Joan of Snark Ch. 04

As Joan ascended the steps of the church, she glanced up at the stained glass windows. None of the lights seemed to be on, which was rather odd. Did Father Ben cancel confession? Would she even be able to get into the building? Or were all of the doors locked? She grabbed the thick brass handle of the main entrance and pulled. As the heavy wooden door creaked open, Joan peeked inside. She did not see anyone. But she thought she had better go check the confessional just in case.

Her footsteps echoed through the dark empty church as she approached the dark wooden booth. She knocked on the door of the priest's compartment and waited a moment. But there was no answer. If there's no one here, than why are the doors unlocked, Joan wondered. The place was dead quiet.

However, a haunting call from behind abruptly broke the silence. Joan reflexively spun around and looked up. Up above in the balcony, perched on top of the pipe organ, was the unmistakable figure of an owl. It stared down at Joan with its big round eyes. Then it loudly shrieked at her. Joan was so startled and shaken, she had to grab onto the back of a pew to steady herself. How on earth did an owl find its was into the church?

The owl unfolded its wings and spread them out to their full span. And then, with a slight hop, it descended from its perch on the top of the pipe organ. It swooped down and flew right toward Joan.

Joan let out a frightened yelp and immediately dropped down into a low squat. She tucked her chin into her chest and curled herself up into a ball. She held her hands protectively over her head. The owl flew above her, coming within a few inches of the terrified teenager. It passed over her with a giant swoosh. The gust it created tousled the hair at the nape of her next.

Completely rattled, Joan raised her head and cautiously looked behind her. The owl landed on the crucifix, which was mounted on the wall behind the altar. As the bird of prey perched itself on top of Jesus, it hooted loudly and closed its wings. It took a seat surrounded by the crown of thorns. It appeared to be making itself comfortable, nestling on top of Christ's head.

What on earth was going on? The previous evening, she had been startled by a crow on the rectory's veranda. Then she was aggressively chased by a menacing goat in her nightmare. And now an owl had almost flown into her head. Joan had never exactly been an animal lover before. And these recent incidents were certainly not doing anything to change that.

She decided to get out of the church before the owl could make a second attempt at attacking her. So she quickly ran down the center aisle and dashed through a door that led behind the altar. She shut it firmly behind her so that the owl could not get in.

She was now in a vestibule where the priest and altar boys usually prepared for mass. She walked across the room and passed through another door, which led outside into the rear courtyard. Off to the right of the churchyard was a small chapel, usually used for baptisms. And to the left hand side were the graves of some of the deceased priests and deacons, who had previously served at the church.

Joan knew better than to be afraid of grave sites and cemeteries. Once people were dead, they could not hurt you. And besides, she had a killer owl after her. That was much more threatening than some old bones rotting six feet below the ground. But still, Joan had never before been in the churchyard at night. The faint moonlight cast irregular shadows onto the grass and stone walls. There were weird rustling noises coming from the bushes in the garden. The evening breeze felt much cooler than it should have been, considering that it was mid-June. Straight ahead was the back of the rectory. Joan hurried toward it, climbed up the steps of the back porch and knocked on the door.

A few moments later, the back entrance swung open. But it was not Father Ben who greeted her. Instead, Joan was facing a woman who appeared to be in her late twenties. She was dressed in tight jeans and a fitted black t-shirt. Her long thick wavy hair cascaded over her shoulders. She was rather slender, quite tall, noticeably pale and very beautiful. As she smiled at Joan, the woman's green eyes seemed to sparkle.

"Yes, can I help you?" Her confident voice was slightly throaty.

"Um, I'm looking for Father Ben." Joan tried her best to mask her surprise and confusion. Who on earth was this woman? Father Ben's sister maybe?

"He just stepped out for a few minutes. But he should be back soon. Are you here for confession?"

"Um ... no. Well ... maybe. Sort of. But ... not exactly," Joan stammered. It was absolutely none of this woman's business why Joan was at the rectory. "I just really need to speak with Father Ben."

The woman smiled. "Sure, no problem! I'm sure he'll be back any minute now. He just went out to get us another bottle of wine."

Another bottle of wine? Joan tried her best not to frown. But she could not help but notice that Father Ben's visitor appeared to be without a bra. As the unseasonably cool breeze blew through the churchyard, the woman's nipples stiffened under the fabric of her t-shirt.

"Aren't you cold?" Joan asked.

