Jay Nee 01

Jay Nee 01

"Oh, oh, Jay Nee, I mean, I mean, I mean, I didn't think that I would bump into you here at the filling station especially when I just had a dream about you last night, I mean, I mean, I mean, it wasn't a bad dream or even a naughty dream, but I dreamt that you were, I mean, I mean, I mean, you were wearing two shirts with your platinum hair and a red headband, I mean, I mean, I mean, with a red leather neck thingy with little metal circles of some sorts on it and I mean, I mean, I mean, you were also wearing some really nice stone washed blue Denim shorts and um..."

Fact checking, er, that's exactly what I was wearing when Freddy and myself "accidently" bumped into each other at the filling station. Other fact checking, spending a few minutes at the filling station is kind of my jam since being seen at, spied on at or caught at a filling station pump is a recommended social affair on page 3 of the playbook.

"What (slurp, pop, suck, plop), there wasn't a Lolli Pop in your wet dream, Freddy?"

"I mean, I mean, I mean, listen, Jay Nee, I mean, I mean, I mean..."

Fact checking, hah! Other fact checking, of course, my Lolli Pop was red to match my headband.

"Freddy, you're in the "ying, ying, ying" crew these days, so, are you buying gasoline for a dirt bike riding day or are you a gasoline hoarder since there seems to be five or six gas cans in the back of your truck, hmm?"

Fact checking, Freddy, eh, Fred, was my soft bully back in school, but he was how I learned to giggle and side stumble to the right after a shoulder bump or gentle push and that made Freddy a valuable tool in my transitioning tool bag. More fact checking, I mean, I eventually added a "over the shoulder" glance back after catching my footing, so, what?

"Oh, Jay Nee, I mean, am I hearing that there might be a chance of you driving to the foothills tomorrow afternoon with maybe some sandwiches because there is a "ying, ying, ying" scheduled for tomorrow and I might dream about you tonight in bubble gum pink yoga sweat pants like that one time and..."

Fact checking, er, it was a challenge and a half mistake to wear only bubble gum pink yoga sweat pants on the Strip a couple of weeks ago for one walk up and down the Strip, but pretty exciting at the same time, but that was a one-time and one-time thing only. A fact checking, fact checking, I could do that maybe once more, but not in bubble gum pink.

"Bye, Freddy, it's always nice to see you and have fun in the mud tomorrow, but don't expect to see me driving up and that's not against you, so?"

"Oh, Jay Nee, what I just heard is that there is still a lingering history between us since back in school, so, I mean, we still have a scorecard going on between us then, am I right, Jay Nee?"

Fact checking, hmm, I mean, it's not a tie, that's for sure, but, um, sometimes the soft bully and the barely bullied have to discuss ground rules after school, so, what? Isn't it a fact that's why there are walking paths home through the skinny tree areas, hmm?

Fact checking (giggles), Leroy the counter attendant is funny!

Additional fact checking because I forgot, hey there, I'm Jay Nee, I'm not perfect, but I work with what I have and I know that my booty could use a little color from the sun, but my backyard doesn't lend itself to that and I have a few skin blemishes and every now and then, I will use a makeup pencil to create a beauty spot just above the corner of my lips on the left side.

"Oh, sure, walk away and leave me to pump my bazillion gallons of fuel by myself, then, Jay Nee! I mean, is the inside attendant your boyfriend or something, huh? And to soften that, mm, mm, mm, you've never looked so good, so?"

Fact checking, wait for it.

"Well, Jay Nee, did I mention that I had a dream this last Wednesday night that you still surprised the "ying, ying, ying" crew anyways and you may have dip tipped your hair with black tips in a couple of places, huh?"

"Freddy (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), fine, we're tied in your favor, but there is no way in hell that I'm showing up with sandwiches for the "ying, ying, ying" crew up in the foothills on a dirt bike afternoon with black dipped tipped tips in my hair because then I would have to color coordinate that by sucking on a black Lolli Pop and nobody likes the black licorice tongue look (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, pop)!"

Fact checking (giggles), regular guys have many, many, many, many, many, many, many problems and a couple of those many, many, many, many problems are the way they try to make every comment back to them as sexual and their internal body battles of where the blood flow is most needed to keep them from passing out.

Mumbling under my breath fact checking, ugh, I should refer to Freddy as a man now. But men are still guys, right?

