All Comments on 'John, My Lover Supreme'

I have to be honest that part way through I stopped reading b/c you are very in need of an editor. Please don't see this as an attack, but more of advice from a reader's perspective. The editor could help you to correct the many mistakes which are making me trip through the story and have to re-read many sentences to see what they are trying to say b/c of the misuse of many words. I would consider this to be more of a draft than a final version. I know you can get an editor through the site or you can ask someone who makes a helpful comment to help. Or just get someone you know to help you. I think you'd have a good story after getting that help. Keep writing.

I have to agree with anonymous. The first sentence is even a floozy. If you can get an editor and beta it would really help. As a writer myself- although I don't post on lit- I can assure you of the wonders of getting a decent size dictionary and thesaurus. I use them all the time when trying to find words that are more flowing. I wish you luck with future editing; and don't be afraid to use punctuation! :)

Lulz. "squeezed it profoundly". That story was hysterical. I really enjoyed playing a game where I tried to count the number of periods in this story versus commas. Bravo.

You should always proof before you post, even your comments, though I didn't for my last one. Scratch out the floozy Part; I ment doozy. Skanks must have been on the brain. :)

yes you should always proofread your comments...I think you ment meant?

Brings back sweet memories.

NBow to the never ending critics, sure you made errors who does not, but let them leave names so we can read theirs and educate ourseves ?, the ne that did has not submitted a story so what does that tell us. We are here to read sexy tales and are not forced to, so if the critics cannot offer real help they should shut up.