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I held the top of my pants closed as he pulled me back to my table. One of the orange suited prisoners stared at my crotch and smiled. He held his fingers up in a V and wiggled his tongue between them. I stared at the floor and hurried to my seat.
I sat down and thought about David. I was still convinced he had brutally tortured, raped and murdered several young prostitutes in North Philly. Here I was stinking of acrid sweat and stale cum and dressed as a half-naked whore. What could possibly go wrong?
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 5 years agoJean keeps having inner monologues about how broken she is, and about how she feels worthless and used as a sexual object. After all of her "breaking in" throughout the series she still responds to all advances in exactly the same way as she did in the first chapter. She still constantly protests, slaps, runs or otherwise actively defies the men who assault or ogle her using every method available to her.
And that's fine... I like her feisty. But don't give me all these long monologues about how submissive she is and then show me the opposite. I'd kind of like to see a descent or evolution from her in some way. I don't like the "mindless fuckdoll" archetype which permeates submissive fiction personally, she still needs drive, smarts and a purpose, but I would like to see her weakness to men and her sexual desire grow more pronounced, especially since you keep making such a big deal about it in your writing and it never goes anywhere. The story keeps evolving but Jean doesn't. Her changes are all show and no tell.
If you want her to stay feisty then stop writing so many sections about her submissive nature and I won't have that expectation, and so won't be disappointed.
Otherwise this whole story has been top notch. I'm only posting this because you seem like someone genuinely interested in improving your craft.