Oh, the filling station is busy on this Friday night fact checking, I don't usually get into cars with guys, um, men, but I knew Nate really well and he beeped at me from pump 1, which, ahem, is an authorized flirting zone pump!

"(Beep)"

[Didn't car doors used to creak open and squawk closed?]

"Oh, that's right, Jay Nee, I'm saying it, you look better every week, now, you say back why I've heard that you think poorly of me and I'm announcing right now that I'm pulling around to the rear of the filling station to get to the bottom of this!"

Fact checking, if you don't object, right?

"Nate (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), you heard it all wrong, again. I don't think poorly of you in the least (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), but I may have said that your selection of what to wear to your younger brother's award ceremony was a poor choice. Wrinkled Khaki's have a place in life and then they don't have a place, so?"

Fact checking, well, that's a fact.

"And then (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), maybe I made a poor choice to personally mention that to your mom because trust me, that didn't go over very well with her at all when I said to her that I was there to help you get dressed out of the shower, not one bit!"

Fact checking, OMG, protective moms have a mean right hook swing!

"What? Jay Nee, I looked fine for a blue ribbon "participation" ceremony, so? Also, SOB, mom never told me that you were there!"

Fact checking, OMFG, Nate's younger brother, who is 14, received a patent for a mechanical design application for remote model car and truck designs and nowhere in that is the word "participation" anywhere! Um, an energy saving system with increased power output transfer because of a small spinning wheel this way and a transfer to a small spinning wheel that way or something, I don't know. Brian is the brainiac whiz kid.

"Well, wait a minute, Jay Nee, I mean, my brother has another award ceremony coming up, so..."

Fact checking, one right hook swing per protective mom, the end.

"Nate, make arrangements to meet me at mall for something a little nicer to wear to your brother's big fat check hand off ceremony from the remote model car company for exclusive rights to his design patent and whatever you, don't let your mom know anything about it!"

Fact checking, it's such a heavy rumor, so much so that it must be a fact, that two people in a dressing room is more common than you might think. And Nate has always made a fuss with me, so, um, shut it.

Confession fact checking, um, including behind the filling station with Nate, four times. Um, three times since the first time was with Nate, but (giggles uncontrollably) it was so (peeing undies from giggling so hard) it was so funny that it may not count (rolling on the bed giggling), but I lick tasted his release from his belly that I guess, tee he, tee he, that it counts!

"Damn, that was great, Jay Nee and it was so great that, tee he, we should count this time as our first time and totally forget what happened the real time, which, well, I guess if it never happened then, I mean, what the hell are we talking about anyways, tee he, right, Jay Nee?"

Fact checking, tee he, oh, it happened alright, but far be it from me to say anything about since Nate was on his, tee he, best game.

Screw that fact checking, well, here's what had happened, ahem, in the nutshell version, but jot down that it was much funnier in person, tee he, tee he.

"Oh, um, Jay Nee, um, um, um, ooh, ugh, argh, do I have to say that I ruined the moment by popping off before things got real and I'm man enough to do, but I'm claiming that actually being naked with you had something to do with it, so?"

Fact checking, that's right, Nate seduced me into getting naked and I'm not ashamed of my body, so, check the box on that, however (giggles)...

Still giggling fact checking, tee he, yep, Nate seduced me naked into his bed with him and he was flat on his back, enjoying the moment and I was winging it as best as I knew how to all along his naked front between his knees and his lips when all of a sudden, with little extra effort from me (giggles), it was a surprising, a very surprising "Houston, we have blast off" and a shocking "spew, spew, spew" straight up in the air (giggles uncontrollably)! I mean, you had to be there, but holy not expecting that, "Houston, we have a premature "spew, spew, spew, spew, spew" fuel leak! Ahh, the things that happen in life, right? And with such facial expressions! Also, LOL, spew, spew, spew!

Ugh fact checking, even failed sex is messy.

Um, side curious fact checking, I mean, do all guys, um, men, do all men's rockets stand so tall and straight on the launch pad like that? It was really straight!

Side giggling fact checking, tee he, and you get a spew and you get a spew and you get a spew....

"Well (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), Nate (ick, ewe, throws the old red Lolli Pop out the window), I mean (gag, hack, gulp, damn, cough) Nate, it happens to every single guy on the planet and that's a fact (starts giggling again)!"

"Jay Nee, are you making fun of me now, huh?"

Fact checking, I lick tasted two places where his, tee he, "spew, spew" landed on his belly, so, no, I was not! Tee he.

