All Comments on 'Journey of the Next Door Valentines'

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. I would hope that this rates very highly for you in the contest. Please consider on continuing these two on their journey into the future.

And enjoyable

I am disappointed that there are only 5 stars available. This is without a doubt the GREATEST story ever to appear on Literotica!

The care in presenting Koki's expression of her depths as a character is beyond anything I've ever read.

Gone Gray, you've written a real winner.

Olddave1951

Valentine HEA

A Valentine story with a happy ever after ending...(Smile). But, I loved it, enjoyed reading it, and voted a five.

IMO, hopefully constructively, a couple of holes in the plot line detracted from my enjoyment. An authors writing is their own universe, science fiction stories for example. But when you set a story in real life a certain validity is expected.

I believe English is a readily available subject in Japanese schools. That a girl with an American father would bypass that opportunity, willingly, is highly suspect.

An American serviceman staying in a duty station for 18 years is unbelievable. The military shows no qualms about separating American families for little reason and any number of times. That one serviceman would be allowed to stay in one duty station for a illegitimate, non-dependent daughter is unbelievable.

Thanks for the story, it was an enjoyable read.

What a beautifully developed love story. Delightful. Perhaps a bit of a rushed timeline but overall a delight. Thank you.

Excellent first time story, in my view very well written. I look forward to additional stories of this type from you.

Excellent writing, more of this story line would be great!!!

I really enjoyed it. I hope you write more.

A very intriguing and enjoyable heroine is thrown into a strange new situation and finds love in the process. Chad was a good protagonist, too, and it was good to see him be so very careful not to take advantage of Koki. That gave it a heartwarming edge. The need to focus on that and even explain it to her brought a smile. It felt rushed at the end, but that gives you the opportunity for another chapter to explore it further after the contest ends.

On the technical side, it could use a little cleanup; there were several punctuation issues and an “accept” versus “except” mixup at one point (that’s all I can recall at the moment).

Thanks for sharing this lovely tale. Excellent work!

Loved the story. Very well written.

Beautiful story. Thank you.

I really enjoy the story and your writing. My first from you. Now going to check out some of your other works. Thank you

Please consider continuing this story, because it's one of the best I've read on this site in quite awhile. Thanks, for your efforts!

Very fine story. Go some reason I cannot rate the story. If I could, easy five

Great story. Will there be more to follow? I'll wait with hopeful anticipation.

First of all I love the story line and had to finish the story.

However... as an American mid-westerner who has spent years in Japan there are more than a few glaring errors. Most of the errors can be over-looked for the story but the Deus ex machina of the handy cell phone interpreting at that conversational level is a bit over the top even in the year 2020.

Also was that fact that she was privately schooled in Japan yet apparently hadn't taken the mandatory English classes. This last fact can be explained away with a private anti-western school paragraph but needs to be explained.

Finally, and to be nit picky, pronunciation vs written: "Go za i mas" when spoken, the "su" at the end is a spelling translation thing to the English language. The ending "u" is completely silent. (That is a short "i" there in the middle with a "ee" sound).

Ranked it a 5 due to the great content and incredibly difficult context.

BTW: Northern Japan gets every bit as could as Boulder does.

I will have to agree with Crazy2Wheeler:

While you may have intended this as a one off, there is more here to tell.

Either way, thank you.

Very good. I always like the way you write and the story lines are realistic. Thank you.

Thank you Gone Gray (me too).

Chad wins and so do we readers.

A fantastic story, the clash of cultures nicely laid out and getting to a very nice climax (of the story and the couple falling in love), but the end is the first one ever in this forum, which made me laugh out loud. GoneGray, go on like that, I am looking for the next one.

I've read this story three times now, and it still evokes that same intense emotions. Excellent plot and dialogue. Character development is really top notch. I join others who would love to see a continuing chapter.

This is a very strong entry for the contest. I wish you good luck. Thanks.

I would love to see this contined as well. You have a lot of talent. Thank you for sharing your words.

Wow.

This is certainly one of the most intriguing stories--especially the sensitive and flowing words to describe emotions. How unfortunate that such lovely use of words seems so frowned on today (and totally beyond the capabilities of most younger folks today).

Thanks GG for reminding us how soft, sensitive, and flowing our language can be when penned by an amazing wordsmith.

Yes, please continue this journey of discovery and love.

Cheers,

Billybard

Well-written. I’ll probably garner hate for daring to voice this, but I find the over-the-top characterization of Kokomi to be both disrespectful and disturbing. The character’s behavior is too child-like; calling it “innocence” seems rather disingenuous. The character as written does not seem to act with adult naïveté, but acts as would a child. This is so heavily emphasized, that I find it disturbing.

how do I vote? Great story!

Great story and characters. The editing fell off about halfway through. Missing quotes or punctuation. Otherwise awesome work. Thank you

I'm sorry that I can only give this story five stars because it deserves many more. I'm not going to nit-pick such a good story to death looking for discrepancies, instead I'm taking it as face value, which is a fictional love story that makes me feel privileged to find and read. I guess the older I get the more sentimental I get, or maybe it's just good writing, but this story had my eyes leaking several times and glad to see so much love between the two main characters. What a very happing ending, thanks

Fantastic writing! A wonderful story of individual growth and love blossoming. I smiled, tears filled my eyes at various points and the ending was just too good. Truly enjoyed every word of this story. Keep writing, as I look forward to any and all new stories you may share with us.

This was just such a lovely story and it has my vote for the Valentine's contest.

I'd love to see a second part to this, a third, a forth and fifth as well.

I am not ready to part with these characters just yet.

Really enjoyed that. It's crying out for a second chapter.

Please consider it

Her language skills were way too good after just two to three months.

And they fell in love quicker than is at all realistic.

