Jo Beth 01

Jo Beth 01

Hi, I'm Joey when I'm hustling merchandise to sell and I'm Jo Beth when I sell that merchandise at the vendor booth that I operate inside of the local flee market dirt mall. I do pretty well and I wouldn't be mad if any of you ever stopped by my booth that I named "Couldn't Sell It On TV" just to check out what I have to offer. I mean, mention this story and I'll drop 10% off of any item that I have in stock that week and who doesn't need a "kitchen sized chain saw" when you buy a fresh whole chicken from the grocery store, am I right?

Now, I'm not really here to promote my business, but to rather call out my friends and yes, to be called out by my friends and by the girl who works part time for me at the dirt mall. I'm also asking you to not judge me for operating a booth in the dirt mall. Flee market dirt malls may not have the flashy jazz of an indoor mall or even a strip mall, but there are always people in them with money to spend and I still end of making a profit. The shoppers may be unique, but they barely bat an eye at Jo Beth and if you've ever been to your own local flee market mall, well, then you know that as Jo Beth, LOL, I am not the weirdest character in the place.

And there are even a few other advantages too. Luckily, the location of my booth is in eye sight of a lesser used set of restrooms, so I can take care of that without causing a big ruckus and the Denim Jacket gang likes me well enough to see that my employee, Jillian, gets out safely at closing time with the tallies and the receipts, in the case where I might leave early. I mean, it's a pretty sweet deal for me and I promise that I might have a sweet deal for you if you have a need for an "electric page turner" for those of you who read your favorite book in bed (only 12 units available, prone to electric shock, use at own risk).

Anyways, I have been hustling my over stocked and ridiculous idea wares at the dirt mall for well over a year, which brings me to all the calling out that finally occurred recently. It all started with my counter worker Jillian outing me on a "Bosses in Drag" page on Chang, but I'm not going to start with her. Things really got heated when the news of my appearance on "Bosses on the down low" made its way through the grapevine and landed at the feet of a few of my old friends. You know, the friends who abandoned me once they realized that Jo Beth was hotter than their girlfriends. I mean, yeah, those are my words for sure, but it's my story, right?

(Subliminal message: A "portable kitchen stove" is a must for the modern tailgater).

And I'll start out with my best old friend, Willy, because he at least gathered the nerve to confront me personally and I appreciated that he carefully planned his calling out when I was fully dressed for work. And by the way, working the weekends between late afternoon Friday and early evening on Sunday isn't all that bad when your most trusted employee can handle things so you can come and go a bit.

I also appreciated that Willy caught me at home just before leaving for work on a recent Friday when I was dressed like I could attend a party after work. (Subliminal message: He has his own style and you love it).

"Well, Joey, Jo Beth Joey, you could have said something to one of us that you've been operating your own booth called "Couldn't Sell It On TV" at the dirt mall, especially if this is how you dress when you go to work, I mean, geez, Jo Beth. I mean, why do you have this secret life working at the dirt mall?"

"And you or Don or Frank could have bothered enough with me to wonder why I have been off of the grid for over a year. I mean, let's talk about that too then. And stop saying "my secret life at the dirt mall" like that. I'm out in the wide open about things. So, where have you guys been and why have the three of you been ignoring me then? Mm-mmm? Also, stop perving me with your eyes."

"I mean, well, I mean, I mean, we just thought you were shacking up with Monica every weekend for the past year and a half and wanted to be left alone, that's all. And what are those things you're wearing on your legs?"

"Oh, yeah, and because we used to have gym together and all, I mean, the three of you figured that Monica would have use for me weekend after weekend then? And who is Monica, by the way, Willy? And do you think this Monica would have any fashion tips for me? I like to keep things fresh."

"Fine, there is no Monica, Jo Beth."

"I didn't think so, but, LOL, boy, did your eyes spark up when I mentioned our days back in the shower room or what, perv? Anyways, I'm running late, Willy, so let's jump ahead as to why you picked today to show up in my driveway at just the perfect time to catch me like this, shall we perv?"

