January Sucks

"I guess I better not tell Jim, in case he watches the game." Linda laughingly added. "By the way, I'm sorry but I didn't get a chance to talk to him about stopping to go after you. I know you said it was important, but it's almost like he's avoiding me."

"Then it seems to run in the family, Linda. After we made love last night, I was sure that I had you back. But today you didn't answer my calls at your office and didn't call me back until after your switchboard shut down. You know I want to see as much of you as I can during the week, since the weekends are so full during the season."

"I'm not trying to avoid you, Marc. It's just that my life has gotten very complicated because of all this." She stated in an exasperated tone.

"Linda, I know its complicated. I think about you all the time. I think back to that night and the next morning, and I really feel we might have something special.I would really like to get to know you. I know I can please you in bed better than your husband can. You told me that yourself. You gave yourself to me like no woman has ever done before; totally, completely, at every level. And, even now, you can't tell me that when you felt me inside you, you gave even a second thought to any other man you've ever been with -- especially your husband. And you proved it again last night. So why are you holding back now?"

"Well, obviously it's flattering when someone as, um, experienced as you says those things. You already know my night with you was the sexual thrill of my life. I can't deny it. Sex with Jim isn't anywhere near the best sex I've had, let alone as good as what I had with you. You are a better man than Jim in almost every way. But Jim is committed to me. And he is the father of our children."

"You know I can give you and your kids a life that he can't even dream of. Linda, you owe it to yourself and your children to explore what we could have together.I really feel we might have something special. I know you felt it, too. You may think I say that to lots of people, but I don't. I would really like to get to know you. I know you have kids. I love kids, and I'd love getting to know yours. I loved what we did together last time, and I'd like to do all of that again and then some, but there's just something about you that makes me want to get involved with you as a whole person.You've already taken the first step, and you know you loved it. Take the next one."

"I'm trying, Marc. But I want to do what's best for everyone, not just for you and me. I know that we belong together. Dee said that everyone could see that in just the few minutes that we were dancing at Morrison's. It's already been hard on Jim and I don't see it getting better anytime soon. But we have our whole lives to think about."

And she added, "Besides, you need me to get Jim to quit harassing you and I can't do that if he knows that you and I have been talking and getting together behind his back. Look, I've been married to him for ten years. I know how to get him to go along with pretty much anything I ask of him."

"Okay," he said. "Just don't shut me out and don't take too long. I'm not used to chasing women and I don't know if I can handle too much more of playing second fiddle to a nobody. You know I love you."

"And I love you too, Marc." Was her stinging reply.

And with that, the call was over.

My dreams seemed especially intense that night. They began simple enough, with LaValliere sitting beside Linda and our friends at Morrison's, but with me sitting at the opposite end of the table watching them from a distance. Everyone's spirits were high and no one seemed to have any problem with what was going on in front of them. Several of them even commented out loud about how lucky I was. And from that point things picked up, with pornographic scenes of the Asshole and Linda in naked embrace with me sitting nearby, always nearby, watching as his giant cock plunged into her time after time. And, worse yet, to see the looks of near-religious ecstasy on Linda's face as she gave herself to him in every possible way, in every possible place, without ever approaching fulfilment.

I woke up in a sweat only to discover that it was 4:30 early Friday morning. No matter how hard I tried to sleep, I simply couldn't. My mind kept going over and over the events of the past week and then back to exploring my memory to try and identify the signs that this was even a possibility.

Linda had confirmed over and over again that I was at best a mediocre lover, that our lives had been unexciting, and that my best attributes boiled down to how well I looked after the interests of my wife and children, all the while ignoring my own.

I'm not sure what the definition of a "sap" is, but I sure felt like one and could not see how this story was ever going to have a happy ending -- except, perhaps, for Linda and the Asshole.

I also decided that I needed to change my approach just a bit. Given that Linda had used my time away to continue to court her new lover and I was badly missing my kids, I decided to move back into the house, at least for the time being.

