Johanna and Maxine Pt. 06

MAKING A DECISION

My apologies for not posting this sooner, I've had a few other projects in the works!

In the previous part both Johanna and Maxine have connected with other women but Johanna has doubts about her ex girlfriend, Shona, and Maxine is considering a future with Linda despite her upcoming date with Johanna. As the weekend approaches however the fates spin their web and both women will find themselves enmeshed in it.

Author's note. A car boot is the same as a trunk in America, a trailer is a cart that is towed behind a car, Victoria Bitter is a brand of beer, commonly shortened to VB and alkie is the shortened version of alcoholic.

For years, Johanna had longed for a permanent relationship and to that end she'd been involved with a few women who apparently wanted the same thing. Unfortunately though, actions speak louder than words and she was frequently disappointed. The closest she'd come was Shona, who spent three or four days a week at her place but even though she'd dropped hints that she wanted to settle down it never happened. She'd always said that her place in Launching Place was too good to give up. Shona lived on a hundred fifty-hectare property with several others, it'd been set up by a wealthy couple when the Flower Power movement was coming to its inevitable end.

David and Jenny Gladsen seemed nice enough on the outside but the deal they had set up for the 'owners' of the various housing units was straight out of the trickle down economics bible. A select few investors owned the units but they didn't live in them. Instead they leased them to other people with the promise that if they lived in the huts for five years, they'd get a five percent discount on the final purchase price.

It sounded good in theory until one factored in the annual property valuation when the houses were valued up but your five percent discount was based on the original price in the contract. If you hung on for five years then your five percent discount decreased to less than one percent and Gladsens and their partners would rake in more profit.

Shona however was blind to the scam and in hindsight Johanna put that down to her alcohol addiction because she'd seen it for what it was, a way of fleecing lower income people out of their hard earned cash. Thus, when Shona tried to get her to move in and take part in the scheme she'd resisted quite firmly and then pushed back, suggesting that she move into her place instead, which led in time to a breakdown in their relationship.

In the aftermath she could see that she'd been trying to rescue Shona from a difficult situation. She couldn't vacate the house without repaying a portion of the rent she'd already paid. Shona was still there but last night she'd admitted over the phone that she needed to get out of the situation. A quick call to Melanie was encouraging because she'd already dealt with the Gladsens.

"They can't impose a penalty on her for vacating providing she gives them a months notice, it's a bluff and we've had three clients over the last eighteen months who've sought legal advice."

"How are they still allowed to operate?"

"It's a fine balance between strategic appeals and payouts but my source with the tax department tells me that their days are numbered, which is code for they're going to be audited and no appeals are going to put off the inevitable but put her in touch with me if she needs help. As I just said it's a bluff, if she gives them notice and just leaves the place in good condition there's fuck all they can do, but get her to take pictures before she leaves just in case."

That phone call was last night after Shona had left but tonight when she'd put it to her Shona was a little dubious.

"Sure, I could leave but my only option would be my sister's joint or here."

"Here? Why my place?"

"Isn't it time I made a commitment?"

Johanna frowned as she replayed the rest of the conversation. She knew about Shona's sister, Julie, the older sister had learned plenty from their mother's alcohol and drug addiction, a lifestyle that took her life. Julie became the good girl, primarily because she was also the surrogate mother for her younger sister and mother. Shona had introduced them and Julie could be quite composed and not a fan of small talk. Nevertheless, she was stable, as opposed to her younger, wilder sister who drank too much and wasn't above snorting drugs. Should she give way and let her move in? Had she really changed or was this just part of her survival strategy?

Johanna blinked and shifted in her seat as Shona came back from the toilet. Shona had just laid her cards on the table. She wanted to move in, but she had conditions. Johanna had to commit herself fully and that meant getting rid of Maxine as a friend, but not totally, she could be friends but Shona wanted to vet her first.

"So," Shona sat down opposite her, "have you decided yet?"

"I'm confused," she frowned, "you want me to get rid of Maxine but I can still be friends? How does that even work?"

"You can be friends but I need to get to know her first."