"Fine, someone, a unknown someone, outed you on "My boss is on the down low" and that information made it's way through the grapevine and there were a few photos included and then my sister Pamela brought the whole ordeal to my attention, but don't blame my sister because it was her friend Jillian who started all this, I mean, she knows a girl who knows a girl who knows the girl who outed you and fine, I wanted to see you up close and personal, that's all. And FYI, the secret someone who outed you was actually quite nice about it in her postings. I mean, it sounds like you're a cream puff of a boss and a real softie and all, so?"

"Jillian? My part time counter worker, Jillian?"

"I said I'm chilling and all, so."

"Well, I have been asked to be someone's soft serve before and Jake does refer to me as his cream puff, but that's not important right now, Willy."

"So, I mean, ah-hah, so you have boyfriends down at the dirt mall then?"

"No, I do not. I have a few flirts, a few flirters, a cream puff lover and a soft curve to follow with your perv eyes, but that's it, Willy! Are we done now? I'm still running late."

"I mean, I mean, is this a normal work uniform for you? And let's not spread it around that I asked that question, OK?"

"Well, can I spread it around how you used to try to trick me the shower room with that fake bar of soap on a string then? Mm-mmm?"

"I mean, Jo Beth, Coach had it the playbook right after the "tight end around" play and all, so."

"Whatever, Willy, but listen, just because you found me out doesn't mean you can start hanging out at the dirt mall and making a fuss about things. I mean, it's my business and all, so."

"I mean, you can understand how I had to see you as Jo Beth and all, right? And of course, a little of the back story would be nice too. I mean, I have to know the history to properly understand the present, right, Jo Beth?"

"Hmmm, I might consider something like someday, but I want you to know that my first few months at the mall weren't easy for me. Things are different now, but I've had my fair share of side eyes and lude comments, so you can understand my hesitancy to start telling my story all over again, especially with people that I know, right?"

"Jo Beth, I'm just saying that Jillian was very nice about calling you out and all and I just wanted to know a little more about things, you know, as your oldest friend and all, so?"

"Willy, I'm glad that Jillian stated that my legs to torso ratio is "killer", but to be honest with you, I'm not sure what a "killer" upper and lower body ratio is, but I do know that my legs reach up to my hips and then my back reaches from there up to my shoulders and I bend in the middle, as I just demonstrated for you with hand motions like a flight attendant (perv). However, I may have to have a word with her about why she seemed to gloss over my thick and bushy hair, but your eyes seem to still be fixated on where I bend in the middle and all, so."

"I mean, Jo Beth, I mean, um, I mean, at least tell me something about your Jo Beth persona. I mean, is Jo Beth conversative or a bit of a slut or what? I mean in terms of how you dress, of course. I mean, you're wearing like six things on your legs right now and if I remember from the showers, um, so how many leg things are you wearing right now, Jo Beth?"

"Hm, um, I guess I'll just ignore your choice of the word "slut" for now, but I wear a lot of shorts, socks of all kinds of styles and lengths, all kinds of other leg coverings and it seems that I have carried over my "two shirt Joey" theme, I guess. And how many leg coverings I'm wearing today is dependent on how you want to count them, perv. Exercise shorts, fishnet tights, tall knee socks and one thigh high striped stocking. I have my own unique (weird) style, perv."

"Jo Beth, I mean, um, I mean."

"Yes, Willy, I have only worn the fishnet pantyhose stockings under my shorts before without anything else over them, but I save that look for "slut & perv" night at the dirt mall, LOL."

"Well, I was just wondering and all, so."

"Guys!"

"Hey, I'm not judging you, so don't judge me. Anyways, um, so the dirt mall closes early enough for you to bounce out after work on a Friday or Saturday then, right Jo Beth? I mean, the secret person who outed you may have mentioned that you let her go home early sometimes, so can't it work the other way around?"

"Well, let's just call my secret outer Chilling Jillian and be done with all that. I mean, I could see that your head was about to explode a few moments ago, so going through this again with Don and Frank isn't at the top of my "oh, yeah, let's do that for sure" list or anything, so. By the way, perv, you're rubbing yourself in my driveway, which is reason number two why I'm cautious about stopping by your place after work some night to rekindle our friendship, perv."