And why would her Japanese mother have so much money?

Too unrealistic to merit five stars.

I loved the story. I agree with the other posters who would like additional chapters, though I'll understand if you leave it where it is. Some things really don't need to be explained.

As for it being too fast to learn English, it wasn't. Koki's mastery of English is nowhere near perfect even after two months of immersive study. She's in America, working hard to learn English and she has few opportunities to still speak Japanese. In that environment, especially as young as she is, her abilities probably should have been better.

As for the mother being rich, that explains the extreme ostracization to me. Koki's mother was trying to keep people from realizing that she'd had a foreigner's child. It takes money to do that. The part of all that that rang a little false was the father only seeing his daughter once a year, but there could be external reasons for that (e.g., school policy, her mother's policy).

As for falling in love that fast, I've known several people who did that in real life too. Sometimes people just click. Sometimes it all works out and sometimes it doesn't. Las Vegas has an entire 'quick marriage' industry built around the concept and their business is booming. Besides, this is a fantasy.

That was excellent. A shaky start with the long sentences worried me, but then it flowed. I do think that her ability to express herself was a little beyond her age, whatever the language, and translation apps aren’t that perfect. But still, a five star from me. Very poetic.

I loved it. If you do give in to the requests for more chapters, I hope you keep them together and NO cheating. What they have is too special for that.

I really enjoyed your story. You gave enough background information on your characters to understand where each one was coming from without over explaining. Perfect for a short story. I also hope for a sequel even though though if you don’t it would be okay. Maybe you could use Chad and Koki as background characters in someone else’s story. I also enjoyed the sex scenes they were explicit enough to be interesting to read but were secondary to the story. I’ve read stories where the sex was the main part of the story and there wasn’t much else. While those have their place they are not very interesting to read. I intend to read more of your stories and if they as good as this one I hope you have a very prolific career. Thanks again 5 stars!

Loved the story, not sure it needs another chapter. This had a start, beginning and appropriate end - what a great place to leave it. Some stories are best left alone, although if the inspiration strikes to continue, I would look to read it. Congrats on the contest finish!

Interesting delving into the rejection of the Japanese of one who is not "pure". I've seen multiple references to this in the past, and with the long history of American servicemen in Japan and Korea, (as well as Vietnam) the "half-breed" rejection of that society is nothing new. It's great to read a story about true Americanism and acceptance of others after so much that has been increasingly the norm in the US for the last 3 years.

With everything said in the comments. The sheer poetry of the Japanese language when translated could not be as pretty as the poetry of your story. I believe you should have won, but third place isn’t bad. I loved the characters, even Crazy Britney! Please keep writing, I just loved reading this story!!

Overall the story has its ups and downs; but the scene where she explains how she may be innocent about sex though not about human nature, is nicely written.

Damn fine story. You have a talent and I hope to be the recipient of much more of it

Absolutely fantastic - beautifully written and so aware of the Japanese mentality & culture. I worked in Tokyo for a while and grew to love the country and the people. Thank you so much for sharing this with us

An interesting 'first time' story. Things certainly moved at supersonic speed in this offering.

Thanks for sharing.

Being married to a Japanese lady, I understand much of the innocence of a Young Woman from Japan, she came to me on a 12 Month working Holiday at the age of 24 when we met and I never let her return to Japan lol.

Now we've been together for 30 years and Married for almost 26 yrs, but we never had kids unfortunately.

We've had our battles and Cultural differences but we've made it work.

Loved this story and it kind of reminded me of when my wife and I got together for the first time. Although my wife didn't have the emotional baggage as Koki did at the beginning.

GoneGray, you are a talented writer with very indepth description on how the events lead up to the conclusion of the story. It was a great read.

Can’t wait till chapter 2

The only thing I struggled with is that everyone in Japan has to take English in High School. Five stars, I love the sentiment. What would I know? I met my wife in Japan about 45 years ago, and we had our language and cultural issues to navigate. It was all worth it.

to the anonymous who said that everyone has to take english in high school:

it's specified that she went to a very conservative, private, all girls, boarding school, and i think they did not teach english there. i may be wrong and they have to teach it by law, as i am not familiar with japanese law, but if that's not the case then that's a reason why she does not speak english

I absolutely loved it, but maybe an epilogue, with Koki getting her forest cabin and a little Shearborn for a full and proper “happy ever after” would be good?

P.S. Many thanks for the stories GoneGray! 5⭐️

Sequel

I really liked this, very few story writers tackle the issue of mixed race children within a non English speaking country where their mixed looks/parentage create issues for them and they can be ostracised from those they grew up with, it’s entirely possible to not be Japanese enough in Japan or not Black enough in Africa (Cape Coloured people) etc etc. Off my soapbox now, 5 stars for the love story, good characters and normal parental reactions, many thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz.

Absolutely a fantastic story.

I liked it. Thought it moved a little fast, but still believable. The plot centered on a touchy topic, but it was nice watching the characters make their way through it while growing and maturing.

Only thing that didn't quite feel right was how quickly Koki learned English, especially the informal version of it, but I am willing to chock it up to poetic license.

Nice job.

The amount of love depicted in this story is mind-boggling! Thank you for this wonderful story.

Great story, lots of love in the leading details, however it accelerates to a rapid conclusion, omitting the intimate details we are all looking for her on Literotica.

Excellent story, plenty of emotional depth and still manages to be fun.

A very good story! I'm sure I'm not the only one it wrung a few years from. Nicely done.

What a wonderful story ... 1st time ... 2nd time ... "read it again Sam".

Different, but I liked it . 5* Thank you

Brilliant story! Thank youu. 5 star!

One of the best stories here on Lit; read it already twice; well done, very touching — thanks so much for your work!