Jailbreak

Her expression couldn't have been more surprised if he slapped her.

"I deserve that. God, you don't know how much I regretted and still regret that I did that."

"You didn't look to be regretting it when we first saw you at the restaurant. He fucked you so happy that you were practically floating. I hadn't seen that look on your face in nearly a decade, so as soon as I saw you, I knew. Being a grown woman, I suspect that Leanne did also. After seeing you in THAT dress, it took less than a second for me to realize that not only had you made arrangements to screw another man less than two days after you were served, but when you called Matt to delay seeing you until the next day, it meant that you were starting the fuckfest right then, and you planned to screw him until it was time for you to meet Matt the next day at lunch. I'm surprised you didn't have cum running down your legs in the restaurant."

She hung her head and said, "We used condoms."

"Yes. Plural, Counselor. Knowing you agreed to meet him, I'm guessing your young stud went and got the Costco sized box. Hell, I'll bet you had more sex that afternoon than you and I have had in the previous two years, combined."

"Well, you had already thrown me away, and I was angry! Wait. No. I was furious with you. He had been flirting with me for months, and when I got those papers, I didn't have any reason to keep him at bay any longer."

Jason smirked, "Believe it or not, I wasn't upset by seeing you with another man who had just screwed you senseless. You could have screwed several at the same time, and it wouldn't have mattered to me. I knew our marriage was doomed years ago."

That hurt her to know that he no longer cared who she was with, though after the way she treated him, she wasn't really surprised. She pleaded, "You may not believe me, but I never cheated on you while we were married."

"Actually, I do believe you." He paused for effect. "I put a voice-activated recorder in your car starting a few months before you made partner until a few months afterwards." Her face, which had shown sadness, now revealed shock. He continued, "That was a lot of audio to listen to. At the time, you were so abusive, so on edge, and our sex life had gone to zero, again. So, I was very suspicious. If you were cheating on me, the chances were high that you would talk to your lover while driving, since it's thirty minutes every morning and afternoon. All I heard was your badmouthing me to your colleagues and your country club friends."

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry you heard that."

He shrugged his shoulders. "It told me what you really thought of me, which wasn't much. That was when I began making plans to leave. Actually, I remember exactly when I knew we were over. It was the night of your company's party to celebrate your promotion to partner. You were so caught up with your work and colleagues that when your family tried to talk to you about a dinner or a party to celebrate your achievement, you said that you wouldn't have the time when actually you didn't have the interest. Sheila and Matt were devastated.

Mary winced.

"I was devastated too, but for a different reason. The night of the company party, you came home early to get ready. You prepared like you were going on a date. You showered and really did your make up. You wore the sexy underwear that I like so much, and you even wore a garter belt and stockings. No doubt you wanted to feel good and sexy and desirable. I watched you put on that Dolce & Gabbana dress that makes your ass look amazing. I knew that none of your efforts were for me.

Another wince.

"The ride to the party was quiet. Then at the party, you weren't there with your husband celebrating your hard work and recognition. I wasn't even your partner that night. You flitted from person to person, and I mainly watched your handbag or stood by the bar and watched. A few people came by and spoke to me, probably out of pity, but mostly, I was ignored. And why wouldn't I be, since my wife ignored me, too, which didn't surprise me, either. That night I wasn't even an accessory for you or decoration. On THAT night, I was baggage. I'm surprised you didn't try to talk me out of going with you.

Jason saw a look cross her face, and he chuckled, "Oh, I see. You would have preferred that but couldn't quite figure out how to make that happen. No worries. When we left the party, I knew we were done. I almost left you there at the party, but I knew you would have divorced me immediately for what you would have perceived as my embarrassing YOU. Who was really embarrassed that night? Hmmm?

"You didn't say ten words to me on the thirty-minute drive home. The kids were at your parents', and I could see the dread on your face. You just knew I was going to approach you for sex once we got home. As we turned onto our street you were already tensing up. But that didn't happen, did it?"

She shook her head and whispered, "No."

