Jamie - The Journey Begins Ch. 22 - Work, Ben and Sam

I sat back in the chair, I was hooked on the goings on in the office across from me, who the hell has he been after now? There was a gentle knock on the half-closed door and it opened, Raine Wilmer walked in and put his finger to his lips. I noticed that his epaulets on his shirt had changed since I last saw him, immediately I stood, he'd been promoted to Deputy Chief.

Raine smiled, "thanks," acknowledging me seeing his new rank. "As you were Jamie, I'm here to listen to this as well. Raine pulled a chair over in line with the half-closed door only people walking past from the south would have been able to see him if they looked into the office.

ACO West continued, "as if the false claims you made against Ms van der Bark in HR weren't enough." I was stunned, it was Amanda, what the hell was he doing to her.

"The leaking of the medical results and undue pressure you placed on our Commanders course Commandant is just unacceptable."

Simon smashed his hand into the desk, "that little low life fagot, has no right in being on that course, in fact, it's him that should be in here! Being questioned and sacked, he's not fit to wear the uniform."

I couldn't believe it, I looked up at Raine. "It's was me he as talking about, calling me a fagot a what, leaking my medical records." I could feel my blood pressure rise, I looked back at Raine for a second, he held his hand out in a stop-wait movement.

"OM Kelsy, you admit that you leaked the medical records of another member, to which you have no authority. Further, it has come to our attention that you tried to blackmail Ms van der Bark into resigning for assisting Mr. Spence in her role as HR support to seek redress and support for his concerns that, I might add quiet he legitimately has over your treatment of him in the workplace."

Simon went to speak but the ACO started right up again. "This entire matter has been reviewed by the Chief and Board, and have formed the conclusion that your behaviors and criminality around leaking medical records falls well short of the standards we hold here in the service. Simply put it cannot and will not be tolerated." The ACO pulled out something I could hear papers rustling around. "You are now served with this notice of termination, effectively immediately, I affix my signature as the authorizing officer," I could hear the ACO signing the letter, she stood up and then handed it to him and his rep.

Simon sat there speechless for a full moment, I was stunned too. Raine raised his eyebrows and shook his head "very silly man, he had the chance to retire but now it's got all ugly."

"Further Mr. Kelsy, as the leaking of medical records, is a criminal offense, these matters have been referred to the police for action, I will have two staff come and escort you and Mr. Diamond from the building, please wait here."

With that it was all done, I couldn't believe it, I sat back I'm the chair and closed my eyes for a second, I could feel a few tears of joy, relief and hurt well up, for nothing more than personal hatred of me and the breakdown of my marriage to his daughter, he wanted to destroy me, my career.

A loud bang came from the office, I looked up to see that Simon Kelsy had thrown his chair across the office, it shattered the glass into the adjoining office. Everyone in the workstations in the common office space stopped what they were doing, dumbstruck were looking at the scene unfolding. "If you think that I'm going to go down with a fight you're mistaken you bitch West." He was standing there pointing straight that the ACO, trying to stand over her. "Where have you hidden the little fagot, hey! He's not that the college because I've checked," he screamed.

That word made my blood boil instantly, I stood up and moved past Raine before he could stop me, pulling the office door open enough to get out.

"I'm right here, Simon! Got something you want to say!" I yelled out at the top of my lungs.

Everyone froze, heads switching between me and Simon Kelsy as he spun around at my voice.

"YOU! You! I'm gonna kill you when I get my hands on you," he screamed as he ran out of the office toward me.

From nowhere two security guards jumped on him and crash-tackled him to the ground. He was screaming and cursing like a crazed man, thrashing about almost breaking free at one point, there was the ding of the elevator and three police came running up, he shouted for everyone to get back as one member drew his taser, nodding to one of the other cops.

They shouted instructions for Simon to stop else he would be tazed, the two security guards jumped off him and stood back. I was welded in place, Raine and another staff member were standing just in front of me making like a human barrier to keep me from doing something stupid.

After a few moments of struggle the cops had him in cuffs and were walking him out, the look in his eyes was utter hatred for me. If he could have gotten free his hands would be around my neck quicker than you could say, fire.

