All Comments on 'Just Once, if You Don't Mind Pt. 02'

The cheating bitch whined, "Why, why Rick,why? Why would you do this to Tray, or to me?" You captured the real sociopath that is the Loving Wife Marcy. The only shame is that she couldn't take that last ride with him. But probably the better revenge is to have her live without her husband, family, job, and lover, while knowing he is responsible for everything and helpless to do anything about it. Better of the two follow ups to Kal's immortal story tonight.

Tragic. I have read all of the Just Once follow-ons but this one I could not even finish. Just brutal, criminal action on the husband's part and he never did hurt the WOMAN who fucked him over, only the humanitarian doctor who was donating his time to help others and following the natural instincts of any male who finds a willing, hot married woman in his bed. I usually like to encourage first time writers, but this one I do not encourage to continue.

The author is either adolescent, or has serious anger issues that he should seriously look into... or both!

The premise was good.

The telling was a bit disjointed, however.

Not bad for a first effort, though. Keep writing. But don't discount the importance of proofing and editing.

A couple of paragraphs short of a 5. What about her cheating while he was away? A little more from the final confrontation would have made this an easy five but well done for a good conclusion to the story.

It was ok. I thought the writing was good. I wasn't fully onboard on the revenge thing.

But as long as it made Dr. Trey and Marcy know just how they disrespected an retired Army Major, then all good for me. I might add though if whatever happened after Rick and Marcy had that talk in their divorce meeting I would have liked to know. But if the author wants this kind of ending I won't bitch about it. For the effort of writing and sharing this I'd like to thank the author NRBonz.

She should have gotten what Asshole got. Rick would've had everything then. As far as him being in the military, he was one of the many protecting her skanky, cheating ass. She whored around when he was in the service. She needs to get hers, big time!

try again at the writing. This "conclusion" was a fantasy of yours and had nothing to do with the actual storyline

Painfully bad. Writing was disjointed and the "ending" was cliche. Badly.

WTF, ugh.

"Doctor Asswipe had gone astray of the clause that had caused the huge lawsuit they were trying to settle" - Yes, the DOCTOR violated the clause, that's not the hospital's responsibility.

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Sigh. Of course he has "friends" who owe him "favors."

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There was no record of him rescuing Hamlin, yet he's rejected because he lives nearby?

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"How did anyone even find out so soon about the wreck?" - I thought the ambulance just happened to spot it?

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Just about every BTB cliche. Feh.

You people really should learn something before you write this stuff. First, most "morals clauses" are not enforcable if they exist. There is freedom of association and the courts have consistently ruled that the most they can do is terminate you however they can not do so for cause and generally a nurse can easily find another job. Like 24 hours. Second, Trey may be physically injured but I don't know as single surgeon who does not carry Key Man insurance since their income is based on their hands. I know since I write the checks for one. I know that we have multi-million dollar policies for each surgeon. Then there is loss of function insurance on top of that, as well as the car insurance. One of my surgeons joked that he was worth far more without hands than with, which is true, if he lost his hands through dismemberment he would clear 5 million as a thoracic surgeon and not pay a dime in taxes. I am going to have to write one of these damned things and tell it like it really would happen.

Idiotic! Watched too many Rambo movies.

With all of the different comments in regards to this story ,it would seem that the people commenting think that Dr Trey and Marcy did not do anything really bad and should be forgiven. Their total disrespect for their partners, the hospitals and the doctors without borders and to their professions should put them both in the gutter where they belong. I find the mindset of the commentors deplorable and hope that they in turn suffer individualy from similar situations. The may finally get the message its not ok.

At least, this version has retribution.

I liked it.

There are 8660 neurosurgeons in America. Most of them aren’t brilliant.

They, on average, do 220 surgeries per year on brains and spines.

Replacing one is not easy. Many of them, stressed out, no longer do surgeries.

I think of this every time one blithely writes of destroying the career of this doctor, who is a piece of shit, but is a very rare and useful piece of shit.

It was okay, a little lame and a lousy ending. Keep trying

Marcy needs to get psychiatric help in my opinion. Just look at her last conversation with Rick. She openly shows concern for Tray and sees him and herself as victims. What? They were married for 24 years and she makes no mention of trying to fix things. She believes he upset their children and not her. All of this is insane. Honestly, when I read her final comments it seemed like she was mentally ill. It's just hard for me to believe that she could believe what she was saying if not. Self-centered is one thing. But she's completely delusional.

Hmmmmmm.... middling. Good idea, creative.

I give this a 5 because at least the husband wasn't written as a weak, needy, cunt of a man. I know the weak, needy cunts among the readers will down vote this.