"No. It didn't. I wouldn't have touched you that night had you begged me. Knowing how you looked under that dress, I should have had an erection the whole drive home. Nope. I was furious. I can only imagine what went through your mind besides shock and relief when I didn't try to start anything with you.

Sadly, Mary replied, "You're right. I was stunned...and relieved. I'm so sorry. It was all about me that night, and I really didn't want to share that evening with you. You have to know, though, it wasn't that I wanted to share it with anyone else, either."

"Didn't matter. Did you also realize that after that night, I never approached you for sex again? For the last three years, every time we screwed you initiated it. I was done."

"That's not true. You initiated it several times."

"Mary, I'm not trying to beat you up. Really. But no. I haven't. Name one time since you made partner. You can't."

"Italy. Twice."

"That was you both times. I knew you were enjoying yourself, and I'll admit that I had hoped you would be in the mood, but it wasn't me that approached you. You had shot me down for the last time. Since you made partner a little over three years ago, I'll be we haven't had sex fifteen times."

She was picking up on him using the words "sex" and "screw." He hadn't said "love" one time. She knew it had been infrequent. That didn't bother her at the time. Now, having the infrequency pointed out and his lack of interest did.

Jason continued, "After your firm's party, we were all disappointed. We all thought that our support helped contribute to your success. But what you showed us was that you were NOT trying to achieve partner to help your family. It was all about you. Your family just needed to be quickly managed and stay out of your hair. I'm sure one of the main reasons you were so snippy and verbally abusive, is that you simply didn't want to deal with us anymore. We were inconveniences. Oh well, now the kids are gone or almost gone, and you're on your own, no more inconveniences. You can focus entirely on yourself now. Congratulations."

She flinched at that remark.

He stated, "I had originally planned to wait until Matt graduated to file for divorce, but the blowup over his friend's graduation party accelerated that. I would have done it sooner, but you have so many friends involved in the legal profession, I knew my chances of getting shared custody of Sheila and Matt were very small, and no telling what you and your attorney friends would have tried to do to me, in addition to intentionally bankrupting me in the process."

Mary replied, "I'd like to think that I wouldn't have done that."

"Objection. Calls for speculation, which is based on complete and utter bullshit. Mary, based on the night of the party and what I heard on those tapes, you thought I was nothing. Nevermind the fact that until you made partner, my business was bringing home more than you."

She had real tears in her eyes now and asked, "How do you not hate me?"

"I did ...for a long, long time, but that mostly stopped when you made partner, which was when you truly became indifferent to me. So it is kind of ironic that now you say that you love me. Let me ask you this. Before today, when was the last time that you actually told me that you love me?"

"What do you mean? I used to say it all the time. Every time we got off the phone with each other, assuming we were talking, or if we watched the other one get into the car, I'd say I love you."

"Wrong. I would say it. Then you would say, 'I love you...too.' You never said it first. Here's a better question for you. Try to remember the last time we had a quiet moment, either sitting together or maybe even after we had sex because if you're honest with yourself, we stopped making love nearly a decade ago. Try to remember the last time you truly felt love towards me and decided to express that by telling me that you love me? I'll go get another beer while you think about that."

Jason stood to get his third beer. He brought the wine bottle to refill her glass. Once it was filled, he sat back down and waited. He could tell her sharp mind was furiously searching her memory. He knew that it disturbed her that she had to try so hard to find an example.

"I can't remember. I loved our Italy trip. Surely I said it then."

"Nope. You graced me with those pity fucks while we were in Italy," she cringed at his coarse language, "but you never told me you loved me. As a matter of fact, it's been so long that I don't remember the last time either, but I know for a fact that it has been at least since before you became an associate-partner. That was when I started paying attention...and started counting."

Mary was shocked. "That...that was almost seven years ago!"

"Your honor, I rest my case."

The silence in the room stretched until it began to build. Mary was lost in her thoughts, and Jason was content to watch her.

"Sweetie. I'm so, so sorry. I know I've been terrible, and my therapist and I will probably pick apart this conversation for weeks or months. But, I know you. I know what you like and what you don't. I know that better than anyone else. Knowing that, if you give me a chance, I know I can make you happy."

