Janelle, the Rest of the Story

"Looking for this, doctor?" Janelle smiled, holding my cap in her hands.

"Well, yes I was, doctor." I chuckled. "Thanks." As I reached for my cap, her eyes drifted down briefly, she saw my wedding ring.(I'm left handed) I caught something in her eyes, just a flicker, a deep sadness, then it was gone, pushed away before it had time to register.

"When did that happen?" She asked, touching my band..

"Little over two months ago." I answered. "Still doesn't seem real, she's waiting for me outside with the rest of the family." "I can introduce you, if you want?"

"Nah." She said. "Mom and Dad are waiting for me, need to find them before they wander off."

"Tell them Hi for me." I said.

"I will." She answered. "Bye RJ, take care of yourself." She hugged me, looked into my eyes one last time, turned and walked away.

*******************************************************

I thought our story ended here. After all these years, I'd buried the memories so deep, I'd nearly forgotten, I never even told Lauren about her, it was just too painful. Then the package arrived.

Late November 2019, I came home to find a package on the kitchen table, it was addressed to me. ""Lauren, what's this?" I called out, hoping she was near enough to hear me.

"It's a box." She answered, suddenly appearing behind me, scaring me shitless. "Other than that, clueless."

"Damn girl!" I hissed. "Make some noise, damned redheaded ninja, so I'll know you're coming, you'll give me a heart attack."

I sat down and opened it. Inside I found a bottle of Bourbon, two pictures, a small box and a note. I recognized the Bourbon immediately, it was still my favorite. The pictures were of Janelle, one from college and one taken recently. She was still as beautiful as ever, and damned if she wasn't wearing the ear studs I gave her. Then I open the small box only to find those same ear studs. I carefully unfolded the note, then started reading.

My Dearest RJ,

I am so very proud of the Doctor you have become, Daddy was proud of you also. He always said I was crazy for letting you get away. I've kept track of you all these years, you've done well. The years have been kind. The picture of you on your medical groups website showed me you are just as handsome as I remember. I did pretty good too. I spent my career in research. Wasn't my original intention, but it's where I ended up and I enjoyed it, but I digress. I wanted to apologize one last time for how we ended. I hurt you, I'm sorry. Looking back, I lied to you. I wasn't falling for you, I was in love with you, madly and completely. It scared me so bad, I panicked. I ran. Over time I came to realize we could have made it work, we just needed to slow down until we got through the hardest parts of school. Do you remember me bringing you your cap at graduation? It's my last memory of you. I had planned to ask you if you wanted to be with me again, but when I saw you'd gotten married, my heart sank. I knew I'd lost you, guess I was right on that one, Huh Prince Charming. I never really recovered from that. I do take some comfort knowing you found someone to love. I hope she makes you as happy as you made me. I dated some over the years, but they weren't you, they didn't stand a chance. I wasn't lonely, I had lots of friends and family, and my work kept me busy, but my bed was always empty, something I never quite got used to. My biggest regret was pushing you away, you made me so happy and I was too stupid to see it. I hope you can forgive me. Now for the hard part. If you are reading this, I'm...gone. Pancreatic cancer. If it means anything, it was quick, less than 6 months. It was very advanced when they found it, no real surprise there. I didn't do chemo or any of that crap, didn't want to spend my last days like that. Just do me one last favor, crack open that bottle and drink one for Dad and one for me. We'll be watching. I love you. I ALWAYS loved you.

Janelle

PS: I wore those studs damn near every day. If I weren't being cremated, I'd still be wearing them. I wanted you to have them back, something to remember me by. Maybe you can find someone special to give them to...again.

As I read the last words, the note slipped from my fingers, tears were streaming down my face. I broke down, sobbing, heartbroken, all the memories flooding back. She loved me, and now she's gone. I cried for my loss, but I cried harder for hers. I would have waited, all she had to do was ask. Why didn't I see it? She didn't have to be alone all those years. DAMMIT!! I opened the bottle and raised it to the heavens, then took a drink. "For you Ron." I sobbed. Then again. "F-f-for you m-my l-l-love." I stuttered, almost unable to say it. "I'm so sorry". Lauren came in as I finished. I stood and hugged her, crying so hard It hurt, sobbing uncontrollable on her shoulder, until I could cry no more.

"RJ!" She yelped. "What's wrong, what happened?"

I handed her the note. "Read." I croaked. "I need to tell you about her."