Jon E 01

Jon E 01

"Johnny, why don't you bring me and the boys some beers, hmm?"

"Ray, be more respective of me and don't say my name that way! Especially when I'm dressed this way. Also, where is your stash of beers then because I know you only drink the silver can beer, hmm?"

"Fine, Jon E, would you please prance over to the rear of my truck, batting your eyes all the way and grab four beers for my crew and myself then, pretty please with whip cream pasties, hmm?"

"Hah! You want me so bad, Ray!"

[Furious eye batting, Ray gets dizzy]

"Jon E, when the day comes that I want you, that will be the day that I will have you! Which is probably something that I shouldn't have said so loudly, so, people, that was just an expression and um, who has some rusty barn nails that I can clean my teeth with, huh?"

Oh, Ray may use rusty barn nails as tooth picks, but he wanted me and for more than to prance down to his stupid truck to get a few shiny can beers for him and his duds and that's not a typo and I didn't mean studs, but Ray had to put his gay tendencies in check all the time. Especially since he had a stupid habit of saying things too loudly with other people around.

But in Ray's defense, I may or may not quip back with him all the time and I may or may not have a few things that seem to bring out even the deepest gay tendencies of even the most season macho brute. Or Ray wants me on my hands and knees so bad for short.

And I don't make the 45 steps beer run because I'm desperate to fit in because trust me, I fit in. And I fit in so well, that might be my catch phrase.

"A bag, Jon E? You had to put four beer cans in a bag to carry them a half of a block?"

"What can I say, Ray? You make me weak in my knees, so?"

"Oh, oh."

Well, LOL, Ray must have been out of quick come backs too! But he said "oh, oh" much quieter, so baby steps, right?

"So, Ray?"

"Scram, Jon E."

[Spit, well, baby spit]

"OMG, did prissy little eye batting Jon E just baby spit on the ground then?"

"Just practicing my drooling, Ray. Ga, ga, ga, mew, mew, mew, ug, ug, ug, hm, hm, hm."

Well, I should have paid attention to our audience, aka, his crew, I suppose.

"Jon E, is "ga, ga, ga" the same as "ow, ow, ow" then?"

"And "mew, mew, mew", that's belly bouncing whimpering for "woo, woo, woo", right Jon E?"

"I just want to "ug, ug, ug" bang you, Jon E."

"Ah, Ray, control your boys, please."

"Sure, Jon E (but "hm, hm, hm" is mouth stuff, right?)"

Well, I should have paid attention to our other audience, aka, basically everyone down at the creek.

Anyways, hi there, I'm Jon E and I've been hanging out down at the creek long enough to know what color beer can that each and every person drinks and which shaped bottle and/or color of the sealant foil of the wine coolers that the non-beer drinkers enjoy. I also know that it was a man named Claude Williamson that built the railroad tie wall, steps and seating thingamabobs that line the grass and pebbly area around the creek opening. And I know this because it says that on the dedication sign at the top of the berm and I read that sign every time some knucklehead asks me to go up to the top of the berm where people park and get them some refills. And I only do that for the people so I can read that sign and not because I'm desperate for a way to fit in.

Also, the dedication sign lettering is a nice shade of park yellow against a park brown and forest green back ground, so.

"Bitch!"

"Huh, what, Darla? Is your wine cooler empty then?"

"Oh, LOL, I wasn't summoning you, Jon E. I just stepped on a sharp pebble. I mean, aren't you the creek "little bitch" then, Jon E, LOL?"

Also, in the bottom corner of the dedication sign, there is a comedy show on Friday evenings with funny girl Darla headlining, so.

Anyways, where was I then? Oh, I fit in everywhere! I can and do dress for the creek, I can and do dress for the mall, I can and do dress for any other type of store and when the day comes, I can and will dress for a date at any place and at any time. I mean, I need the place and time in advance, not to mention that I need a date first, but come the day, I'll be ready. And dressed, so.

And then sometimes and I just don't mean when the guy's tire of me and tell me to mix in with the girls, I take care of their belly growls. Not that it helps me fit in because I fit in! With or without chicken nuggets.

"Blah, blah, blah, chit chat, chit chat [sip wine cooler], blah, blah, blah, blah, oh, thanks for the chicken nuggets, Jon E, blah, blah, blah, [munch, munch] chit chat, chit, chat [sip wine cooler], chit chat."

"Yada, yada, yada, [munch, sip, munch], blah, blah, blah, Madison, will your special little friend suck off my boyfriend Todd, tonight? I'm just too tired, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, [munch, sip], chit chat."

"Blah, blah, blah [sip, munch, sip], chit chat, chit chat, I don't think so, Laci, he just talks of sex, chit chat, yada, yada, yada, [sip, sip, munch], blah, blah, blah."

"Chit chat, chit chat, yada, yada, yada [sip, sip, sip, munch] well, it sucks to be Todd tonight then, blah, blah, blah because he's not getting sucked off then, chit chat, chit chat, chit chat."

"Blah, blah, blah, have any honey dipping sauce Jon E? Yada, yada, yada, but Todd would fit right in there, not that I know that personally, Laci, chit chat, [sip, munch] chit chat, chit chat, blah, blah, blah."

See? I fit right in! Wait, what?

"Blah, blah, blah, ooh, oozy honey, blah, blah, blah [ahh, ooze, ahh, munch, munch, sip] sounds to me like you're keeping him all to yourself then, Madison, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah [dip, ooze, munch]."

