Julie Ch. 15

The next morning Julie woke up hung over. She wasn't much of a drinker and the stuff Ashlee had made was potent. Then she remembered replying to Greg's email. Oh, shit!

She quickly checked her email. Greg had replied.

"There's no one here this weekend either, if you want to stop by today or tomorrow."

He wasn't even pretending it was about talking now, was he? Not that Julie would have believed him if he had continued that ruse. But maybe it would have been easier if she could have told herself that's why she was going to see him. Even if she knew that wasn't the reason. Like a drunk going into a bar ostensibly to buy a pack of cigarettes.

Sitting at the table with Ashlee, this morning the cereal traded for coffee, Julie told her friend about the email. Ashlee smiled slightly, her own hangover dampening her I-told-you-so mirth.

"You'll go," she croaked confidently. Julie looked up at Ashlee, surprised by this assertion.

"Why?"

"I would," Ashlee said with a shrug.

"Yeah, but I'm not you," Julie countered, painfully aware of how judgmental her words sounded. She was no longer holding the moral high ground, was she?

"I know," Ashlee said softly, her fingers gripping her temples, rubbing them. "But you want me to tell you it's okay, so I'm telling you it's okay."

"No," retorted Julie. "That's not why I told you!" The effort of making the assertion hurt her head. "I just..." Why had she told Ashlee? She hadn't told Ashlee about his first email until after she received this one. Was she really looking for help rationalizing it?

"Go ahead," Ashlee said, still rubbing her own head. "What have you got to lose?"

"What if Gary is, you know... watching me or something?"

"If he is, then he doesn't trust you and there's not really any hope in that case, is there?" Ashlee's argument was strangely persuasive. "Besides, you're just going over there to talk to him, right?" Had Ashlee winked? In her hangover haze, Julie wasn't sure. But again, she found herself wanting to heed her friend's advice.

But, Julie reminded herself, Ashlee was a train wreck when it came to relationships. Maybe guys like Greg were appealing in the bedroom, but what good were they in the long run? On the other hand, what good was a long run that left her, well... longing?

After breakfast and a shower, Julie still felt awful. She sat down in front of her computer and read Greg's email again, mulling over Ashlee's advice. Ashlee was just saying what Julie wanted to hear. But the fact that it was what Julie wanted to hear was the real telltale. If Julie's body wasn't already urging her to go, what power would Ashlee's words have had?

She popped a couple aspirin and went back to bed. She woke around lunch time feeling considerably better. Wandering out to the kitchen, Julie found Ashlee sleeping on the sofa. She walked quietly past her sleeping friend and was careful not to make noise as she scrounged up some leftover pizza.

Afterward, Julie retreated to her room and sat down in front of her computer again. Greg's email was still there, awaiting her reply. It wasn't quite one-thirty. If Julie hurried over there... She started calculating in her head how many hours she could spend with him. Then she stopped herself. She was basing her calculations on having to be home at a certain time. That wasn't the case now, was it?

That thought in itself was a little scary. There had always been a limit to her time with Greg. Windows of opportunity that she had to take advantage of whenever she could. A half hour here, a few hours there. This was a different situation now though. This was like a kid being turned loose in a toy store. The idea that she could have as much of him as she wanted, as often as she wanted... her knees got a little wobbly.

Julie thought about what it would be like to go to bed with Greg and wake up with him, not worrying about being home or getting caught. The thought made her tingle all over.

Of course, that still wasn't really the case. She wasn't going to show up at Greg's apartment while his roommates were there. And he said he was going to be heading back in another week or so. Still... there were certainly more possibilities. Assuming, that was, that Julie was going to completely abandon any hope of saving her relationship with Gary.

Did she really want to throw that away? Right now it might be a kid-in-a-candy-store scenario, but what about when Greg inevitably moved on? Then she would have neither the security, comfort and love of Gary nor the sexual excitement of Greg. She had to remind herself that choosing Greg now was certainly going to lead her to that eventually.

