Journey of Rick Heiden Ch. 49-50

I didn't know Merrick, but when he said that David was dead, I believed him because I think I already knew. That's why I cried so much in the shower the night before. He would have sent a message to someone, but we had nothing but silence. No one else would say they suspected as much. Maybe even Pearce, Aiden, and Magnar knew. If so, that would explain why they insisted on Cadmar presence. Had everyone known but me? Was I being protected by the people who knew and given just enough information to slowly figure it out and accept it, rather than blowing my world apart with a news bomb? Merrick hadn't cared to spare my feelings, and on some level, I appreciated it.

I awoke on the couch with my feet elevated on the armrest. Cadmar sat next to me, his face the picture of compassion.

"There you are," he said.

"He didn't hurt me," I said.

"I know. Thanks to Magnar Sharing with me, I now know what a panic attack looks and feels like." --he handed me a glass of water-- "So, David's dead."

"So, he says." I studied Cadmar's face for a moment. "You have the hearing enhancement, don't you?"

Cadmar nodded. "I don't tell people, but I want no secrets from you."

"Thanks." I looked past Cadmar's shoulder to see Merrick standing behind him. "How do you know he's dead?" I asked him.

"I was there when it happened."

"Did you accompany David on the train?" Cadmar asked.

"Yes, but it didn't happen there. Without the protection of anonymity, David would have made a lot of enemies here. While we were in the tunnel, David received a voice-mail message saying that Jackson pointed the finger at him to several countries --so he was no longer anonymous-- and that they believed that the Sudanese were tracking his mobile. David immediately turned off his phone, and just in case, he destroyed the GPS tag he carried. We weren't sure anyone was following us, but the train held us captive, and the station in Paris would be a danger."

"David probably shouldn't have threatened Jackson to let Pearce go," I said, "but it did work."

"Jackson knew of what David was capable," said Merrick. "He took the threat seriously, but also they knew they needed to eliminate David if they were to target Jiyū and its people."

"What better way than to let someone else do the work for them?" I asked.

"That's true," he said, "but Phalin killed David."

Cadmar thought of it first; the shock of David's death caused it to slip through my thoughts, but as a practical matter, I'm glad he did. We were responsible for it.

"Where is David's pistol?" Cadmar asked Merrick.

"Phalin took it."

"What happened?" I asked.

"We always avoided these kinds of scenarios, but David wanted O'Byrne's information. We were careful about anyone following us, so no one should have known, and we accepted the risk. Cimolais sits along a single road. There's no other way to get there, and no other means of escape. They got us Friday morning on San Osvaldo Pass between Erto and Cimolais. There was snow on the road, so we had slow going. They shot through the side window of our vehicle.

"When they hit us, I couldn't drive straight and see to David at the same time. We ran off the road and struck a tree. They pounced on us, ensured that David was dead. The pistol was right there, so they took it and left. I couldn't stop them."

"Why didn't they kill you?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"Where is David's body now?"

"The authorities are holding it in a mortuary in Maniago, Italy, for you to claim when you can. They said they would take care of him for you as long as necessary."

I heard what he said, but my mind needed to piece together the evidence to know if his story was true. "Flying glass, that's how you cut your face."

He nodded. "David got most of the glass and several bullets, but a few bullets grazed me a bit."

"Let me see," I said.

He hesitated but carefully removed his jacket, which showed his right shirt cuff unbuttoned. He pulled up his sleeves and removed the bandages from his forearms. He had rather poorly rebandaged them himself and had underexaggerated the extent of the damage. A bullet made a gouge across his right forearm, but he had a hole in the upper left forearm that went all the way through. I noted, as he tried to put the bandaging back into place, that the fingers of his left hand were less responsive, and he couldn't button his right sleeve. Sal assisted with reapplying the tape and buttoned him up.

"Thank you," he said to Sal.

"I also have a shallow one across my stomach." He placed a careful hand on his abdomen. "Will you want to see that one as well?"

"No, that's not necessary," I said.

"You're not enhanced," said Sal, a bit surprised.

"No."

"Do you want it?" asked Cadmar. "It will repair the nerve damage in that left arm."

"And don't give us that compromised crap," I said. "If you intended to help protect us, you should be at your best. Besides, if David's gone, you no longer have a reason to deny yourself."

"I can still use my weapon," he said, "my right arm is fine."

I rose from the couch and stood in front of Merrick, giving him a considered appraisal of his physical state. "I will give you two choices. You can take the nano-suspension and stay, or you can go home now to struggle with opening sugar packets at teatime all on your own. After all, the PM has no idea you've sustained any injuries besides those on your face, has he? He would never have sent you here if he did."

"I just got back this morning," he said, "and I kept my injuries from him, but he knows of David's death. He left it to me to tell you when he gave me the assignment."