"Nope," Father Ben's guest replied simply. Then she stepped back and held the door open. "Would you like to wait for Benny inside?"

Benny?

"Uh ... yeah ... sure," Joan mumbled as she walked through the back door of the rectory.

"The living room is right through here," the woman said, leading the way.

"I know," Joan said a little more sharply than she had intended. "I work here."

"Oh, do you? Is that why you're here now? It seems kind of late to be starting work."

"No, I'm not scheduled to work this evening. I just need to talk with Father Ben. That's all."

"Oh?" The woman plopped down on the couch in the living room. She folded her long lean legs under her. Her feet were bare. Her toenails were painted burgundy. She picked up a glass from the coffee table, which was about a third full. "In need of a little spiritual advice? Looking for some of Father Ben's experienced and wise guidance?" She winked at Joan as she took a sip of wine.

"What?" Joan took a seat in an arm chair on the other side of the coffee table. "I don't know," she shrugged. "Something like that. It's ... it's between me and Father Ben."

"Sure, I understand." The woman put her glass back down. With both of her hands free, she leisurely ran her fingers through her lustrous mane. She collected all of her tresses together and placed them over her right shoulder. She stroked her hair and smoothed it down over her breast.

As Joan watched the woman, she suddenly began to feel rather self-conscious about her own plain brown bob. As she noted the woman's tight pants and clingy t-shirt, Joan could not help but regret the long skirt and baggy sweater she had chosen to wear. The reason for her visit was to apologize to Father Ben for her inappropriate and forward behavior. So she had made sure to dress modestly. But comparing herself to the woman sitting across from her, she just felt frumpy.

"You said Father Ben will be back soon?" Joan asked.

As if on cue, the front door of the rectory opened.

"Speak of the devil," the woman chuckled. "There's Benny now. Hey Benny!" the woman called out. "You have a visitor."

Father Ben came strolling into the living room carrying a canvas shopping bag.

"Joan, what a pleasant surprise! What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to talk to you about something, Father."

"Oh? You're still not thinking about quitting, are you? Remember our deal, Joan. You agreed to work here until Father O'Connor gets out of the hospital."

"Um ... no, it's not about that. I ... uh ... I'm sorry. I didn't know that someone else was going to be here." Irritated, Joan looked across at the woman lounging on the couch.

"Oh, you mean Lil?" Father Ben gestured at his guest. He placed the shopping bag down on the coffee table and sat down on the couch next to the woman. "Have the two of you not introduced yourselves?"

"Hi Joan, I'm Lil. It's nice to meet you." Without getting up, the woman leaned over and extended her arm, offering her hand to Joan.

Joan reached across and grudgingly took it. The older female's fingers were lengthy and tapered. Her nails were not so long, but they were painted to match her toes. As the woman's fingers wrapped around Joan's, she enveloped Joan's hand in a firm grip. Looking into Joan's face with her green eyes, she smiled and gave one slow intentional shake. As her grasp loosened and she released Joan's hand, the woman's fingertips trailed along the sensitive skin of Joan's palm. Joan shivered as she quickly withdrew her hand and sat back in the armchair.

Joan tried to smile, but it looked like more of a grimace. "It's nice to meet you, Lillian," Joan said with cool civility.

"'Lillian?' Oh no! 'Lil' isn't short for 'Lillian,'" the woman laughed. "My name is Calla Lily."

Calla Lily. The woman's name was Calla Lily. Of course her fucking name's 'Calla Lily,' Joan thought bitterly. Obviously she could not just have a regular name like a normal person.

Joan tried not to roll her eyes. "Oh, Calla Lily? That's a very ... unique ... name." It was the only thing that she could think of to say.

"Yeah, I suppose it is," Lil nodded without seeming to acknowledge Joan's sarcasm.

"Fun fact!" Father Ben reached into the canvas shopping bag and pulled out a bottle of wine. "Calla lilies are often associated with the Virgin Mary." He pointed across the room at a painting on the far wall depicting the Madonna and child.

"A symbol of the Virgin Mary, huh?" Joan fixed her gaze on the other woman. Her eyes drifted down to Lil's large, perky unsupported bust and pointed nipples. "Calla Lily - it suits you," she said dryly.

"Thanks," Lil grinned. Then she looked over at Father Ben, who was twisting open the bottle of wine in his hands. "A screw cap," she scoffed. "Wow, real classy, Bub!"

