Jamie - The Journey Begins Ch. 22 - Work, Ben and Sam

Sam quickly wiped the tear away and turned slightly away from me, "Its ok Jamie, he's a lucky guy."

I didn't know what to do or say, we sat there for a few moments not talking, just I guess replaying it all in our heads. Mike appeared at one point and left us both a couple of glasses of Lemon, lime, and bitters with a dash of white rum in them, almost an Aussie version of a long island tea.

After what seemed to be forever, I thought I should try and talk, "Sam, I know it's too soon and raw for us both now. But I really hope that we can be friends, I'd rather not live in a world where we aren't friends, I'm sorry that it can't be anything more, I really am."

Sam looked at me and half smiled, "I'd like that too." He took a steadying breath, "I fully thought that if we were alone soon after you'd gotten back. That I'd have been able to win you back, but you've changed Jamie... not for a worse. It's actually nice that you have those feelings for him, Ben." Sam looked a little uncomfortable saying his name. "I just wish it could have been me."

Finally, slowly, we started to chat again about nothing really. Can't even remember what it was about, I realized that in the absently minded state we both were in, we'd picked at the remainder of a platter, and downed the Lemon-lime surprise.

I drove Sam home to his place in silence, till we turned into his street when I pulled to the curb, "Sam," I turned towards him.

Sam's face was blank, not showing much emotion or color even, "Yeah," he replied quietly.

"You deserve so much, you deserve to be someones... everything. Not the guy that was caught up in the madness of my love life." Sam went to speak, I kinda cut him off, it was unintentional "I hope you'll be okay Sam, I know you'll be, alright."

"Yeah, what do we do about Ben and Ty?" Sam asked with an unsure look about him.

"I have to tell Ben, I don't know if he'll understand or forgive me, but I have to be honest with him." I half smiled, "I can't tell you what to do with Ty, I can tell you that he's a good guy and if you explain and make him understand, he'll be okay. I have to tell you though Sam," he looked at me with a hint of concern about him. "If Ty asks me if anything happened between us, I can't lie to him. We've been friends for too long, I hope you understand." Jesus friends for a long time and I'm meeting his boyfriend and kissing him... some friend Jamie, you did real good here mate, not!

"Thanks, Jamie, I was going to tell him. I just need to get it right in my head, but I will tell him." Sam leaned over and hugged me as best as you could in my truck.

"Thank's Sam."

And with that, he opened the door and climbed out, "I need to walk a little, to clear my head okay, see you around Jamie."

..o0o..

When I arrived at Julie's place, well my place I guess but it doesn't feel much like it. It wasn't home for me just yet, luckily Jules was out or in her room the place sounded so quiet. I went upstairs and had a long hot shower, changing into a pair of running shorts and a tee and walking over to my bed to lay down for a bit. I didn't even notice that I'd grabbed one of Ben's shirts from the draw until I walked past the wall mirror and saw it. "I think I need to go for a run," so ran down the stairs and out the front door, I was more sprinting that jogging I had a lot on my mind and a load of anguish to deal with.

After my run, I stumbled back in the door, Jules and Adam were talking in the kitchen I gave them a breathless wave and headed for the shower. All I could think of since dropping Sam home was Ben, I need to tell him, I need to explain I couldn't get I out of my mind the entire time I was in the shower.

Getting dried, I walked into my room and fished out another change of clothes. Sweeping up all the discarded clothes around the room and bathroom, dropping them into the hamper. I mindlessly walked over to the bed and sat down. No use, Ben and Sam were swirling around in my mind. "Jamie... no James! You are stupid sometimes but this time, you've earned a Ph.D. in stupidity."

I got off the bed pushing my hand through my hair and exhaling like I was doing a lung function test, I grabbed my cell off the top of the bureau taking the few steps backward, laying down again, closing my eyes. I felt a tear slip down towards my ear... "hey Siri call Ben."

The international pips came through the speaker within a few short rings I heard that sweet Texan voice. Instantly I could see his smiling face in my mind, I was dreading this. 'My god what have I done, will he forgive me, please forgive me.' I noticed that my hand started to shake, my whole body was now shaking. I think I should hang up, I'll tell him later!

"G'dayyy mate! Did I get that right I've been practicing all week?" he sounded so happy.

"Hey..." I took a steadying breath as I felt the sting in my eyes of more tears welling up.

"Ben, I'm so sorry."