Jaspernon the Prince Ch. 04 Pt. 03

Ch.4 : Part 3 : Hadigan and Brundige

Hadigan was a Priest of more years than High Priestess Patience. At 57 he was quite mature and had known both of Patience's parents well. Unfortunately neither of her parents were still alive. If they had been alive and in authority she knew there would have been little chance of Patience influencing the direction of the Cult in this way. Hadigan was a High Priest, but not one who expected too much authority from the position. He was a caring and efficient individual, but not one who wished to lead or make the plans.

"You are spending much time at the Palace Patience?" commented Hadigan.

"We have spoken of this before Hadigan. I am residing at the Palace because I can have influence there, influence for good."

"You have influence with the King and with the Prince I see."

"And also with many of the members of the Court. Money has flowed into our coffers and we have expanded the work we carry out. New members have come to the Cult and we are achieving much," said Patience.

"I hear rumours you know," said Hadigan. "You are bringing more success and support than we have had for many years, but at what personal cost. You have been in the Prince's bed, and he consorts with his father's concubine. Is this the price you must pay for their support?"

Hadigan had always had eyes for Brundige. Her beauty was, in many small ways, fading now. The flesh not so smooth, although he had hardly seen any of it anyway. Those robes were so long and so warm. He found himself looking at her neck and imagining the smooth skin below, tapering to ample breasts - He knew they were ample because the shape of her robe was so much more pronounced there at the front and at her backside where there was ample shape. Sometimes in summer the robe would be a little looser and he could see a wider part of the chest, but he never saw the nipples. He had had dreams for many years about what he might find if she were ever to unfasten the belt and let him see. Did she wear any garments underneath the robe? He did not know for sure, even though they were in the same Priesthood. In summer, when it was very warm, probably not, because those robes were very warm. In the winter he himself wore undergarments, but when it was particularly warm in summer he did not, because the robe was very stifling. He imagined it must be the same for the Priestesses. He never felt he could talk about such things, even though in other ways he knew Brundige very well, and they were close friends. He had often wondered if she might feel the same.

Hadigan attended a small gathering of High Priests and High Priestesses at the main Temple in Anachronar, called by High Priestess Patience, who was recognised amongst them as their current Leader of the Cult, although her title remained High Priestess. She was the first amongst equals, but elected amongst themselves and by a college of Cult membership representatives to be the current Leader. Because she was more hardworking than any of them, and because her parents had both been Leaders for some years previously and well respected, and because she was well liked by everyone, and because she had been doing such a great job for so long, she was accepted by most as the High Priestess for the role, and had been for a number of years now, even though she had been for some time the youngest amongst them. Although there had been some who did not choose her they all respected her and had no reason to question or oppose her leadership. Her introduction of new ways into the Cult was subtle at first, and she gave the Priesthood time and understanding to introduce gradual influences and introductions into the priesthood. She knew how to win them over and how not to go about it. Some would be pleased to welcome the changes she intended, whereas others might be suspicious or fight it if changes were brought in too swiftly or without gradual persuasion and encouragement. But Patience had confidence and understanding of the characters within the Priesthood and was confident that she could carry out a gradual evolution of the Cult without upsetting anyone too much. No Priestess or Priest would be forced in any way to do the things she had in mind for them. They would be able to continue as before if they wished, but she doubted many would wish to when the new methods and pleasing rituals were introduced.

The High Priestess outlined some changes enthusiastically. She explained the support of the Court for the Cult, and the influence the Cult was enjoying there. She emphasised that the King and other nobles were contributing money and influence to the Cult, which would allow them to further expand many of their activities and gain more Cult members. She also explained that the court was having an influence upon her and upon the way she wished to lead the Cult, but she promised she would not let the Court or the King decide what the Cult should believe or decide to do. "We must retain our freedom to operate and to believe and to follow the Goddess in the ways which we interpret and approve. My experiences at Court have taught me some lessons and have also opened my eyes to certain matters. I have already spoken to many of you personally about some of the changes in my thinking, and in the way we run the Priesthood and teach the love and messages of the Goddess.

"First among those ideas for change is the recognition that the Goddess leads and encourages her people, giving them confidence and nourishment in all aspects of their lives. This does include the sexual, as well as the social, as well as the health and care of her people. She teaches us universal love and care for others. This love has always been unselfish and unrestricted. We are married to our work and to the message of the Goddess. Does this mean we cannot experience the reality of human physical passions? I have come to understand and so have others amongst us, that we should embrace and experience human passions and sexual experience. Our Cult members have always married, as in the wider society around us, but we in the Priesthood have for a long time interpreted our own role as remaining asexual, and removed from selfish passions. It is time for this to change. It has caused problems for many individuals in the past, who have sometimes left the Cult to pursue their physical and psychological needs, back among the Cult members, or outside the Cult altogether because of our restrictive nature. I propose to continue to allow Priests and Priestesses to leave the Priesthood freely if they wish to enter full marriage, and to return to the Priesthood if they find their marriage has run its course or they need to return. In the history of our Cult, which I have studied in the archives stored in Anachronar, Priests and Priestesses did used to be able to marry each other and remain in the Priesthood when sanctioned by High Priests and Priestesses, but the practice reduced and ended some years ago. Historically it was allowed as long as the Priests and Priestesses remained focused on their work and their love for all. I propose to allow the Priesthood to bond to each other, but not exclusively. If we wish to enjoy or experience physical relations it must not be exclusive to the love for all, for others. We should focus on communal love, as we do in our work. Exclusive love is not appropriate in the Priesthood."

