Jamie - The Journey Begins Ch. 29 - Frost, Sunshine and Pastry

"No-no, not too much information. I've heard worse."

"I tried to walk out of the room with the evil trunks in my hand when I saw a Tee tossed on the floor over near the window. For a split second I could feel a second burst of unbalanced behavior brewing, but quickly realized they were my handy work. It hit a chord but I just tried to ignore it. I simply asked Ben if I could please squeeze past him to get to the laundry. He didn't say a word. Just stepped back and waved me past. At least I had recovered some sense of mind, thanking, thank god not rudely, and just walked off toward the laundry."

"When I came back he was in the shower. I quickly put my gear on, grabbed my backpack, and walked off with Nike's in hand. As I got near the front door I saw the glass I'd left on the sideboard last night. It finally sunk in. Okay, he'd done nothing, I was being my brother. One word: Ashamed!"

"Don't be too hard on yourself son, I'm guessing this is probably the first time you've gotten mad with each other. I'm not saying it's good, but your mom and I had our share of angry words at times in the first few years we were first married."

Dad paused for a moment like he was clearing his mind or something. "Sometimes, it's just learning how to ask for space, or help when your struggling with something. That ability comes with time and maturity. Just remember - if you don't learn to talk and listen - I mean talk and listen to each other -- you're gonna do it hard."

"Yeah, true, dad. I can see that now."

"We have all these conversations going on inside our heads, but only tell the other person 10% of it! The more you tell them your thoughts, the better it will work out. The same for listening - listen to everything that's said, not just get hung up on a few words, and miss the rest, ok?"

"I'm guessing you're still pitching a fit over work and the resettlement paperwork too right?"

"Yeah, I am," I replied in a resigned voice. This has just got me so down."

"One-sec son, just going to grab a glass of water and a couple of paracetamols."

"You ok dad?"

"Yeah, all good, just had an annoying pain in my neck. Might go to the osteopath - get them to set me right."

"I'll let you go if you want, dad. Sorry ... I've just been bitching on here."

"No, you're all good."

"Anyway, I slipped out the door and started on my run, then I decided to head down towards Baguette et Chocolat in Bee Cave. Thought maybe I could buy him a few peace offerings - you know, to go with my head on a platter. I settled on a set of petit fours and escargot. And, yes, he liked them... didn't throw them at me."

We talked for about an hour. Dad was a calming influence. When I got back from my run, which did take a while, I went looking for Ben and started apologizing - yeah also filled him up with French pastries (he has a weakness for them after our time in Paris) - I broke him, he said a few times.

While sitting at the kitchen counter, I initiated the conversation around safe words, etc, I had too I caused this one. We agreed that if we, either of us, were in a mood, that we'd use a safe word, a timeout, so we could give each other some space, you know - it can help snap you out of the mood also.

..o0o..

We went over to Aiden and Amanda's place for dinner Friday night. Josh and Zoe were down from NH for a few days, I hadn't seen Josh since our wedding, which I guess wasn't all that long ago. Okay, before that it was like 6 months plus.

Saturday, we went to Lucas and Hailey's place so that we could just spend Sunday morning together before I flew out at 1300h. There was no more bullshit behavior from my end. I still said sorry at the terminal - Ben said it wasn't necessary. He'd been off-key a few times, due to my travel. The pressure sometimes at his work can get pretty upsetting at times.

But still, lesson learned!

..o0o..

I let out a small groan while removing my headphones. My mind was just spinning with all the things I had to get done while I was home back in Oz. My mind was just overloading and the frigg'n Australian Tax office was being a pain in my ass with all this living abroad stuff. They could learn a few lessons from the IRS - information was somewhat easier to find.

With all of that going on coupled with a matching video loop in my head, you know like a trailer flashing between scenes, of me quitting the fire service here, working out all the financial stuff, talking to my parents and friends, seeing the disappointment in their eyes as I explained how I was becoming an ex-pat. You know the normal crazy shit that goes on in my head.

"Mr. Spence, can I get you a drink or something light to eat?" Oh wait-what? I looked up, Gabrielle, one of the friendly cabin crew, repeated herself, "Can I get anything for you, Mr. Spence?"

"Um... no thanks but thank you." I managed to eke out a half-smile.