"So you're going to appeal? Okay. Since you haven't learned anything about me for the last seven months since we've been apart, I'm assuming you learned and knew these things while we were together. If you knew them then, why did I never see you acting on that knowledge? The type of beer or wine I like? Trivial. Things I like to do on the weekend with my family. Stupid. Encouraging me in things that I enjoy. Unimportant. A little lingerie on my birthday, because you know I think you are beautiful, and I love seeing you in lingerie. Useless. Speaking of sex on my birthday. When is the last time THAT happened? Probably before you made associate-partner, too. So, I'm not thoroughly convinced that you do know my likes and dislikes, or maybe you used to know, but you forgot. Because at the time, you certainly didn't care."

That actually got the waterworks going. They started as a few tears but evolved into weeping. After letting her go for a while, he went and sat by her and hugged her to him, which brought on the full-bore sobbing accompanied by the little hiccoughing that she does when she is really upset. He hadn't seen that amount of grief from her since her grandmother died when the children were little.

He tried to comfort her. "Shhh. It's going to be okay, Mary. You're going to be alight. I'm really not trying to be hurtful, but I needed you to understand why we aren't getting back together. Don't you see? Even if we both really wanted to and tried really hard, we'd be carrying around more baggage than a jumbo jet. There has been too much hurt and frankly too much hate to ever get back to any semblance of a loving marriage."

She had stopped the hiccoughing, but the tears were still flowing. "I love you, Mary. Even after all the crap and hurt and living perpetually in the doghouse for years, I really do love you. But I want both of us to be happy, and I think we BOTH have a much better chance of being happy with someone else than we do with each other."

"You love me, but you don't want to be with me? I'm not sure I understand that."

"I love you, but I'm not 'in love' with you. I haven't been for a long time. I don't think you are really in love with me, either. I believe you love me. I believe you like me...now. I believe that you think that if we could roll back the calendar a few years, that we could find some way for me to be how I was and that I would try to make you happy, and you would reciprocate. I suspect that you think that would make you content. But I don't think you are in love with me.

"When the kids were around five or six years old, I think at that time we were in love with each other. Back then when something was bothering one of us, we actually cared. Our hurts, hopes, and dreams mattered to both of us. We were overjoyed with our family, our lives, and each other. When I remember 'us,' that's what I'll remember, but we haven't been like that for a long, long time. If you search yourself, you know that's the truth."

She asked, "So, this is it? This is really the end?"

"Yes. It really is the end of our marriage, but I hope it isn't the end of us loving each other. I hope you are, or become, the most successful partner at your firm, get published in several more legal reviews, win the lottery, and find the love of your life. I want OUR children to call and see you often, and I hope, one day, to see you often with a grandchild on each hip. I hope you will look at me and smile a genuine smile of affection and say, 'I love that man. I'm glad he's a part of my life.' Then you'll hand those same grandbabies to me and ask your husband, 'didn't I do good?' Then he'll hug you and say, 'yes, yes you did.' THAT will make me happy."

"Do you really mean that? You could be happy for me the way you described?"

"That would make me very happy. If I believed we were meant to try again, I would. I would give you my best, but I think we'd eventually realize that there is too much to try to overcome. I want to help you if I can. I want you to be happy. When you talk to your therapist, try to work on answering that question. What will it take for you to be truly content and happy?"

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him as hard as she could until she was tired from the effort. "I love you, Jason. I'm sorry that I ruined us."

He interrupted her, "Shhhh. Don't blame it all on you. I think I tried too hard to please you for too long. I should have stood up to your more, much sooner. We would have fought more, which I hate, and do anything to avoid, but maybe we would have prevented some of our problems. And if not, then we would have separated much sooner, and I would have likely missed out on that time with our kids. It wasn't very enjoyable for a while, but I think things have finally worked out."

