Jamie Becomes Herself Ch. 01

It was almost midnight and my computer was flashing bright images in front of my eyes. The screen showed cocks, and porn stars and suggestive words overlaid together to make me fall into a sort of trance. The hypno continued to play and my little cock grew in my hand, my balls were contained by the panties I had pushed down. I rubbed my 4 inch cock harder and harder, obsessed with the images in front of me. A beautiful trans girl was bouncing up and down on a cock, I wanted to be her, I wanted to look like her, I wanted to do what she was doing. My headphones focused the music and words into my brain. I was going to explode. I could feel sweat on my forehead. I was so close to cumming. The words told me what I was, a slut, a whore, a sissy. I couldn't stop myself. A string of cum shot up and landed on my shirt, the rest pooling around my tiny dick, and then soaked into the panties. My hand slipped off of my cock and my fingers played with my cum, feeling the texture and warmth. I coated my finger with it and brought them up to my mouth, tasting my cum. My eyes started to close, I reached over and closed my laptop, I took off the panties and put them under my bed and fell asleep in my own filth, my mind still racing through the dirtiest thoughts.

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My alarm rings and I push myself out of bed and towards the shower. I can see the cum stains on my clothes and I feel my cock stir a little. It is 7am and school starts at 8 so I don't have much time. The water washes away any scents from the night before. I rub body wash over my skin and my hand moves back around to my ass. A finger plays with the entrance of my hole before continuing it's cleaning.

Socks, a pair of boxers, skinny jeans and an extra small t-shirt is my outfit for the day. I have always been extra skinny, my metabolism is extremely high for some reason and it stops me from ever being anything other than a stick. I hear the standard call from my mom downstairs.

"Jaimmmmeeeeee, breaaakkkkkfffaaasssttt."

I grab my school bag and head downstairs. I just turned 18 and am junior in high school. My birthday puts me right at the edge of the two years and of course my parents decided to hold me back to the lower grade. I used to hate them for it, but now I didn't really care, it is what it is. Plus my grades aren't nearly good enough for college this year so this gives me an extra year to work on it.

My parents divorced a few years ago so my dad isn't around much, but we didn't really get along very well anyway. He always wanted me to play sports, football, basketball, baseball, something, but I was never good at them and never had any interest in them. All I wanted to do was read, watch movies or play video games. It drove him crazy, and deep down I think it was part of the reason he left, I was just never the son he wanted. It used to affect me more than it does now, I've just moved on, the shrink helped. Other than that my home life is pretty normal I guess. My mom manages a few coffee chain locations and works a lot so I have the house to myself more than most people my age. We live in a townhouse complex, nothing special. We all have our own room which is nice, my mom of course has the master bedroom, but my room isn't a bad size, and my sister moved out last year when she started college so her room is more for storage then anything else right now. There's a pool in the complex which is usually filled with retirees or children, but occasionally I get a chance to go for a swim without too many other people around, usually late at night. Why am I telling you all of this? I'm not too sure, but at least now you know a little about me I guess.

While I sit here eating my breakfast my mind starts to wander. Not to the things most boys my age would think about, video games, movies, girls, no my mind is thinking of big black cock. I can see them like a video playing in my head, moving in and out of a white sluts mouth, sliding into a girls asshole deeper with each thrust. I can feel my little dick twitch a little before I feel a slap on my arm.

"Jesus christ Jamie!" my mom is not happy.

"Oh sorry..." I say sheepishly.

"I asked you a question five times, I don't know where you were but it wasn't here."

"Sorry, I was... uh... just thinking about a project I have to do at school."

"Well, my question was, what do you want for dinner?" my mom asks for a sixth time apparently.

I want to reply with black cock, but of course I can't do that, "pizza?" I say instead.

"Again?" my mom replies with a little disgust. We do have pizza a lot. "Fine... I get off early today so I'll pick it up on the way home and we can have an early dinner... OK?"

"Sounds great mom... thanks."

With breakfast done I go off to school heading out on the same walking route as usual. It only takes me 15 minutes to walk to school, but it's still annoying. A lot of other students my age have cars, but I know that won't be happening for me. But at least I get some fresh air, right?

