John Becomes Jen

I began to think of what had been Jen's clothes as being my clothes. Also I seemed to swivel away from thinking of myself as John to identifying as Jen. The problem came at the end of the fall term. It was the holiday break, and my parents expected me to come home for the holidays. Well, actually they expected John to come home for the holidays, not Jen.

That was somewhat of a problem. I was pretty much Jen all the time now and as I said, had small boobs, but still had boobs. I guess for a short visit, it was easy enough to wear boy jeans and tops and tennis shoes instead of the flats or low heels I was used to. It also meant no nail polish and no makeup. I had a sports bra that sufficed to flatten my breasts, if I took out the padding. That was a start.

I wore another shirt over my tee, to try to hide my sports bra and brushed my hair to look more male. Still I was nervous as hell as I got to my parents' house. My mother looked at me funny, but I went to what had been my room when I lived at home. I really wanted to go to Jen's room, but that would have brought suspicion on me.

We went out to dinner and I wore a sports coat over a dress shirt over a tee over my sports bra. It was a lot of clothes but it was safest that way. The problem came in what I wore to bed. I usually wore a nightgown and panties, but if either parent came in the room and saw me in that, there would have been hell to pay. I got an old pair of pajamas and wore them over panties and sports bra.

I never wore a bra to bed, but was afraid my little boobies would be apparent without it. I tried to stay covered up when I was in bed and dressed fully as soon as I got out of bed. My mother commented on the fact that I always seemed to be fully dressed. It seemed more and more obvious that she thought there was something going on, but didn't address it directly.

In the past, I loved spending the holidays with my family, but this year was different. I spent the whole time in fear that they'd figure out I had left John behind to become Jen. I just knew they would never understand, and would probably pull me from school and send me to a shrink. I didn't need that though, I had found a life that made me happy, or as happy as I could be without my twin.

Finally winter break was coming to an end and I packed up to return to college. My dad said goodbye before leaving for work, but my mother had the day off so she decided to see me off. I was feeling jubilant that I seemed to have gotten away with it all and could return to my normal life, assuming that a guy living as his sister was normal.

"So when will we see you back home again?"

"I... will probably find work over the summer there at school, so I'm not sure."

"Lots of people your age want to come home."

"Some want to begin to establish an independent life."

"It seems normal for many guys to bring a load of laundry for their mother to wash."

"I didn't want to burden you with that."

"You didn't want to burden me, or you didn't want me to see what was in your laundry?"

"There's nothing special about my laundry."

"You hide it well. Your father has no clue."

"What do you mean?"

"You hid your bras and flattened your chest pretty well."

"You think...?"

"And I'll bet you're wearing panties under those jeans."

"What makes you think that?"

"I can see things -- things your dad misses. When you aren't here, you dress as a female."

"Please don't..."

"Don't worry. It would probably kill your father."

"It kind of slowly happened."

"I won't ever approve, but you will still always be my child."

"I appreciate that."

"What do you call yourself?"

"Jen."

"Your sister's name?"

"I couldn't let her go, and I have slowly become her."

"Shit. It's worse than I thought."

"At first it was just reassuring."

"I'll keep your father away from you. I can't imagine we'll see you again."

"I do love you, mom."

"Go back. Be whatever it is you are. I lost a daughter and now I've lost a son. I'm not sure what it is I have in place of you both."

By this time, tears were running down both my face and hers. I hugged her, though she was stiff which was quite unlike her. I got in my car and drove off, though for a while it was hard to see through the tears. Once I was clear of town, I pulled over and pulled off my second shirt, put the padding back in my sports bra, and put on some makeup. I felt more like me for the rest of the drive.

......................................................................................

I was getting ready to start classes again and found the birth control prescription had run out and they would not renew it without a doctor's authorization. I called the doctor's office and was told I needed to come in for an office visit for the doctor to renew it. It seemed a little risky, but I really wanted to keep taking those, hoping my boobs would get even larger.

