All Comments on 'Josephine, The Family Fucktoy Ch. 01'

That's so hot! Can't wait for more I hope!!

to many swear words for me, couldn't be bothered to read more than a few paragraphs

There are quite a few continuity errors that made me give up actually reading, just scanned most of the sex scene with Kat and Jo. Couldn't tell who was doing what to who. Fix that and make the dialogueore seamless and it'll be a MUCH better read. Very hot storyline though.

Brilliant concept I'm keeping my eye on this story!

I mean I dont have words to explain how I amfeeling right now, this story is so relatable to my own story. My mom is dead I have a stepbrother and a stepfather, I have a huge crush on my stepbrother and even am in the process of seducing him, and I too had sex with my best friend (who is kind of a goth) .Talk about a coincidence.

I feel like this story can help me seduce my brother like guide me step by step to the ultimate thing ;you know.

Please please PLEASE!!! I beg you to upload the rest of the story. You are inspiring me and changing my life in the process.

I'm at peace with the sensuality of girl-on-girl. It can be downright amazing. BUT, I started reading this story with completely different expectations, and just wasn't in the mood. The story started ok, a bit slow, but humorous enough to keep me reading. The flirtatiousness between two girl friends didn't faze me. Its very common, so I kept reading, assuming it was just a close portrayal of two long time friends comfortable with their sexuality. But once it was obvious that it was going further than verbal innuendo, I started skimming. I actually ended up skimming for a significant percentage of this story, and i'm sure that is not what you intended for your audience. I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for god knows what, but you might want to give a heads up in the story description, category, or in the disclaimer that you provided, that warns about the girl on girl dominant nature of the chapter. Again, I am not anti lesbian story. Quite the opposite. But nothing until I was halfway into the story prepared me for the exclusively girl on girl action. For the direction I thought you were going with this story, I feel like this huge detour was unnecessary and out of place. The best friend comfort cuddle thing was fine, but the full-on enthusiastic lesbian content was too much to be believable. As far as general constructive criticism goes:

1. Avoid too much rambling. No, this isn't an essay so rambling can be expected, even encouraged. But the limits were definitely being pushed.

2. Kudos on the male banter. It had me laughing out loud, and the remarks seemed realistic, consistent with young guys, which kept it entertaining. On the other hand, the whole cooking like a proper little wife for all her crazy brothers didn't seem realistic at all. It doesn't really happen these days, especially with girls in their teens.

3. Again, the lesbian action. Usually if lesbian scenes are integrated in multi-theme stories, it is in later chapters. Like halfway through the series or later. It is usually a tool authors use to keep things interesting and the erotic thrill intact. From what you have drawn out so far (in this chapter), I get the vibe that there will be either a little or a LOT of lesbian action throughout the series, which was entirely unexpected, and may be a deal-breaker for a lot of readers. Bottom line, if you are going to warn readers about non-con and bdsm elements, warn them about lesbian elements too. I'll keep reading because I feel this story has a lot of potential. Good luck!

So far the story is really good, I am wet already.

Nice writing style. Liked the way you set up the situation and told the story.

Well done. It wasn't over the top. Just a really nice read. All believable. Good job.

but your lesbian scene devolved into a garbled mess, kat was on top of kat, grabbing kats tits as kat ground into kats face and... how stoned were you when you re-read this for editing?

A good start but your lesbian scene degenerated into a garbled mess with Kat going down on herself..