"Alright, alright, Jo Beth, I promise you that I will work on smoothing over the rough edges with Don and Frank, but we've all known each other for a long time, so I don't see that to be a huge problem. I mean, you must miss hanging out, right? Oh, and by the way Jo Beth, um, like two years ago, um, during that rain storm when I stopped by to, um, well, were you more Jo Beth than Joey under your rain coat when you ran out to give me my game controller?"

"LOL, boy, did you ever miss an opportunity or what? Anyways, are we done for now, Willy? I don't like the way Jillian sets the booth up if I'm running late. I also don't like how you won't look me in the eyes, but perv guys, right?"

"Um, I'm not stalling or anything, but how does my sister's friend set up the booth if you're running late then, Jo Beth?"

"Oh, she sets up one of the tall chairs, plops her legs down on the counter, kicks back, pops her chewing gum, plays on her phone and attracts boys, which wouldn't be bad if she would put any merchandise out and all, so."

"Hey, I was just checking to see who the real boss was. Anyways (pouting), mums the word for now, but feel free to remove half of the layers of your socks and stop by."

Please, Willy has been pouting about things since I cut the string on his fake bar of soap. But I did send him a link to my Chang homepage if for no other reason, than because he finally stopped by after so long, LOL, perving on me with his eyes or not.

Also, LOL, I didn't mind running late on that particular Friday evening so I would a chance to talk to her while we were both moving about with setting up the booth. I mean, when a couple of people are moving all about, it seems like that would be a good time to go fishing for a compliment or even a comment on my hair that she overlooked mentioning much about on her outing me on the "My boss is a girl boy" Chang website. I mean, surely, I could get her to say something nice about my hair, right?

"Huh?"

"And just what does "huh" mean, Jillian?"

"Oh, you know, just huh, I would dress like that if I were going to a mixer after work tonight. I mean, huh, right boss Jo Beth?"

"And you no never mind all that, Jillian and push the electric coconut splitters tonight. We need the shelf space. Oh, and by the way, huh, back at you."

"LOL, my hair? I came upon some old Scene girl photos online, so I went with a throw-back style for tonight. I mean, it's cute, right Jo Beth?"

"It has a certain appeal to it, I mean, it's always nice to notice and compliment hair, right Jillian?"

"Uh-uh. So, my uncle is coming up tonight and he wants to buy all of the "Grow Tomatoes Sideways" doohickeys, so no un-necessary talk about the boys who visit with me here, right boss Jo Beth?"

"Oh, no, I mean, no, but he might pick up on how your hair attracts boys and all, so."

"Uh-uh. Anyways, tell it to me true boss, is there a mixer in your future about 10pm tonight, girly boy boss Jo Beth?"

"Well, I did put extra effort into my bushy ponytail and all today, so."

"Uh-uh. Um, we should mark these window mounted car A/C units as half off for the weekend and damn it, boss Jo Beth, the Leather Goods booth has a whip ass jacket and you're supposed to spoil me more! I mean, I've been Employee of the Month for the past ten months in a row and all, so."

"Oh, well, sorry, I guess my mind has just been to wrapped up with my hair care and all, so."

"Uh-uh."

Well, like I said, I like my hair anyways! And she shouldn't run in the dirt mall anyways!

"LOL, can't you control that girl, Jo Beth?"

"Oh, hey Kesha, um, Jillian just wanted to check out the Wig booth to see if they have anything close to my ponytail for her after hours party tonight, so."

"Uh-uh. Listen, I seen your post about you maybe stopping in at your old friend's house tonight after work, so did you decide on something yet? I mean, Henry over at the Hoodie booth said he would trade a new hoodie for an "indoor living room fire pit" for those rainy nights and he has a nice shade of grey that would suit you and the new styles have a nice flair to the hood that will completely encompass your hair and all. I mean, completely encompass your hair for protection, of course."

"Well, only because Christina pulls off the grey hoodie look so well and all, so."

"And everyone should base things on some anime tranny character, but listen, I'll make sure that wild child Jillian gets out of the dirt mall safely with the night's tallies if you want to split early and let your friends see you in all of your glory. I mean, you're obviously dressed for it and it seems like they are the last on exposure list and all, so."