"Yada, yada, yada, [dip, ooze, dip, ooze, munch, sip] not true, Laci. He's a slut for Ray [dip, ooze, munch] without actually being a slut [dip, ooze, munch, sip], blah, blah, blah, chit chat, chit chat, chit chat."

"Blah, blah, blah, [dip, dip, munch, sip] and Ray's hard for him without actually doing it to him hard then, yada, yada, yada [dip, sip, sip] chit chat, chit chat, chit chat."

Well, that was true, about Ray anyways. Not that I wish that to be on public record or anything.

[Clink, clink, clink]

"Maggie, have a seat, blah, blah, blah chit chat, chit chat, have some chicken nuggets and a wine cooler, yada, yada, yada, Jon E brought plenty, blah, blah, blah."

"Thanks, listen, I heard blah, blah, blah [sip, sip, sip, munch] and that little Jon E doesn't know that it stretches out [dip, munch, sip] chit chat, chit chat, blah, blah, blah [sip, sip], yada, yada, yada."

And then sometimes, LOL, you leave the real girls to carry on with their chit chatting. Also, I fit right in trotting shoes, so I can walk away quickly! Like before you hear exactly what "stretches" or something.

"Now what, Jon E? Are you practicing your cheer leading? Or maybe landing a jet fighter on an aircraft carrier?"

"Ray, I was developing a series of secret hand signals to let you know that your cooler of silver cans is getting low."

[Swoosh, a jet fighter swoops in and then realizes the mistake]

"Ray..."

{The local cheer team goes all "yay, fem boy, yay" on the other side of the creek}

"As I was saying, Ray, well, hey cheer captain Carla, hey, sis boom bah honey, anyways, Ray, do you want me to ride with you to the store or not? Check the "yes" or "no" box on this silly note, so?"

You see, folks, I should have realized that between the jet fighter swooping down to the creek and then with the local cheer team going all "yay, fem boy, yay" at the top of their lungs just on the other side of creek, well, who invited so many busy body audience members anyways then?

"(Jon E, quietly slip into my truck then.)"

[Go, go, go get it, fag, go, go, go get it fag! Sis, sis, sis boom, bah!]

Hey, I'm not in charge of the creek hang out invitations. Besides, the cheer team was on the other side of the creek anyways, so.

[Ugh, ugh, ugh, go offense, ooh, ooh, ooh, run the end around!]

I mean, quietly sneaking into Ray's truck was the same as asking literally everyone down at the creek what they wanted special from the "Stop & Rob" convenience store because Ray was driving us both up there, right?

Also, huh, I fit right into his truck.

"I'm not afraid, Ray."

"Oh, so I can turn down a fire trail then, Jon E?"

Stupid fire trail roads! That are literally pitch black and desolate! Except for the local cheer team!

[Go, go, go, let him blow, blow, blow, gulp, gulp, gulp, sis boom bah, go Jon E, go!]

"I'll do it, Ray!"

Which never scared anyone off, I guess.

[Up and down, up and down, side to side, side to side, rah, rah, rah, slurp, slurp, slurp.]

"Ray, at least put the windows up and turn up the radio!"

[Fag him, Ray, fag him, Ray, blow your fag on him, sis boom bah.]

Which you would think would scare someone off, right? Or make someone drop the zipper on his jeans even faster, I guess. Also, huh, in real life, right? Not so scary.

"Gag, ow, gag, ug, ow, ooh, gag, slurp, gag, gag, gag, ag, ag, ooh, oh, ga, ug."

[Trash his mouth, trash his mouth, fag soak it, fag soak it, drench, drench, drench, sis boom bah.]

"Ga, ag, ga, ga, uhf, uhf, ow, ow, ooh, uhf, oomph, oh, oh, oh, oh."

[Like a champ, like a champ, go, go, Jon E, go!]

"Hm, hmm, ow, huh, oh, ooh, oh, gulp, huh, waw, oh, waw, woo."

[Choke, choke, choke, gulp, gulp, gulp, rah, rah, rah!]

"Wow, I just did that, Ray! And it fit right in, just like I always fit right in!"

[Wheeze, wheeze, wheeze, he can't talk yet, he can't talk yet, rah, rah, rah.]

"(Wheeze), this never happened, Jon E! But yeah, you did that and that was really nice, so?"

[Posted on Chang, posted on Chang, ooh, ooh, ooh, go, fagging Fire Trails!]

"So, I suppose we go back to bickering back and forth after this then Ray, hmm?"

"Well, I mean, in public and all, Jon E."

"Sure, I get that. I also get that I didn't die, so????"

[Let it go, go, go, he's fag limp, limp, limp, sis boom bah, scored, scored, scored!]

"Huh, so we're saying that I outlasted you then, Ray? And on my very first time?"

[Liar, liar, liar, show & tell, show & tell, video days, video...]

I mean, I had access to the remote window buttons and the radio too, so. I also had quick access to the "engine start" push button.

{Windows whirl up, jamming on the radio}

"Drive, Ray."

"Well, Jon E, maybe it takes me a little longer to recover then some guys, but????"

You see, there are fire trails all over the place, so. And the cheer team knew them all as well as Ray did!

[Ooh, ooh, ooh, round two, two, two, get it, get it, get it, go, go, go.]

End Jon E 01