All Comments on 'Just Don't'

Wish you had spent more time on the characters and the story, it might have been interesting. The character's alienation and contempt for his children indicates the wife won't miss him either. All the baloney about paralegals was puzzling, who cares? Maybe this is interesting to a lawyer? A pointless story, with no plot, no drama, no suspense, and no substance.

Maybe your paralegals can fix that.

god i hope there is a follow up to this. i laughed my ass off.

thank you

as a throw away comment to a group of whingeing guys in a bar it might work?? A snap shot of a shitty day?? A quick anecdote about the iniquities, as seen by the writer, of the legal system?? Definitely not Humour/Satire. Could have been the outline for a fuller story?? Could have been summarised as, 'Hi honey, how was your day'? 'Shit happens'!

Please grace us with more of your work. *****

I don't blame the wife for cheating @ all. I " Just Don't ".

You have a good, snappy style.

Reminded me of some of my favourite American detective fiction writers from back in the day.

I'll have to look out for more of your work. Just a couple of typos, but that's a very minor issue.

You did a good job.

You had me chuckling throughout, so please consider contributing more of your work here.

Enjoyed this little vignette, so I'm looking forward to seeing what you can do with a longer piece with some plotting, character development, and emotional ups and downs..

You have a quirky but witty style, that somehow struck a chord. Not a lot of detail, but if it did, the story wouldn't work. It's like a comedy hit-and-run.

Maybe you thought it was clever, but the repeating chorus of "Don't fuck with paralegals got old with the second time.

like a machine gun-quick rapid bursts. Good tale without the baggage for a short read.

Much enjoyed-thanks for posting

Well done. Keep going a short second chapter about how wifey keeps getting bit.

Just needed a little more of resolution. Thanks for the effort.

It was a good story, just needed to elaborate and see where this BTB story was going to go. You write well, just needed to keep going and see where it ended..

And I like your hook, keeps it real. Hero was very impressed with the efficiency and lethal aspect of the paralegals. Constant refrain was just to remind us to not mess with paralegals, they bite. Made an impression on him and on me. Gave it 5 stars for the style and the snapshot of his pre-divorce life.

the perfect length.

If there was a character a reader could possibly identify with, I didn't see it. Maybe you just need to be an asshole "and proud of it." I'm not proud of it, anyway. Apart from that, I didn't really understand the point of the story, or the goal of it. It just seemed to be a bad commercial, of the kind you would see if watching the Jerry Springer Show.

Character development is intended to allow the reader to emotionally attach to what is happening, so they care about the conflict, and thus feel relieved at the resolution, or at least feel closure at the resolution. By skipping that, well, you leave the reader unattached, not invested, and thus uncaring about anything in the story. In fact, I feel somewhat resentful that my time has been wasted, because I wouldn't have slowed down if this happened when I was driving by it.

From other comments, I assume some people found this humorous. Humor is subjective, but apparently, some people are very easily entertained. I left that part of my sense of humor behind at age 4, so this missed the mark for me.

Maybe this would have worked better if you had the Paralegals write it...

However, you stopped a little short. If you want to write a good BTB story, it needs two parts: 1) Get Free and 2) Get Even. The paralegals got him free promptly but we didn't really see any getting even. You kept telling us about the paralegals bite but we never saw it.

This is just bad. Sorry. It's a dry summation of legal proceedings, and not really a "story." Maybe it would have worked better in the Essays section. Or on a message board for divorced men. This story was over before it even began. The narrator clearly hated his wife and kids. (And even made a creepy comment about his daughter's vag.) No real emotion when he discovered her cheating. If he doesn't care, why should we?

It was entertaining but needed more meat on the bones.

Also, did I misread or was he admiring his own daughter's pussy? Unsettling.

Cog

Is that it??a good build up just to kick it to the curb ??Come on be fair give us the rest of it.

-It isn't worth working out a multiphase plan when you do not know the name of the opposition.

Enjoyed what there was of it

That's all.

The details aren't important it's the sentiment and attitude that matter.

Don't sweat the technical stuff and accept the intended humour.

Fun to read and a nice experiment . . . hampered a little by knowing, as anony 6/16 somewhat harshly pointed out, he lost everything if his wife got a good lawyer. Finish to the story, he loses big in court, disloyal wife does okay. He's bitter and carrys on about how unfair life is until even the good looking paralegals can't stand to be around him . . . and his wife walks away happy and continues to screw around on his dime. Fun to read, and some decent potential (looking forward to more from this writer) but if we apply a dose of reality . . . this story's bark was worse than its (the paralegals') bite.

but the sharks still hover around the corpse, TK U MLJ LV NV

No, he wasn't "admiring" it! He was just commenting on the state she was in.

So, in this deranged universe where you live, commenting on your daughter's "cute" set of pussy lips isn't admiration?

Good god, man. The people on this site are all so delusional I'm beginning to question my own sanity.

