All Comments on 'Just a Little Magic Ch. 15'

These cliffhangers can take a flying leap! Ugh so good! Thank you for writing such a compelling story!

Wonderful work. Your best ever.

Well, that was a very calm and adult ending. I was kind of hoping that there could be some crazy punishment for Janine and Lillian. Maybe Lillian would be magically compelled to help all those women they wronged, be their servant help the poor. More interestingly for me at least, you could make Jillian the love slave of Peter. Of course that is an immature thing, doesn't make sense - sophie wouldn't want that. I like the unspecified outcome for sophie and peter. And maybe a possibility of Mirelle and Peter if sophie doesn't work out. Thanks for a fantastic story.

God you can be an absolute bastard of a writer sometimes.

I didn't think this was going to hold a candle to Westrons or the Chronicles when this series first started... And yet here we are and I can't read the next story I have open because my head is dwelling on this chapter. (Even if you do enjoy your cliffhangers a little too much.)

I have to say, if I were behind the keyboard, I would have taken this in a darker direction - the guilt and violation adding up until he can't take it; perhaps unconsciously using mentalism on himself to reinforce those negative feelings... But the direction this took is equally as as valid, and just as well done.

My only critique is that I'd like to have seen the sections where he explains the situation to the list expanded a bit more. I know that's not the focus of the plot and having to repeat the same scene 11 times is easily repetitive, but it felt slightly rushed when they were spending weeks in location that passed in half a sentence.

I can't wait for the next chapter, thank you.

Superb

The writing is solid and the arc is well done, even if I'm increasingly disappointed with how the protagonist is turning out. I want the MC to become somebody, not just the hapless bystander who's one step away from being a village idiot. Is he an identifiable every day bloke, sure, but I'd rather see him become far more than that. So many ideas on how to do that... but it's your story, not mine.

I hope that’s the end. The resolution was a bit on the weak side after all that buildup. But the “lady or tiger” ending can vindicate it all. Another chapter can only weaken the story.

I'm fan of this story, but in the end it's played so crazily safe. With his Mom's reaction to Pete learning magic and her injury by his father, I was sure that Chekov's gun was gonna be huge. In fact it blinded me to a lot of the rest of the story, honestly. And the list! With Sophie fourth, I was sure that three girls were gonna get pregnant, wounding and breaking Pete, getting Janine so excited that Pete unraveled the plot in time that he could power of love out of it with Sophie. I didn't focus too much on who Sophie was, I just accepted her as Pete's fuel. So I overlooked Eileen and Anna. I knew his love for her was going to be the lever to find another way out of things. I hoped he was gonna use his talents, stagecraft, and friends. It felt a little deus ex machina.

Pete's a great character. I loved Sammy and Janine. Lillian as the spidery mastermind was great because of how she's contrasted by Janine's immature impatience.

I'm not a big fan of the magic. OK, one aspect of the magic. I do love the stage magic and mind reading sides of things. The idea of geasa and the path he was put on. All great. My issue is the way that the geasa were removed seemed anti-climactic. It might suck having a bandaid ripped off but it's not like it pulls your liver out with it. The lack of magical consequences fits in with my previously mentioned problems. The emotional consequences and the kick in the nards were OK.

I don't know if my problem with the safety and dwindling stakes are what most of your audience feels, but it did stick out to me.

I like the open-ended ness of him at Sophie's door. Like the spinning top at the end of Inception. An excellent ending, which is the bit I like that most of all. You wrote a very good story. Definitely be proud of yourself.

Gave me a LOT to think about.

AND I will really have to think this one over before I comment, as it will detail about everything I can think of; part of it will be to partly refute what I see from the story and the other part, some of what I think others have missed to this point.

Just a Little Magic, Ch. 15

Where to start? I'll explain and rate some or all sections on scales of 1-10.