My school is almost exactly what you see in the movies, or at least that's what I think it's like. There are the cheerleaders, and the football players, the debate team and the preppy kids, and all of the other cliches in between, and then there are people like me, the ones who just kind of float in between everyone. I have a few good friends, but I don't hang out with one cliche. My neighbour plays on the football team, so they don't pick on me, and my best friend, Emma, is a cheerleader, so again I'm OK with them. I could go group by group, but I won't, the bottom line is no one really hates me, but also no one pays that much attention to me either.

Speaking of my best friend Emma, I see her walking towards me down the hall. She really is beautiful, and popular, and the complete opposite of me, bubbly and outgoing. If we met now I don't think we would have become best friends, but we have known each other for years, and even though we don't hang out as much as we used to, and we have other friends we spend time with, or at least she does, we still are best friends. I love her and can tell her anything, well except for my sick sexual desires that is.

"Hey!" Emma yells out in her usual energetic tone.

"Hey," I reply in my regular boring tone.

"Did you have a good weekend?" she asks as we turn and start walking towards our class.

"Ya, I guess it was alright, didn't really do anything exciting. How about you?"

"Well, I went to a party on Friday night and Steve was there..." she started to talk about her weekend, and continued until we got to class. It's safe to say that Emma had a much more interesting weekend than I did, but that isn't unexpected.

Our class was like any other class, relatively boring, but at least in this one I got to chat with Emma. Unfortunately today we were told about a project that was due in a week so add that to the list of things I need to do. Of course Emma and I agree to work together on it, who else would I work with?

During lunch I decide to sit outside and have my sandwich. From where I'm sitting I can see a lot of the common area of the school. My eyes flicker back and forth between the girls in my school, looking at what they are wearing, their tiny shorts, little skirts and tight leggings, and the guys in gym class, their shorts riding up and showing a little bit of a bulge. My mind goes from wanting to be one of those girls, to wanting to swallow those cocks. My tiny cock grows in my pants, but because it's so small I hardly have to do anything to hide it.

More classes pass by before the end of the day and I start my trek back home following the same route as before. Another 15 minutes to think about what dirty things I am going to do tonight, the videos and stories I'm going to look at to get myself off. I swear I feel like I'm drooling just thinking about it. I turn the corner on to my street and see my moms car in the driveway meaning I'll get to eat when I get in, which is good since I'm so hungry.

I put my key in the door and open it, walking in, putting my bag down and taking off my shoes.

"Mom... I'm home!" I call out as I start to walk into the living room. No answer. Odd.

I walk a little further, turning my head to look into the dinning room, it would be strange if she was there but I check anyway. A few steps further and I see my mom sitting on the far side of the kitchen table, beer in hand, looking at me with, "eyes". It was a little early for her to be drinking a beer, but I knew something was wrong by the way she looked at me.

"Hi?" I say tentatively. A moment passes before she speaks.

"Sit down Jamie," she says in a serious tone. I am getting worried that there is bad news, that someone died, that she got fired, that we had to move, something.

"What is it mom?"

Her hand reaches below the table for something, grabbing it off of the chair beside her, my heart is pumping because I have no idea what is happening. That is until I see them. Panties. Her panties. Her panties that I have stolen to wear. The panties I wear when I cum. I can feel my face burning with embarrassment.

"What the hell are these, I mean, why were these under your bed?" my mom looks at me. Her eyes showing some mix of confusion, anger and sadness. I'm at a loss for words. I want to curl up into a ball and roll away, never to be seen again. How can I face my mother ever again? How can I explain to her why I have her panties under my bed?

"I uh..." I stumble.

"And whose are these?" she continues while pulling more panties up and putting them on the table, these ones are girlier, pinker, younger. These ones are Emma's. Somehow I feel even more embarrassed, more ashamed.

My eyes look down at the table, I'm trying to force myself to not look up, not meet eyes with my mother. How could I have done this to her? I feel like I violated some kind of bond, some trust that we had, mothers and sons shouldn't be in this situation, I should have never put myself, or her, in this place, this sick, twisted, perverted place. I could feel my dicklet grow in my pants.

"Jaime... please..." my mother's tone has changed, softened, maybe she could feel my embarrassment radiating off of me, "please... just tell me why you have these... I promise I won't be mad."