I made an appointment and went, dressed in skirt, top, bra, and panties, with flats. Now that I was out of my parent's place, I had polished my nails and was using makeup. Most of the visit to the doctor was pretty routine. They measured my height and weight, checked my blood pressure and pulse rate. They even took a tube of blood to have test run on that. Then I sat down to talk to the doctor.

"Have you had any unusual reactions to taking the pill?"

"No, sir."

"No spotting or bleeding between periods?"

"None."

"What about breast sensitivity or pain?"

"They were tender for a while, but that passed."

"Nausea or headaches?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Any unusual symptoms at all?"

"Nothing I can think of."

"Are you sexually active?"

"I'm not, but they're kind of an insurance policy."

"It sounds like there is no reason not to renew this."

"Thanks so much."

"I need to do a routine gynecological exam before I sign the renewal."

"Do you really have to?"

"It's just routine, and your chart shows we've done that several times before."

"It's just ... I... uh..."

"Who are you? You aren't Jennifer Cooper, though you look like her."

The doctor stopped, looked closely at my face, then scanned down my entire clothed body.

"You were assigned male at birth. You're trans. You've been taking the pill for the female hormones."

"I was Jen's twin brother -- John Cooper."

"Was."

"After Jen died, I started becoming her."

"Birth control pills are not as good as proper hormone replacement therapy."

"It was what I had."

"How far were you planning to take this? All the way to bottom surgery?"

"I don't know. It's all been a small step at a time."

"I can put you on proper hormone replacement therapy, but I need to examine you first."

I took off my skirt and top and he checked me.

"You've had changes in fat distribution, adding it on the hips and losing it around the waist. You've also had changes to the skin. Have you had breast development?"

"Some."

"Let me check those."

I took off my bra and let my little boobies out. He examined them, but strictly in a clinical manner. There was nothing sexual in what he did, but it still gave me tingles and made my nipples stand up.

"Usually there is shrinkage in the testes as well."

Indeed, my balls had seemed to shrink, though it had been so slow, I hardly noticed it for a long time. The doctor checked those and seemed satisfied.

"Everything seemed much like I'd expect. You can put all your clothing back on. I'll write a prescription for proper HRT, but I want you in here for follow up exams no less than every other month."

"Thank you."

"You'll have to decide just how far you're taking this. If you want gender confirmation surgery, all this will lay the ground work."

"I hadn't thought that far ahead."

"Not every trans individual does that, but it is an option."

"I'll keep that in mind."

After I was dressed, I got my prescription and went to the drug store. I was a little scared. I looked decidedly female, so getting birth control pills raised no red flags. Getting hormone replacement therapy was a bit different. The pharmacists did not raise an eyebrow. They just filled the prescription and gave it to me. I was quite relieved and as soon as I could, I took the first pill.

I could feel the difference within days. The HRT was far more effective that the birth control pills. It was great feeling ever more like Jen, particularly since school was starting again and there were far more in person classes and fewer online. I was a little hesitant the first few classes, since I still mostly looked this way in my own apartment. Still it truly felt like what I was.

I seemed to draw attention at times, which concerned me, until I found guys flirting with me, asking for me phone number and wanting to take me on dates. I certainly was not ready for any of that, and was not sure that would ever be what I wanted. Though I really knew I was Jen, I still was more attracted to females than to males.

There were a few women who seemed to find me interesting, but I was concerned about that as well. I still had a penis and was likely to have one for some time. A lot of women either like men who are men or women who are women. Sure I knew there were women who were more flexible, but the only way to find if they were was to be open about what I was and that scared me.

Of course I signed up for Dr. Roberts' special class that he invited me to join. I was surprised at the intelligence of the discussions. The other students in that class were deeply insightful and I felt glad I'd been invited to join. There were only about a dozen students total in that one and it truly looked like they'd been handpicked. Still I was able to do as well as most of the others and was not intimidated.

A major part of the grade in that class was participation and the professor would choose students at random to answer questions. That meant we all had to cover all relevant material and be on our toes at all times. Few of the class members ever faltered -- we were usually always ready for whatever he threw at us. There was no day dreaming in that class.

