by i_would
The constantly shifting viewpoint ruined it for me. I stopped reading midway through the first page.
You tried something different. Points for that. And you have a whimsical, educated, and fun tone about your writing. That's what made me want to finish. But I read these for quick relaxation and to be titillated and found this harder to follow than an expert three-card monte dealer. The androgeny idea especially started by his parents is cool and a bi-weekly couples sex club with the theme is hot. But in execution, it was just too diffiicult for me to follow. Keep writing.
Hugs & Kisses,
Di