I could tell she was being sincere. It was like the anger had subsided and the motherly instinct she always has, came back. I slowly lift my head, my face still beet red, our eyes meet, a tear wells in the corner of them. I feel sick for what I have done, but also turned on by the shame of it all.

"I uh..." how do I tell my mother that I wear her panties and jerk off to sissy porn?

"It's OK Jaime..."

"I uh... I can't tell you..."

"Do you... smell them?" She asks, and I realize that I actually don't do this.

"No..."

"Do you... wear them?" There is a pause, I feel like my breathing is echoing around the room.

"Y...yes." My eyes go back to the table.

I feel my moms hand reach out and touch mine. I raise my head and we look at each other again. I see a small smile on her face.

"It's OK Jaime..." she says to me. I smile back gently. My face is still as red as can be. "I mean, I was shocked, am shocked, but it's OK too..."

"OK," is all I can muster from my mouth, still struggling to handle the situation.

"I'm not going to ask you what you do when you wear these... OK?" my mother chuckles a little as she says it. I just chuckle back knowing what she means, but also knowing that she has no idea what I really do, what I really watch and think about. "Oh, and maybe next time... just ask if you want to borrow something instead of sneaking around, OK?"

"Ya... OK... sorry mom," I quietly say, still reeling from the whole situation.

My mom gets up from the table and heads over to the pizza, her and Emma's panties still on the table.

"Why don't you go and get cleaned up and come down for dinner OK?" she says to me and I get up and go.

I splash water on my face and look at myself, I can't believe what just happened. How could I have been so stupid not to hide the panties? How did I leave myself so vulnerable? Did I want to get caught? Did I want to feel this level of shame?

I change my clothes and throw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I want to look as non-girly as possible. As I walk down the stairs I hear a knock at the door and make a turn to go and get it.

"Hey!" Emma says as I open the door. She starts to push past me immediately. "I just forgot I left one of our school books in your kitchen, I'll just go and grab it!"

"No..." I try to say to her, but she is gone, my tone too low, too soft, too weak. My face immediately turns red again, I feel sick again, I know what she is going to see. I race behind her into the kitchen where she is stopped in her tracks, staring at the table.

"I uh...can explain..." I blurt out, my mom staring at us from across the kitchen, our eyes meet, hers look panicked just like mine.

"What the fuck are those?" Emma finally says angrily.

"Uhhh..."

"Why the fuck do you have my panties?" she says obviously not caring that my mother is in the room.

"I uh..." I stumble, not knowing what to say. Thankfully my mom steps in.

"Emma... I know this is a little shocking... but Jaime is just trying to find himself, and in doing so has done something he shouldn't have... isn't that right Jaime?"

"Uh, yes... ya..." I say while looking at Emma. I'm still in shock, too confused to look away.

"You stole my panties?" Emma's face showed nothing but disgust at this point. I could see our friendship ending right here in my kitchen.

"Ya... I'm sorry... but it's not what you think!" I am panicking now.

"Oh really? You didn't steal my panties because you are a pervert?" Emma's anger was palpable.

"Well, no... I mean, I did steal them... and I'm sorry... but not because they were yours... because... ummmm..." my eyes go to the ground, I don't know if I can continue.

"He likes to wear panties... OK?" my mom chimed in which was somehow worse.

"What?" Emma looks at my mom, confused.

"Ya... OK... I like to wear panties, I'm a pervert, and I'm sick, and I stole your panties because I wanted to wear them... OK?" I am tired, and exhausted and ashamed and it all just came out. It felt better to just rip the bandaid off and get it over with. Fuck it.

"Oh..." Emma says finally.

There's an awkward silence for what feels like hours, all three of us not making eye contact or talking. I feel awful, but also relieved that this was over, that my secret is out.

"Ummmm... do you want to stay for pizza?" my mom says breaking the deafening silence between us.

Emma looks up at her, "ummm no... I should go...", as she grabs her panties off the table, the book she forgot, and heads out the front. I walk after her.

"Emma... I'm so sorry..." I look at her, my eyes yearning for a good response.

"Ya..."

And with that she leaves. I watch as she walks down the sidewalk and out of view. I close the door and walk back to the kitchen. My mom gives me a hug and we start to eat our dinner.