I loved the intellectual interaction in that class and everything seemed to be going well there and in my other classes. I was accepted as Jen and no one seemed to question that. We got some weeks into the term when Dr. Roberts stopped me after class.

"Miss Cooper, could I talk to you in my office?"

"Certainly."

I followed him to his office and he shut the door, and though I didn't realize it at that moment, he locked it. He went over and leaned back against his desk.

"So, who are you really?"

"What do you mean?"

"I met Jennifer Cooper almost two years ago, and we had a long fascinating discussion."

"I don't..."

"I was quite sorry when I read later that she was killed in a car accident."

"You mean, you knew?"

"When I saw a dead girl enrolled in my class online and with no image, that puzzled me."

"When you asked to meet me..."

"I wondered who purported to be this dead person."

"You never said anything."

"You looked almost identical to her and were equally bright."

"Why did you invite me to your special class?"

"I wanted to know who the fuck you are."

"I'm Jen's twin. I couldn't stand to lose her, so I became her."

"Twin sister?"

"Twin brother. I used to be John."

"You pass exceptionally well."

"Thank you, I guess."

"But you realize that stepping into her classes and enrolling under false pretenses could get you expelled, at the very least and all that work dismissed."

"Please don't do that."

"What's it worth to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What are you willing to do to buy my silence?"

"What did you want?"

He grabbed me and bent me over his desk. He used one hand to hold me down as his other hand pulled my skirt up to my waist, then pulled down my panties. I was frozen, not knowing what to do as I heard the sound of his zipper. He pushed his cock into my ass. My ass was dry so it didn't go easily, but he didn't seem to care, and began pounding my ass mercilessly.

It hurt when he thrust into me, though as my ass loosened up, it felt better. Still I was humiliated to have this man essentially raping me anally. I'd never had sex of any kind with a male and honestly hadn't done much with females. I was whimpering and crying softly as he fucked me. I guess I was lucky because it didn't take long before he came in my ass.

By that time, he had both his hands on my hips, holding me tight as his cock spewed its cum. I could feel it twitching and feel the gush in my rear entrance. It didn't take long for his prick to begin to soften, but he kept it in me for as long as he could. I think in part he did it to show me exactly who was in control. Needless to say, I didn't want his dick anywhere in me.

He finally pulled out, though I stayed there for a smidge longer. I heard his zipper close and straightened up and looked to see him with a huge smirk on his face. I pulled up my panties and pulled down my skirt, then got tissues out of my purse to wipe my tears and at least some of the smudged makeup. He walked around and sat in the chair behind his desk.

"That's all for today."

I left immediately and went into the women's restroom to clean my face and fix my makeup. Since he said 'for today', that made me think he intended to do that again, and probably several more times. I went directly to the registrar's office and filed to drop his class. I was past the deadline that would have allowed me to get any money back, but I didn't care.

He was a marketing professor and I was a marketing major, which meant if I continued my major, it would be virtually impossible to avoid him. I went to the business college and wrote a request to change my major from marketing to finance. As I went to turn it in, I was met by Dr. Harrison, the dean of the college of business.

"Miss Cooper, you dropped Dr. Roberts class and are now changing your major."

"I felt it was time."

"Why is that?"

"I'd rather not go into it."

"Please come in my office."

After what happened earlier, I was leery, but followed him into his office. He sat behind his desk and waved me into one of the chairs. I sat down, though I was far from comfortable about it.

"I want the truth. All of it. Now."

"I'm enrolled as Jen Cooper, but I'm her twin."

"Why?"

I explained all the reasons I'd taken over my sister's life after she died, and it even came out that I was assigned male at birth but now living as a female.

"What happened with Dr. Roberts?"

"He figured it out, and wanted sex to keep quiet."

"And he got it?"

"Just a little while ago."

Dr. Harrison insisted on taking me to the campus health center where they checked me out. The doctor said it appeared I'd been anally raped and used a rape kit to get what was left of the sperm in me. He brought me back to his office and while I was there, he had Dr. Roberts brought in. Roberts saw me and did a double take.