The next-greatest torture any decent-minded person could face is to have to re-examine all one’s actions in private; the greatest is to have to relive each one and explain why to those one would stand to lose the most face with. In this case, Peter recounts all of this to the council and worst of all, with Sophie present. The greatest proof of his remorse (although he really had little control over all he did, accounting for the geasa piled onto him) is him asking what he could do to make up for it? Anyone with any bit of “jerk” in him would never have entertained that question in a million years. Point is once he is aware of the magnitude of this, he doesn’t flinch. That takes guts. He’s already done the walk of shame in front of the girl he loves most, but then to apologize to all the females in person with STILL others present? It’s like reliving that shame x3 with EACH female, EACH time--doesn’t matter if the corresponding woman makes peace with it or even thinks it was kind of cool (like Ri, a bit of an oddball or Sandra, who perhaps wouldn’t have minded it, to say nothing of Esther, who just figured it was too good to be true).

Torture for Peter? 1-10 15

Once we include those apologies, we’ve kind of thrown him into the furnace and not expected him to turn to ash--in other words, it’s a bit overdone--probably take away Peter’s self-recriminations over something he didn’t have much control over and this may even things out. Sure, this delivers the opportunity for Sammy to walk in and spout the line about forgiving oneself, yet...it’s still excessive in the undue blame and introspection.

Peter’s ability to have prevented this? 1-10 2.5

No one argues Peter’s the sharpest knife in the drawer, nor could anyone make the case his intellect is rivalled only by garden tools; we also must weigh the extra hindrances created by the geasa to limit his curiosity and to explore things that we as readers obviously saw but he as the protagonist was unduly blinded from seeing. Take Rodney’s conclusion of “you were sinned against more than the sinner,” although he overestimates Peter’s culpability in the whole matter. Another mitigating circumstance is that in terms of getting to him ‘early” and shaping his future, Lillian and Janine were very masterful at hiding in the shadows by delivering gifts, books, kits, etc. One equivalent to this (perish the thought) is how adults “groom” adolescents into accepting inappropriate relationships in far more subtle, yet seemingly caring and loving ways. Anna plainly stated Janine specialized in coercion, so with including the geasa (however amateurishly they were piled onto him) plus Janine’s raging sexuality to hook him further (moreover including snookering him from 16 and especially at his prom, to promise sex after a “hot date”)--plus fix up his good buddy Sammy with a redheaded hottie...there’s zero chance Peter had a snowball’s chance in hell of resisting any of this, nor wholeheartedly going along [at least at that point].

Peter and Sammy’s ability to figure this out? 1-10 2.5 for Peter, 1 for Sammy

Given Peter’s own statements about once Sammy saw “contacts 2” with the dates and full moons, Sammy needed the equivalent of 262 “questions” which only 20 for the rest of us above-average schmos would have sufficed was clearly signaling that without Peter already KNOWING something sinister was afoot and Sammy having a super-slow time of it...Peter’s barfing reflected the intellectual flagellation Sammy experienced trying to figure out something Peter could only partly guide him on.

Peter being a decent guy overall 1-10 8

This mirrors how much he could have prevented and I point to the evidence of how he genuinely wanted to please all these women and use his one ability in order to guide him to pleasure them. He most importantly poured as much of his heart and intellect into each email and interaction. While Lillian said he had to “woo them,” she never showed him how: she provided gifts and thought out the “meetings,” but she never controlled how he thought and what he said to each woman. The very fact someone like Mirella (by his own accounting) “would have just enjoyed the show and forgot about him the next day” is on some level wondering how the HELL she still LIKES him with all the spells removed (especially seeing he’s not handsome nor able to attract her save by his humanity and decency) means he found a way to touch her heart a way NO other man had (forgetting the sex for a moment): he defended her honor by saving her from that underhanded photographer that would have fleeced her by selling unauthorized pictures--AND he stood up to her--because she thought he was ONLY jealous and NOT thinking of her wellbeing...what woman would NOT find that hot by itself? To furthermore partly save her reputation and dignity? HOTNESS x 2!! And to correct something wrong (sorry) in the story: he found Janine hot, but Mirella was easily her EQUAL but actually surpassed Janine because Mirella (despite the spells’ influence) was a genuine person with real feelings for Peter. I also have to say Mirella “racking him” when she could have gone to her fortune-teller relative that was “accurate” with her readings meant Mirella had access to the answers she could not obtain any other way (understanding her attraction to him). So at best, Mirella should have forehanded him on one cheek hard and then followed up with a stinging backhand. Include him trying to tell Sammy and then Sophie with the torturous pain wracking his body each time, and you’ve got someone with fortitude on a scale of 8-9.