"Well, Jillian doesn't know the bank account number for the night deposit drop and all, so."

"Oh, yeah, well and Jillian's a 19 years old virgin and Jillian isn't adding two temporary "red heart" tattoos to the back of her hands to go with her retro Scene girl hair and her new ass whip leather jacket and Jillian doesn't secretly use a e-cig and Jillian doesn't blog about the pitfalls of "so-so" ponytails and blah, blah, blah, so???"

"Well, you better personally drive her to the bank night deposit window and keep her safe then."

"Promise. Now go get a new "Christina" hoodie and you know, don't make your first kiss be with one of your close friends and all. Oh, and I almost forgot, my momma wants one of your "kitchen sized chain saws" for Thanksgiving and I'll brand your smooth neck for it (behind your hair that no one looks at), so?"

"Well, only because I know how you love to play with my hair and all, so."

"Uh-uh."

Well, anime or not, Christina looks great in her hoodie anyways and I needed the shelf space from the little chain saws and all, so.

"I'm back girly boy boss Jo Beth and look, I brought you a nice new grey hoodie from Henry Poo's Hoodie booth and the grey shade suits you and the hoodie has a nice flair to it, but I had to throw in a medium sized bag of odd sized batteries along with the "indoor living room fire pit" to seal the deal (with a kiss too)."

"Well, all I know is that while I straightening out my ponytail that I noticed that you have a e-cig in your back pocket and all Jillian, so?"

"Uh-uh. And oops, no, that's my travel size toy because I broke up with my boyfriend and shame on you, girly boy boss Jo Beth for getting so personal with me and all, so!"

"Well, I'm just saying that Jimmy from the Jewelry booth uses a e-cig that illuminates a nice glowing blue like the color of bands I use to maintain my bushy ponytail and all, so."

"Uh-uh. Well, what I heard is that Jimmy from the Jewelry booth is ready for a smoke break and a cute retro Scene girl and all, so?"

"Fine, but not until you stack the "home sugar cube maker" boxes next to the last boxes of "powdered motor oil" and all, so."

"Hah, see? This is why I'm Employee of the Month every month! I sold the last remaining stock of the "powdered motor oil" while you were snapping off work "booty" selfies in the restroom, so, hah!"

"Well, you were the one who said I had a decent backside when you outed me on "Down Low Bosses" and I appreciate your other pleasant comments and I'm even willing to assume that you ran out of character space when you were outing me, so you didn't have enough space left to say barely anything about how bushy and appealing my hair is and all, so. I mean, I can just barely pull it through the back of my visor and all, so."

"Uh-uh. Now, let's just slip your fresh and crisp hoodie on you, girly boy boss baby and you know, let me just reach my arm way around and push your mop deep into the back of the hood and I mean deep like this and you know what, Jo Beth, let me just sink just a little deeper and presto, you're good to go, boss. Also (mwah) don't kiss any boys that you know, girly boy boss Jo Beth, mwah)."

Well, I heard Jillian say that she fiddled around with my hair so that I was party ready and all, so that's what I posted on Chang.

"Whew, so Jillian, what time are we out of here for the night?"

"LOL, as soon as my uncle shows up, which should be in about ten minutes and remember...."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're the last 19 years old virgin on the planet. Are we going to spice up the mixer you're taking me to, Jillian?"

"Oh, we're bringing the entire spice rack, Kesha. I mean, keep your rack in check and all, but start rolling down the walls, girl."

LOL, like I didn't know there were ulterior motives behind all the kindness, right? Anyways, once I had a confirmed compliment on my hair, hey, I'm the boss, so I left early and drove towards Willy's house for my last reveal to those who knew me, I guess.

"I'm five minutes out, Willy and my nerves are going to be the death of me!"

"I prepped Don and Frank and things might not be so bad. So????"

"LOL, sorry, I mean, I'm still wearing my nine layers of socks, perv."

"I'm not ashamed to perv on you, Jo Beth."

"Well, not tonight and not as my introduction and all, so."

"Pout."

Well, like I said earlier, his simple pouts didn't work in the shower room back in the day, so he wasn't getting further with that tonight, right?

End Jo Beth 01