Jackie and Pierre

Another unrealistic fantasy without any redeeming value.

Bob Crewe; Bob Gaudio: "How could she tell he deceived her so well? Pity, she'll be the last one to know."

= = = =

It was supposed to be a simple Sunday dinner out. Jackie was on an early flight in the morning and would miss my thirty third birthday on Wednesday. She'd hired a baby sitter, a teenager named Sarah who lived a few doors down, and found an obscure little bistro near the college campus for my birthday dinner.

We'd just been served our after dinner drinks when a small group of ladies followed a man into the bistro. He was wearing a black leather Ascot Ivy driving cap and had a mid-back length scraggly salt and pepper pony tail and matching beard. Under his left arm was a box of books. One of the ladies in that group sent a little half wave at us.

"Who's that?"

"Amanda. She was one of my bridesmaids. I wonder what she's doing here. I can't believe you don't remember her."

"Dear, I only have eyes for you" as I grinned at Jackie.

"What a bullshitter. I'm going to go see what's going on."

So I sat there nursing my drink while Jackie's got cold. Five minutes went by. Then another five before I went towards the area where they had congregated. Jackie was oblivious to my presence.

The sign-up sheet indicated that this was Pierre LeCroix, author of romance novels. One of Jackie's favorites as it turned out. She signed up on the email fan newsletter sheet. I did not, but I did notice that Jackie used a different email address, new to me anyway. That struck me as odd. This dude was turning on the charm. All of the ladies were 'dainty flowers' or 'beautiful petals'. It was enough to make me gag. Jackie became 'my grey eyed butterfly'. My eyes couldn't have rolled any harder.

As I had no interest in this, and we had a baby-sitter to get home, I approached Jackie silently. Tugging on Jackie's forearm "It's time to go. We promised Sarah we'd be home by eight."

"You go. I'm enjoying myself."

"We came as a couple. We're leaving as a couple."

With a backhand brushing motion, as if dismissing a servant, "Just go. I'll catch a ride share home. I'm a self-sufficient big girl, you know. Give Sarah a ten dollar tip."

There will be hell to pay. Making my way to the exit, I turned to see those gathered mimicking Jackie's brushing away motion and giggling. Jackie was lapping up the attention.

Well if Jackie is a self-sufficient woman, then I'm capable of handling the kids for a week. We'd promised them a trip to Orlando and it was time to make that dream come true.

Once my eyes quit shooting flames, I pulled off onto the shoulder and made three reservations for Orlando. The kids and I were going on vacation. Calling ahead, I asked Sarah to have the kids pack their rolling suitcases with enough clothes to last a week. Stopping by the ATM I withdrew my daily limit.

After making sure that Sarah made it home safely, a half-dozen doors down the street is all, I loaded the suitcases into our SUV. With both kids buckled in, I made a final pass through the house.

On the main level we have three doors leading out of the house. Upstairs we have a deck outside of our upstairs master bedroom. With three door latches in place, I shut all of the lights off and climbed through the darkness into our master bedroom. I locked the bedroom patio door behind me. When I shimmied down the support beam I ended up snapping the lattice which supported the clematis vines. Other than breaking a window or door, there wasn't a way into the house. I can't see Jackie figuring that out, but maybe I'm wrong.

The kids were all over me trying to figure out where we were going and why mom wasn't with us.

Under the ruse of airport security, I confiscated the kid's wrist phones. Once in the boarding area, I turned off the GPS features on mine and the kids' gadgets and then immediately powered them off.

We landed around midnight but it still took until 2 Am to get settled into our suite. Both kids were wired, but some hot chocolate had them snoring quickly. On Monday, we did some of the independent amusement activities in Kissimmee. The kids were wiped out by the time we made it back to our suite. They were down for the count by seven.

That's when I finally got around to powering on my cell phone. Jackie's first voice mail was at 11:48 Pm Sunday night. That book signing must have been really popular.

'Riley, open the damn door. I know you're in there.'

The tone of the next few messages was getting downright nasty. The message at 12:38 Pm made me chuckle.

'Mr. Parsons. This is Officer Riggens. Your wife has been creating a scene outside of your house. Please come to the door and talk with me. Or, you can call me back on this number.'

I wasn't deleting a thing, just in case I felt the need to call the good officer back.

At 2:02 Am 'YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. THE POLICE JUST TOLD ME TO FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO STAY TONIGHT. I NEED MY LAPTOP AND PRESENTATION MATERIAL. OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR NOW OR I SWEAR I'LL TAKE YOU FOR EVERYTHING IN A DIVORCE.'

Wow, if she doesn't calm down, she's going to have a stroke. For a self-sufficient big girl she sure is stressing out. I still had at least a dozen calls to listen to, along with more text messages than I could count. That's when my phone started buzzing. It was Jackie. Too soon was my initial reaction, but I should probably let her know the kids are alright. It became another message to listen to.

The more I thought about her statements, the more I realized I didn't know this woman. Divorce? Just like that? I called the credit card companies and reported our joint cards as missing. The resort has an ATM in the business center so I snuck out for a few minutes and withdrew my daily max in cash.