"Roberts, we've put up with a lot of shit from you."

"I don't know what this 'person' told you..."

"The doctor used a rape kit on her. You can either resign quietly or have rape charges filed against you."

"This is outrageous."

"Indeed it's outrageous to have a professor rape a student."

"This person not only isn't who they purport to be, but they aren't even female."

"You think we couldn't tell that when the rape kit was taken?"

"I'll fight this."

"Even if it was consensual, a sexual relationship with a student is verboten."

"I have tenure."

"Which will not protect you, but I'm still giving you the chance to leave quietly."

"You'd do that to me for this 'thing'?"

"This 'thing' as you put it is still a student who deserves respect and proper treatment."

"But 'it' is enrolled under false pretenses."

"She will be on probation for a year, and needs to do a legal name change, but will not be expelled."

"This isn't fair."

"Shut the fuck up, Roberts. Get your shit and clear out before this gets plastered across the front page of the newspaper. If that happens, not only will you lose your job here, you'll never get another one anywhere."

Dr. Roberts stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him. Dr. Harrison made a phone call, requesting campus security to escort Roberts off the campus. After that, he turned to me.

"I'm taking over the class you dropped and I'd like to reinstate you to that class and remain a marketing major."

"So you said I'll be on probation for a year?"

"It's basically a slap on the wrist, but we can say we punished you for what you did."

"Thank you."

.......................................................................................

I filed for a legal name change to Jennifer from John. I also filed to have my gender changed on docs including driver's license from male to female. The college got my credits transferred to the proper student ID. Dr. Roberts was long gone, though I heard he landed a position at another college far away from us. I rather pity his students, or at least those he chooses to target.

By this time, the HRT had done its thing and I was ever more female than I had been. My breasts settled in at being a b cup, but it wasn't like I needed massive boobs anyhow. My classes were going well and it seemed like things were great in my life. In one sense, I was almost afraid to see what came next, worried that something would upset my world.

My mother came to visit, and saw the full picture for the first time. I was scared when I knew she was coming but was determined for her to see me as I was. I suppose I was both John and Jen, though at this point John was limited to what was between my legs. The rest of me was Jen and I was happy with that. I did follow-ups with the doctor who was curious if I'd have surgery, though he didn't push it.

I was at the apartment, dressed as I always was now. I had jeans and slacks, but seldom wore anything other than skirts or dresses. It was a Saturday, so I didn't have to go out, but I still had makeup on. I always wanted to look my best if possible. I heard the doorbell and knew it would be my mother and I was as nervous as could be as I opened the door.

I never went overboard on makeup. I wanted to look nice, not like a streetwalker or an over the top drag queen. Nothing against either of those, it just wasn't my style. I opened the door to see my mother in jeans and a tee, with very little makeup. She almost looked more masculine than I did. When she saw me, tears started to form in her eyes. By the time she sat down tears were flowing down her face.

"So I've really lost my son."

"But you've regained your daughter, in one sense."

"You look like my daughter, and I know you're my blood, but I don't know who you are."

"I love you, but I understand this is hard on you."

"Hard for me, but it would be impossible for your father to deal with."

"I'm happy, I'm doing well in school, and I feel fulfilled."

"You're living Jen's life, but what about John's life?"

"We were always close, now we're one person, living one life."

"Your father and I had always hoped for grandchildren."

"I like women. If I find one who likes me, that could happen."

"Could you father children?"

"I have the equipment and it works, I just don't know if it's affected my fertility."

We spent a couple of days together, and by the end, she almost seemed to see me as her daughter. We went clothes shopping and I found some cute skirts and panties, though she had a pained expression at first. We went to dinner a few times and after she had a few drinks, she began to loosen up, though she was still inclined to cry at times when she looked at me. After a few days, she went home.

I talked to the doctor about fertility concerns and he had me masturbate to orgasm than checked the results. He found there were still sperm, though far fewer than he'd normally see. I began to provide regular deposits to a sperm repository and he told me they could take several batches and increase the sperm to fluid ratio and save it in case I ever needed it.