But it was like describing cancer to a teenage smoker. The risks were all too far away, too far removed from daily highs and lows to matter. She could get her fix now and at least for the immediate future. Whatever was waiting weeks or months or years down the road had little influence over what she wanted right now, no matter how bad, intellectually speaking, she knew her choice to be.

There was a significant part of her that was afraid for other reasons, though. And that fear, the fear of making her situation with Gary worse, still had the power to give her pause. She had already put herself in an unsavory position. If she and Gary did split up, she was an adulteress. Gary would already have the upper hand in any sort of legal proceedings. But that wasn't at the root of her fear, was it? No, like the cigarette analogy, it was still too far off.

But there was a fear, wasn't there? Maybe it was the more natural, reactionary fear of having gotten into serious trouble and wanting at all costs to be out of it. She had screwed up. And the magnitude of that mistake had yet to be fully revealed. In the meantime, she was like a child waiting in her room for her dad to come home. The consequences would be severe. And that thought, and the fear that went with it, was something powerful enough to influence her decision making.

But even as she felt that anxiety, she also felt temptation. To have Greg without limits... That was something that stirred her in a way that surprised her. Was it because now she had a chance to see if a relationship with Greg was possible? Was she, in spite of what her head told her, trying to capture that fantasy? If only briefly?

Julie sat down and looked at Greg's email. She wanted to run over to Greg's and see what it would be like to spend time with him and not have to keep an eye on her watch. But she was anxious and afraid of the consequences she was already facing.

Or maybe she just wanted to see how hard Greg would work to convince her.

She typed a brief response.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

She wondered if she should say more, but couldn't think of anything. She didn't want to encourage him to convince her. That had to come straight from him. He either wanted her enough to try persuading her or... Or he'd pick up his little black book and call some less complicated woman.

Julie lounged around and watched TV most of the afternoon. When Ashlee woke up, she didn't seem to have any more ambition than that either. The two of them sat and watched television, occasionally chatting about insignificant things. And every so often, Julie would go back to her room and check her email.

Just before five, Greg answered her.

"I have this weekend and part of next. Then I'm home for at least a month. I don't want to leave without seeing you again."

The way he said he wanted to see her made Julie's heart beat a little faster. Did he really mean that? Was there something more to this than sex? Did he... dare she even think it, want to be with her? And not just in a sexual sense. Was he interested in something more than fucking Julie and sending her home to her husband?

Julie had to admit that she had found their kisses and embraces more passionate than they should be if he didn't have any feelings for her. The way he held her after sex seemed to convey a similar message. But Julie would never let herself think that way. It would be too devastating to fall for a guy who would never, could never, reciprocate. Ashlee's dating history was testament to that.

But now... there was a tingly knot of uncertainty gnawing at her belly. Could she take a chance that he was just saying whatever was necessary to get what he wanted? Could she ignore the possibility that Greg might actually want her?

"I can't take chances like that, if there's any hope of saving my marriage."

As she clicked the send button, Julie didn't know if she really believed she was going to try to save her marriage. Or if she was just interested in seeing how aggressively Greg pursued her.

Greg took less than ten minutes to reply.

"I don't think you have to worry about that. Even if you want to, which I don't believe, I don't think he'll take you back."

Julie gaped at Greg's answer. Gary wouldn't take her back? Well, it wasn't that Julie hadn't had similar thoughts, but it was rather audacious for Greg to talk like that.

Her reply was brief, almost terse. And she hoped it conveyed the indignation she felt when she had read Greg's email.

"I don't know what you mean."

Again, Greg's response came rather quickly.

"Do you remember how he caught us?"

Julie did remember. She hadn't at first. In the first shell-shocked moments after she had seen Gary until some time later, Julie's brain had frozen, locking away that damaging information. But she had remembered.

Greg had been fucking her doggie style. Hard. And then he had given her the tap, the signal that he was about to cum. And Julie had turned around quickly on the bed, closing her mouth over Greg's sticky cock. Even now, as horribly as that moment had ended, there was no denying how hot it had gotten her. How hot it always got her.

