January 19th

January 19th, 2019

"Hey, give me that pillow," He looked at me with a boyish smile. I threw it at him before he turned to flip the light off. He slid into bed next to me, and I propped myself up on my side to lay against him and be able to see his face. I kissed him, and before long he was giggling against my Moscato lips, "No, none of that tonight."

I chuckled back, "No, not everything," I pleaded and went back to pushing my lips against his.

"No?" The playful tone was very much alive, and I was enjoying it. I couldn't remember the last time he seemed this interested in me.

"No, I just wanna suck your dick," Both of our laughs rang together, and he ran his hand through my hair.

"I missed you," He pulled away and brushed the locks that were in front of my face.

I began to make the journey from his mouth to his neck, "How much?"

"More than I ever thought I would," He admitted. I knew how much he didn't like talking about what he felt. But something was different this time. I wasn't sure what it was.

I kept going with the seduction, letting my tongue explore his chest, "Why?"

"I appreciated you being here... and I don't know," His hand was rested on my back.

I kept nipping, "Yeah, you do. Tell me,"

His voice quieted, "I don't know, I'm very vulnerable right now,"

"Why? Just tell me," My lips moved back to his neck.

He paused, but only moved to take my face between his hands, kiss me, and put his lips right next to my ear, "I think I love you," He whispered.

We both stopped moving. I sat there, with my mouth parted and my forehead laying on his chest, almost in defeat, but more in earth-shattering shock. After a few moments I came level to his face and looked down at him, "You love me?"

He just nodded, while his hands were still in my hair, making sure he got every strand out of my face. His hands left my face and went around me, and he held me in a tight embrace. I let out a sigh and started playing with his hair, too.

"I don't know... It just feels right being here with you, doesn't it?" He agreed, but still didn't say anything. "I mean, I don't know North Dakota without you," I let my hand rest on his cheek. He was still holding me close to him, and just kept agreeing with what I was saying. I wasn't used to seeing him this serious during a conversation. I was still in disbelief. Never in a million years would I have thought that those certain words would have rang in my ears like a symphony from him.

He started kissing me again and I smiled against him and broke the intimacy with a giggle, "So what do you love about me?" He laughed, too. Us both knowing that I was only asking this question to be silly.

He shrugged and put his hands around me again. "Well, we didn't speak for two months. And then after what happened, I felt a connection with you. And I started to see you and think of you differently. And I care about you, and I worry about you sometimes." He paused here, and let out a breath, "I worry about you all the time. And I think about what you're doing during the day. And when I see your name on my phone, I get excited."

He continued to just hold me. I was absorbing this information. It had been what I had wanted to hear for the last year and a half, and I was finally able to listen to the words fall out into the air. I don't think he understood the power he had over my emotional control. There was a certain verse that came to my head in this quiet, saturated moment:

I've always been in love with you,

Could you tell it from the moment that I met you?

The moment I met him, just a naive eighteen-year-old, I knew I wanted to chase forever. And lying here with him, hearing those words drip from his lips, my insides had turned into a butterfly sanctuary. The last few months of our history have been such a beautiful tragedy. From my heart being shattered like a million empty wine bottles, to picking up and leaving to find myself in Spain, to coming back home to seeing him at the airport, waiting for me. And now, in this moment, only a few weeks of being back, we have found each other again. It was different, it was honest and raw and sincere. He never used to look at me in such a way, and now everytime his fairytale blues meet my gaze, all I can do is melt.

"All I try to do is make you better," I finally said against his chest.

He nodded and tightened his hold on me, "I know you do," He pulled my chin up and placed his mouth against mine. I moved to be on top of him, and his hands rested themselves on my thighs. Even in the way he kissed me, it was so much more alive, like something had sparked a fire inside of him. He was passionate, vulnerable.

I could feel his palms on my waist, and then my shirt being pushed up. I sat up, and finished taking it off. I reached down and pulled his worn out t-shirt off and leaned back down to find his lips with mine once again. He wouldn't stop kissing me back, asking for more. I let my mouth wander, with my tongue leading the way. From his ear lobe, down his neck, collarbone, abdomen, and finally to the waistband of his briefs. We didn't need words from here, I knew he was more than willing to accept any action I was about to propose. I tugged his underwear off and sat back on my knees between his legs, looking at the man that was lying before me. I had always been enamored by his charm. Dark hair, light eyes. Broad shoulders and tantalizing fingers that always confronted my ability to turn away.

I made my way back up, straddling his hips. I perched myself up, grabbing ahold of him in my hand and lining him up with my entrance. His hands supported me from my hips, and I could hear his sharp intake of breath as I let myself slide down his shaft in one fluid motion. I could see the muscles in his body tense, and his fingernails gripped at my flesh. I slowly started rocking myself back and forth, going with the rhythm of his breathing. I braced myself with my palms on his abdomen. He began to syncopate his body with mine, and the sounds escaping from his mouth were becoming more ragged. I could feel him throb against my walls that were hugging him. He was making my whole body hum with satisfaction. I could feel myself become flush in the cheeks, and my bottom lip was starting to be pained from my teeth clenching down on it.

There was something in the way that he reacted to my touches that was endearing and beautiful. The way he parted his lips and furrowed his eyebrows showed that he was deep in a world of undisturbed pleasure.

My name stumbled into the night air from him, followed by a lackadaisical "Oh, baby," and a few more staggered breaths. He grabbed my waist and pulled me down on top of him, holding me close and moaning in my ear. One arm was around my sides, while the other was entangled in my hair, almost as if he was afraid I was going dissipate into the dense atmosphere we had created. He was panting, and he grabbed my face between his hands and kissed me furiously. Our breaths mingled, and my forehead rested against his.

I didn't want to move, but my body was craving to lay next to his and drift off into a blissful sleep, being my his side once again. I slowly sat up, and swung my leg over to lay on my side, with my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me, and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and let my body simmer in the passion I had just experienced. I felt such peace feeling his body warmth against my skin. How sweet was it to be lingering off into dreamland with him.