"Only the very best for my special gal!" he joked as her refilled Lil's glass. She playfully smacked him on the arm. Father Ben looked across the room at the teenage girl. "Would you like a glass, Joan?"

Joan did not come to the rectory to drink alcohol. Too much wine was part of the reason why she had behaved so irresponsibly the evening before. She was visiting Father Ben to make an apology. She was right about to decline the offer of a libation. But then suddenly changing her mind she said, "Sure, alright!"

"I'll go get you a glass." Father Ben got up from the couch and made his way through the dining room and into the kitchen.

Joan looked over at Lil, who was slowly circling the rim of her wine glass with the tip of her finger. The polish on her nail matched the color of her beverage almost perfectly. Wanting to break the awkward silence, Joan asked, "So Lil, how do you know Father Ben?" Given their behavior around each other, Joan was not sure if she actually wanted to hear the real answer.

"Oh, Benny and I? We go waaaaaay back. We've known each other for years!"

"I met her when she was just a young girl." Father Ben returned to the living room with a clean glass and sat back down on the couch. "You had just broken up with Adam around the time that we met."

"Uh!" Lil groaned in disgust. "Don't remind me of him. Don't even say his name. He was such an asshole!"

"Well, let's just say that your ex had some outdated ideas about how men and women should treat each other," Father Ben said diplomatically.

He poured some wine into the glass, which he had retrieved from the kitchen. He handed it to Joan. He then refilled his own wineglass.

"What exactly did your ex do that was so terrible?" Joan earnestly inquired.

"Don't even get me started." Lil shook her head. "When it came to romantic relationships, he acted like he was from the stone-age. His notions about woman were absolutely archaic!"

"He thought that being a 'real man' meant behaving like a neanderthal," Father Ben explained to Joan.

"Well, it's a good thing you guys broke up," Joan said.

"Yeah, eventually. As messy as that was," Lil sighed.

"You got through it." Father Ben offered her a sympathetic smile and affectionately squeezed her arm.

"Yeah, all thanks to you, Bub!" She smiled back and gave the young priest and an appreciative pat on his thigh.

"Why do you call him 'Bub?'" Joan asked, interrupting the two friends.

"Oh, it's just an old nickname," Lil chuckled.

"How old?" Joan did not care for being left out of their inside jokes.

"Oh, I can't remember exactly. Lil has been calling me Bub for ages." Father Ben raised his glass. Making a toast, he declared, "To old friends!" Then, looking over at Joan, he quickly added, "And new!"

"To old friends and new," both women repeated in unison as the three of them clinked classes.

Joan took a rather large gulp of her wine, as she suspiciously glanced over at the woman with the long beautiful hair. Joan was not exactly sure what she had been expecting to happen that evening at the rectory . But she certainly had not expected to meet Lil.

"So Joan, what did you want to talk about?" Father Ben set his glass down on the coffee table.

"Oh ... that. Right ..." Joan took another sip of wine. Lil and Father Ben looked at her expectantly. "I ... um. Well, the thing is Father Ben, I was kind of hoping to speak with you alone."

Father Ben and Lil looked at each other, subtly raising their eyebrows.

"Say no more!" Lil put down her wineglass and stood up. "Obviously the young lady is in need of your all knowing wisdom, Father," she said with a slight smirk. "I'll give the two of you some privacy. If anyone needs me, I'll be out on the back porch vaping."

Lil smiled at Joan as she patted Father Ben on the head, messing up his hair. He laughed and swatted her hand away. As Lil strode across the living room, her unfettered breasts bounced slightly under her shirt. The points of her nipples rubbed against the black material. She walked through the dining room and into the kitchen. She grabbed a long slim silver object off of the kitchen table and exited out the back door.

"She's out on the back porch 'vaping.'" Joan shot Father Ben an accusatory look.

"Oh, I'm sure she probably has a prescription for that." Father Ben made a dismissive gesture with his free hand.

"Aren't you suppose to be listening to confessions tonight?" Joan asked disapprovingly.

"Yeah, but then Lil showed up earlier than I expected. We got to talking about old times. And I guess I forgot about confession," he said, not seeming too concerned. "I'm sure the good congregants of St. Vincent's can last one night without unburdening themselves of their transgressions."

Joan's big brown eyes widened. She was somewhat shocked by the young priest's casual attitude toward neglecting his duties.