Greg's cock, fresh out of her pussy and pungent with her juices, had erupted in her mouth. And it had been a rather sizeable eruption, something that she found particularly arousing with Greg. There must have been a look on her face, an incriminating expression of pure bliss. It was so erotic, so hot. It made Julie feel like the sexiest woman alive, to actually derive such incredible pleasure from taking him in her mouth like that. Tasting the masculinity of his sperm and then swallowing it.

She had been so turned on by it that, while she still held his cock in her mouth, she quickly fingered herself to another orgasm. And, of course, the idea of having an orgasm with his cock in her mouth was every bit as deliciously erotic and hot as sucking him off after fucking.

That wanton sluttiness, that pussy wrenching kinkiness... Gary had witnessed it all. How shocking must that have been for him? He could never have pictured Julie that way, she knew. He was considerate in bed, loving, never kinky or crazy. And he had always seen Julie as being the same, right?

Maybe that was too much to expect Gary to be able to forgive. It would be one thing if he caught her cheating without knowing any of the specifics. But this... well, could she blame him if he never want to kiss her on the lips again? After seeing that?

Gary had stood less than ten feet away and watched Julie swallow another man's cum. And had watched her do it in a way that left no doubt she had totally loved it.

The Julie Gary knew had to jump up spit and brush her teeth after he came in her mouth. Not masturbate with her lips still wrapped around the cock because it had turned her on in such an insanely hot way.

And even after all of the hurt she had caused Gary, Julie wanted to see Greg again. She was wrestling with her conscience, looking for a rationalization that would let her have Greg's big cock again. Was there really any doubt that she'd find that excuse?

At the same time, she wasn't going to go running to Greg by default. Maybe Greg was right and there was no way that Gary would ever be able get that fateful image out of his head. That there really wasn't a future for Julie with Gary anymore. It didn't mean that she should or would give herself so easily to Greg, did it? It wasn't like she could count on any kind of a future with him either.

Julie wrote back.

"Maybe. But that doesn't mean I should see you again."

After she sent it, Julie wondered if maybe she shouldn't have emphasized the word 'you' in the message. Maybe not. She wanted some sign from Greg that he wanted something more than a convenient Saturday night fuck. But she didn't want to make it too difficult either. After all, she might be hoping to get talked into being his convenient Saturday night fuck.

Greg replied within a minute or so.

"I know you want to."

Greg's words might be true, but they were beside the point. Julie wasn't going to see him just because she wanted to. Maybe she was just playing a game with herself, saying that he had to give her some kind of reason. And maybe she would grasp at any weak demonstration of affection. But he had to at least give her that.

"Want to has nothing to do with it."

A minute later, Greg's reply arrived.

"At least you admit that you want it."

Julie should have been angry, or at least annoyed. It was impossible to tell if Greg was joking or not. But the cold black and white letters on the screen conveyed no tone, no inflection. Even if he wasn't being serious, it wasn't enough. He wasn't going to get her to see him going about it that way.

What could Julie say? She didn't want to tell him what she needed to hear. He had to know it and say it to her of his own accord.

"Wanting it already cost me everything. There's nothing to admit."

Greg's responded.

"Even if you hadn't gotten caught, you couldn't have gone back to the way you were before."

Julie acknowledged the truth of his words to herself. Hadn't she thought the same thing herself? But logic wasn't what was going to win her over. Didn't Greg know that?

Almost as if he had been reading her mind, a fresh email from Greg popped up.

"I wouldn't have let you go back."

Julie blinked. What was he saying? Did he mean he wanted a real relationship with her? It sounded like that's what he meant. Her belly tingled and her body flushed with warmth. Could it be real?

Julie thought about times that she had lay in Greg's arms, their bodies embracing, sweating and exhausted. The way he brushed her hair back behind her ear and kissed her tenderly. The way he held her, made her feel so secure, for a long time after the ecstasy had passed.

Julie had always believed that those were Greg's tricks of the trade. To make a woman feel like she was more than just a hot fuck. True, Julie wanted to feel like a hot fuck with him, but she also needed the tenderness afterward, didn't she? Wouldn't any woman?

