All Comments on 'Jack's Rebirth Pt. 02'

Jack's a winner!

5

"elucidate lucidly"

That alone gets you 5*s.

LOL

nope, sorry, stand-up guys don't accept cheaters in their lives, nor do they deserve to have that happen to them.

> HEB

Extra upvote for HEB

Very good story. Trying to figure out why the karma woman in the epilogue. The story is great without it.

Legal doesn’t mean ethical. And in reality, the cop would have shot her dead. Which is what I wished had happened because that would have actually made this bullshit interesting.

As it was, you just made it boring and typical of every other Disney story for dudes.

I want to know who is the mystery woman.

Always read your stuff, but sometimes it can be painful wading through the ad lib narratives. LOL! 4*

Really enjoyed it, great characters and some nice humour.

Timeline was a little too quick for me, would have be better spread over a few weeks even. But hey, true love. 5☆

Excellent feel good story and I will be looking forward to Part 3. Thanks.

I have ead almost ALL of your stories This one a little Mills and Boone But i really like it (jaybee186)

The divorce battle, such as it was, with Lauren was glossed over in the first few paragraphs and then she disappeared unceremoniously and completely, thus denying me the ding dong I'd so keenly anticipated. Then there ensued a completely different kind of tale that must have been inspired by the movie 'Pretty Woman', peppered with LT's condescending style of humour and culminated in a highly improbable union between a hard nosed, conservative cop and a destitute Hispanic single mother. All that was missing ( other than any substance) was The Waltons all calling out 'good night to each other. Very disappointing indeed.

WONDERFUL, 27 stars! Jack finally found a loving wife and kids. Hopefully Gloria will see Lauren, and kick the shit out of her for abusing HER HUSBAND, and father to her present and future children. I wonder what the new, and proud Mrs. will get for a car, and how many bedrooms the house will have for all of the kids!

Living in Texas, Appreciate the HEB comment having driven for them as a contractor for five years. Looking forward to the end of this exciting tale

I may have missed the timeline here, as the whole story seemed to be a modern day urban fairy tale and quite confusing, but did they really go from 'snarling, hatred, and contempt' to a marriage proposal in TWO DAYS? And somehow the both of them were telegraphing it to every person they met? Please, next time add a little realism into the story, maybe make it a whole week......

Loving it!

Seems like a lot of whirlwind for a couple of days. Still a nice story.

Why keep changing the point of view? Switching from I to he is not helpful to the average reader!

Great story, so descriptive we almost lived it with them.

Excellent story. Very enjoyable read. Looking forward to the next chapter

5stars

4 Stars for a good story. With a few easy changes it could be a 5 star story.

So what’s the changes? This will sound nitpicky to many but you really should work on ‘Point of View’ (POV). You basically used 1st person, which is great for this type story, and with skill you can get by changing who the 1st person is—but you can’t change from 1st to 3rd person without kicking your reader off track, and in your two stories I’ve read so far you make the switch from paragraph to paragraph and even within the same paragraph. I’m just a dumb country boy, but I’m pretty sure that’s a big NO-NO.

Once again—I really like your story. Thanks for a fun read. cd

Love your writing style! Great funny lines sprinkled throughout the story!

Being Born and raised in the great state of Texas I can tell you right now your comment about CPS is giving them to much credibility. Hell the snakes and gators get more respect. I love your writing I look forward to everyone of your Postings.

Umm, what? they've known each other for ~3 days and are madly in love and getting married? And I am supposed to believe that she doesn't have an ulterior motive? Also how is this part 2, with finale, when you state in the description that there will be a third part? Just a mess of a story, I expected more buildup to the declaration of love than that.

5 stars

My first thought after reading this story was - 'no way, this is too fast for marriage'. Then giving my head a shake, I realized I did the same thing 56 years ago. I asked a woman, I only met 7days prior, to be my wife and she said 'yes'. We were married 10 months later.

Enjoyed it.

Especially the clueless detective. Probably because he's a man, and we're notoriously thick.

Otoh, who could possibly figure women out?

Thanks.

Please don’t go all Saddletramp and get all crazy with divine nemesis character interventions. I can’t stand those

I'm loving this series!

Strung out on marijuana?

Not a LW story at all. A little harder to read than you other stories due to all the perspective changes, I had to keep stopping a figure out who what talking.

"I burst into the parking lot ... he rushed up to her." - POV! Paragraph starts in 1st person, ends in third!

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I know it's sort of your trademark, but the parenthetical heh, hehs aregetting pretty old.

First, individual chapters of a story do not have epilogues. Granted, what you labeled an epilogue wasn't actually an epilogue...

Having him buy her groceries was a nice thing. However, him putting extra/more expensive things in her cart against her wishes and expecting her to pay for them from her limited funds was an asshole move. It's no wonder she started out hating him when the first thing he did upon meeting her was act like a complete asshole.

GOOD story!!!!! Looking forward next installment! ;)

Yeah. Enjoy your bag of chips.

3 weeks since chapter 2 was published. Why do authors not finish their stories before publishing? It’s frustrating and annoying.

Your whole “lighten up” schtick gets old. Especially when your main characters are complete assholes filled with rage. Maybe you could take your own advice.

Loving it so far. Hope the final chapter comes soon!

Good story. It just seems a little rushed. But I can't wait for part three.

Mmmm only just getting to realise the last paragraphs in this and the first part, I’m stupid,.

For me it all happens to quick, but nice enough characters and descriptions.

Loved it! Yeah, the POV changes distracted a bit. And yeah, just a little bit too much “comic relief” comments from the MC distracted a bit. But I thoroughly enjoyed the vibe of Jack’s tight family and the value it had for him. And I REALLY fell for Gloria!