Jackie's parents had left a civil message so I texted them that the kids and I were on vacation and having a great time without Jackie.

Once I got around to listening to Monday's messages from Jackie, the vile in them told me her work related trip was a disaster and that it was all my fault. She mentioned divorce again. It bothered me, but I was bushed so I didn't lose much sleep over it.

On Tuesday we bought three-day passes for Disney World. I thought very little about Jackie. On Thursday morning, my ATM card no longer worked. This was getting interesting. Still, with my work AEX card and several days of cash withdrawals, the kids and I had enough resources to get home. By Sunday night, we were ready to go home.

My eldest said something that shocked me.

"This was really fun dad, especially without mom. I don't think she likes us anymore."

"She must be under a lot of pressure at work son" was all I could think of on the spur of the moment.

+ + + +

We found the house empty when we pulled in Monday afternoon. Not sure how, but the latch on the front door was no longer latched. Jackie found a way to get in. Upon further inspection, the latch on the back door was missing.

The kids were exhausted so I sent them to take a nap while I unloaded the SUV. While doing that, a florist delivery truck stopped in front of our house. The young lady handed me the vase while mumbling something about a nice day.

The card was addressed to Jackie, but that didn't stop me from opening it.

'Forgot to thank you for alerting me to Pierre's book signing. Too bad it broke up at nine. I was really getting into it. We need to do lunch or dinner some time. Amanda.'

It took a few minutes for that to sink in. Jackie hadn't called until almost midnight. A few minutes later I realized that Jackie was planning to meet Pierre and that's why we went to that bistro. That made my next decision easy.

As soon as Jackie got home, I was leaving for another two weeks. Her turn to care for the kids. Since I work at home, I've been their primary caregiver. Jackie will be hard pressed to cope. I packed the SUV with my valuables, clothing, and work related items. I also gathered all of Jackie's romance novels. I'd search them for clues later.

Logging into my bank's website, I found our checking and savings accounts locked. At least the money was still there. I found our brokerage accounts unlocked, which I changed immediately.

Hurricane Jackie pulled in, so I quickly gave the kids hugs and kisses. I told them I had a two-week business trip.

"MOMMY! MOMMY!" interrupted my lynching. Jackie's eyes were drawing aim on me. I smiled which infuriated her more.

"Love to stay but I've got a two-week business trip. Kids are yours. BYE GUYS!" as I shot out the door.

"Come back here! You can't do that. I have my own business trip on Wednesday."

I didn't quite catch all of Jackie's tirade but it had something to do with my chicken-shit ass getting back in there.

Parking the SUV at the airport, I caught the shuttlebus back into town.

My days were spent doing company work and researching the divorce laws in our state. At best I could expect every other weekend and every other major holiday. Holidays would alternate every year, Christmas one year, Thanksgiving the next. Maintenance, isn't that a friendly word, was probably a little against me as I made more. Child support was a formula. I can certainly see why some thought it was 'cheaper to keep her'.

The calls and texts pretty much dried up. Seems like Jackie has decided on a strategy. If you dig around enough, you can find out all sorts of things. I found out that Jackie had in fact, filed for divorce. It was just a matter of time before I was served. Game changer. I made an appointment to meet with a divorce attorney who dealt with father custody issues. I wanted the kids and would do just about anything to get them even though my research told me I was screwed.

As I stared at my hotel ceiling, I decided to scan through Jackie's romance novels. Three of LeCroix's novels had been signed by Pierre, including one on the night of my birthday dinner. I was researching where LeCroix signed books to determine where Jackie had traveled to. Was this an affair or just some bizarre infatuation?

+ + + +

I just love the video feature on cell phones. The process server sent the minute long video showing when Jackie was served. The divorce papers were delivered at work in front of her colleagues. To say she lost her cool doesn't do her performance justice. The ranting and raving eventually drew the attention of her manager, who sent her home.

Once I surfaced, I was served with Jackie's divorce papers. Let the games begin. The early rounds were predictable. Both sides seeking the gold and offering the shaft.

My guy was able to get every other weekend with the kids. It was evident that Jackie was already poisoning their minds. How is it that a loving couple, if that's what we were, can go off the rails so easily?

About two months later, the divorce was put on hold after Jackie was arrested for assault. Apparently she made a big scene at a book signing event. I was in the gallery when her case went before a jury.

The prosecutor was brutal. He introduced selected email threads individually, reading each aloud. Jackie's moans of angst were getting louder with each one.

"From PLeCroix at lit dot com 'My sweet grey-eyed butterfly. Please don't be mad at your friend, but I could no longer contain myself. She identified your email address from my fan letter sign-up sheet. May I call you Jackie? I so enjoyed our time together that Sunday night. Please use this email address, which I set up just for you. My press secretary responds to the fan letter email addresses. Love Pierre.'"

'Pierre, as I told you that night. What we did was a big mistake. One which I should have never made. I need to forget that it ever happened. Jackie'

I muttered 'Bitch' loud enough to get elbowed by my father, even though it was his suggestion.