With all the entertainment over, the bosses decided that we needed to head down to the executive kitchen and de-brief, the pizza's arrived quickly. A group pizza session, so much like an AAR we still do a station. The chief wandered down and gave us all a pep talk, and said the beer would be on after 17:00 hrs, to remember that we all have standards and that the uniform and service are bigger than one individual, as he walked out he caught my eye and tilted his head to follow him which I did.

"You okay Spence?"

"Um, yes sir, thanks."

"Look, that ex-father in law of yours has been a thorn in my ass for years, unfortunately, he's always been smart enough to cover his tracks or skirt the rules, but this time we got him. I hope you're ok Jamie."

"Thanks, sir, I'm all good. Just a little frustrated that he caused Amanda, so much trouble."

The boss laughed a little, "yeah well that's where he came unstuck, Ms van der Berk knows her stuff. Anyway, good luck on your course, it's been a long time coming."

I shook his outstretched hand, "thanks sir, looking forward to it." And with that he was gone, and so was my pizza when I walked back in.

..o0o..

The following few weeks were fairly vanilla, I was at the college for just on ten hours a day, then a forty-five minute trip each way, at least I was getting my love-in hours up with my truck.

Ben and I had been messaging each other most days, it was a challenge with his shifts and my course time, but these are the challenges that we will overcome, my mind was now focused on the job, looking forward to next week as we would be out on placement, not in our home districts although which is a good idea, it helps to give us some experience in different risk zones and station types.

Heading home the display pinged and a message from Sam came up,

S: Jamie can we meet up for a talk, please.

I wasn't sure what the hell to do, Ty, Sam and me we're okay, together, but how would it be if it was just the two of us? 'okay play it cool Jamie.'

I messaged back,

ME: Sure, Sam when are you guys free?

Thought I'd try the safety in numbers thing. I could see the typing logo going.

S: just you and me, we need to talk no Ty just us, please.

The color drained from my face, shift-fuck!

ME: Um... okay, when where Sam.

S: How about the park near café 47, tomorrow afternoon, say 5pm.

ME: Okay sure see you then.

Pulling back on to the road my mind was whirring what does he want.

..o0o..

As I pulled up at home I noticed a few familiar trucks and cars in the street, the guys were around at my apartment when I got home. We were all going out to dinner apparently, Gav and Dave insisted, so a quick thirty minute change and shower and I was ready to go, Jules was happy to see the guys too, although they'd eaten her grilled vegetable salad dinner like it was finger food, so she and Adam were late inclusions.

As the night kicked on at Checkpoint Charlies, I saw my ex-wife across the room. It had been the first time I'd seen her since we split, I think outside the lawyer's offices if I remember. "Hey Mark, I'm gonna go over there of a second, can you keep a watch out for me?" nodding in her direction.

He looked up and saw her, "you serious?"

"Yep, I need to try and make peace, mate."

Mark nodded his head, "okay, just be careful and hands in pockets at all times, right."

Sure, I stood up and made my way over, she was sitting there talking to one of our former shared friends. "Hi Tracey, Hey Evelyn." My hands were sweating like mad.

Evelyn smiled, "Hey Jamie how are you how's the head?"

I rolled my eyes, Jesus does everyone on the planet know?"

"Your brother Mason, told the old lady at the dry cleaners, so it's everywhere, apparently he was actually concerned for you."

I ran my hand through my hair, "wow news travels fast." I turned slightly facing straight on to Tracey. "Hi, how are you going Tracey?"

I was watching her face to see if it exploded into a rage or vomit like the exorcist, but neither.

"Hi Jamie, I'm okay thanks. You all okay now after the accident?"

"Yeah I am, thanks." I shuffled on the spot a little while someone was pushing past me. "Tracey, can we talk for a moment, please?"

"Sure, I think we should," with that Evelyn got up and excused herself. "you can sit down if you want Jamie."

Cautiously I did, well might as well pull off the band-aid straight up. "I wanted to say that," pausing for a moment to take a breath. "I'm sorry for the part that I played in our marriage failing."

She was silent just looking at me, "you seem happy Jamie, I can see it written all over your face."

"I am thanks," letting out that breath I'd been holding in. "Amazing what looking death in the eyes does to give you some renewed focus right," at that, we both laughed.

