January Sucks

Then turning to me, and coincidentally, to Linda who was trying to hide behind me, he continued.

"In this State a man is entitled to use such force as is reasonably necessary to protect himself, his family, and his property. While no one would argue that another person could be considered "property," the marriage can be viewed as property with its own interests that are independent of the parties themselves.

"The test for the level of force that is used is "reasonableness;" that is, were the accused's actions reasonable under the circumstances in which he found himself. In this case that is an especially difficult question because, from what I can see, Mr. Lewis found himself in extreme circumstances, brought about by the conduct of his wife and you, Mr. LaValliere.

"These are the kinds of theoretical discussions that predominate in law school classes and law review journals but are rarely the subject of misdemeanor courts. Thankfully, we don't have to travel down that road in this case. Mr. Lewis resolved that by agreeing to plead "guilty" and leave the matter to the discretion of this court. The prosecution has accepted Mr. Lewis's plea and has made their sentencing recommendation of "time served." But even this recommendation does not seem to me to fully consider the extreme and unusual circumstances to which Mr. Lewis was subjected."

"If I may ask again, do you understand the sentence I have given, Mr. Lewis?"

"Yes, Your Honor." I said. But, in truth, I wasn't sure I really did.

"Do you think you can stay out of trouble for a year, Mr. Lewis?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Good. Then I hope I won't be seeing you in this court again." Turning to the deputy sheriff, he spoke again. "Bailiff, would you please escort Mr. LaValliere and Mrs. Lewis to the Defendant's table."

Derek and I passed through the gate going out as Linda and the Asshole passed through coming in, I noticed his face was a mask of anger and confusion. Linda, on the other hand, looked embarrassed and on the verge of tears.

"Mr. LaValliere and Mrs. Lewis, it is clear that the two of you intended to perpetrate a fraud on this court." The Judge intoned. "In biblical times, the punishment for testifying falsely was that the false witness was required to suffer the same sentence that the defendant faced under jeopardy. Of course, that would never be permitted under our system of justice. Inasmuch as neither of you were under oath, I doubt that you could be charged with perjury. However, I will not countenance such conduct in my court. For this reason, I find you both in contempt of this court and sentence you to spend three days as guests of the County. Hopefully, this will give you time to consider more charitable ways of acting toward your fellow citizens."

But, before the Bailiff could take them away, the scruffy bald man who had been sitting in the back approached the pair.

"Mr. Marcus Allen LaValliere," he said handing him a large manila envelope, "you've been served."

Then, turning to Linda, "Ms. Linda Lewis," he said handing her a manila envelope, "you've been served." Linda's head turned to look at me, her eyes brimming with tears. All I could do was shake my head.

The rest played out as if a script. Before the next season started, LaValliere moved to Utah a bitter and angry man. His former shining star had been well tarnished and, aside from a car dealership and a local furniture store, his endorsement deals had all dried up.

I returned home from the courthouse and began planning for my life without Linda. At my divorce attorney's suggestion, I changed the locks on the house, contacted Linda's parents, and suggested that she stay with them until the terms of the divorce were settled.

In the divorce petition I had asked for joint legal custody but sole physical custody. In the end, Linda conceded when I agreed to waive child support. She initially tried to fight the divorce but, by now our situation had become so well known that even her attorney thought that it was pointless to continue.

Seven months later we were officially divorced. At her parents' suggestion, Linda moved to California to stay with her sister and, hopefully, start a new life. She still visits two or three times a year and I always make sure that she can spend as much time as possible with the kids.

I don't see much any more of the friends we used to go out with. Linda stayed in touch with Dee for a while, until Dee met up with a less-than-sober LaValliere at Morrison's and they spent a weekend in a swanky downtown hotel screwing each other silly. Dave has filed for divorce. Good thing they didn't have any children.

And as for me, the day my divorce was final, I gathered up my courage, called up Ellen, and asked her to dinner. Our date was magical, and it seemed as if we had not been apart for more than a few days.

Our dating got more frequent and more serious until, at last, I couldn't stand it any longer. After a quiet picnic beside the lake at Meadowbrook Park, I got down on one knee and proposed to her -- absolutely convinced that she would turn me down. Instead, she threw her arms around me and burst into tears. To this day I'm not sure if she ever actually uttered the word, "Yes."

When our wedding announcement was published in the Sentinel, the head coach of her employer -- and LaValliere's former team -- suggested that she should find employment elsewhere. I guess they still held a bit of a grudge against me.

Derek's talents came in handy, once again, when he convinced the team's Human Resources staff that they didn't need another highly public legal problem. Instead, they paid Ellen a modest five-figure going away present and she found a job as the cheerleading coach for our town's state university.

Our wedding took place three months later at a small chapel near the college. At first the kids treated Ellen like she was a guest in our house but, as the months passed, we began to act and feel more like a real family.

It wasn't until about a year later when it became clear that she had really been accepted. It was a Sunday evening and we had just returned from a wonderful day at an amusement park just a few hours away. School and work were on for Monday, and there was sighing from both kids and kids at heart as we got ready. Just before bedtime, Emma and Tommy marched into the living room, freshly scrubbed and in their night clothes. Big sister was the spokesperson, again, standing as straight and tall as she could.

"Mom, Dad, this weekend was the best ever! Thank you for taking us to the park and all being together for the whole weekend. We love you." With that, Daddy's girl climbed into my lap and Tommy into Ellen's. After giving us the sweetest kid-hugs in the world, they switched parents and did it again. I looked over at Ellen and she had buried her face in Emma's blouse and then looked up with tears streaming down her face.

"No baby, I'm the one who should be thanking you. I am so happy that you let me be your Mom. You are the very best kids, and your dad is the very best dad. I have never been so happy in my entire life. We hugged until we felt the moment pass, and then the children climbed down and scurried off to squeeze in their last few minutes of play before the weekend ended. I took advantage of the moment to stand and pull Ellen to her feet. Taking her in my arms, I held her close to me, and looked down into her still glistening tear-filled eyes.

"And I should thank you for being such a great mom and, most of all, for saving me at the worst moment of my life. I couldn't possibly love you any more or feel more blessed to have you as my wife, Darling."

The diminutive Ellen surprised me by hugging me back so tightly that I actually had a hard time breathing.

"Jim?" She asked smiling up at me. "Do you think it's too soon to begin talking about more kids?"

THE END