by _
great, like always, unlike some of the other i have read from you, this one is just the right length (the others were too short)
keep it up... figurtivly of course...:P
great, like always, unlike some of the other i have read from you, this one is just the right length (the others were too short)
keep it up... figuratively of course...:P
All of your readers would love to read chapter 2 ! You always leave us waiting for the next part.....
You have a fine, sensitive way wih words and an excellent story medium. Thankyou.
Methinks you have a phobia about writing a second chapter. PLEASE write one. Not just to this fic, but to all of them. You write wonderfully.
I want you to write me a book...I can't stop touching myself when I read your stories!
Me and lstnwndrlnd should start a fan club!
GREAT STUFF!
Yet another great story by this master writer. As the other guy has noted, I think you should write a book. I still can't believe you managed to write all these great stories. Keep up the good job!
it and enjoyed it each time I do.
Nicely done _ and thanks
There has to be some type of award we can give you for your great stories!
every one of your stories is great and i love reading em. that said i think if you actually put your mind to it and made a long storie and puts some good backround in it and such with a good buildup and some good characters you could prolly write the best storie on here ever. in no way am i saying anything youve done is bad like i said they are all great but maybe you should add some buildup once in a while.
A nice story but written very simply, without a lot of passion and intensity. I found how the sister acted "people should have sex whenever they want" to be very weird.
I enjoyed your story and would also like to see a sequel to it someday.
This is one of your better stories that I have read so far. I also think you need to write more about them than just one time together. Go a bit deeper into the relationship after the sex and show how it affects them .
unlike the kiss ass opinions here this is an honest one. way to unrealistic you say they had nothing in common and didn't get along so why would he care if she was crying? seems there are a lot of idiot writers and readers on this site. keep it atleast somewhat realistic if he is going to go see why she is crying don't say he has nothing in common with her at the begining THINK BEFORE YOU WRITE.
DBRS
This story was Hot! It had me jacking for hours. Please keep the stories coming.
Yes this was a great story but u do need now to go ahead & get into where they get into each other & have sex more & more & fall in love.
This is one of the lamest incest stories i have read on this website. here are the reasons
(a) short: only 1 page. thats not worth teading even for a short break. too small for having detsils
(b) unplanned: if they are not so close and have nothing in common, how come the brother went to visit when his sister was crying? if their parents restrict them to make bf/gf, how come the brother is only lagging behind? his sister has tried everything one could think of
(c) rush: a rapid paced story. no build-up before sex, not even a kiss, no valid reason for them to have sex. you have just written everything that came in your mind and it was just not enough
(d) lack of passion: there is no love and desire between the two person having sex. they have suddenly got nude and went for the fuck. thats not how an erotica is written
If the writer ever gets back on this website, i hope he gets my points and write a better story for future. dont take my words badly, this is called constructive construction
The idea of a brother and sister falling in love is amazing
please expand on the store line I would be very pleased with it
That's not called constructive criticism that's called being an ass
And I thought I was a compulsive perfectionist!
Re your comments:
a) Yeah, I'd like the story to be longer - when it's this good, of course it's too short! "People who live in glass houses ..." - what does "teading" mean, and "detsils". Even my web browser's spell checker picked up these errors as I was typing this, and offered the correct spellings.
b) "Weren't really close" is relative. Normal siblings would have to be estranged not to care if the other were crying and having been possibly abused, plus a lot of people would even go to the aid of a crying stranger (although probably not in their underwear).
c) "rush: a rapid paced story." is not necessarily a criticism - different people like different things. "no valid reason " - huh?! He's a virgin who's never even seen a naked woman and has fantasied about his sister a lot, She's a frustrated, horny, oversexed girl with very little in the way of sexual inhibitions who's been left hanging by her date, and wants comfort after being emotionally mistreated by said date. Plus they're in their underwear! Plenty of reason there.
d) "lack of passion:"- plenty of sexual passion and desire, with the sex leading to enhanced closeness. As I mentioned earlier "close" is relative - these two weren't at loggerheads, and apparently cared about each other even though their divergent interests meant that they weren't really close. Also, what is "constructive construction"? I've heard of constructive criticism, but that doesn't really fit your post!