"No problem. If you need anything please let us know." And with that, she was gone

Wonder how long till we land... hmm where's the flight tracker screen? I pressed on the large button on the touch screen in front of me that said 'flight tracker,' go figure. Great, we're almost there - only 5h25m till we land in Sydney.

That feeling, that overwhelming feeling was kicking in. I knew that when I asked Ben to marry me, we'd most likely end up in the States. And I'm happy to ... it's just the bullshit paperwork that you have to navigate through, and I was lucky, having dual citizenship. Would be a lot harder if I didn't have that.

If Ben was here, I'm sure he'd calm me down. I guess I just need to let it go, relax a little. It's not like I'm doing it all by myself - Dad and Avery were helping out big time. Maybe part of my current stress was that Ben was Stateside still. We were good now, just I haven't seen much of him in the past month or so and would have loved to have shown him around. He couldn't get leave to come over, plus it's not a cheap exercise to fly across the Pacific Ocean. We'd been spending a bit of late on just .... stuff like weddings etc.

My flying back to Texas pretty much after every shift didn't help either. I guess, well it's not like we're broke or anything. I guess I'm just being a little hypercritical, it's all just... stressing me out. Plus I was still disappointed at myself over that whole childish outburst before I left.

..o0o..

"Good Morning, passengers and cabin crew. This is Capt. Lowe from the flight deck. Shortly, we will be commencing our on-time decent to Sydney, where the weather is currently 15 deg, a light onshore breeze of 5 knots and an expected top of 29 deg. If you could, please assist the crew in preparing the cabin for landing. We expect to have you disembarking on time at 0720."

Thankfully, I'd managed to fall asleep for a couple of hours after writing three drafts of my letter of resignation, finally settling on the first version, go figure. I hadn't told the family I was coming back a day earlier. I wanted to try and sneak back in and just get myself into that headspace I needed to be, without all the fuss of everyone wanting to catch up and my cell exploding with messages asking me to come out for a drink here or there.

Ben, Lucas, and Hailey knew but promised not to say anything, I'd even switched my snap maps off. I was going dark, lol.

In the end, the longest part was getting the car service out front, because I only brought a small carry on with me. I didn't need to wait for luggage. Just walked up to Customs and Immigration, used the scanner thing that was working, then on to the quarantine guys and out. The car ride was pretty much a non-event, I had saved a few of my frequent flyer points up, so used the Qantas connect car service to get me home.

The guy was nice enough. It felt a bit weird when he asked me if I was over here on holiday. Guess my accent has faded a bit. Strange though - just last week someone asked me three times what I was saying because they couldn't understand me... how else do you say 'cheese and tomato toasted sandwich'?

In the end, I went longhand, explaining two slices of bread, spread two cheese slices and tomato. It's not like I sound like Matt-the-crock-hunter. I'm sure the guys will give me plenty of crap, doing the whole, what did you say mate thing over and over just to stir me up, just you watch.

I thanked Matt the driver and looked at my watch - it was almost 0900. My appointment at HQ was at 1400 so had a bit of time to kill. Guess - let's see who's home. Luckily the key safe code hadn't been changed, because I rang the doorbell for a solid 2minutes with no answer, so I just let myself in. The place was spotless - it pretty much looked the same as when I left, other than the flowers I could see on the hall stand. Good boy Adam - Jules deserves it.

"Hello, anyone home?" Nope, obviously not, just silence. I headed upstairs to my room. Opening the door, the bed had been stripped and fresh linen was folded, sitting on a corner of the mattress. Other than being very tidy, again thanks, mom, it was pretty much as I left it.

..o0o..

'With no one to play with, and a few hours to kill... what to do, hmmm. Go for a surf. Haven't been for a surf in months.' I rummaged through my wardrobe: in the corner was my surfing bag, a few board shorts, tees, a huge towel, board wax, and sunscreen. The next question was how was I going to get there? Hopefully, my truck was in the garage...

"OMG, I didn't even say hello to my baby truck."

In what seemed to be a few steps but wasn't really more like two corridors and a flight of stairs, plus via the bathroom, I was looking at my baby, she was lurking beneath a softcover.

"Keys! Shit, where are the keys?" I remembered Adam had installed a key safe in the garage. Only now I had to remember the code. Third, guess and we were all good.

"Shit - I'd better leave a note, right, else Jules or Adam will think someone has stolen my truck!" After pulling the cover off and starting her up, I went back inside the apartment for a moment and left them a note on the counter.