So Greg gave that to her. She assumed he did it because he had figured out that it somehow released Julie. It let her be uninhibited with him during sex, because she knew she could count on those affectionate moments afterward. It was a deadly combination. Either one on its own would never have been enough. But together... wow!

Julie could be a total slut with Greg, fucking him and sucking him with complete abandon. Not just because he could make her cum like a volcano, but because he would hold her and kiss her afterward.

So what did his email mean? She typed a reply.

"I'm a married woman. I thought you liked that because it made me 'uncomplicated.'"

Greg's reply took a few minutes this time. Was it because he had to give his answer some thought? Or because he wandered off to get a fresh beer out of the fridge. Julie knew which she wanted to believe, even though she wouldn't let herself.

"You are anything but 'uncomplicated.'"

Julie felt a stir in her loins as she read Greg's reply. True, she didn't know for sure what he meant, but the implication that he was torn over her, well... it was enough to let her go over there, wasn't it? It was at least close. She needed just a little bit more...

"How so?"

He wrote back.

"You know. You feel it too."

Julie stared at his words, her heart picking up its pace. He was definitely leading her to believe there was more between them than just sex. Was he really, honestly having feelings for her? On the one hand, Julie could only dare to hope.

On the other hand, there was plenty of reason to remain skeptical. First, she and Greg had almost no contact outside of the bedroom and work. They had never even been on a real date, so how could she assume that they had anything on which to base a relationship? Second, she wasn't sure she could let herself believe him. As much as she wanted to, there was still enough sensibility and self-preservation in her to know better.

Even if he sincerely meant it, it still had a track record that couldn't be ignored. No matter how smitten he was today with Julie, how long would it be before his eyes started looking around? Noticing greener pastures—or shorter skirts—elsewhere?

She looked at his email, re-read the words. She did know. She did feel it. And no matter how much her head screamed at her not to do anything foolish, Julie began to think she was about to do just that.

"I don't know what I feel."

Julie's answer was mostly honest. She did know what she felt, but if those feelings were based on a mirage, then... That uncertainty certainly cast doubt on everything else.

Greg's answer hit the mark perfectly.

"Yes, you do. You just don't believe."

Julie didn't even have to think before she wrote back.

"Can you blame me?"

Greg didn't reply right away. As Julie sat and stared at the screen, she wondered if she was driving him away. She didn't want to do that did she?

Then Greg's reply arrived in her in box.

"I understand. Come see me and we'll talk. I don't want to do this over email."

There it was. The opportunity for rationalization that Julie had wanted. He had implied that he had real feelings for her, wanted more than just great sex with her. And if she would come to his apartment, they could 'talk' about it.

There was certainly a need within Julie to know where she stood with Greg. She couldn't get to the point where she needed him only to find that he was gone. But when she allowed herself to be honest for a moment, Julie found she was really hoping that they would do more than talk.

Oh, God! If there was something substantial underneath the sex... Julie hardly knew any sexual limits with Greg as it was! How much more could she give him? She didn't know, but she was thinking she wanted to find out.

The temptation of being with him without limits, without worrying about the time, without making excuses, was already enough to make her knees start to shake. The idea that there might be real feelings, affection, even... no, she couldn't use the "L" word. That was insanely optimistic.

But as hard as she tried to suppress that optimism, it was having an effect on her. Still, she was not a woman to throw away all caution. She wrote back to Greg in that cautious vein.

"Why don't we meet for a drink."

Even as she sent it, she knew what his response would be. And she couldn't keep herself from smiling when she read it.

"Cavanaugh's?"

Why not, Julie though? If he really was sincere... well, it wasn't like she hadn't done it before!

They traded a couple more emails to establish a time, then Julie logged off and got dressed. She didn't have her whole wardrobe to chose from. It was either work clothes or jeans and a pullover. She went with the jeans. Work clothes... what message would that have sent? She almost wished she had the nerve to wear them and find out.

As she walked out, Julie was careful not to make any noise. She was hoping that Ashlee was still asleep on the sofa. Julie didn't even want to think about what Ashlee would say to her.

But Ashlee was awake.