I got up, got dressed, checked out of the hotel, and headed to the nearest diner to get breakfast. After I finished, and I was sure that Linda would have headed to work, I texted her to let her know that I would be moving home that evening. Within seconds I received an enthusiastic reply.

"That's great news, honey. I'm so happy and the kids will be thrilled. Besides, we can't fix things unless we talk, and there is so much that I need to talk to you about." She wrote.

When I got to the house, I set up my laptop to download the files from my security devices and went upstairs to the bedrooms. I knew that, after listening to everything that Linda had said and written, there was no way that I could sleep in the same bed with her, "keeping things normal" or not.

I began in Tommy's room, where I separated his favorite toys from the others, placed them on his shelves, and then put the rest in a large black storage bag and hefted them to the top shelf of the closet. I then expanded the new open space where I placed one of the air mattresses we had used on our last camping trip and transferred Tommy's sports car pillow and bedding to make it look especially inviting. Linda had been wrong about the mattress; I had repaired it as soon as we got home. If I knew my son, sleeping on it would be a fun reminder of our camping trip, which was one of his favorite vacations.

I then moved Emma's bedding to Tommy's bed and brought her dresser and nightstand into the room. Emma might be young, but she's still a little woman, so moving her clothing into Tommy's closet was a chore.

Then I set my sights on the master bedroom. It took almost two hours to move all of Linda's clothes and personal effects into Emma's room and her cosmetics and sundries into the guest bathroom. Anything from her closet that I couldn't fit into Emma's closet was placed into black garbage bags and put in the garage. Linda would not be as comfortable and certainly less than pleased with the new sleeping arrangements, but I was confident that she would see this as a necessary -- albeit temporary -- concession to keep me placated.

Once my project was completed, I grabbed my laptop and headed to work, only a couple of hours late.

Linda seemed to be in a great mood, texting me about how she was looking forward to us getting back to normal and asking if I would like her to make anything special for dinner. My replies were probably a little less enthusiastic and were certainly much briefer than normal, but I didn't see a need to put any more effort into them than was necessary.

I expected to get a text a little after 5:00 when Linda got home with the kids but there was nothing and when I walked into the house an hour later, things seemed a bit surreal. The kids were sitting in front of the T.V., dressed in their best school clothes, watching, what else? Linda was in the kitchen dressed as if she was going out on the town but was finishing up dinner and setting the dishes on the dining room table set with our best dishes. Subtlety has never been one of Linda's strong suits, and she was certainly trying to make it obvious how significant she saw this evening to be.

I decided to play along. I offered her my most pleasant greeting when I came in the door but I assiduously avoided any hint of recognition or even affection. Linda did not say a word about the new living arrangements but, when I went upstairs, I could see that she had made some decorating adjustments of her own: placing our wedding photo, which had previously adorned the hallway, immediately next to my side of the bed and another glamor photo of herself that we had taken the prior year, facing me from the other side of the bed.

Downstairs, dinner was a pleasant if subdued event. As expected, Tommy was excited with his new sleeping arrangements while Emma was equally disappointed to give up the privacy of her own room. When I explained that I didn't think this would be a permanent arrangement, I saw a smile pop up on Linda's face even before it registered on Emma's.

After dinner, Linda insisted that I relax while she did the dishes, which was unusual in and of itself. Instead, I played with the kids, helped them with their baths, and read each one their own story before helping them with their prayers and putting them to bed.

When I went into the living room to retrieve my briefcase and laptop, Linda was sitting on the couch just about where the Asshole had been sitting two nights before. On the coffee table in front of her was a glass of white wine and next to it was an opened bottle of beer, an obvious indication that she wanted to talk. But I decided to throw her a curve by telling her that I was tired and was going upstairs to bed.

This clearly upset her and, while trying to camouflage her frustration, she imploringly said, "Jim, I'm sure that you're tired, but there is so much that we have to talk about."

"And is there anything that can't wait until tomorrow?" I asked.

