All Comments on 'Jessa Ch. 04'

If you're concerned that this is becoming a smarmy love story, don't despair! Please bear with me a little longer.

That was exactly my concern. From whipping her bloody and terrified, to lovey dovey in a day is a leap too far. You write some good dark, so definitely want to see that side again. Thoroughly enjoying it so far.

I think not. It was the last chapter, with its excessively sadistic violence for what appeared to be minor and understandable infractions, that lurched toward formulaic. Deepening the plot, and characterization and injecting some tenderness (not enough for trust and love perhaps but enough to maintain tension while bypassing despair and apathy) has rescued this story for now. Well done.

I was surprised to see that dark twist in the earlier chapter, even though I had suspected Torah would step up things a bit - which was awesome, and very well written! I admit though that it would have been interesting to also get a glimpse from his perspective and know what was going on in his head at the moment, since he hadn't been that angry or extreme with Jessa yet.

I think the story is progressing very nicely, and you've managed to awaken my curiosity regarding the pandemic, the Council and Torah's past. Keep up the great work! :-)

Please tell me she gets back at him for the whipping. I'm all up for forced and brutal sex but what he did was just plain wrong and he just can't go back to being all nice and lovey and expect her to deal with it. That's unfair on her psyche.

I really hope he gets what he deserves or at least realizes the consequence of his actions and make's it up to her.

Apart for that, great writing and great story!

Eagerly waiting for the next chapter.

Jessa is tough. I hope we see her start to really resent Torch more and more every time he refers to a spanking and every time he punishes her until he starts to lose what he loves in her and realizes that he has to change. This could be amazing.

I am surprised that with how violent of sex he had with her to thr point where she bled and truly hurt inside, she hasn't had some mental effects from sex and some fear of hI'm she couldn't help but show him during sex.

This feels more evenly paced than the last 2 chapters and manages to add a certain intrigue to the story without making it seem forced.

Although I think the implications of Torah's violent actions and persona are too serious and dangerous to be brushed off so easily like that, this does seem more in tune with the 1st chapter and seems to be headed in a better direction.

I love how dark the last chapter was, and I hope that aspect comes back! CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

She's going to have whiplash being with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

I notice she is simply keeping the peace to prevent Mr Hyde from making an appearance. Keeping the peace is not love. Wanting to not be harmed is not having feelings for him. It is human nature to seek comfort when stressed or frightened and in her case the very thing that offers her comfort is the same thing that caused her stress. I hope she stumbles upon articles about Stockholm Sydrome but I suspect she is well aware that the comfort she finds in his arms is an illusion from a frightened mind.

I really like how you write, and the backstory seems very interesting, but I still have a problem with the psychological nuances. I was jarred when Jessa supposedly couldn't answer the question why she couldn't be "more cooperative" - are you kidding me? Her free will has been taken, she has been cruelly beaten and raped, and he can raise such questions??? Another jarring moment was when he was saying how he would like to have rough sex and is waiting a few days until she heals - again, are you kidding me, if rough sex hurt her like that, it will hurt her again, even without the whipping... And last, but not least, how could he say he is falling in love and be so easily angered at the same time? The way he whipped her, the way he drags her around, etc. - that kind of behaviour has nothing to do with love... Dominance is very difficult to square with actual proper love which is based on fundamental equality of persons, so I would prefer to see those elements somehow smoothed out so the psychology is more coherent...

I'm loving it! I like how strong he is and I like both his personalities!

I liked that we got more story in this chapter. But I wanted her to fight him more. She lost everything she wanted for herself. I feel like her just giving it up was sort or too easy.

i loved how this chapter gave us a back story and more of a feel about the characters. I'm excited to see the next chapter

They've stolen her life.

I love your story and glad he kind of said sorry but hope she doesn't for give him soon do wish she at least told him off he hurt her badly or at least he should of felt more guilty do wish she was closer to the her from the 1st part of the story where she was her own person and said what she wanted I guess stood up for her self more I almost wished that he would of caused issues for her to have a baby would of taught him a lesson don't get me wrong in some ways I like him but at same time hes an ass lol hes still its my way or no way just wish he would be more understanding of her not wanting this still hope in ways for hea but also one where she has what she wants and not everyone else wants please update soon

I love love this story and I can't wait to keep reading!! Deep inside I'd love it if I could live this story.

What her plans for her life were, and if Torah loves her enough to try and make them happen even in a small way... I love the soft discipline but the hardcore from the other chapter I could live without... great story... looking forward to more!

