here drink this."

As I turned and sat up he handed me a glass of ginger ale. I took the glass and drank it down and placed it on the bedside table.

"Thank you" before I could turn to lay back down I froze feeling him reaching across me. Mike flicked off the lamp beside me then rolled over and went to sleep. When I woke again he was gone. Nothing out of the ordinary there, he was an early riser looking after the horses with the help of the neighbour and his sons a typical Saturday. I proceeded downstairs and could smell coffee in the kitchen. I see he had made himself something to eat and had made a pot of coffee. My favourite mug was sitting beside the coffee machine with piece of paper under it. I flipped it over and read ( We Need To Talk).

What am I going to do, he knows some how he knows. With my head aching hand shaking I pour myself a cup of coffee, looking down at the scrap of paper I dropped it to the floor. I collapsed into one of the chairs at the table, when did I let this get so out of hand. Yes I was enjoying the company of another, but it's not like I didn't still enjoy the time that I spent with my husband. It's just different we connect on subjects that he wouldn't understand. Sometimes you just need a good listener someone who emphasizes. Amanda knows what I'm going through, she knows how much I love my husband.

I'm a middle-aged woman, not that I look bad, far from it. I do not feel desirable like I used to be. That cute guy at the supermarket last week called me ma'am, how insulting after I gave him my best flirty smile. My teenage daughter is distancing herself everyday. I put my life on hold while I tended to her every need. If she rolls her eyes at me one more time. When did I lose her when did I lose Mike. I'm not complaining Mike is a amazing lover, it's become comfortable. That's my fault as much as anyone's.

Mike was always trying to come up with new ways to tease me please me. When our daughter Ashley was born and the years after raising her. juggling being a mom being a wife, and working part time. I was tired I wasn't in the mood I didn't like the changes in my body. So I was the one that started backing off, sticking to the basics that would get him and I off in a timely manner. Mike bless his heart did everything to help me the perfect husband a hands-on father. He worked all day and after helped with our daughter and even did housework to give me a break. He also adapted to what I offered him in the bedroom, Mike stopped asking and accepted what I gave, how dare I have any complaints.

Family life keeps you busy and I lost touch with Amanda, and a year ago she moved to town again after her divorce. It was so nice to see my bestie again after long-distance communication. I guess it was that boost I needed. I felt like I was in a rut and she rejuvenated me. I know we were spending a lot of time together but I didn't think that I was taking anything away from Mike or my daughter. I was always there when they needed me not that they needed me as much.

A couple of weeks ago Amanda suggested we go lingerie shopping, said it would jump start my confidence. It would turn Mike on to see me in something sexy she stated. So that afternoon when Mike was working Amanda and I went off to Victoria's Secret. Amanda helped me pick out a couple of things that she thought I would look good in. She also picked out an outfit or two for herself. I always envied Amanda's body, she had that Courtney Cox look to her. Amanda always teased me saying that I look like Sarah Jessica Parker.

As I tried things on she complimented me and really was an ego boost. At one point she asked the sales lady her opinion of the outfit I was wearing, I was so embarrassed she told me I looked sexy. Amanda says Mike better watch out I think that saleslady likes you. "Oh come on Amanda that's her job, but seriously do you think Mike would like it?"

"Are you kidding me girlfriend you look HOT!"

I was laughing so hard, I could feel my cheeks red with embarrassment. I bought the sheer black panty and bra set. Amanda bought a pair of blue lace boy shorts with matching bra.

I surprised myself with how confident I felt with her. I was on such a high after the shopping trip. Two days later Mike went to one of the horse auctions with the neighbour. Amanda talked me into meeting up for a light lunch and a glass of wine at a local pub. Once again we sat and had a good time talking about my daughter my work. I asked Amanda why she was still single?

"Haven't seen what I'm looking for I'm keeping my options open, hey look Meryl they're going to have dancing on weekends. Why don't we go dancing it'll be fun."

"I don't know Ashley Mike is not really big on dancing, and he's taking me to that new romantic comedy next weekend."