"Well no," she replied. "It's just that you've been busy this week and I think that we need to talk about everything you've been doing with the newspaper and radio station."

There it was. Obviously, her priority was to take care of the Asshole's issues right away. Of course, this made me even more convinced that our talk could wait.

"Sorry, Linda. I don't have anything like that planned to do tonight, so I'm pretty sure that it can wait until tomorrow. Goodnight." And I headed up the stairs to bed.

As I was falling off to sleep, I heard a cascade of "chirps" on my phone. I didn't need to see them now, but I was sure that it was Linda and the Asshole communicating about me. I actually slept better knowing that I had frustrated their plans.

I guess sleeping in my own bed agreed with me. I had the best night of sleep I'd had in a week and awoke at my usual 6:00, or at least "usual' for a workday although not for a Saturday. I decided to frustrate Linda's plans a little more by getting up, getting dressed, and heading out to catch up on all my neglected chores.

At 8:30 Linda called me to breakfast but, since I was in the middle of edging the backyard, I told her that I would grab something later.

At 10:00 I heard my phone "chirp" and shortly afterwards, Linda came out into the yard asking if I could watch the kids so she could do some shopping. Of course I said, "yes" and, after she left, I confirmed that the text had come from the Asshole and went in the house to spend some time with the kids. I figured this would allow me some quality time with them which I could use as an excuse to go do more yard work when Linda returned.

Near 4:00 Linda returned to the house carrying surprisingly few shopping bags. I had heard her drive up, so I was already back at work leaving her a little frustrated. By 5:30 I was finished and, checking in with her, told her I was going up for a shower. Afterwards, I lay down on the bed in my bathrobe and took a nap. I awakened only once when I heard Linda knocking on the door to announce that dinner was ready but, when she opened the door a crack, I pretended to be asleep.

I heard Linda go into her new bedroom a little after 10:00, so I quietly went downstairs to the kitchen, made myself a sandwich, and went back upstairs to watch a little television before bed. All the while my phone was "chirping" like a pet store full of parakeets, but I really had no interest in finding out anything new, especially right before bedtime.

I slept even better that night. I suppose that frustrating a cheating spouse's plans is a pretty good tonic for an ailing heart; let's call it "Tincture of Bile."

I awoke early again on Sunday morning, and an inspired idea popped into my head. I went into Emma's and Tommy's room, quietly woke them up, and asked if they wanted to go to the zoo! Of course they were ecstatic. So, with nary a sound, we all got dressed, headed downstairs, left a note on the kitchen table, and headed out to breakfast at my usual diner. My note simply read, "I thought you might be tired, so I decided to take the kids off your hands for the day. We're heading to the zoo and won't be back until dinner, so you'll have all day to run errands and do whatever you'd like. Have a great day!"

Wow, the zoo was a workout! I'm sure that we saw every animal in the entire zoo, and I'm pretty sure we saw a few at least twice. I had turned my phone off so that we wouldn't be disturbed. Okay, I'll be honest. Part of it was so that I wouldn't have to take any calls from Linda and part of it was so that I didn't have to listen to the "chirping" sound that had now become and all-too-familiar part of my life.

By the time we got home I was exhausted, but I managed to outlast both kids who had slept the entire ride home. I carried them into the house and found Linda sitting at the kitchen table. Although it was dinner time, there appeared to be nothing cooking so I took the kids upstairs and laid them down on their beds, still groggy but slowly coming to life.

As soon as I walked into the kitchen, Linda attacked me.

"Where have you been? Why was your phone turned off? Why didn't you call me?" The questions came at me like machine gun fire. I figured that the best way to defuse the situation was to answer each question as simply as I could.

"We were at the zoo. Because I didn't want to be disturbed. And because I didn't want to disturb you." I waited for more questions but all I got was a scowl. Linda got up and went to the refrigerator and let out an exasperated sigh.

"The kids are down but it looked like they'll be back up in half an hour or so. I fed them breakfast and a late lunch, but they'll probably be starving so you might want to think about what you're going to feed them. I'm having dinner with Derek, so I won't see you until later."