Hey guys, got back a day early to sort some stuff out Taking the truck and going for a surf. See you guys a little later, Jamie.

Stowing my board in the truck's tub, I slipped back behind the wheel. "Oh, I've missed you... daddy loves you." Yeah ok, I know you shouldn't talk to inanimate things, but I'm sure cars/trucks can hear us, right?"

Pulling out from the garage, I clicked on one of my favorite playlists and zoned out for the 35-minute drive to the beach. By the time I got there, the best waves had gone, although the onshore breeze was helping kick it up a little. 'Well, I can't complain right... there are still waves and it's nice and warm.'

Using the front and rear driver side open doors as a makeshift change room, I slipped out of my jeans and into my favorite pair of boardshorts. Catching a reflection of my butt in the door of the Ranger ute next to me, 'Damn, they made my ass look good.' Gathering up my chucks, jeans and other clothes. I threw them on the back seat and closed her up.

I sat on the lowered tailgate to make it easier to pull the suit past my feet, hooking my shoulders in, wriggling around as I pulled the zip cord up from behind.

I caught sight of myself in the windows of the car next to me: it struck me that I was still a fair bit thinner than before the accident. For once, I didn't feel like Spiderman pulling on my wetsuit.

Sure, it was right where it needed to be - wrists and ankles, but the rest was just firm and hey, I've had this suit for 9 years! Not bad, I reckon. If anything, I've grown an inch or two in height since then.

My senses were taking it all in, from the beautiful ocean running all the way out, to a distant blue sky. With every step, the grass enveloped my feet, pressing up between my toes like a soft green carpet, met by the soft warm sand and finally the water.

Out here amongst the waves, it was just me, my board, and the Pacific Ocean. The whole relocating to the US was causing much more stress than I'd thought it would, but for now, it was time to catch a few breaks and enjoy.

..o0o..

'Wow I thought this day would never actually come, but here I am, I'm doing it.' Pulling into the car park in uniform for what was probably going to be the last time, I had months of leave entitlements backed up and as is the normal practice, officially you go on administrative leave to use it all up, then quietly exit stage door left and you're all done. It wasn't the way the service used to do it; more, it was the governmental media managers.

It didn't bother me really, I kept telling myself - just hand in the letter and your done Jamie. But holding it was another thing: crap, in my hand it felt like it was made of lead, heavy and cold. The mind is a powerful thing hey, when the truth be known, it was just paper - the sentiment is what makes it heavy.

Stepping out of the F250, I walked straight up to the sliding glass doors. Once inside the foyer, I saw a familiar face manning the reception desk, Bec - Rebecca.

Our faces lit up when we locked eyes on each other.

"OMG, you're alive Inspector Spence! How are you, Jamie?

"Hey Bec! It's so good to see you again." Looking around the foyer, it was pretty much the same - only the seasonal promotional material was on display.

"How have you been, Bec? How's your Mom and Dad?" Leaning over the counter, I kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks, Jamie. They're fantastic. Enjoying retired life. They've moved up to the warmth of Northern Queensland. I think your Mum and Dad are heading up there in a few weeks."

"Yeah, Mom said they're going sailing in the islands for a few days with your folks, right. Dad is super keen. Mom just wants to escape the cold down here, although I'm not sure what she's complaining about - it's beautiful here today."

"I know! You must have brought the sunshine with you."

"I am the sunshine, Bec!"

At that we both started to laugh.

"So how was Boston? Cold?"

"You have no idea! I spent two months in a freezer city - bloody froze my ass off."

"Ha-ha, that's so funny. The email you sent back did the rounds of the office -- you, all wrapped up in three jackets and snow on your hat - it was priceless! I felt cold just looking at you."

"Well, it wasn't warm, that's for sure."

"So anyway, Jamie, are you working here now? Did they reassign you to a district HQ?"

"Nah not yet." I didn't want to give anyone a head's up as to what I was doing- "I've got a meeting with Raine, oops, I mean DCO Wilmer."

"You haven't heard? He's just about to get out of a meeting with acting DCO West.

"Wow! Did Susan get the promotion? When?

"The entire corporate team has been switched around: the boss is about to announce he's not seeking an extension to the job and is going to finish up on 30 June."