"That sounds as if you're trying to take over."

"I'm just making sure that this is what you really want, you have to understand that."

Johanna let her breath out slowly as she processed this.

"You've been back less than a week and you're already up to your old tricks. I've got other friends, do you want to check them out first as well?"

"You have to see this from my perspective, I'm the orphan here. I just need to feel secure. You must understand that."

"I do understand but you've been gone for so long, I've moved on and so have you but it's been three days. Why can't you stay where you are or move into another place and we see each other a couple of times a week?"

"So you can see other women behind my back?" Shona's eyes narrowed, "I'm the one putting out here."

"No, I'm the one putting out. This is my place, I want to have my own space and I need it right now. I've had to rebuild my life after you and now you're back and trying to make the rules up as you go along. This isn't the way it works, I get to keep Maxine as a friend and I get to keep my other friends too and if you can accept that then there's a place for you but if you can't then I don't know what else to do."

Shona stared at her and then threw her hands in the air.

"I get it, you need to think things through but I have to go to work," she rose.

Johanna didn't reply as Shona headed to the door but as she reached it she turned to face her.

"I know it's a big decision but think about it," she stepped forward and kissed her.

Johanna frowned as Shona left and not for the first time she found herself wondering why she'd let this happen again. Was it her need to feel needed? An urge to connect with someone, anyone? Or was she just flogging a dead horse? She returned to the couch and collapsed into it and stared at the sofa chair she'd occupied a few minutes ago and replayed the conversation.

Phone someone, she ran a hand through her hair.

"Fuck it," she picked up the phone.

A few moments later Penny answered the phone and Johanna swallowed.

"Is um, is Robyn there?"

"She's doing some deliveries, do you want me to take a message?"

"Maybe," she swallowed.

"Are you all right?" Penny asked her.

"No," she sighed, "I'm caught between a rock and a hard place."

"Go on," she replied.

***

Maxine studied her reflection in the rear view mirror as she sat outside Linda's house, she'd just touched up her makeup, she looked good on the outside but inside she was a bundle of nerves. She hadn't meant to come here after work. The arrangement had been for Thursday but the urge had come upon her on the way home from work tonight and so she'd driven past the turn off to her road and kept going all the way to Linda's house. She had no idea what she was doing, only that she had an itch she couldn't scratch. Wednesday was the first time she'd felt somewhat normal, yesterday she had felt as if she was in a dream world.

Everything had felt a little out of sync as if she was standing outside her body watching herself and only vaguely aware of her surroundings. When her colleagues first noticed it on Monday morning she said she'd had a rough weekend. Only Cheryl had deduced the truth.

"You're in love," she'd teased her in the canteen.

"Maybe," she bit her lip.

"Ooh, so what's his name?"

She had used the excuse that it was early days but she'd reveal it all later, and fortunately Cheryl had been her backup, taking some work off her hands. Last night however she'd finally called Linda and asked if they could meet up sometime this week and Thursday was agreed upon.

"I don't have a meeting that night," Linda explained.

Maxine's eyes shifted as the front door opened to reveal Linda. The older woman had obviously just come back from work judging by her pale pink blouse and light brown trousers. Their eyes met and she opened the car door and grabbed her handbag. She felt a twinge of anxiety because she hadn't even called her first, the decision to drop in after work was totally spontaneous.

Seize the moment.

She gave herself the once over as she locked the door. The black midi skirt matched the jacket and contrasted with the white blouse. She flicked at her hair and walked to the front door. Linda had an odd look in her eyes as if she was considering something.

"Hiya," she greeted.

"Hello," Linda smiled tightly, "I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just wanted to have this talk sooner, but if it's a bad time?"

"It might be," she replied, "I've um, got a friend here."

"Oh, well... I can come back tomorrow if you want."

"I might not be around tomorrow," she glanced over her shoulder, "excuse me," she took a step back and held up her palm to someone inside to signal five minutes.

"In the car," she stepped out but left the door open, "sorry about all this, something just happened."

"What just happened?" Maxine glanced at her.

Linda didn't reply until they were both in the car.