"We were supposed to talk tonight." She shot back. "But you're going to hang out with your friend. What about me? What about your family?"

"Linda, as far as I can see I spent the entire day with my family; and they seemed pretty happy about it. As far as talking, you're the one who wanted that. I'm not sure I'm anywhere near ready to talk to you. Besides, I have a pretty good idea what you wanted to talk about and I'm not too interested in discussing it." With that, I tossed our copy of the Sunday Sentinel on the counter.

Below the fold on page one was an article carrying the shared byline of Janet Norton and the Sentinel's senior sportswriter entitled, "LaValliere Is History. Local Star Traded to Salt Lake City." The story that followed chronicled the events of the past week since our evening at Morrison's, the subsequent media explosion, the fan uproar, and the resulting cancellation of LaValliere's two largest endorsement deals. I was fascinated that the same team that had sent its big guns into a radio studio earlier in the week was now issuing press releases about how LaValliere's values, "...no longer represent those of our team or of the community of which we are a part." How quickly the mighty have fallen, I thought.

Linda looked over at the newspaper and, without a word, turned her head. It was clear that the story was not news to her. Since I had picked up the paper on my way out the door with the kids, I wondered how she learned the news -- although I had a pretty good idea.

"That was so unfair, Jim. Marc is a good man. He was part of the community. You didn't have to do that to him."

I could feel my blood pressure start to rise.

"I'm sorry, Darling, but there are a lot of people who are much more responsible for what happened to him, including one standing in this kitchen." I stabbed. "And I am not seeing Derek socially. It might not be as important to you as what happened to your friend but, as I told you on Tuesday, I have a hearing scheduled for tomorrow morning and I'd prefer to be prepared."

Linda didn't say a word and, instead, began pulling items from the refrigerator.

"I might be a little late." I said as I headed out the door. In truth, I wasn't meeting with Derek, although he did ask me to call so we could discuss our schedule for the next morning. I just didn't want to talk to Linda and inadvertently reveal what I had seen when I finally reviewed the rest of the security video from Wednesday night.

I did get dinner while I was talking to Derek, it just happened that I was alone at a table outside a Taco Bell. We discussed the agenda for the following day and Derek explained that, because this was probably going to be the first and last time the matter would come before him, we would likely be moved to the end of the docket so the judge could clear out all of the process appearances before dealing with the most significant business. I told him that, while Linda knew about the hearing, I wasn't sure if she would attend -- and why. I also explained that I had let my divorce lawyer, Diane Hoffman, know about the hearing and she planned to have someone from her office there too. Derek thought that was great.

Our call took less than 30 minutes but by the end, I felt as if I had already spent an hour on the witness stand. We said our 'goodbyes' and I decided to go for a walk through the city's new business park. I'm not sure why but to me walking amongst the tall buildings is almost like hiking a mountain trail, especially at night. I did scroll through the text messages from Linda's phone and even listened to an obviously irate LaValliere scream at her after he found out he had been traded. I admit that it did make me laugh just a little to imagine the Asshole plying his charms on married Mormon women; not because he wouldn't find more than a few that were interested, but because I could not imagine their very conservative husbands overlooking his dalliances because of his football star status.

When I got back home the house was dark except for a light in Linda's room. I quietly climbed the stairs and went into the master bedroom, gently closing the door behind me. I had just taken off my jacket when I heard a soft knock on the door. I didn't really want to talk to Linda, but I thought it would be rude not to at least hear her out.

I opened the door and motioned her into the room. Linda was still in full makeup and was dressed in her sexiest bathrobe, still a far cry from the one she had donned at LaValliere's house. She came in and sat on the bed, right in the spot that had once been hers. Her eyes were sad and her head was down. The events of the day had clearly been hard on her and I realized that I felt no desire to make it any worse.

"Is there any chance for us, Jim?" She asked, pleadingly.