"Then the week after then, it's a date you and I, we will wear our little black dresses like old times. We'll shake our booties up there on the dance floor and tease some of the local men. Maybe even dance with a few of them flirting get those juices flowing and then go home and have Mike F**k you hard" (laughing).

"AMANDA your bad girlfriend!"

After speaking with Mike about going dancing and putting him off, when he suggested going along. I felt a little bad about going out and not bringing him. I thought about what Amanda said and I decided yes teasing him might really spice things up with us. It would be a great opportunity to put all those things back on the table that I've been turning him down about for years. I deliberately paraded around in my new lingerie just to get his motor going. I even told him not to smudge my lipstick. Truth was I was so horny that I knew if he kissed me on the mouth I wasn't going dancing I was going to bed.

I could handle myself and I had Amanda there with me, why not dance and flirt a little bit. After a few drinks a little dancing then home to rock his world. I even talked to my mom about taking our daughter for the night. I was out the door before he even got out of the shower or I would have jumped his bones. I wanted to get the anticipation building between the two of us to the max.

Amanda was on cue to pick me up in a shared cab, we both look great in our high heels and short little black dresses if I must say.

The dance floor was small and the club was not overly packed so that was a bonus. We both were drinking vodka and tonic, and in no time at all I was feeling good. I think Amanda was either drinking less or had a stronger tolerance. At one point I stumbled a little bit on the dance floor and out of nowhere a good-looking man had his hands on my hips to steady me. I turned and looked at him embarrassed and said "Thank you."

"You can at least dance with me one song" he insisted.

We ended up dancing three or four songs I can't really remember, then Amanda cut in. There was a pause in the music and we were back at the table. The guy from the dance floor and his buddy had made it their business to join us at our table. His friend had his arm around Amanda and it looked like they were getting along very well. My earlier dance partner went to sit and put his arm around me.

"Girlfriend I need to use the ladies room are you coming with me?" Once inside I told Amanda that I promised Mike I would be home at a decent hour. She suggested that we take this party back to her place, and so we did. A few drinks later back at her place I made the biggest mistake of my life, and here I sit staring at my second cup of coffee. Then my cell phone beeped "Hello"

"Hi Mom it's me, Grandma and me are going to go out to lunch and then she's going to drop me off at my friend's place is that okay?"

"Ssure sweetheart are you having a good time?"

"You okay mom? You sound funny."

"I'm okay sweetheart I just love you that's all."

"Love you too bye." (click)

I can't wait till Mike comes home I have to talk to him now. (the customer you are trying to reach is not available please leave a message after the tone) "Hey Mike it's just me please call me back right away I need to talk to you."

Mike felt the phone vibrate in his pocket, looks like I just missed a call from Meryl I can't deal with this right now I know we need to talk but this isn't the time and I don't want to do it over a phone. "Guys I'm going to slip into town and grab a coffee and a sandwich." I jumped in my pickup and headed into town. After getting my order and turn to walk for the door. By fate I met Amanda just coming in as I was about to leave, this is an opportunity to do some fact-finding.

"Hey Mike good to see you."

Setting my coffee on a table near the door (awkward hug) "Hello Amanda got a minute!"

"Sure Mike let me just grab a coffee."

I decided to bull shit my way through this see where it takes me "Take a seat Amanda, when Meryl came home last night drunk feeling guilty over night's events. We had a talk..................Amanda let me just say things aren't good between us."

"Oh so she talked to you, I'm sorry Mike I feel completely responsible, the drinking the dancing the guys at the bar flirting. (pause moment of silence) and of course back at my place (pause) the sex....sorry Mike."

I jumped to my feet, staring her down. She never looked up at me, I grabbed my coffee and sandwich. Throwing it in the garbage as I went out the door, jumped in my truck. The song AA was playing on the radio, not in the mood for Walker Hayes right now. Shutting off the radio and peeled out of the parking lot for home.