Two further comments: 1. Women IRL, and certainly in fiction, need to be held more accountable. The Bastard deserved payback (by the way, the 2 Marines seemed to be aiming for the morgue, contrary to their instructions.), but the wife essentially paid no price beyond the cooled relationship with the children. It's all misplaced chivalry, and IRL it's the lack of truly serious consequences that encourages women to betray their husbands. 2. Why do authors write slop like this: "We'll be back in touch and we may wish to take you downtown. Don't leave town." Did they see some TV show in which some actor playing a cop said this? Police have NO authority to make such a demand. NONE. The right answer is, "You are committing official oppression, which is actionable against you and the department. I go where I want, and if that bothers you you, you can speak to my lawyer."

Uuuugggghhhh enough. Another version of revenge on Marci and Dr Trey. Nothing original. Yes Marci and Dr T deserve a super tanker full of karma.

These military buddy stories do scratch an itch, but they aren't all that realistic. Plus, only a judge can tell you not to leave town. Still, a divorce remains an excellent solution to a problem like that.

That was just bad.

Bad plot. Bad writing. Bad everything.

You jumped from a couple days after she left and Rick checking with a lawyer, to lining up some ex Mil guys to rough up tne Doc well after he was home. You skipped over 6 weeks of timeline, including any confrontation with Marcy! WTF?

The only reason it got 2** from me instead of 1 was because at least you didn’t make Rick a cuck.

But gee…..this effort would be a D- in freshman English class 😎

You’re reading way to much James Bond. That aside this was the worst ending so far!

So so. The writing was good. The story line wasn't complete, imo. Just average and I'm being generous..

WTF?

The doc was a pretty sleazy guy, but damaging him like that? SERIOUSLY criminal.

Didn't like it, didn't finish it.

If you can't add to, or improve, somebody else's story, leave it alone.

Out fucking standing

jtwheels

This may not have been the worse ending but probably the mos juvinile.

First - The guy had been married to this woman for 24 years and despite the letter he would have had an initial reaction of sadness, self examination, marriage evaluation and finally anger. This version of the character went straight to anger and plans on how he was going to scorch the earth with the mother of his children and Asswipes entrails. Not realistic.

Second - (and so you know, I am a former Marine helicopter pilot) I have good buddies and former collegues that will always have my back and I, thier's. We risked our lives together on a regular basis and there is little that they would do for me or I, them. That being said, asking one of them to conspire to commit a crime punishable by many years in prison is not an ask that anyone of us would even think of doing to another - because why? A wife was cheating? If that were the case we'd all be traveling around the country seeking revenge on many, many of the wives in the Marine Corps. The guys in this story who actually did the crime (first they were James and Tom, then they were Guy #1 and Guy#2 - not sure why the reader needed to know thier code names because then they were referred to as Jame #1 and Tom #2) - regardless they didn't even know the good Colonel yet for a $1500 gift card they immediately dropped everything that may have had going on in thier lives, flew to Atlanta, committed multiple crimes to mutilate a man and flew home. And how much was the gift card given to the 'James" and 'Tom' stand-ins at the casino? They woud have also been part of the conspiracy and been arrested if things had not gone well.

Third - timeline: according to the original story the Medical Crew all caught the same flight to Colombia and they were all coming home on the same flight (hense the reason she wanted him to meet her at the hotel, not the airport). Why was Asswipe home when Marcie was not? Did the Colonel meet Marcie at the hotel? What happened and what happened between Sunday and Monday when she was served? There must have been some discussion/confrontation.

Fourth - This is minor but Apache helicopters and Huey's are very different. Just because you can fly one doesn't make you proficient at the other. Different machine, different systems, different control pressures. Unless he had a number of hours and his rating in the Huey (maybe he did but not normal) he would have not jumped into the seat to fly a combat mission. Also, all military helicopters are dual piloted. In a pinch, he could have jumped in as a co-pilot and done the navigating while the pilot did most of the flying. When talking about missions or even training flights all military helicopter pilots use "we"not "I" because both pilots flew the mission and in the case of transport helicopters there is always a crew cheif as well. In combat there are gunners. We are a team. "I had flown in to recover from certain death" would not have come from his lips.

Finally, there is no issue with an Army helicopter flying Marines and all flights are recorded complete with occupants. There is no reason that this particular flight would be off the record. I flew Army, Navy, Air Force, DOD employees and even the Vice President of the United States in the back of my helicopter during my career. We're all members of the US Armed Forces despite good humored bantering.

Others have pointed out inconsistencies:

Morals cluses. I've never worked for a company that had a morals clause. Maybe i've just worked for immoral companies.

As far as I know, Doctors without Borders is a separate organization. Medical personnel take leave from their regular jobs to serve. The hopsital would have nothing to do with what they do when not working in there. Why would they care who was fucking who on their own time?

Agree regarding the doctor and key man insurance. After recovering from his woulds he would have been an instant millionaire and probably would not have had to work ever again. So what did Col Weston and his military buddies accomplish by risking thier freedom? They could be sitting in jail while the doctor has a great life, marries Marcie (after divorcing his first wife) and the two of them would live happily ever after.

Thought it was going decently enough and then, BAM.....out of nowhere you caused it to crash and burn.

I knew sooner or later someone was really going to go the "Black ops" type of route, you did and every one of us wishes you didn't.