"It's not all your fault Jamie, its mine too. I played a big hand in this falling apart, she held her had up to stop me, and my family did too, I can see that now." Her face look kind of sad and relieved too, "I guess hearing that you were having a good time in the states made me a little jealous at the start, but then I thought better of it." She paused and a small smile washed over her for a second, "anyway, I'm seeing someone myself now and hopefully I've learned enough not to make the same mistakes I did with you the second time around."

I couldn't believe my ears, she was talking some if not a large part of the blame for our failed marriage, I didn't come over for her to do that, I just wanted to clear the air and own some of my failings. "Can I get you a drink Tracey, for new beginnings." I smiled.

"Sure okay, nice tan you got going there, so tell me how did you get it, south of France I guess?"

..o0o..

The following day was pretty mundane, I couldn't stop thinking about meeting up with Sam, I think I pulled out my cell to message him four or five times that afternoon alone, "Jesus Jamie what are you doing."

After I escaped the college, I headed over to Café 47 a little early, thought I should go in and say hi to Mike and get that all over and settled before Sam arrived.

"So how was the trip Jamie, let me see your head, heard about the boulder that hit you."

"Boulder what, no it was a demo drill." As I was correcting Mike, Sam walked in all smiled and looking great as ever.

"Hey Sam," Mike greeted him. "Want your usual salad wrap?"

I did a double take. "Usual, wow" of often does he come here.

"No thanks, Mike I haven't had lunch so maybe a plowman's platter and a glass of wine? Care to join me, Jamie?" Sam flashed me a memorable smile.

"Yeah why not, thanks."

"We'll take it outside Mike if that's okay? Sam offered then walked over to the door holding it open for me, "you coming?"

"Oh yeah sorry." I started to walk towards the door, that smile. Sam was so relaxed and confident, I kinda felt like the fly in the web, jeez what have I gotten myself into.

As I walked past Sam his scent filled my nose, bringing my senses online. Fuck, he smelt so good, a mix of that new Tom Ford cologne, tobacco vanilla and his own smell that I still remembered.

Yeah and I tripped on the paving stones too, almost fell flat on my face walking past him, idiot, we sat down on one of the far tables, were we could see everyone but were secluded from passing foot traffic, we shared a smile as waited for Mike who appeared almost on cue with wine out and some freshly baked bread. "Here are boy's you enjoy while I get the rest underway."

Snatching up the bottle with little delay, Sam started to pour some into my glass, wine Jamie?"

"Thanks" I smiled back, "so how have you been Sam."

"Yeah okay," there was that smile again. "I thought we could talk for a bit, without everyone listening in." Sam waved his hand as to sweep all the listening ears away.

"Okay sure," I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable maybe I was a fool to do this. I grabbed my glass and took a second gulp of wine.

"Like the ring, is that from Ben?"

"Ummm yeah it is, thanks."

"I thought you weren't into jewelry Jamie? What happened," Sam had me like I was prey and in his trap.

"I'm not sure, Ben just gave it to me on the day and I couldn't say no."

"What he just popped it out while you were at the supermarket or petrol - gas station?"

"Oh no sorry Sam, we went out for a meal, when he gave it to me," I shuffled a little in my seat.

"Nice I like it," Sam reached over and rubbed his finger over the ring, his hand, fingers making contact with mine sending an electric shock almost through me. Thankfully Mike arrived with the platter and more bread, Sam didn't move his hand, it wasn't lost on Mike.

"Thanks, Mike," we replied in unison, I sat back a little leaning against the chair, Sam had let go of my ring finger now.

"You have to tell me about it Jamie I think your mom thought you were going to come home married or something was the place as special as she said?"

I felt my face blush, "yeah well it was special and no there wasn't..." I stuttered a little, "any chance of me getting married, wow this platter is nice Sam," pointing to the tray before us, desperate to move the conversation on, the only thing that came to mind was Ty well and Ben. "So how are you and Ty going?"

"Were okay, it's only been a few weeks so we'll see what happens," Sam shrugged his shoulders, in a non-committal way. "The last guy I was seeing ran out of the country on me. I've gotta say, Jamie, the holiday has done you wonders, you look fantastic Jamie, maybe a little underweight but wow, just wow." A huge smile wrapped over his face, "I'm trying to work it out, is it the holiday, the change of pace or that guy... Ben, right? He's lucky hey." Sam smiled and leaded forward.