I find it completely curious how you excluded Carla from all this: in hindsight, I would have expected her to be the practical voice of reason and tell Mirella to “cool off a bit first and go easier on Peter,” given Carla kissed him for defending Mirella’s interests with the photographer in Vegas.

Was Breana authentic to how you described her? No question--including her wanting to sue and get the cops. The way she dispelled real magic, then shut up with the $$ played true to her character (especially vanity).

Kavia still felt like a disappointment--not to her “character” before meeting Peter, but in how it didn’t change her choices. I feel like she should have stopped to examine herself and at least stop going after people to enhance her social standing, as that was the direction she went in while with Peter...but I suppose some could argue that’s my personal preference, yet argue for her original orientation. I saw the instance of using her as something that could have shaken her to her core--enough to make her want to seriously change (as she was played for a nefarious purpose without real regard for her future, at least by Lillian’s and Janine’s designs).

Both Tamara and Irene played true to their betrayals, and it was doubly awful to find out Lillian cast spells on their partners to make them abandon each woman. However, to be Captain Obvious, Peter did not cause that and he was as much the victim as they were--in fact, he genuinely tried to make them happy--not knowing Lillian had driven their men away. I’d say their reactions were understandable, but excessively punished Peter as if he masterminded it all. Remember this: he came clean to Irene about the card trick so he could stay with her, and he KNEW he could not fool her--and that she was so bright she effectively figured that out. He also connected with Tamara when he drove from Atlanta 6 hours to see her. No way a woman FORGETS that--despite how much she was hurting at the time. He still helped her confidence in the ways he could, while not knowing the rest of when transpired beforehand.

Ashley was pretty cool about it after all, and she did accept Peter got used about as much as she did--AND he really found some things to like about her. PLUS, he did turn down her friend because he was wanting ONLY to make Ashley experience being treated like a “queen” instead of being used for only her body. He respected her like a person in what ways he was able to, and did very well.

Vicky accepted it quite well, especially considering the 200K she received, as that was something that would serve her family well--especially outside of Singapore--so her dad could expand as he wanted, her family expand the house, and likely that would even help all her multitudinous relatives to prosper (doesn’t take much $$ in that part of the world).

I appreciate Anna walking him through how badly he was duped and how they would have murdered him soon after “harvesting” the girls to form their coven. He can grow and become more--if there is time--since Rodney removed the “training wheels.”

The ending? I can see both sides. To classify it “safe” perhaps is excessive--but that assumes this is not ending. I do think the “reveal” could have come maybe 2 chapters earlier, and extend the “fallout” to develop and partly resolve more naturally. I believe that would have been a reasonable compromise--but that’s armchair quarterbacking from a guy that couldn’t have written all this in the first place. I think the way it’s been done with the remaining space is a workable compromise, as it signals major time to reconcile with Sophie (we must consider Sammy’s observing she was alone largely for 2 years).

To leave us with a cliffhanger, using a poker metaphor for going all-in on Sophie? How apt...one of the few “cliffhangers” I don’t mind.

Despite some of my findings, what do you think? 5.

Great story, but I have to say, "You bastard!" For the way his one ended. Hoping the next chapter is waiting for approval.yo be published.

Nooo please. Don't let it end with a cliffhanger like that! Add at least an epilogue of some sorts in order to clarify the development of the characters. There is too much unresolved, which should not. And we need some sex in the end. it's literotica after all. ; - ) But thanks or a great story anyway.