"A newish member nearly picked up a drink but decided to come here instead, I met her through my old sponsor at a meeting."

"Oh, so, I shouldn't be here then?"

"I didn't say that. Don't feel guilty, she's been involved with a woman while she was drinking but a few days ago she went back to make amends and one thing led to another and she nearly drank."

"It sounds serious," Maxine commented.

"It's kinda serious. I'm not her sponsor but I do know her sponsor. She's dropped in here because I'm gay and her sponsor is straight," she smirked, "but unfortunately I've told her the same things her sponsor told her."

"Okay, well... maybe I should let you get back to it."

"I'm okay for a few minutes," she stared out the window.

"That's totally cool," Maxine inclined her head, "I understand."

Linda stared at her and then she nodded, "thank you. I'm sorry we can't have our talk tomorrow but maybe on Friday or Saturday, assuming things have settled down a bit."

Maxine stared at the house and then let her breath out slowly.

"I'm actually going out with Johanna on Friday night for dinner, sorry about that."

"Why? We're not in a relationship. I made that clear," their eyes met, "and it's not idle talk either, you can see who you want and make up your own mind. So, go out with Johanna and if you and her want to have a second date then so be it."

Maxine blinked and then stared at her, "that sounds so?"

"Noble? Modest? A little too condescending?" Linda spoke for her.

"It's not, trust me. A few years ago I would've been scratching her eyes out but things change, I'm not the same person as I was back then."

"So what're you saying? That I should take my chances with Johanna?"

"Not exactly, but you do like her, don't you?"

"I do, but I'm still on the edge. I've gone further with you than anyone else and everything is still a little bit... unsettled if you know what I mean."

"Give yourself time to adjust. Go out with Johanna and if things get heated don't be afraid to take it a bit further and if you're still undecided then we can have our talk and see what arrangements we can come to, if any. It's kind of similar to when I stopped drinking, I wanted five years sobriety in five days and my sponsor said fine, but you'll be five years older. Do you really want that?" Linda turned to her.

"And our friend in there is in much the same boat, trying to run before she can walk. Give yourself the time to work out what you want and if I'm still here then good and well, but if not then don't feel as if you've done the dirty on me. We're both adults, okay?"

"Okay," Maxine stared at the window as a woman stepped over to it. Linda also looked at her and then she turned back to her.

"Can you do me a favour tonight?"

"Sure, just name it."

"I need you to get rid of some booze. She brought it with her and I want it out of the house, drink it or give it away but while it's still sitting there it's a temptation for her."

"Of course. I can do that."

"Thanks, wait here," she opened the door.

Maxine watched her walk back inside. This new turn of events had taken her by surprise. Should she be sad, happy or a mixture of both? It'd felt as if Linda was trying to push her away but if so then it was the nicest let down she'd ever experienced. It wasn't she decided a moment later. Linda had left the door open, if she wanted to walk inside.

Linda stepped outside a few minutes later carrying a six pack of Victoria Bitter and a half bottle of vodka. Shona once again appeared at the window and Maxine stared at her as she tried to sum her up but you couldn't tell much about her from this distance and it wasn't as if they'd met.

"There you are," Linda handed the alcohol to her, "she doesn't want anything for it."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, I mean I could've asked her but this is a small price for her to pay."

"No worries," she took the alcohol from her, "I hope she makes it."

"I hope so too, but she's done the right thing. I think this was just a spontaneous urge but she called her sponsor and that means a lot. She's really trying but like a lot of us she gets the cart before the horse and that's never a good look," she glanced over her shoulder.

"I have to get back in there but call me again and let me know how you went with Johanna."

"I will, for sure."

As she drove away a minute later Maxine was seized with a sudden sadness. It was as if Linda was saying goodbye but without saying the words. She glanced at her phone and on an instinct, made up her mind.

Let's see how Johanna is getting on.

***

Maxine squinted at Johanna's house. She knew the house number but despite Johanna's car being in the drive, she still wanted to mentally prepare herself before knocking. She studied the house with an eye for detail. It looked pleasant with a well kept garden and a low brick wall out the front. She glanced over her shoulder at the car and then she heard footsteps as Johanna approached the door. She swallowed at the look on her face a moment later, she looked as if she'd been crying although maybe that was an illusion.