"[Lips smooch] not a chance, Nate, but I need a new Lolli Pop and you're a guy, um, a man, so this is where we part company for the night, I suppose, but um, you're still my best king cobra to date, bye."

Fact checking, don't say stuff like that to a guy, um, to a man.

[The Filling Station front door jingle, jangle]

"Oh, oh, so, Jay Nee, you think my filling station doesn't have cameras then, huh?"

Fact checking, fuck.

"Leroy, shut it! You didn't see what you think you saw! But you can get me another new red Lolli Pop because my other one got ewe, ick, ewe spoiled and by the way, you didn't see what you think you saw because Nate needed to added air to his tires and your air pump machine is located around the back of the building in the alley and he needed my assistance to keep my foot on the brake and there are bugs and spiders on your cameras anyways, so, shut it and freshen up my mouth with a fresh red Lolli Pop!"

[Huh, the ball thingy with red Lolli Pops stuck upside down in it is right there]

"[Points to the ball of Lolli Pops] well, I believe you, Jay Nee, because my cameras cut off their view right at the corner of building and they don't cover the alley, so."

Fact checking, whew!

"Leroy (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), did Freddy finish filling his six cans of dirt biking fuel and split already, hmm?"

"Oh, and now we're going to talk about your old bully boyfriend, huh, Jay Nee? What part of I have my eye on you don't you understand, huh? Also, I six hours off of work later and I've that it's fact that when two people spend six hours in a hotel room that it's like marital bliss, so?"

Fact checking, hah! Well, maybe, I don't know.

"Well, isn't this where you turn your dainty little nose up at me and stomp outside to the fuel pumps where you strike poses for people and leave me here inside to wrestle with my blue balls on my own, huh, Jay Nee?"

"Oh, Leroy (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), shut it especially since I know that you regularly sneak off to the "Peep & Pull" adult bookstore to switch the color of your balls back to normal and quite frankly, Leroy, I'm quite happy about that because in my mind, I can hear see you whimpering my name when you go all "argh, squirt, argh, squirt, argh, squirt, ahh" and I certainly hope that you're dreaming about going all "argh, squirt, argh, squirt, argh, squirt" on my un-tanned booty, since that's on page 3 of the playbook, so?"

Fact checking, guys briefly pass out more than I do sometimes.

[The Filling Station front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Hey, you, where's the counter attendant? I need $40 on pump 6, so?"

"Oh, hey, you, Leroy (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop) the counter attendant is briefly passed out behind the counter, but he'll wake up before you finish shopping around for overpriced snacks, so?"

"Oh, and who said that I need a basket full of overpriced snacks, huh?"

"Oh, I do (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, pop) because you're checking me out and I'm not worst if you were to stray sideways. I mean, I'm not perfect and I have a few skin blemishes and my bare booty could use some sun, but what's wrong with me, hmm?"

Fact checking, it helps to turn the conversation sideways and then sideways again.

"Is the passed out counter attendant your boyfriend then, huh?"

"Um, no, but Leroy (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop) visits the bookstore with me on his mind, so?"

"Well now, that officially makes you a friend with a one third benefit and that makes me a better side choice for you because of some reason that might be a real reason, so, where is the air pressure pump machine located at, huh, sweetie?"

"Oh (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), then all of this a mistake on my part because now I think I'm a two thirds friend with benefits because one day I said "Leroy, if you're to jack off your fuel pump nozzle over me in the peeping booths, than I should see your fuel pump nozzle in all of it's glory" and then Leroy got right with that and then, oh boy, I had never saw such a nozzle before and even when I gripped it with both of my hands together in a totem pole fashion, I mean, some of the stem and all of the purple mushroom stood out above both of my hands and even though I usually just suck on red Lolli Pop's, I mean, I was taken by what I saw and I plopped what was there in my mouth, so, I'm more like two third's friends with benefits!"

Fact checking, 40 somethings with pump 6 pass out just the same as everyone else. Especially when you turn the conversation sideways yet one more time.

[The Filling Station front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Leroy! Leroy, my dawg, where are you, dawg, Leroy, my dawg, where are, oh, oh, oh, so, the wife is here tonight then, huh?"

Fact checking, the wife????

"Shut it! Um (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), who are you then, my dawg?"

"Oh, I'm Leroy's dawg, Stan, Stan the dawg! Wait, just Stan, wait, Stan the man, so?"