Herein lies the difference between good stories and amazing tales. I really hope there is another chapter (or ten) to come, but irrespective, the tail end of this story has been as compelling as the beginning. AspernEssling is a talented story teller, with unique plots, excellent character development and the ability to draw in - then hold the reader in his spell (no pun intended). I really hope he gets as much enjoyment writing as I get from reading his superb efforts.

I loved your writing as always, but I did not like this story. I’ve never read a story where the protagonist had less agency. Everything happens to him. Janine seduces him. Lillian puts spells on him. Michelle dumps him. Danielle dumps him. Breanna points out to him it’s a full moon. The mages council removes the spells. Anna and Sophie take him around the world to make amends. Mirella kicks him in the nuts. Even the ending is entirely dependent on Sophie’s response. Peter never took a single independent action.

Now that the hook was set and the line reeled in to show something. I too feel that the.... weight that has stood in as the protagonist needs to actually and actively get in the game. He's been the victim, but he's also learned skills in his experience. Not sexual skills but magical ones. I suspect his own magical growth should grow like a budding flower exposed to the sun. Maybe become a troubleshooter for the magical police.. start his own journey to potentially becoming an Archmage himself. Unless the story is we got together now we're happy yay.

I really enjoyed this series. One comment: It is hard to believe that super protective Aunt Anna and Adjudicator for the Greater Toronto Area knew that Sophie had a spell on her to "love Peter Grey" and yet were satisfied with checking just him. It is a pretty specific spell for them not to investigate farther. You can substitute this for Anna recognizing that some kind of love spell was started on her but never completed. That would correspond to Lillian noticing Peter with her in the earlier chapters and explain why Anna was not looking farther into Peter as spell is not specific enough. That also does not prevent Peter from feeling relived that Sophie's love was real...

I feel that this is a middle of the story point rather than the end. And I am not sure Sophie ends up as pure as we are led to believe. Why? A few clues (of cause I maybe reading too much into a few sentences):

1) Ch 5

That was how Sammy came on board. It was great to have my best friend, my roommate, working with us. We would end up travelling together down the road, sharing more adventures.

On top of that, the decision to hire Sammy probably ended up saving my life.

I am not sure how Sammy yet saved Peters life - driving him from Atlanta did not require him being hired by Peter. So I would expect something else to come out

2) Ch 8

- "You make me feel so wonderful, Sophie. I don't know how you do it."

- "Magic." she breathed. Then she smiled, showing me her amazing dimples.

While it can and probably is indication of her throwing Peters profession back to him, I for some reason think it is an indication that she and Anna are not truthful about Sophie knowledge of magic. After all Peter seems as bewitch by her from the first moment as he was by Janine

I am conscious that I maybe seeing too much into these few lines but it would be pretty interesting twist if we end up with neither Janine nor Sophie being "good"

What a thoroughly enjoyable story. Great ending. I'm impressed by different categories you've submitted stories under and have excelled in each of them. You have a lot of talent as a writer. Thank you.

Pretty sure there are at least 3 chapters left in this story.

1 - Clearly some of the 11 women weren't done with him.

2 - Clearly Sophie was working her own angle with those particular women by having her little 1-on-1 conversations with them. I still see a harem story in this man's future, this time with Sophie as the coordinator.

3 - Clearly our beloved protagonist has vastly more magical potential than we have been allowed to see. Where is it, when does it come into play, and what are the implications of that? Are we reading about a future arch-mage or not?

Is Lit holding up approving the next installment? Normally it's online 3-5 days after the last, and something's off.

OH MAN!!! I am so used to reading your story from beginning to end in just a couple of days. I thought I waited enough for you to finish the series. I way underestimated how good this one is. I finished these 15 WAY too fast. 22 hours, (including work and sleep). You improve with every tale.

Aw man... you can't do that and end it like that! LOL

I know you often get complains about your endings. But I just have to say it once more, this is the definition of anti anticlimactic.

Still, thanks for sharing you stories, they are good reads.

It's been a while since I've found a story that's fully captivated me enough to want to read the entirety in under a week. This story did the trick, small pun intended. Thank you for sharing.