"I've seen nerve damage like that before," said Sal. "Those men were never the same. Without the suspension, you'll lose your job. You can't hide it forever."

Merrick's gaze moved from Sal to me, and his eyes practically bore a hole through me. "I want to hear you say it; will it compromise me?"

"It depends on your definition of compromise," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"The Foundational Enhancement will fundamentally change you, but if you worry it will control you, then no, it cannot do that. However, if by compromised, you mean, make you different from who and what you are now? Then, by that definition, it will compromise you."

"Then I won't have it," said Merrick.

"Don't be so hasty. That's a shallow definition. It takes no account of the human condition. We are never the same person from one moment to the next. Our experiences change us. The Foundational Enhancement is an ongoing experience that cannot help but change you, but it leaves you in the same position in which you've always been. You make your own choices based on your circumstance, who you are, and who you choose to be at any given moment.

"If you cared for David, his death has affected you. You have nerve damage in your left hand. You are not the same person now. By your definition, you're compromised, but that's just life. The Foundational Enhancement would affect you just as profoundly, but for the better. To deny yourself is like living with a disease that has a cure but refusing to take it."

"How can I know for sure?" asked Merrick.

"You knew David for several years," I said. "David had the Foundational Enhancement, and he was a good human being, smart, strong, brave, sensitive, kind, thoughtful, caring, and yet he still had flaws like any other human. Oh, how horrifying if that's what it means to be compromised."

"Will it make everyone like that?" he asked.

I began to get frustrated. "I guarantee you that Earth has people with the Foundational Enhancement right now who, sadly enough, have remained the same selfish bastards they were before they received it."

It felt so important that Merrick understand because I knew that David would want him to have it. Eventually, I poured a measure of suspension into a glass from the kitchen, and Merrick drank it.

I couldn't let go of David at that point. It felt too soon. I resolved to think of my newly acquired position as liaison with the British Government as merely an extension of David's proxy, and that allowed me a gradual acceptance of his ongoing absence from my life. Cadmar said nothing to me at first. He remained a supportive but not suffocating presence. He kindly gave me the space I needed.

We had little left to accomplish at that point, just pack up, make plans, and go home. Earth would function without me for a while. Merrick contacted someone who could release David's body to us. Since we had no way to keep it cold, the man in charge would allow us to pick it up at 1:30 a.m. that night, so we could leave London and retrieve his body under the cover of darkness.

Merrick received unusual news at midnight (8:00 a.m., Tokyo time). The British told the Japanese government of what had happened when I came through the portal the previous day, and that morning the Japanese declared the portal and the forest of Aokigahara to be a sacred and protected site, and they declared Japan was a Jiyūvian safe zone. That prevented the American government from leaving any sort of garrison at the portal there or waging war with us over Japanese territory.

I felt too many emotions, and none of them were good. So, Merrick, Cadmar, and Sal sat at the table making plans while I gathered and folded David's things to pack into the canvas bag that I had brought with me. When I went to fold David's jacket a manila envelope the size of a seed packet slid from the inside pocket onto the bed. On the side in David's handwriting were the words, "For Rick, just in case," and beneath it, he wrote the date of the day he left. I figured whatever he had to say would probably only upset me, and we had things to do, so I told no one about it at the time. I slipped it into the pocket of my jacket and closed the flap for safekeeping.

We weren't exactly sure what we would face on the return trip. Cadmar parked the Offenbach in high orbit, and he left it in station keeping and evasion modes. When I recalled the Berlioz, it would just be Sal, Cadmar, and me. We invited Merrick to join us for a visit, but he couldn't. He was seeing someone. He showed me on the map where I would find the mortuary. He said he would continue to be assigned to protect us and gave me his contact information for when I returned.

Cadmar, Sal, and I barely spoke on the way home, the atmosphere too thick with solemnity for words, especially once we had visited the mortuary. As the next of kin, I identified the body; I had never done such a thing. They covered most of his face because of the damage, but it was him. Just then, I felt disconnected from what was happening, like it wasn't real, or my emotions wouldn't engage. Cadmar and Sal moved it onto the ship, and I knew it lay behind me inside its protective bag on the floor of the Berlioz, but I refused a second look.

When we arrived in Japan, the sun was up, and since the ship couldn't be tracked, if I were careful, our departure would likely cause little notice. I came in as carefully as I could and descended into the portal. I reduced the screen's intensity as the sphere enveloped us, and once we were through, I returned the screen to normal. They had moved the portal from the meadow. We found ourselves centered on the floor inside our Pantheon at the Quadrātum. We had upon us the eyes of every visitor who came to see the new structure.

The moment we arrived on Jiyū, Cadmar called David's parents, Magnar, Aiden, Maggie, Pearce, and Rocke to the temple where I intended to land on the hardscape there. The oculus above us had more than enough room for the Berlioz to fit, so I took us up, out of the building.