Fact checking, there is no up-side to causing a riff or a tiff between dawg buds, but there should be more reasons to say the word riff.

"Well, Stan, Stan the man, our dawg, Leroy (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), is briefly passed out behind the counter and never mind the OG passed out in the snack aisle, so, um, the "wife" reference then, Stan the man, hmm?"

Fact checking, sometimes guys fake passing out rather than answer uncomfortable questions.

[The Filling Station front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Um, hello, did someone release a bottle of knock out gas in here, hello?"

Fact checking, I wasn't doing anything with Stan the man while he was on the floor passed out other than checking that he was still breathing and grilling him about that "the wife" thing.

"Oh, well now, my day just got better then. Um, I confess everything!"

Fact checking, there is no confessing of everything without at least one confession.

"Wait, tee he, this isn't my Tanning Salon, so, I didn't knock these people out with knock out gas, um, tee he, oops, never mind, there's no confession here!"

Fact checking, damn, just when I was getting the nerve up to tan my booty in a tanning bed!

"Get up, Leroy, we're not in a relationship, but I like hanging out at your filling station and you need customers to keep the doors open, so, I spell you to reverse pass out this instant."

Fact checking, you still get credit for looking like you could actually lift a half side boyfriend flirt off of the floor.

"(Grumble, mumble) oh, thanks for helping me up, Jay Nee, OMG, OMG, step right up, folks, that's $40 on pump 6 and that's $30 on pump 2 and you'll like my gasoline better than your folks, yep, that's $50 on pump 3 and oops, your gas is DD free ma'am on pump 1 and step right folks because my gas is better than your money, that's right, that's $60 on pump 4 and..."

Fact checking, well, Leroy is quite the salesman. And my half side boyfriend flirt, so, what? It's not everyone who can accept someone with three skin blemishes, so.

"So, my dawg, Leroy is awake and busy, um, so, as the wife, you must know something about how the air pressure machine works and all, so, well, I'm asking, Jay Nee, so?"

"Stan the man (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), I'm not the "wife" or even the girly boyfriend, but listen, if this were another time or place, maybe we could talk, but right now..."

Fact checking, tee he, it's not quite as funny as "OMG, Houston, we launched early" or anything, but there is an App that you can download on your phone that has a pre-loaded "way out" fake emergency text ready to send to yourself with the sneakiest tap of a blue or black polished fingernail.

[A sneaky tippy tap of a blue fingernail on the phone screen]

See? It's that easy.

[Ping, ping, ping, ping, an emergency incoming text!]

And then just read it.

"OMG, Stan, I need to run! A meteor hit the train that my grandmamma was riding on and then the train struck a car that my auntie was driving and then auntie's car swerved and then crashed into my neighbor's work truck and then my neighbor's work truck spun around in a fury and OMG, rear end bumped the meteor back into space and my grandmamma caught it all on her camera phone and now, Gale Storms from TV3 News is questioning my auntie on a live TV broadcast about why she was driving on Cottonwood Street after 10pm at night in the first place and it's mess, Stan, a mess, I say and I have to split right now! Tootles [quick lip smack] and woo me better in two weeks, bye!"

Fact checking, the phone App provides a couple of blank templates to fill in with info, so, what, I mean, it could happen. A slip of the keyboard fact checking, tee he, I almost went with "make me woozy" just above, but then I changed it to "woo me" because how was I to know in advance of who I might use the fake emergency text against, right?

Logic fact checking, shut it! Estrogen comes with a side of crazy!

[The Filling Station front door chime jingle, jangle in reverse]

"Oh, excuse me, um, hello there, sweetie, um, hi, um, it's Jay Janie now, right?"

"Oh (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), Mrs. DD, I mean, Mrs. Dee Denton, it's just Jay Nee now, but I'm glad that you remember me from, um, back in the day before the guys got all weird about me, so, um, hi, Mrs. Double D, Double Do."

Fact checking, getting all weird about my transition is exactly the same as hah!

Catching up fact checking, yep, sometimes two people don't do much until a couple of glow ups are exchanged.

"I mean, Mrs. Double D Dee (red Lolli Pop slurp, suck, plop), I think that your hair is as thick and as full as I've ever saw in real life, so?"

"Oh, thank you, sweetie, it's a blessing and a curse though, so, with that body and that face, I mean, you must really need a stick to beat the guys off, oh, um, you've really filled out, Jay Janie, so?"