Just a Shot

We'd moved to Richmond in 1987 to start our adult lives. Home and family were out of sight, out of mind. Me? I had a bit too much time on my hands and out of boredom I'd signed up for 6 months of lessons at a local Tae Kwon Do school. I'd quickly become immersed in the discipline. What I liked was that initially the instructors led you through each lesson, through each hour-long class. As your rank increased, they slackened their hold on your leash until you had no choice but to take over your own education or bow out.

When I started taking lessons, there were close to thirty people in my beginners' class. By the time I tested for my first degree four years later, I was the only one left. Somehow that felt wrong. Never in my whole life did I consider myself black belt material and I felt it was a waste for those other twenty-nine people to fall by the wayside while I strapped on a brand new black belt.

Yet I persevered and one day in the future I wrapped my first-degree belt proudly around my waist. At the time of this story, I was probably a green or purple belt, halfway through my journey. On this particular evening I had skipped out of class early and avoided the adult class at eight o'clock. I'd been working during the day as a graphic designer and taking classes just about every night. I needed a break.

I had no specific plan in mind but wanted to go downtown and shoot the breeze with my friend Wanda. She was working her way up the ladder at a downtown restaurant and was currently a bartender/waitress. So, my hope was that she would either be waiting tables or serving drinks at the bar, which would allow me to spend some time with her. All in all, an open-ended visit to go see her, where she might not even be working at all or she might be holding down the fort. Still, if she was there, it was enough time to hang out and watch her work.

Luckily, she was working the bar when I walked in around 7:30 p.m. She gave me a weary smile and welcomed me to the bar. I picked a stool to sit on, which wasn't difficult since I was the only one there. Suave and sophisticated that I was, I made my request. "I'd like a scotch, little darlin'."

I guess out of all the people in her life, I think she'd given up worrying about making me purr and had no trouble ruffling my feathers. In other words, I wasn't on her list of 'kiss-ups.' She had no intention of buttering me up for any reason.

"David..."

"Mmmm?"

"Fine." With that, she proceeded to one-by-one place bottles on the bar in front of me. My eyes opened wider when I realized what I'd gotten myself into. In front of me were twelve bottles of scotch and she was going to force me to make a choice. I suppose she was tired of making the choice for me or maybe tired of searching through the eighty bottles on the shelf for one bottle of scotch. Me, I'd place them all at the end on the right--you know, in an organized manner. Guess placement of liquor was a lot more complex than I'd thought.

I looked at her through the forest of bottles. She clunked down two handfuls of shot glasses and left it up to me on how to proceed.

There was no way out of it. "Really?" She crossed her arms, basically removing herself from the equation. "Thanks?"

"You're welcome."

"Has to be this way?"

"Yeap. I'm tired of picking for you. So, find your favorite. Choose."

"Oooh-kayyy. Thanks for thinking of me. Let's get to it. Are you joining me?"

"Please. I'm on the clock and will be until 10:00 tonight. Does that answer your question?"

"Guess not. Too bad. By the time I reach that last bottle I'll gonna be a little worse for wear."

"Maybe." she said, as she turned back to wash dirty glasses and left me to my devices.

I gave her the evil eye but she wasn't paying attention to me. My evil eye was nothing compared to her stink eye. I poured my first shot from the end bottle on the left. The first one always makes you choke but I slugged it down. A cough escaped me. "Kah! Mmm mmm grumble. God! Good stuff."

Second bottle. I poured the shot and tossed it down. A little smoother but still rough going down. I closed my eyes and compared my memory of each shot going down my throat. The second one, definitely the second bottle. I pushed the first bottle back and away, putting it in a discard pile.

"Two down, ten to go."

"Good for you. Don't wimp out now."

I rubbed my finger up and down my nose, giving it a good scratch.

"Wow. What would your mother think? I'm here looking out for you and you're being rude."

"Sorry. Had an itch."

I poured a shot from the third bottle, one from the fourth, and a half shot from the second. Quickly I downed the third shot. "Mmm mmm grumble." A little smoother going down but by now I'd forgotten the second shot altogether. I snatched up the fourth shot and downed it. "Kahhh! God! Rot gut!" I took a breath through my nose and let it out through my mouth. Then I swallowed the half shot from the second bottle. I knew the fourth bottle was made literally from toilet water, so I knew that was out. I closed my eyes and tried to compare the shots from the third bottle, then the second. "Mmmmm. Toughie. But the third one tops the second." She wasn't listening. I gently placed the second bottle, then the fourth, over on the discard pile.

"Amazing how much smoother the fourth shots goes down than the first."

She turned around. "Did you say something?" as she took the three bottles from the discard pile and put them back on the shelf.

"No, just baring my soul. Nothing important, in case you were worried."

"Okay. As long as it wasn't important. Have you got a method down?"

"Yes. I pour two shots and then half a shot of the most recent winner. Whichever one feels smoother I keep, then the other two head to the discard pile. Pure empirical science."

"Uh huh. We'll see how you feel when you reach the last bottle. By the time you get there, your tongue will be too numb to feel anything anyway."