We avoid talking about the panties for the rest of the night even though they continue to sit on the kitchen table. She tried to bring up different subjects but the entire evening is awkward, and we sit in silence most of the night, only the TV sounds filling the air. When it is finally time to go to sleep my mom finally breaks the taboo topic again.

"Hey... Jaime..." she hands me her panties, "I guess you should just keep these... have fun," she says with a smile. It is extremely weird. My mom handing me her used panties, her saying 'have fun', it is sick, perverted, truthful, and immediately turns me on. The whole situation is beyond comprehension, and even with all of the embarrassment, shamefulness, I know deep down I love it.

"Thanks mom," I say as I look away sheepishly and head up to bed.

Within minutes of getting to my room I have my laptop open and I am watching dirty sissy porn. I see black cocks on the screen followed by words of encouragement. Even with all of the embarrassment of the day I can't resist delving into my sick desires. I look over at the panties on my bed, piled there with a coating of shame. Somehow my cock gets harder. I pick a thong and slide it up my legs, my little cock fitting inside perfectly. I feel so sexy, so slutty, so nasty. Hours after having my mom and best friend find out about me wearing panties I am wearing them again, watching nasty porn and ready to cum everywhere. I really am a sick freak, at least in my own room.

I lay on my bed, laptop playing beside me, my hand rubbing my little cock through the panties when my phone rings. My other hand reaches for it and I look at it, Emma is calling.

I mute the laptop but let the porn continue to play as I answer the call. My mind is melting.

"Hey..." I say as I pick up.

"Hey..." Emma says, obviously a little nervous.

"I'm sorry about today," I start even though right now I'm not, right now the whole situation is turning me on more than ever.

"It's OK... I think I was just shocked..." she replies.

"Well... it was shocking," I chuckle trying to lighten the mood.

"Ya... it was... so like... do you just wear the panties... orrrrrr what?" It was obvious Emma was trying to be a friend, even after what I did.

"Well... no... I mean yes... I wear them... but they... ummmmmm... are kind of part of a bigger thing... like a fetish thing..." somehow it is easier to talk about this over the phone then face to face, not having to see the disappointment and disgust in her eyes.

"Oh... OK... so like... are you gay?" I could tell Emma was confused.

"No... well... I don't think so... like I don't see guys as a romantic thing if that's what you mean, like I wouldn't want to marry a man," as I say this I realize I let out that there is something about guys I like, something that maybe she wouldn't have thought, but now she will for sure.

"So... you mean you just like guys... physically...?"

"Uhhhhhh... Ya," suddenly I feel embarrassed again, I have never told anyone anything even close to this.

"Oh," is her only response.

"Ya... I mean... sorry you had to find out like this... and we don't need to talk about it or anything... can we just go back to how things were?" I knew this wasn't possible, but I say it anyway.

"No... Jaime... I mean... I'm your best friend... so you can tell me anything OK? So you like wearing panties and think guys are hot... I mean I wear panties and think guys are hot," Emma finally laughs and I feel good.

"I guess that's right, obviously we are the same!" I am laughing now. Suddenly the awkwardness is gone.

"So... if you're not gay, then what are you? Like what do you call this fetish of yours?"

"You really want to know?" I tease a little.

"Just tell me!"

"I guess I would call myself a sissy, I mean, in a fantasy way, I've never done anything sissy-ish before, well, except wearing panties that is," I chuckle a little under my breath.

"Hmmmm, so you're a sissy..."

"Shut up!" I laugh and hear her laugh as well from the other side of the phone.

We spend the next few minutes talking about what it all meant before drifting off to our school project that we needed to work on. We decide to meet up tomorrow after school to work on it. It is nice to know that Emma is still my friend even after what I did. But I don't know if she would be if she knew I was rubbing my sissy dick and watching porn while I was talking to her.

"Well sissy... I'll see you tomorrow OK? My mom is calling me for dinner."

"I said shut up! But yes, I will see you tomorrow... sorry again by the way..." I continue with a lower tone again, the shame coming back up.

"Don't worry about it... I was just shocked... but now I'm OK... OK? I'll see you tomorrow!" Emma finishes up before the call ends.