"Alright Joan, now that it's just the two of us, what do you have to tell me?"

"Well Father, I just wanted to say ... about last night ... that I'm ... I'm so..." She stopped herself. Then furrowing her brow, Joan blurted out, "Father, why is SHE here?"

"Who? Lil?"

"'Who?' Who else? Yes, of course I'm talking about Lil!" Then she sardonically added, "Or should I say ... 'Calla Lily?'"

"Joan," Father Ben said, trying to stifle a laugh, "we've already told you. Lil and I are just old friends. We hadn't seen each other in a while. So I invited her to come visit me," Father Ben explained. "There's nothing untoward going on."

"But you're a priest. You can't have women come visit you at the rectory at night." Joan wanted to keep her tone neutral, but it was obvious that she was upset.

"You're a woman and you came to visit me," Father Ben pointed out.

"That's different. I work here," Joan argued.

"You weren't scheduled to work this evening."

"I came over to apologize to you."

"Well Joan, I must say that this is by far one of the strangest apologies I've ever received," Father Ben snickered. "It's right up there with your confession being one of the most unusual confessions that I've ever heard," the young priest teased.

Joan's cheeks turned bright pink as Father Ben reminded her of their first meeting the day before. She cringed with embarrassment.

"Joan, I'm flattered that you're jealous," Father Ben grinned as he took another swallow of his wine. "But Lil and I have known each other for so long, she's practically like a sister to me at this point. We've been through alot together. With both have ... issues ... with our families. Neither one of us are on speaking terms with our father. Over the years she's become a very important person in my life. But we're just old friends. Alright?"

Joan lowered her eyes and stared down at her glass of wine. "I'm sorry, Father. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. And I'm sorry about what I said ... and did ... in the confessional yesterday. And I'm sorry about kissing you last night. I shouldn't have asked you if I could stay overnight at the rectory. And I shouldn't have tried to make you touch me like that."

"All is forgiven, my child," Father Ben mockingly proclaimed as he raised his glass toward Joan.

Joan brought her glass to touch his. "Thanks," she said somewhat sheepishly. "But just for the record, I'm not jealous of you or your ginger girlfriend," she asserted.

"Noted," Father Ben sniggered.

"Is it okay to come back in?" Lil poked her head into the living room.

"What do you say Joan?" Father Ben looked over at Joan and mischievously raised his left eyebrow.

Joan sighed. She did not relish the idea of once again becoming the third wheel. With Lil and Father Ben having been friends for so long, it was inevitable that Joan was going to feel like the odd one out. But what other choice did she have? Joan reluctantly nodded her head.

"All clear," Father Ben announced as Lil reentered the living room. "This has once again become a safe space for gingers," he joked.

"Good to know," Lil giggled as she sat back down on the couch.

She was sitting even nearer to the attractive clergyman than she had been previously. Their thighs were practically touching, Joan observed with annoyance.

"So you two got everything all sorted out?" Lil lifted her feet bare up onto the sofa and sat in a crossed legged position.

"What do you think, Miss Hubert? Are we good?" Father Ben asked as he put a friendly arm around Lil's shoulders. His hand came to rest on her upper chest. His finger tips stroked the material of her shirt not far from her breast.

Joan narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, of course," she said flatly and then drained her glass. Lil was like a sister to him? What a bunch of bullshit, Joan silently seethed.

"Can I offer you a refill?" Father Ben offered.

"No thanks, Father. I should probably head out now," Joan said, getting up from her seat. "I have school in the morning."

"Oh come on, Joan. Just stay for one more drink," Lil gently cajoled. "We've barely had a chance to talk. I'd really love to get to know you better. I have a feeling that you and I could be really good friends." Once again, she winked at Joan.

Was this woman making a pass at her, Joan wondered. If Lil was being so touchy-feely with Father Ben, why was she now suddenly flirting with Joan? Was Lil sexually fluid? Was she trying to initiate a three-way or something? Joan decided that it would be safer to leave so she would not have to find out Lil's true intentions.

"I have to be up early tomorrow. And my mother will be wondering where I am," said Joan.

"Well, at least let me walk you out." Lil got up from the couch.

"No. That's really not necessary," Joan replied through gritted teeth.

"Oh, I insist." Lil took Joan's arm. The slightly older woman clasped her fingers around Joan's elbow and gave a subtle but noticeable squeeze. Joan bristled at the uninvited touch.