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Nits: couldn’t understand how Karma was involved. And was disappointed that his bitch first wife didn’t get burned worse. Maybe Part 3 addresses both issues? (In addition, presumably, with tying up the plot line of the bad guy coming after Gloria?)

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5 ****

So uh nice story but it sounded like a commercial.

Come to us, in 5min we fix broken hearts, and advice and warning are guaranteed. Everyone knows better than you, about your feelings, her feelings, your compatibility, your love..... guaranteed, I tell you. In 5min max.

End of commercials.

Pass

Thanks for the escape! Of late, every day at 8:00 everything is broken and everyone thinks I can fix it and should fix it. In your story good things happen to good people while just I enjoy watching.

"Barnes and Nobles recently announced that they moved all the Apocalyptic and Post-Apocalyptic literature and books into the current events section." - Hahaha, made this story just a little bit better, thanks! 5/5

A good fairytale, more of a romance or a novel, than a LW tale. The MC seems a bit retarded about other people feeling, somehow apathic, anf he keeps alternating his behaviour from the tough guy to the childish whining one. Another critique, is about the too many useless details in totally irrilevant activities when he was at his home, that make those parts really boring. Anyway, the story is getting better from the first part, and we hope the third part will be even better. So, for this second episode, of this not much believable fairytale, I give you 5* ! Keep going.

Great enthusiasm, but you need A Lot more experience. Too wordy, pedantic, and contrived. He's not just a cop, but a detective. Uh, I think, maybe, he's supposed to have some instincts, some discernment, about people, their character, their substance, their Tells? But his wife fucked him over, for months if not years, held him in complete contempt and disrespect, And He Had No Clue? But all his family did, but they just kept quiet. Complete bullshit.

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The new wife will soon figure out that this guy is deaf, dumb, and blind. She should steer him to private security work, 'cause he's gonna get capped as a cop. When the grocery store thug pulled out a knife, THEN he went to pull out his gun? No, too slow. The knife thrust is Much faster than retrieving a gun from a holster. Yeah, he should become some kind of corporate security consultant, he'll live a lot longer. And he might even keep this wife, if Santos doesn't find and kill her first.

A little over dramatic engagement, but semi-understandable due to an overly excited future son and his lone-ranger dad. But asking her to marry after what four days of meeting??? He was still recovering from an unfaithful bimbo to jump into the fire of commitment this fast with a pre-made family, recipe for heartbreak for the kids if it folds.

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What the hell did this Eulogy have to Jack's story other than to distract and confuse the reader?

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3.9* hooyah but for the distraction

"the screws were turned. Slightly. Legally, but slightly." - Legally BUT slightly?

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I don't know why being served at work would embarrass her. After the way she acted at the party, her affair surely was no secret.

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35 mph school zone? Here they're more like 20-25.

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"a woman's best smile" - Is this a "Feb. Sucks" reference?

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"she managed to get her former employer to give her a good recommendation." - Since THEY'RE hiring her, what do they care about the recommendation?

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@Anonymous Re: More expensive items - Where do you see him expecting her to pay for them?

Engaged in like 48 hours? Some of the dialog snd side commentary was funny. But really 2 or 3 days?

I liked it and gave it 5 stars. While the beginning was like a normal "cheating wife" story found in this section, after meeting Gloria seemed to change him and he showed her there are good guys out there. Yes, some of it might have been over the top, but not any more that other stories in this forum. Not to mention she's already met most of his family, so she knows what she's getting into.

The speed at which this relationship 'exploded' was beyond ridiculous. However, when we read about him being cucked in the next story, we'll know exactly why that happened. No good parent would get into a relationship so fast and no man would take a woman seriously if she were so fast. It reeks of potential groomer and desperation/gold digger. Neither of which are healthy grounds for starting a relationship.

A great shame really because the bones of the story and the writing are both good.

Bear,

So sad. You CANNOT get strung out on weed. I'm a 65 yo retired Hardcore Biker who has been riding since 1969. I've met really EVIL Cops and the best of the Best Cops. So many Cops. Weed is like booze, simple, easy and seductive. I would quit smoking weed for 30 days just prove to myself I wasn't addicted. No Problems. I used a one Stage or another any drug that could be taken NON Intravenously. No freakin needles, EVER.

Page 3 ... Who doesn't know how to spell fridge?? A frig on the other hand is a sexual act. Hardly appropriate when kids are in the same room.

@anon 3mnths ago. You give the impression that cops actually pull out and use their guns all the time. They don't, or at least the trained ones that aren't little girls don't. You also seem to be unaware of the incredibly high divorce rates for cops, or the even higher DV rates.

The only amazing thing about this story is that the jaded cop, and you can't be a detective without already being jaded, would take up with a woman from that side of town with that amount of baggage. Not to mention that as he was officially connected to her any sexual interaction would be viewed in a very negative light by his superiors and any judge and jury. So his little bout of white knightery already singled him out as a fairy tale and that we should suspend our disbelief.

Really don't know what to think about this. It's all too fast for my liking and that speed just makes it either unrealistic or headed towards an almighty impact.

Love the humor in this series. The end of story jokes are corny as hell. So bad they've become good again. Worth a star right there. // Jack & Gloria proposing getting married within what, 2 or 3 days of knowing each other and declaring undying love for each other feels a bit too rushed.

"...while strung out on marijuana"?? Who has ever been "strung out" on weed? I understand the phrase to mean physically addicted. On weed? No chance.

Damn, this is the best story I've read in quite some time! Thank you. I had to clean it up but listening to it with Jennifer's voice was quite the experience. Because I taught English Lit courses in college I can't help but edit the stories but it also has to be done to listen to it in Text Aloud. This story, I will follow and if the rest of your submissions are as good as this one it'll be a joy to go through each one! 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS! Again, thank you for this one.