Has she so quickly forgiven and forgotten being whipped until she bled? Why isn't she still angry at being kidnapped, raped and bred like an animal? Why isn't she outraged that Torah casually tells her that his friend has permission to spank her like a naughty child. It's like her brain turned off. Or that the feisty, quick thinking girl from the first few chapters was just a facade for this meek little lamb.

I'm interested in the storyline but his character and her reactions turn my stomach.

(I know you are. I don't want you to change, Jessa. When I saw your file, I knew I wanted you to be the mother of my children. But when I saw you at Summer's End; the way you swam, the way you played volleyball, the way you handled the drunk jerks, even the way you resisted me, I knew I wanted you to be my wife. I want you to be the same Jessa, moving on to a new stage in her life. And I want it to be with me.")

Such a utter lie. He doesn't want her to change? So that's why when she shows any sort of drive or makes a choice contrary to what he wants he manhandles her and gets abusive? Seriously is he insane?

And I don't think I can read anymore, I infact feel misled

I liked her question about him being twins. It would go some way to explain the split personality. I hope Jessa is not fooled by soft Torah because he is obviously a real prick with no self control. There is no way that he could love her and harm her so badly.

write psychological themed stories.

In the mainstream world of fiction, you find the best authors have both an educational background and clinical experience in the worlds they write about: crime themed authors are typically former cops, legal themed authors were previously attorneys, medical themed authors, doctors, etc, etc.

I'm not saying there are not exceptions, but the exceptions are fueled by publishing house advances. The large advances enable months of research and self education in the subject the author is writing about. (these authors frequently have a background in journalism, which not only gives them experience as writers, but experience researching subject areas they are basing their work on.

The other advantage of advances is they facilitate the use of paid experts as subject area 'proof readers', to ensure the subject matter rings true to the reader.

My suggestion, if you have ambitions as an author and want to write psychologically themed stories is you invest some time in learning about human response and behavior.

As evidenced by readers' comments, both Torah and Jessa's actions and reactions don't ring true, otherwise you wouldn't have people hoping you 'fix' things in later chapters, saying they doubt they can continue reading or bluntly saying the characters don't seem authentic.

I myself agreeing with the all three sentiments. I've been around long enough, (I'm in my mid 60's), have a background & education which includes counseling and therapy, and have a been a student of human behavior my entire life, (since I was a child, I have been interested in why people act and react the way they do, and what motivates them.)

You watch people long enough and you begin to see patterns of motivation in certain behavior. It has been extremely helpful in my many business ventures, as well as professionally.

Frankly, after four chapters, I'm so confused by both characters actions and responses, I can't explain exactly what needs to be changed without spending a numbers of hours analyzing each character's behavior in the various situations you've put them in. In spite of my confusion, you've developed the characters well enough and I'm curious enough to give the story a few more chapters of my time, to see if the second half of the story is worth continuing with.

If you find readers dropping off, (a rough guide would be if the number of views at the end of each chapter drops precipitously in later chapters, and a much better indicator than number of stars, since Lit has a tendency towards 'star inflation'), don't consider the story a failure, but a valuable learning experience.

Thanks for all the work it takes to put together a well polished, and technically well executed story. I have read, literally, hundreds of Lit stories in the 15+ years since I discover Lit, and it is a pleasure to read someone's submission which is not riddled with grammatical errors and misspelled words.

A GREAT pleasure, and part of the reason I will most likely read the entire submission, unless it really goes 'off the rails, psychologically, in the second half of the tale.

GeoD

So now he LOVES her! I still hope his dick falls off! And how in the hell could the Dr. see the damage all the way inside her and completely overlook the skin breaking whip marks all over her body?

I'm enjoying the story very much. I wouldn't change anything. Stay faithful to how you're envisioning the characters to be. I'm actually more intrigued by the fact that Thorah has this "cruel"" and hard side to him. Otherwise Jessa would have easily twisted him around her fingers and I think readers would have liked that less.

Love love this story! its amazing how single minded some people here are , asking questions that have obvious answers, especially given its non- con, *eyeroll*. Amazing job ❤

"He continued the exquisite torment until she came again before he began thrusting faster, but still shallow, determined to stay clear of her cervix."

Wife's OBGYN asked her, "Does your husband have a really large penis?" I don't, by the way. Wife asked why, and OBGYN said "Because there's some scarring here on your cervix." Oops.

It didn't cause any problems, we have three kids. But I was more careful after that. Certain positions allow deeper thrusting. It's good information to have.

Im glad he owned up to his faults cause the last chapter was looking real rapey

Hard to figure this guy at this point. Reading on.

Went on and on far too long