"So, he's going on leave till then, after they announce it, right? I'm guessing that game hasn't changed."

Bec leaned in a little closer. "They advertised the position on the quiet. A government panel has selected a replacement that they're going to announce the day after tomorrow."

"Oh wow! Do we know who it is?"

"There's plenty of rumors going around, but no. You should ask Raine. You two are close. He might tell you, then you can tell me."

"Thanks, Bec, but let's see if we can leave it to the press team to break the news, hey. They've gotta earn their wages right?"

And with that, I swiped my way inside the inner door, over to the lift, and up to the executive offices. Have to say, my mind was spinning. 'Hmm, wonder who it is?' To fill in a few moments, as I'd arrived early for our meeting, I did the rounds of the office saying hi and catching up with a few friends until Raine appeared.

"Got to go, Charlie. The boss is looking for me, I think."

"Good to catch up, Jamie. Take care."

"Thanks, mate."

With that I headed toward the big offices down the end, giving one or two small waves to a few faces I hadn't had the chance to catch-up with so far. I'll see them on the way out.

Each step closer felt like I had concrete in my boots. 'You can do this, Jamie. Deep breath and speak slowly. Don't rush like you always do when you're nervous.'

I stopped a few yards in front of this person whom I deeply admired and respect.

I came to attention, no salute - neither of us were wearing our hats inside.

"Morning, Sir. How are you?"

"Inspector Spence. How are you, Jamie?" He held out his hand.

"Excellent, boss. Thanks for seeing me." We walked into his office, closing the door quietly behind me.

"So how was the US, Jamie? Heard you've been busy."

"Well, you could kind of say that, boss."

"Hmm, yes. We've received nothing but great feedback from all the services you were at, which I expected, and a little birdy told me that you also go married, hey."

"Haha. Didn't know my dad was getting around like a little birdy these days."

That made Raine burst out laughing, "I just got a vision of Rob dressed as a bird. Thanks, Jamie. That's a vision I won't forget in a hurry. So, what brings you to the big house?"

This was it. I instantly felt my hands break into a thin sheen of sweat. I'm sure that the redness I was imagining was burning its way up my neck must have been visible. "Um, I heard that some changes are going on here, Raine. What's the go?"

"Ahhh, so you've traveled across the Pacific, just to get the lowdown on what's happening here? Of course, I can see that."

"Well, that and some other stuff." I reached inside my tunic and pulled out the dreaded envelope. "So" I suddenly felt the need to stand up and do this with the respect that Raine deserved and the service. It's been so much to me, has meant so much to me. "DCO Wilmer, I would like to offer my resignation from the service." I held the envelope out in the void of space between us.

The look on Raine's face was a little surprised.

"My partner, Ben... he's an EMT/para in Austin, and although..." I paused and took a breath to settle my nerves. "...he was ok... IS ok to head down here, see what he could land as a job. But knowing what jobs are on offer here or even interstate, there is nothing that matches his skill set. So I thought it would be easier for me to find work in the services as a Firey over there, you know."

The DCO stood, with a small smile creeping across his face. "So you've thought long and hard about this, Jamie? You're set on relocating to the US and ... giving it a go?"

"Yes sir, I am."

"Well, I accept your resignation. It is our loss and their gain. You're a fantastic firefighter, Jamie, a great leader. You will be missed."

And with that it was done. Raine held out his hand, one taking the letter of resignation, then shaking my hand. "That's the hard part over for you. Now, you can breathe, else I think you might faint."

I didn't even realize that I was holding my breath until I took a huge gasp of air in.

"The pay office will be in touch with the payout details and payment schedule, which I'm sure you already know how it all works."

"Thank you, sir. I appreciate it."

"So, do you have anything lined up?"

"No, nothing concrete. I'm interviewing with the Austin and San Antonio services but nothing yet."

"I'd welcome an opportunity to write a reference for you if that is ok?"

"Thanks, sir. I'd appreciate it." And with that, a handshake and a letter, I was out of the service.

As I turned to walk out of the office I paused for a moment. "You didn't tell me what was going on with the chief's replacement."

"Well, I have it on great authority, that his first action as Chief is something that was a total surprise."

"So, you know who the new boss is then?"

"Sure do,"

"and..."

Reaching down, he picked up what I could see was marked as a press release-draft. "Sshhh... don't say anything, ok." He held it out toward me.