Hadigan was lonely. He could see that now that the High Priestess had opened up the possibility of physical relationships between Priests and Priestesses and even with Cult members. There was a Priestess similar to his own age, who he had long admired. When he realised that romantic and sexual relationships for priests and priestesses may now be possible and were to be considered acceptable, even though they could not be exclusive, he found himself actually liking that idea. It was a change he would have liked to see in the past, between adult and unselfish Priests and Priestesses. He inevitably found himself thinking of Brundige. He would like to marry her, would have liked to marry her many years ago, if the truth be revealed. He understood as he always had done that within the Priesthood love could not be exclusive. They had always cared for everyone and loved everyone, as the Goddess showed them, including even people who did not know the Goddess. He knew well that marriage would be selfish, and involve the virtual possession of the wife or the husband, so it seemed contrary to the idea of the Priesthood serving the whole of the Cult, and indeed all humanity. So he and Brundige would not be able to marry unless they were to leave the Priesthood together, but neither of them would wish to leave the Priesthood which had been and always would be their life. Now High Priestess Patience offered the prospect of them having a non exclusive physical relationship within the Priesthood! He did not yet fully understand what this might really mean, but it offered the prospect of him being able to get much closer to the Priestess Brundige who he had secretly worshipped alongside the Goddess for so many years. By implication it seemed they would both be free, along with all the other members of the Priesthood to have physical relations with any other members of the Priesthood they chose. He did not yet comprehend how this would actually work, but it certainly sounded quite exciting, and also just quite frightening to someone who had not even had physical relations with another person!

As a Priest for many years he knew that they would be expected not to be selfish or possessive in their relationships. That was a concept he did understand, even though he was unsure that it could be made to work in practice in the Priesthood once physical relations were allowed. Surely even Priests and Priestesses would begin to make selfish and even possessive decisions once they were allowed to experience physical relations. They had all seen how the general population behaved under the rules of marriage, and even Cult members, with the general prevalence of marriage and strong social rules enforcing possessive and exclusive marital relationships. The people were often jealous and possessive, and the achievement of marriage was often the result of very primitive and competitive challenges between men and women. It all coexisted with great selfishness, but there were also many problems with infidelity, adultery, and prostitution which caused many rivalries and bad feeling. Non exclusive relationships within the Priesthood sounded very noble and very sensible by comparison, but he truly wondered whether he himself would not feel great jealousy if he found other Priests enjoying relations with Brundige, and might feel excluded himself. He was not at all sure about this seeming invitation to promiscuity and spreading the love of the Goddess in such a generous way, but it certainly offered him the chance to at least approach and hopefully get to know Brundige in a deeper way than he could have hoped before.

Now there was a change afoot. He could not say whether it was good or bad. All he knew was that it might allow him to test his companionship with Brundige. That direction might result in disappointment, but they would surely remain close friends, whatever came of his attempt. He knew that he could not avoid testing their friendship. There was no other way. The Goddess demanded it, and whatever the outcome the Goddess would see him through it.

Brundige was a blonde and quite shapely beauty. She was 57 years old at this time, still rather nice looking. She did feel close to Hadigan the High Priest, but had never tried to satisfy her sexual feelings in any way. She had admired a few men over the years, but never consummated her feelings in any way, due to her celibacy, and belief in the Goddess.

Hadigan now had to explain to her somehow why he now felt the Goddess might approve of the consummation of sexual feelings between Priests and Priestesses after all these years of celibacy, that she, the Goddess, would now want them to be more fulfilled, physically, sexually. He needed to explain to her that they, longstanding close friends of the same age, should consummate their sexual feelings towards each other. He had ached to hold and caress her for many years, and he fully believed that she felt the same way towards him, but as is often the case with admiration he could not quite be sure she did regard him in exactly the same way.

Hadigan plucked up the courage to ask Brundige if she would lie with him in the light of new interpretations of the Goddess' love, and observation of younger priests and priestesses becoming close, and hearing the High Priestess announcing changes. At first she was resistant, did not see why the practices needed to change, was perhaps jealous of the younger ones, but she did have restricted desires which drove her and made her open.

"But what authority is there for this?" asked Brundige. "Are there scriptural authorities?"

"I think there may well be. I will ask the High Priestess," replied Hadigan. "We are not barred completely from marriage or relationship. Apparently Priests and Priestesses have married or conducted relationships before, and have still been allowed to remain in the Priesthood. That seems to have been forgotten in recent years. We are now encouraged to explore physical relations with each other, Priests and Priestesses, and probably even with Cult members, but our relationships are not to be exclusive, which means we cannot marry and remain in the Priesthood. We are to love, but unselfishly, as the Goddess has always encouraged, but now we can be physical as long as we are not exclusive."