Too much attempt to make paralegals cool, and nobody cares what a process server looks like especially when he's not getting any .

On the other hand, congratulations, sbrooks, you're the only person here who doesnt seem to think that was just fuckking creepy. He stands there looking at his naked daughters crotch long enough to determine that its shaved, leaking jizz and cute? Looks like the skankiness didn't just come from moms side

If she does the shark will be from more than 30 miles away.

That cuts the friendly working relationship with the local judges out.

(if a closer one takes the case it's conflict of interest = cause for disbarment)

Re: Rightbank - I think the details are very important. Otherwise, all you would need to says is, "I mean this to be funny", and leave it at that. As it is, this isn't.

In my view, this story is lacking any and all character development, other than to show the "main character" to be a socially irredeemable jerk. It was also boringly repetitive.

On the other hand, ... ummm, uhhhh.

God, I can't think of anything nice to say. Oh, how about this?

It bites.

Can you please quit your little feuds that fuck up everyone else's reading enjoyment?? It's bad enough that LW is spiralling down the toilet with 2 star stories, but who the hell can blame the good authors for peacing out ... you dipshits have to wade in and muck everything up with your bitchfests.

Let us know if you liked the story or not and why, then shut the fuck up. The rest of us couldn't care less what you think of each other.

Oh, well then, I'll just scurry away. After this devastating smackdown you just laid on me, how will I ever recover my self-esteem? Um... I didn't even comment on this story. Well, until now.

Yes, my "little feud" will never again trouble your "reading enjoyment," after being bitch slapped like that. You have opened my eyes! Are you sure you can read? Looking down the new list, I see several stories that seem to have managed more than two stars. Did you write any of them? Good authors "peacing out?" JPB, Laptopwriter? I think those are pretty good authors. Maybe you prefer "Cuckdaddy," or "Imaperv," but I'm quite happy with JPB and LTW. I also happened to notice a Legends' Day is coming up soon. Maybe they're just waiting for you to "peace out?"

Thank you for your kind permission and clear guidelines on what I can and can't say in a comment. I will be careful not to violate them in the future. We are all grateful to you for your guidance. Especially SBrooks. He needs lots of guidance. I'm afraid et al is a hopeless case, though. Dear old Al just can't help himself.

Just a little funny...2*

Come on, finish burning the bitch.

Nice quick tale. Not much detail. Not much needed. Cunt cheated, cunt has to pay.'nuff said.

But more than made up for it with retaliation. Great entertaining story.

Should have been longer.

I thought it was hilarious!

1-note: filing separately won't do much as hubby will also be liable for her taxes. The IRS, like the mob, simply don't care about circumstances, they just want their money. And until a court rules otherwise (e.g., final decree or formal, legal separation), one spouse is liable for the debts of the other.

I did a quick check with a lawyer friend (ok give me a break, I only have one... lawyer that is) and you were dead on ... he said HE would never ever fuck with a paralegal.

How does it end?

It feels as if you are about to open Pandora's box and then kept the hasp closed. So the story is opened now just let it out.

Do we need to call FTDS in ?

I didn't need more. In my mind, he never speaks to her or the worthless kids again.

Is that all there is. Funny, but too short.

Short decent story, but I never liked the repeating phrase idea.

Don't.

Fuck.

With Paralegals.

They bite.

you took a topic I love and somehow squeezed the joy out of it. I actually wish this guy gets hit by a bus, and the paralegals and satan too. lol

Not.much of a story, but enough to burn.

Talking about his own daughter's "cute lips". Jesus Christ man you need to see a therapist

Waste of a story, was expecting so much more. Generously, I gave this 2 stars.

Shit. Just shit.

Why would you throw away a perfectly good cell? Just change the SIM card.

NICE.!!!!!!. YOU Nailed. End of story. Post more, please

At the end you expect a second page or at least a summary ending. Rescue this and post a few more chapters.

FTDS. Had potential but went nowhere

Good; but it didn’t go anywhere,

Don't

Keep

Repeating

Yourself!

Write another story. This cut through the weak diatribe…Loved it.

Oh what an odd story, it had the potential to be a really good one but the way you wrote it to me it flopped.

When describing the paralegals that you named Laura, Patti, Toni and Shandra, you named Lisa, Laura, Toni and Shandra, but no Patti. For such a short story you'd think you could keep the names straight.

This was kind of BLAH

Now that’s what I call a story! I sincerely hope that you will write more, funny and to the point! What we need is some stories where the “Do Gooders” (Family law judges etc.) get shafted royally.

And? Wifey surely didnt leave it there.

This story had all the character description for a super ending but after repeating the chorus it dies without “The eve of destruction”. Not cool or satisfying and the paralegals did what most law office do if you put thrm. Well except the 5.00 tie up doesn’t happen in real life, 2:5

Yeah....the ‘don’t fuck with’ shtick got old really fast.

Shows promise and learn from some of the comments below - no real ending, lacked too much detail and the chorus became reidiculous.