I felt stone cold dread wash over me. "Yeah look, Sam, I know I apologized over skype and stuff, but still." Stopping I looked down for a second to compose my thoughts, my emotions I still felt something for the guy and you can't just switch that off like a switch. Plus, it's harder when you're face to face. "I needed to look you in the eyes as tell you how sorry I about that stuff in LA, really am." Pausing to take a deep breath, well I've started now better see this though. "You know all of it the other stuff too Sam, I acted like a dick at the start I wasn't fair on you. I was in a bad place mentally, still, it's no excuse at all."

I knew this was coming and I guess, he had every right to be pissed I'd been pissed off too if it was me. "Please Sam, can you forgive me, I'm sorry?"

"Look, Jamie," his face was sad looking, I could see the turmoil he was going through not unlike my own. "I wanted to talk about where we are at, and you and me." Sam slid over on the chair immediately next to me. "Things are just getting going with Ty and me, I'm not sure where it's going or if it's something long term." He paused, looking my face up and down. "I'm not going to lie and say that when I saw you at the airport, your moms, at 'Check Point Charlies' my head wasn't filled with regret."

Sam leaned in a little closer, almost like he didn't want imaginary people sitting on our table to hear us. "But I guess it's the past, right?" His face was a little red and sad looking, "I want to know if you're over me, us Jamie, because if you're not it's now or never."

"I'll be honest, seeing you again. It is hard, so fucking hard I think I could easily pick up and restart with you, right now Sam." I shrugged my shoulders.

"But," I offered.

"I'm not the same guy that left here three months ago, well emotionally anyway, if I was, then this," I pointed between us. "If we were having this conversation before I left for the US, before Ben, the accident, I'd be all over you and we'd pick up where we left off if you wanted to, but, I've had time to just sit back and ask myself what the 'Fuck are you doing Jamie.' That Jamie, the one that left you at the airport would have dragged back to my place by now and we'd be balls deep into it... but!"

There's that word again, "there are so many other people to think about, not just us... what if it just doesn't work out and we ruin so many lives, friendships and what I feel for Ben, Ty they are the innocent parties here, I just can't-."

"What if it does? what if we are meant to be together Jamie? what if the time apart was for us both to make sure, to be sure that this is what we want, what we should have?" Sam leaned in, I was frozen in place I couldn't move, it's like those movies you know, where the person is sedated but fully awake and can't tell anyone, oh my god that terrifies me, sorry off topic.

"Please Sam, don't." I managed to squeak out looking into his eyes, I knew exactly what was on his mind what he was feeling and wanting, I'd seen that look plenty of time's before and I could feel my strength my resistance failing.

"Sam, if I, if we were gonna fall off this cliff, there will be no coming back to the here and now." I took a short breath, -I could taste him he was so close all I needed to do was move a quarter inch and I'd feel his beautiful soft warm lips, that sweet taste of his mouth as our tongues renew their friendship- "Friendships will end and be hearts broken."

Sam moved closer, we were almost touching I think a cigarette paper would struggle to pass between our lips now. My heart was racing I could feel it pounding away, with every heartbeat our lips touched slightly. Sam's eyes were searching my face his pupils dilated looking deep into my own eyes to read me, understand me.

"Jamie," he breathed out breathlessly. It was like time had slowed I could almost hear my heart beating in my ears. Ben! all I could see was Ben's face, hear his voice.

In that same second, I felt an electric shock our lips touch. It jolted me backward out of the trance I was in. "I'm ... I can't do this Sam" stuttering a little, "I think_I'm_in_ love_Sam, no I am in love and I can't."

I could feel my face redden, I wasn't sure of why was it because I came so close to crossing over to something so damaging but so ... arrgh fucking wonderful. Or was it the realization that he was the one, Ben!

"Ben?" Sam's face had disappointment all over it, it's hard to hide being so raw and in the moment.

"Yes," I nodded "I love him, I can't explain why or how, but I just do."

A tear slipped down Sam's face, "I'm sorry Sam I didn't mean to upset you, make you cry." I had a feeling of dread come over me, "the last thing I wanted to do was upset you, Sam, I like him a lot... Ben, I love him." It didn't really help much, Sam looked like I'd just stolen his favorite pet. "I know that if we had been together over the past few months if I hadn't gone away. That this could be a very different conversation," pointing between us, "right now.