"From PLeCroix at lit dot com 'Jackie, how can you forget that night? I know you felt it too. We are meant to be together. But, if you were only using me, then I understand. The look in your eyes that night told me otherwise though. Love Pierre.'"

'Pierre, I was not using you. Yes, I did feel something, and I still do. It's just that it has opened a serious rift in my marriage. What we did was wrong. Yours Jackie.'

Each email thread drew more snickers from the gallery.

The prosecutor introduced another thread "From PLeCroix at lit dot com, five days later. 'My sweet grey-eyed butterfly, if what we did was wrong then I never want to be right again. I get hard just thinking about how our bodies molded together. Please be mine alone. Love Pierre.'"

'Pierre, maybe I'll come to another book signing. Maybe, no promises, but I'm wet thinking about it. Your grey-eyed butterfly.'

Laughter and snorting caused Jackie to blush beet red.

"From PLeCroix at lit dot com 'It was never my intent to interfere with your marriage, but sometimes love turns a blind eye when soulmates finally meet. What is happening with your marriage my love?'"

'My ass of a husband took our kids for a week's vacation in Orlando and then left me alone with them for another two weeks. I was initially planning on filing for divorce just to get his attention, but now I feel I should follow through with it. AND, get this! Before he even got served, he filed for divorce and is petitioning the court for full custody.'

'That cad! Surely the court will side with you.'

'My attorney is worried. Riley documented my lack of participation in raising the kids over the last year. Dammit! I have a very demanding job and he works from home.'

'Let him keep those children. I want you to have my babies.'

'Pierre, that is so sweet, but I love my kids.'

'You could love our kids too! And if he wins custody, you'll have limited visitation. Think about it. The sooner we get together, the sooner we can start a family.'

'I'll think about it love.'

There was a buzz in the gallery, with many condemning Jackie for her willingness to even consider abandoning her children. A few spanks of his gavel and the judge restored order.

After several more love-struck email threads were read aloud, they got to the one that set the assault in motion.

"From PLeCroix at lit dot com 'Jackie, great news. I will be doing a book signing in Elliot eighty miles from you. My new book is about our love. I'll have a dedicated copy for you sitting by my side. Please say you will come. My heart beats so hard hoping that not only will you come, but you will stay the night or possibly forever with me. Love Pierre.'"

'My darling Pierre. Yes, yes, and yes. My divorce is now in motion. We are living apart now and I'm letting him keep the kids more and more. You and our children will be the focus of my love. Yours forever, love Jackie.'

That drew groans and sobs from Jackie, and snickers from the onlookers. Many knew what happened at the book signing.

Once order returned to the court "Your honor, I would like to introduce the police report involving Mrs. Jackie Parsons.

At approximately four fifteen, Mrs. Jackie Parsons pushed her way to the head of the line. Mr. Stanley Crude, acting as Mr. LeCroix, recoiled when she attempted to hug and kiss him. When Mrs. Parsons would not take 'NO' for an answer she became aggressive. Security was called in to escort Mrs. Parsons away. She was screaming that she and Pierre were soulmates and soon to be married. At that point, Mrs. Crude introduced herself and in no uncertain terms warned her to stay away from her husband. Mrs. Parsons broke free from the security guard and attacked both Mr. and Mrs. Crude. She was arrested for those assaults.

Just one more item your honor. The police were able to determine that the PLeCroix at lit dot com email account was established using Mrs. Parsons's home WIFI."

+ + + +

"The prosecution would like to call to the stand Mr. Stanley Crude."

After the formalities "Do you use the email address PLeCroix at lit dot com?"

"No sir, never heard of it."

"Were you at the book signing in Elliot?"

"Yes sir. That was my turn to be Pierre."

"By being Pierre, you mean acting as if you were Pierre LeCroix?"

"Correct. There is no Pierre LeCroix. Four of us take turns pretending to be Pierre. The book signing schedule is too strenuous for one person."

"If there is no Pierre, who writes the books?"

"An ever changing cast of piece workers. Mostly college students earning a little cash. They get paid by the chapter."

"Had you ever met Jackie Parsons?"

"Not until she attacked me."

"Were you the Pierre at the book signing in University Park?"

"No, that was probably Jack Quigley."

"No further questions your honor."

The sound of Jackie sobbing echoed in the courtroom.

From there the case against Jackie Parsons progressed quickly. She was found guilty. At her sentencing she was ordered to perform two hundred hours of community service and two years of probation.

+ + + +

Epilogue:

For Jackie, the worst part of that was how it affected her custody battle. She insisted that it was I who sent those emails. Lacking any proof, it made Jackie look unstable and delusional. The divorce court agreed.

Jackie now gets scheduled visitations two weekends per month and alternating holidays. It is she who pays child support. Seems like someone has broken her spirit.

Being the kind hearted person that I am, every time a new Pierre LeCroix romance novel comes out I have someone sign it 'To my grey-eyed butterfly, Love Pierre' and mail it to Jackie at her office. My that woman has a foul mouth!