He approached the High Priestess Patience and asked to talk to her. "I have approached my friend, the Priestess Brundige about the new changes, and raised the possibility of entering physical relations with her, but she seems reluctant. She is used to the chastity we have all practised, and she does not seem ready for what I suggested. I promised I would talk with you more about the scriptural authority we have for some of these changes. She may well adjust to the new practices you have suggested. Maybe she needs time to get used to the idea."

High Priestess Patience tested him by talking about his life and how it might be improved with sexual exploration and with sexual openness. She asked about Brundige, because she had noticed, even before her own conversion to sexual openness, that he and Brundige seemed to have a connection which was stronger than mere friendship, even if it was unspoken. She explained that she would encourage him to enter sexual relations with other priestesses, even herself if that would help to open his eyes to the wider pleasures which the Goddess would now allow and encourage. She asked about whether he ever felt sexual feelings towards other priestesses, and Brundige in particular. He answered honestly that he had always adored and had feelings towards Brundige, but appreciated the beauty of other women too, as was only natural. The High Priestess told him these relationships would all be allowed and encouraged from now on as long as they were not possessive and jealous.

"Talk to Brundige. Tell her how you feel about her. See what she says or how she reacts. You cannot in any way force yourself upon her or oblige her to have sex. The willingness for sexual relations must come from her, and if it does not she can remain in chastity if she prefers. A Priestess or Priest may choose to show the love for of the Goddess only in ways they feel comfortable with. We would not expect a mature Priestess to change her ways if she does not want to, or even a younger Priestess. As for scriptural authorities, I studied in the Anachronar Library many of the old writings of our Cult. There are different approaches over the years, but the love of the Goddess has been encouraged in the past, even in the physical sense, although selfish lusts have not been encouraged. Our love if physical should always benefit those who we perform it with and we worship the Goddess by it. I shall pass you some copies of some of these writings, which you can pass to Brundige.

Brundige had come to the stage in life where earlier erotic dreams had subsided and she accepted that she would merely get on with life. She had helped people, children and elderly, all her life. In that sense she had had many 'children' to look after. Some she had looked after for long periods and watched their development, so with some people it had been like raising or being part of a family. There had been times when she was younger when she had craved to have her own family, but that would have meant leaving the wider family of the Priesthood, and becoming another ordinary person. She would have had to find a 'husband' with a trade or a function in society. The main person with whom she might have wanted to do this with was indeed Hadigan. Even years ago they had become close. They were about the same age.

But there had been other male priests around those times who had also been close to her and who as a woman she had felt underlying feelings for. Part of the reward of being a Priestess had been the lack of complicated personal decisions, which normal citizens had to make. There had been no need to make a decision about who to marry or to have a relationship with. In a good sense all the Priests were her brothers, as all the Priestesses were her sisters, and they were all family together. Love and sexual feelings were felt, in her case, for many priests, although as the years went by the bond with Hadigan had grown stronger and was, she admitted, much like being married or bonded, even though it could never be exclusive.

Now Hadigan was saying they could be like man and wife physically. She would have wanted that once, given the chance, which had never been there. But did she want that chance now, when she had become resigned to her position in life? Hadigan was not quite the young perfect physique he had once been. A fondness for cakes and meats had made him larger around the waist than he used to be, and his muscles were not all in perfect shape, due to the clerical and managerial tasks he had been fulfilling more in recent years as he became a High Priest, at the expense of exercise.

There were younger priests who she might prefer to consort with sexually if she ever did. But how would other priests find her? She was aging and imperfect. Hadigan certainly seemed to regard her as beautiful and compelling. She could see the devotion and yearning in his eyes, now he had revealed his feelings. Would he not prefer to consort with younger priestesses? But probably they were made for each other, because they were the same age. Doubtless both of them would be less attractive to the younger priests and priestesses.

At first Brundige did refuse at first but after the High Priestess Patience came to talk to her she did begin to think that after all she could do this and might actually feel better for doing this.

Hadigan said, "What shall we do Brundige? We have lived all our lives without quenching our sexual thirsts, and I have loved you. I saw the shape of you underneath the gown and I did lust for you, but I knew we were not allowed to so I just put my faith in the Goddess and thought of higher matters. I did have thoughts and I did exorcise them in privacy, and they were often of you, perhaps of a more perfect you than could be real? All around us I now see younger priests and priestesses being led into these new ways. They appear to be eager. We who have lived in the service of the Goddess for longer will struggle with our consciences, as to whether the Goddess truly wishes us to behave in this way. For ourselves perhaps we would have liked to do this much sooner in our lives. Now we have left this rather late, but I think we should try. If we do not succeed it will be because we are new to this and have not learned at the right time. We will have left it too late. But even if we do not even try it will be our fault if we never find peace. We cannot now ignore the opportunity which lies before us. If we do not try to take it we will never forgive ourselves."