I couldn't tell if any of them knew they would be given such terrible news, but we clung to one another sharing our grief and sorrow.

We had no means to store David's body, and most everyone on Jiyū opted for cremation, but David told Magnar long ago that he wanted to be entombed, and before David left for service in London, Magnar had taken it upon himself to ensure that if anything happened to him on Earth, his wishes would be carried out. As people inside the temple prepared to take David into the catacombs, I told Cadmar I wanted to be alone for a bit. I sat on the edge of the hatchway of the Berlioz. I had removed my jacket earlier, having left it on the ship. I pulled the envelope from my pocket, opened it, and read what it had to say. I have never known anyone as beautiful as David. His kindness and generosity seemed boundless, and he constantly inspired me, even after his death. By the time I finished, my head and face ached from the strain of crying over the letter's contents.

Cadmar called me into the temple when they were ready. On the way, I picked up two pebbles, and my friends and I followed the others down into the catacombs, beyond the gold door at the bottom of the staircase. David's raised tomb, deep within that room, lay right beside the one his parents shared. Cadmar stood by me as we watched them lower David's casket into the vault, and everyone had good things to say about David. He was loved and admired by so many people. After having read the letter he left me so recently, when it came my turn to speak, I faltered and couldn't say one word for crying so much.

At the end of the gathering, a thewsbot carefully placed the heavy granite lid onto the base, like a massive door closing for all time, the deep rumble of stone echoed through the room with finality. Magnar had the cover carved long ago and depicted a sculpture of a young David sleeping there. I touched the stone face and closed my eyes remembering all the times I had with him. I couldn't have felt more grateful that I had had my memory enhanced. David lived in my memories in such wonderful detail, and I would carry him with me in my mind and in my heart.

I placed one of the pebbles on the tomb of David's parents and one beside the head of David's sculpture. I ran my hands down its arm and touched the hand as I turned to gaze up at Cadmar who stood beside me as most everyone else departed. Aiden, Maggie, and Pearce waited for us by the door. I took Cadmar's hand in mine, and as we left, I noticed that the name David Levitt had already been carved into the granite wall beside the names of his parents.

I never told anyone about the letter that David left me, but I carry it in my memory along with all the rest.

___

To my most beloved,

I don't know what happened, but however it happened, it has taken me from you, so with regret, I am sorry, and I apologise. You worried this could happen, and I should have listened.

I find it difficult to write this in the eventuality that my actions here, whatever the cause, of which I have myriad, have led to my death. If that is the case, I have things I feel you should know.

For me, you were a beautiful gift bestowed upon me by circumstance, and I have treasured you. You brought joy to my life that I had not fully known, and I didn't deserve you. I have done things, disturbing, terrible things that needed doing. I don't regret them, but I regret what it made me, and then you came, with your innocence and polite, gentle kindness. You reminded me of life on Jiyū, and I wanted to take you from this place. How you managed to survive here all those years, and still be a loving, compassionate human being has amazed me.

I trust you, and although I know you trusted me, I wish you had trusted me more. I might have surprised you. Your letters to me have left out much that you had gone through on Jiyū in my absence. You hadn't wanted me to worry about you. And I would have, but I hadn't left you as my proxy solely to protect your standing in the community. I believe you are capable of great things.

I am so proud of you, and I am grateful to Magnar for allowing me to know that I had not misplaced my love, my trust, and my belief in you. He has kept me apprised of all that you sought to withhold from me. I don't blame you for it. We both knew that I would face opposition and challenges here, which have come to fruition. You didn't want to add to my burden.

On top of everything else you went through after I left, I know about the incident with Cadmar, and that you kept your promise to be faithful to me at a considerable struggle. You had no reason to feel embarrassed by it. However, I'm gone now, so move on. Magnar told me of Tamika's baby, that whole circumstance is unfortunate, but I had seen the way Cadmar had looked at you on our journey to Japan. I know you both like one another, and now, Magnar tells me that he believes Cadmar loves you. It's up to you, but if you don't mind taking the lead, you could do worse than Cadmar. He's a good man. No, he isn't me, but Magnar tells me that you aren't the same Rick I knew, less innocent perhaps, but more capable, and he promised me that he would teach you to defend yourself. I approve. You deserve to have that ability and the confidence that comes with it. If by now you've obtained that, lookout world.

Every time I told you that I loved you, I meant it, and I know you felt, and still feel, the same. We never let go of the love we feel for others, and that's as it should be, but that doesn't mean we stop having new loves. If you feel you can love Cadmar or someone you have yet to meet, do it. Live while you have the time. My time has come and gone. That's how life is. Live yours.

With all the love I have, I love you,

David

THE END.

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