"Could be, could be." With that I pulled bottles five and six toward me and pulled bottle three closer. I took three shot glasses, poured shots of five and six and half a shot of bottle three. Then I looked up to see if she was watching. Oh, she was. She used her finger to tap on her watch.

"Wow. Do you want me to drink them all at once or do I need to cut out breathing to speed things up? What? Is it 10:00 already?"

"Smartass. No-one takes this long to drink a shot."

"Again. Wow. I think I have enough bits and pieces in my trunk to make a beer bong. Want me to go get them so I can make a Scotch bong? You'll have to pour the shots for me."

She sighed. "I take it all back. Forget I said anything."

"That's good. I forgot it already." I followed this up by slugging down number five. Smooth as silk. That or my tongue was beginning to get numb. Eh. I slugged down shot number six. A growl slipped out of my mouth as I tried to disregard the taste of number six. Finally, I tossed the half a shot of number three.

"They're getting smoother or the alcohol's catching up to me." I took bottle six and bottle three and put them in the discard pile. "The Winner--bottle five."

"Impressive. Six out of twelve. Halfway there. Keep going."

"Yes, mistress." and I poured shots from bottles seven and eight and half a shot from five. "Here we go." and I slugged down shot number seven and followed up quickly with number eight. "Oh my god. They're so smooth going down now but I know I'm not going to be able to walk a straight line when I'm done."

"Don't worry. I'll get you home."

"Thanks." as I wiped the 'scotch' tears from my eyes. Then I downed the half shot of number five. "Mmmm. Five, you are awesome." and I pushed seven and eight over to the discards. "I think I need to see if I can get to the bathroom without falling down. Wish me luck."

"Good luck."

Five minutes later I came back. "Can I have a piece of ice?" She turned around and saw me holding my forehead. She reached up and pulled my hand away to expose a nice lump on my forehead. A small laugh escaped her. "I'll get you some ice. What did you do? Get in a fight?"

"You're so funny. I had a disagreement with the door in the bathroom. It seems my...uh...coordination is off a bit." I took the dish towel and wrapped the ice up in it, then put it on my lump. "Good thing I tried it now. Stairs would've killed me." A smile showed up on her face. "So that's what gets a smile out of you? My suffering?"

"How often have we really gone drinking together? So it's just you. Enjoy yourself."

"I will." with that I poured a shot from bottle number nine and half a shot from bottle five. Quickly I swallowed the shot from nine and let it sit in my mouth. Finally, I sent it down and picked up the half shot of number five. I swallowed it up and let it sit in my mouth. "Mmmm. I'm sorry, bottle five. You've lost out to bottle nine. Whewww! I'm a little fuzzy but not totally roasted. Here. You can have my keys."

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

I nodded to her and poured a shot of bottle ten and half a shot of bottle nine. I downed the number ten shot and coughed up a storm. "God, what's that? Hey, you had to toss in one bottle of bourbon? That was interesting."

"Lordy, lordy. I need to go to the Loo again. Hope that damn door leaves me alone." With that I stumbled and weaved my way between the tables until I made it to the restroom. "Stupid door." and went in to take care of business.

I weaved my way back and poured myself into the bar stool. "What's up?"

She'd unbent a little, probably out of amusement at seeing me sink deeper into intoxication. "How's that tongue feel?"

"Ready for action." Not realizing the double entendre in my reply.

She snorted out a laugh. "Well, you can't do that on my bar. You can only drink here."

"That's too bad. Probably the only thing I'm capable of at the moment. Eh, you're working and there're too many people around anyway. Hope you'll take a raincheck. I'm good for it."

A smile escaped her. "I bet you are." I blushed red. "I love that color." she said.

"Eh, doesn't matter. You probably have another boyfriend or that other SFB you went out with."

"SFB? What's that?"

"Uh...mmmm...I...uh..."

"Come on, spill it. What's an SFB?"

"Well...uh...Stupid Effing Boyfriend...if you really have to know."

"Wow. Where did that come from?"

"Sorry. It just showed up one day and got stuck in my head. How is your love life, by the way?"

"Well, we finally called it quits when he started to trash talk me to my face. I'll admit it hurt but leaving was the right decision."

"I'm sorry. He needs his legs broken. He wasn't good enough for you, anyway."

"David, you're never thought anyone was good enough for me, even you."

I hung my head, realizing she'd hit the nail on the head. We both took a moment to process what she'd said. "Aren't you a smart cookie. No, I think you're right about that. I've never thought I was good enough for you. I wonder how that got started?"

"I have no idea. It was never something I thought and you don't get to decide that on your own. Now what about you? How's your love life?"

"Well, I'm working with a cutie named Jean. Just out of college and we're pretty much doing the same job. We get along pretty well but it's up in the air."

"Really? What's holding you back?"

"I kinda got the hots for someone else, so...it seems kinda unfair to think about starting something when I know I really like this other girl. What do you think?"

"So you're stringing along two girls for...?"

"I'm not stringing along anybody! I just know it's wrong to juggle two people's lives in my hands. Am I wrong or not?" With that I poured a shot from bottle number eleven and another from bottle number nine.

