All Comments on 'Jake's Fortune Ch. 01'

Im very curious to see where it goes. Just please please Please dont rush the plot so you can get to the sex scenes. You clearly have the background very well thought out and it would be a shame to waste that by skipping over it.

Very cool. The whole universe you created is quite exciting. Looking forward to reading more.

I know I messed up with a couple of things, but I promise you that the next few chapters will make up for it.

The sex scenes will not be rushed, nor will they be common. I dislike stories that focus on the sex and ignore everything else. So I'll make sure that there's a balance.

half a page doth not a chapter make.

we know nothing about the characters. we do not know where they are or why they are there.

how old is he?

why does he call his uncle pops?????

does he have a father?

etc.,

etc.,

etc.,

who are these people and why should we care?

.

Way too often amateur stories on this site do a massive exposition dump at the start, and honestly it's just bad writing. Mystery is important for engaging the reader.

I'll agree a little short, but my only real complaint is I want more

The entire story was published on the Amazon Kindle store and Smashwords. Feel free to check it out. The published version has many amendments and fixes that I couldn't publish here.

It's called Jake's Fortune by Abdullah Ali.

To everyone who purchased it, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it.