He could see her pondering that for a moment. She smiled at him and said, "I'll talk to my counselor about it and see what she thinks. Nevertheless, this has been good for me. I didn't get the response I wanted, but I'm glad I came over here. Thank you for not throwing me out."

"Never."

She asked, "Will you think about coming to family events again? My parents miss you, and we all miss being together as a family. Maybe a wounded family, but still a family."

"I promise that we'll work on it."

She nodded and stood to return to her home. She was sad, but she felt okay.

He asked, "Are you okay to drive back? Do you need me to drive you home? I can get an Uber back here."

She smiled, "Thank you. I think I'm good. There is a tub of ice cream in my freezer that I'm going to go and lose myself in. I'll be fine."

He smiled at her. She was going to be okay. He said, "I suspect Sheila is hanging out nearby waiting to comfort one of us. Why don't I send her to you for the night? We've raised a fantastic girl. She's going to be a lawyer just like her mother."

"Now you're just trying to make me cry. You know how I hate to cry."

"I know. My tough, take-no-prisoners wife. She can't let anyone see her have emotions, except angry ones. Find a balance, Mary. Spend more time with your parents. Find a date that's closer to your age than to Matt's. Or take a couple of years and try to make as much money as you can and retire early or find a position that gives you more flexibility. Life's too short to spend all your time working with a bunch of assholes."

"Thank you, Jason. I'll always love you."

"And I, you."

She kissed him passionately one last time and left to go to her home.

Jason called Sheila to go stay with her mother. He hoped Mary would be okay.

_________________

Chapter 9 - Getting caught red handed

Jason was back in Knoxville for a few days surrounding the New Year. Matt was staying with Mary. On New Year's Day, they were grilling in the McClane's back yard, and Pittsburgh had six inches of snow on the ground. Score one for Knoxville.

It was weird for Jason because he was trying to woo Myriam while around her family. He was fine with that because the last thing he wanted was to make the situation with William uncomfortable.

In January, the divorce was finally approved by the courts and Jason was a free man. He was a little sad, but he had come to grips with that inevitability years ago. Mary took it poorly. She spent several days mired in grief and regret.

When Matt would stay a week with Mary, Jason would try to spend a few days in Knoxville, working from there if he wasn't traveling for business. The week of Valentine's Day was the first date he and Myriam had where it was just the two of them, and no family members present. They enjoyed their time alone, and the night ended with another passionate kiss, but no more.

Jason asked, and William accepted an invitation for just the two of them to go to a UT Vols basketball game. It was a bit uncomfortable at times, but when they returned to Myriam's home, William thanked him for taking him. He said he had a good time.

Into March, it became almost normal for Myriam's family to see Jason and her close together. There wasn't a lot of handholding, but she usually had her hand on his arm or her hip next to his. Her parents seemed to be accepting of his inclusion in their lives.

Matt and William's spring break did not align, because William's was the week before Matt's. Jason went to Knoxville the week of William's to spend a little time with him, and to look for a house for Matt for school. He had enough money to buy a small house only a few miles from campus. Since the value of the house was likely to remain stable or go up, he thought this was a better solution than paying out so much money in apartment rent. Myriam and her parents recommended a good realtor, and she would help Jason find a house that suited his purpose.

That same week, Jason finally had an opportunity to use his hiking boots for something other than snow shoveling. He asked William if he had ever hiked Mt. LeConte. William had several times, so the two of them made plans to spend the day hiking. Myriam was delighted they were doing this together.

The drive to the trailhead was a little quiet, but Jason was able to pull some more of his interests out of him. Since he was finishing his sophomore year in high school, he had been thinking about what he wanted to study in college. Also, now that he was sixteen, Myriam had agreed to let him train for and run in the Knoxville half-marathon that fall. Jason ran a lot but had never competed in a half.

It was a crisp cool spring day when they hiked up the Alam Cave trail past the LeConte shelter and to Myrtle Point for those spectacular views. William played guide all the way up and told Jason about interesting features and flora. Once they reached Myrtle Point, they sat, admiring the views, and ate the hearty lunch that Mrs. McClane had prepared for them.