I slugged down the first shot. "Whewee, that was smooth. But now my head feels fuzzy. Man, that's a lot of shots." and I put my head down on my arms. "I can't feel my feet."

"There still down there so don't worry. Okay. You got Jean at work who's a cutie. Is she a sexy little thing?"

"She's pretty enough in her own way. Nowhere close to being as pretty as the other girl. A bit more...buxom than the other one but I've never been...hiccup...damn...a boob man, if you catch my drift. hiccup...damn hiccups!"

"So you say. What's the other girl like? What makes her so special?"

"Well...hiccup...dammit...she's taller than Jean, built like a dancer, beautiful beautiful deep brown eyes...hiccup...oh my god, my head feels numb."

"Uh huh. How long have you known her? Long enough to..."

"hiccup...long enough to drown in those...hiccup...eyes of hers. God. Maybe this shot from number nine will kill the hiccups." And I slugged the shot down just as a hiccup showed up. A huge burp rose up out of me, possibly killing my hiccups. "Finally!"

"Whew. She has dark hair, doesn't put up with any of my BS, and ...hiccup...damn!...and I know I'm not good enough for...hiccup...aw man, make these hiccups go away."

"Here. Take a deep breath and swallow this. It'll drown your hiccups. Go on, give it a try."

"Thanks, sweet thing."

"Sweet thing. You've been calling me that since ninth grade."

"Cause you're sweeter than that cup of ice cream. If you don't want me to say it, just tell me and I'll stop."

"No. it doesn't bother me that much. Better than any other thing you might call me."

"Sweet thing. Sweetness. Beautiful. Love of my...oops. Almost said that out loud, didn't I? On to bottle number twelve." I poured one shot of bottle number twelve and one shot of bottle nine. "Here we go. Last two bottles." I picked up the shot but kept an eye on her as she left the bar and walked around to where I sat.

I was a little nervous. No, a lot nervous. I slugged down the shot. "God, that was perfection. That's good stuff." As I kept an eye on her as she sat on the stool next to me.

"So, tall, dark hair, slim, not overly endowed, and you say you're not good enough for her. Maybe that's not your decision to make."

"She can do so much better. I know she can." As I looked down. "I have too many flaws." I peered over at the last shot. "Last one. Time for a decision, one way or another." I picked it up but looked at her, at her face. I got so caught up in her I forgot the glass in my hand.

She snapped her fingers in front of me. "Wake up. Get it over with so we can move on."

I nodded to her, then poured the shot down my throat. "Oh man, I can't feel the top of my head. Well, number nine you lose out to bottle number twelve...which is called....Glenlivet. I sure hope you're driving, cause I can't feel my toes moving."

She put her hand on my cheek. "You are so wasted, you know that?"

I reached over and put my hand on her cheek. "You are so beautiful, you know that?"

She gave me a gentle smile then leaned over to give me a gentle butterfly kiss. "You always make me feel that way."

"I don't know why I always have to convince you how beautiful you are. You should be going out with some stock broker or major league...hiccup...fuck these hiccups!...baseball player. You belong on TV."

"Maybe I don't want those things. Maybe I want someone who loves me just the way I am."

"That sounds nice. Maybe you need to find someone who's known you a long time and cherishes you just the way you are. That...hiccup...sounds like a good idea. What do you think?"

She stood up and moved to stand between my legs. "Maybe you should fill that role until the baseball player or stockbroker shows up."

A frown showed up on my face and she laughed at me. "Oh, look at that frown. Who knew you were so possessive?"

"If I have to put up with you, I want all of you, not just a portion. Not just Mondays-Wednesdays-Thursdays. I want the chance to get thoroughly tired of you, which is a full-time job. 24-7. None of this...hiccup...halfway stuff. Oh, my head hurts. Can you drive and can I sleep on your sofa?"

"Put up with me, huh? Do you want to rephrase that or suffer the consequences?"

"I want to drown in you. I want to watch you while you sleep...hiccup...I want to watch your eyes open up in the morning. I want to do your hair and...hiccup...kiss every inch of your body. Is that a little better?"

"Do my hair? Really?" I shook my head yes. "Yes, I think that was a little better but you're gonna have to work on it. Maybe toss in some poetry or a few ballads if you're really serious."

"I will, I promise. I don't want you to feel like I'm not paying attention to you."

"Oh, I'll make sure you're paying attention." She leaned in and put a kiss on my neck. A shiver ran over my body.

"That was nice. Can you do that on the other side?"

She moved her head past my face, bumped our noses on the way, until she reached the other side. Then she put a kiss on my neck. A moan rose up out of me and I could feel a smile show up on her face as she nuzzled my neck.

I tilted my head closer to her ear and whispered, "I love you. I've always loved you." I could feel her smile get bigger. She moved closer to my ear and whispered back, "I love you, too."

Then she followed that up with "You'd better not be so sloshed that you don't remember everything you've said to me. I'd rather not have to recreate this whole conversation if you think it's an alcoholic hallucination."

"Maybe..."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe you can ask me in the morning?"

"That sounds like an excellent idea."