I spent the morning cleaning the house and starting a load of laundry, lost in my thoughts and what I was going to say when Mike came home. As I was coming up the stairs and turned I heard the front door open and Mike walked in. "You're home" I rushed over to greet him. He put out his hand to stop my approach, he stepped around me walk right past and proceeded into the kitchen. I sheepishly followed right behind him. I sat down in the kitchen chair and watched as he poured himself the last of the coffee then leaned against the counter. Mike took a sip and then stared me down...(silence followed)

I sat there quietly staring at him trying not to cry. Just as I was about to speak he said " Is Ashley home yet?"

"No no she's not she still with my Mom they're having lunch and then she's going to her girlfriend"s."

"Tell me about last night Meryl and don't you dare lie to me!"

As I burst into tears "Of course Mike of course I'll tell you everything, please don't hate me I love you so much....Last night I started out trying to tease you with some new lingerie that I picked out with Amanda. I want to rekindle things between us Mike I know things haven't been good and it's my fault I know that now. You're the greatest husband any woman could want and and after I teased you a little bit I got dressed and went out dancing with Amanda. We were going to have a few drinks and loosen up and and do some dancing ggget myself fired up for you."

I broke down in tears for a minute before I could regain my composure. " I guess I over did it a little bit with the drinking and we attracted a little attention some guy started to flirt with us. I agreed to dance with one of them, he he got a little handsy but I shut him down right away Mike I swear to you. I told Amanda we had to go and she called a cab."

"I told you not to lie to me."

"I swear to you I'm not lying we ended up going back to Amanda's place she told me that I should sober up a bit before I go home. When we got back to her place she poured me another glass of wine I should have said no. We were laughing and talking girl talk playing music and we were dancing in the living room. Then a slow song came on and Amanda pulled me in her arms and started dancing. I was laughing I thought it was so funny, Amanda had this serious look on her face, she leaned in and then she gently kissed me on the mouth. Then she kissed me again this time opening her mouth, I don't know what happened it just took me by surprise.

WWWhen I realized I was kissing her back......I felt woozy and funny inside I had to sit down. As I sat down on the sofa to try to regain my composure. Amanda walked over and shut off the music then shut off the living room light leaving only a silhouette of herself from the hall light where she stood. I got to my feet and told her I guess I should be going. Reaching down crossing her hands in front of herself she grabbed a hold of the hem of her dress pulling it up over her head. Threw it down and walked towards me in her panties and bra, she took me in her arms again and started kissing me."

" I swear to you Mike I have never had feelings for a woman in my life. I love her I love her as a friend but this this was different. It seemed so natural yet felt so wrong at the same time. Then she lifted my dress up over my head and I allowed it. She then proceeded to take off the last of her clothing while I stared. I was in shock as to what was happening but at the same time I've taken by her beauty. It was very strange I remember thinking, how many men had stood here taking in this view as I was and hungered for her."

"She then approached me and kissed me again as she did she took the straps for my shoulders then sliding her hands down cupping my breasts as my bra still done up flipped away giving her access. I don't know what came over me as we tongue kissed my hands instinctively started touching her. She took my hand and placed it on her pussy and I automatically started doing what I knew a woman likes to feel."

I paused for a moment thinking about what happened next, I remember she was sucking on my breast and it felt so good. I know I was having an effect on her. She was so wet and her legs began to shake. My long nipple slipped from her lips and she looked up at me. I instinctively leaned in and took her breast to my mouth returning the pleasure that she had just given me seconds earlier. Sliding my fingers inside of her I felt her legs begin to quake and she had an orgasm"................

I suddenly realized I was thinking and not talking. I wiped away a tear and looked into Mike's eyes. He had the strangest look on his face, he looked confused no sad. I continued my confession.

"So then we explored each other's bodies with our hands, Amanda then dropped to her knees in front of me pulling me down onto the sofa, simultaneously slipping my panties over my hips and down my legs. She was looking at me and telling me how beautiful I was. Now sitting there naked in front of her with just my bra attached. I remember her running her long fingernails up and down my outer thighs, crouching down in front of me kissing the tops of my legs. Then wrapped her arms around behind me and pulled me forward on this sofa, moving my bottom forward to the outer edge. She parted or I parted my legs and then she took me with her mouth"......I had stopped talking a moment of silence passed between us.