Be careful about making such negative posts - you might just get back some of the same. For example, I could have quite legitimately drawn some very unflattering inferences about your personality from your post!
What stories do you have posted? I'd like to see how you think it's supposed to be done.
You sir or madam are being an ass!.
You have blasted the writer, with malas.
I doubt that you even have a sister, if you did, you would not make those kind of comments.
The special BOND between a brother and sister are something ONLY a few are able to know.
IT is all for the LOVE of a sister, that I am who and what I am today.
I really feel sorry for you!.
ED
Very good stuff. And this story has believeability about it, as character's', the story theme, except for maybe Jenna' boohooing on her sitting on her bed after midnight just as her brother just happens to "got to the bathroom"! However, beyond that the story is sort of cutesy, even sort of charming, with their getting naked and visually exploring each other's bodies (as if Jenna with all her prior sexual experiences needed to do that)! Maybe she planned it that way.
would love to read what happens next with Jenna and her brother
Lovely story. I came here after reading another one of yours entitles "Nudity & Sex". I really like your style.
maybe the kids can circumvent the restrictions imposed by their parents and the ban on dating by taking matters into their own hands.
and 02/12/12
If you are going to criticize an author who makes the effort to write and submit, proof read your own entry before posting. And, if you want to be taken seriously, don't do it anonymously.
"i hope he gets my points and write a better story for future. dont take my words badly, this is called constructive construction"
really?
the bad comments are correct this is way too short and way too fast plus poorly written. a good writer would be ashamed to have their name on this and would delete it then rewrite it using a good editor before reposting.
I thought it was allright. Nothing special, but it was a decent short story. My only 'criticism' would be the guy not having sex again because he was too tired. Really? Hell she was on top, what are you tired for? Lol.
I think the last poster was kind of a whiny hard-ass, kind of bitchy over kill. Hey, if you thought the story was soooo bad, then rewrite it and post your version of it RIGHT HERE in the comments section! If your convictions are so strong that you absolutely know this was a p.o.s. then you should be able to easily rewrite it and show us how it should have been done.
Really good story, I enjoyed the affection they had for each other.
The seamless way they interacted, with a great build up.
And the best part was that he ate her out until she came, and she gave him the thrill of a great blow-job not only coming in her mouth, but showing him his cum on her tongue, then swallowing it.
They had felt each other up and finally they didn't just fuck, they made passionate love. She had an orgasm, and he did also, leaving his cum in her pussy.
Now that has all the elements of a great story.
One of your best.
I've been reading your stories without comment - but this one really got to me - something in it related to an experience I once had. Sitting here with a huge erection, reminiscing.
Can’t wait for the next episode.
Fantastic, very well done. the titillation was really good. Keep up the good work. Waiting for the next episode
The story idea had some merit, but the writing did not. It made no sence. If he is 18, Literotica rules, she would be 21. That alone makes the second paragraph ridiculous. However, if she were 18, that would make him 15, and the story would be a little more believable, but of course that can't be. It would still be poorly written.
It's been 16 years since you last published anything here. I've read several of your stories and every single one of them suffer from the same problems to a certain degree. The most blatant thing is they are too short and single page publications. That one thing makes them feel rushed and leads directly into a quick ending and lack of details to one extent or another. 🤔
But at this point, I specifically want to bring attention to a common grammatical error that has baffled many writers, the use of the pronouns "I" and "me". When I was in the fifth grade, my teacher taught me an amazing trick for getting it correct. He told me to temporarily remove the other person from the sentence and then check the grammar that way. So for your following incorrect sentence:
"What had happened, and what was sure to happen many more times, was just between Jenna and I."
Should be corrected in the following manner:
(What had happened, and what was sure to happen many more times, was just between me [and you].) which would give us "What had happened, and what was sure to happen many more times, was just between Jenna and me." Where as something like (Jenna and I knew that this was surely going to happen many more times.) would have probably been an even better choice.
People, when students in school, have been corrected so much about their incorrect use of "me" in sentences such as this one that they automatically default to the use of "and I" every single time and they still get it wrong. 3/5