"Hey," she smiled, "I just thought I'd drop in and check out your place for a change."

"Come in, sorry if I'm not smiling. It's been an odd day."

"What happened?" Maxine stepped inside.

"Shona rang me to tell me we can't be together."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's too early to say," she replied, "but it looks like Susan might have been right."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm trying to help her but she doesn't want my help and I get it, I'm not an alcoholic but I'm just a bit worried she might pick up a drink, things have been a bit of a mixed bag lately.

Maxine's eyes shifted as she thought of Linda. She hadn't mentioned the woman by name but it was entirely possible that Shona was the person she'd seen fifteen minutes earlier.

"So what happened?" Maxine perched on the couch.

Johanna frowned and a moment later she let it all out, starting with the initial visit and ending with the ultimatum that she move into Johanna's place and more worryingly, get rid of her friends or at the very least allow her to approve of them. Maxine listened without interruption and resisted the urge to show her displeasure, instead she put on her professional face.

"She sounds very insecure," she pursed her lips, "and I'm leaving out the fact she's in recovery but taking control like that isn't a healthy way to live. I don't know much about lesbian relationships but I'm pretty sure that keeping someone all to yourself is unhealthy."

"It worried me," she admitted, "I've been stressing about it all fucking day, I wasn't expecting that kind of thing. It was something we talked about, the moving in syndrome but she was always tied to that bloody hippy commune, if that's the right word for it."

Maxine's puzzled look caused her to explain the nature of the Gladsen commune, she included her opinion of it and finished with Melanie's prediction that the ATO had them under a microscope at the moment.

"Melanie says that their days are numbered, so I could have Shona knocking on my door of of these days."

"Maybe so but you said she's got a sister? Why can't she move back there? Or find another house to rent? It can't just come down to you, that isn't fair on you or her. She may have been through a bit and I'm not denying it's hard but she has to make decisions for herself and stop dumping all her shit on you or someone else."

"I can't help feeling like it was my fault," she replied.

"Why is it your fault? We're all human, we make mistakes. I could be making one by going on a date with you tomorrow, I could've made a mistake by sleeping with Linda last weekend but so be it, we're allowed to make mistakes," she replied.

"I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place," she shifted in her seat and propped her chin on her elbow, "it's why I feel guilty."

"So was she, don't let the weight of the world drag you down. You're a good person, I wouldn't be going out with you tomorrow night if I didn't think so."

Johanna stared out the window and Maxine spoke again.

"Look if you want to cancel it then fine, but I'd be disappointed, so why don't you try to focus on the day and stay in the moment, it's up to you but if she's taken a stand then respect it."

"You're right," she replied, "it all sounds so fucking simple now but it was tearing me apart. I can see what she's doing but there's an emotional attachment."

"I agree and it's really complicated, but sitting there trying to fix her problems won't fix them, she will probably find another problem for you to fix or try and fix yours instead. I'm only going by the things Linda told me the other night, she called it codependency. She was in relationships where they took turns rescuing each other but in the end she was just staving off the inevitable. She needs to get sober first and deal with the person who made her drink in the first place, herself."

She ran a hand through her hair.

"But don't take my word for it, Linda's a better person to talk to but the way she explained it made perfect sense to me, especially when it came to my dad and she's good to talk to."

"Maybe I will," she replied.

"So," she propped on her palm, "are we going out tomorrow night?"

"Sure," she nodded, "we will, but what about Linda?"

"Linda," she smiled, "she's helping another member but she basically told me to come back to her after I've gone out with you."

"I don't understand?" Johanna frowned.

Maxine told her as much as she knew, which wasn't much. Admittedly, she kept the details of the new member to herself because although she was pretty sure Shona was at Linda's she didn't think it was a good idea to share that kind of information. She did however let her know that Linda knew a bit about her and Maxine admitted that she was attracted to Johanna but was still unsure.