I liked it and enjoyed it, a good BTB for both cheaters. The good Doctor lost everything and she lost her family. I liked the touch about the kids. The fact they now hate and will never talk to her again is the best revenge for the destruction of a family.

Too often, writers here excuse the cheating wife to the kids and them to treat her well.

I call bullshit on that line of hokey. The kids are not stupid, they know who destroyed their family and get their revenge. That’s how should be, kids get hurt too.

Scores 5/5 from me

26thNC - Not Recommended

Terrible. Just terrible.

Once again, a largely unoriginal storyline to Kalimaxos’s open ended tale. Not to excuse a rather weak contribution, but the original really left little room for interesting follow ups not to mention lacking in erotica. Would encourage others to avoid taking a crack at an ending,

Decent payback !

Too short and over the top.

Too much violence! An immoral deed does not justify a very criminal deed that just as well could have resulted in murder.

Some authors must never read their output judging by this disrupted offering. What happened to the meeting, confrontation and her reaction etc? Maybe this why we try to keep kids away from such sites - so they won't start wring stuff like this? At the very least perhaps we should rename the site Illiterotica judging by the grammar.

What a pile of stinky shit. It was like you didn’t even care about the story and just wanted it over and done with.

You should sentenced to life without internet so you never waste our time again.

meh

Short and over the top. There’s almost nothing happening between Rick and Marcy.

The good doctor got what was coming to him. Destroying someones marriage is never good. Sorry I don't agree with the car accident but it served the purpose. After all it is just fiction.

Good BTB stuff, if not a bit over the top to be believable. There was no other story build on the time while she was away, what interaction they had upon her return. Just oo much missing for me to give top marks - 3*

gave you a 4. that ending was abrupt.

OUTSTANDING!!!

To all the poor sensitve pu***ys that feel like there was too much violence, give me a break. This is every real man's fantasy about the cheating wife and her lover getting their just deserts.

I agree this was too short. Would like to have heard more about her time in South America; what happened when she got back and received the divorce papers? What about Leslie? Less about the black ops side and more about the relationship and fallout. How much did the hospital settle for? Did the main character ever cheat on his wife during his years in the military? How often? How had it been handled between them?

And for the person who wants introspection and self-examination before planning vengeance, you should realize that one of the early reactions to grief is ANGER.

Actually, would like this author to re-write and embellish this to make it more satisfying.

To all the hater - get a life! Concern for a fictional surgeon?!?!

a really stupid sequel to a pretty good story.

1 star - no comment

1 Time is 1 time to many

Nicely done, 5 stars

I like revisiting this story. A fun plot.

Bill

A very good sequel to a pretty good story. If I had the resources in this situationa I would do something like he did. The doctor was a super narcisistic ass hole, the wife despicable.

Marcy should have gotten a baseball bat up her pee,pee repeatedly. That would help fix her attitude, if she survived...

I wish there was more to it but it was satisfying that things did not go as they were ignorantly and selfishly planned.

With the over the top revenge on the asshole that only took what the real culprit offered. Apparently it's completely fine to betray someone utterly, use their trust against them to blindsided them, and screw them over in the worst way, but if you take something freely given, better watch out. Trey couldn't have fucked Marcy unless she spread em for him and said "Come and get it". He's an asshole, but he didn't betray Rick. He wasn't married to him. Marcy was, and she did that all on her own, and what is the revenge on her? Divorce from a man she clearly didn't want or respect anyway, and half of his money. I'm sure she's real broke up...

Author’s choice- well though out. Don’t like the attempted open marriage thingy by Marcy and would have liked Dr T to have paid the ultimate price. No real payback against Marcy. Still well written

Evidently this author is of the mind that the wife should be left alone,she is not to be held accountable, and is not at fault. Only men should be punished for indiscretion. Crap.

Passable.

Not bad at all for a first story. There's typos but nothing too bad. Your story is creative and told well. I personally wish it was longer with a more involved ending. Good job still.

Amazing BTB sequel!

This was a great ending, to this story. 5 stars!

A nice story to begin your writing "career", but I found it a bit hard to read in sections. Following who's saying what, At times, it seemed that I lost something along the way, as scenes changed. Perhaps expanding the hows, whos, & whys a bit instead of having things fast paced would help. Being this's your 1st, I'll give it 3 stars. Bob

Great first effort! I do love when the cheating wife's affair partner receives brutal, permanent, and medieval retribution. You'll find that some here absolutely do not, they'll carp about "violence has no place in anything, ever" and they'll hate stories like this. But many, including myself, are more sanguinary about things.

I have no problem with violence. As the normal condition of humanity is struggle. It is civility that is the problem in our society today. The plot is this story is overboard and as it is a story(fiction) like a movie we the observer must suspend a little of our disbelief. While I have no problem with violence I do have a problem with vigilantey justice. As a society we should have laws that punish people appropriately for their actions. If we did then we would not have spouses shooting their spouses over actions like the ones in this story in real life. So if you are apposed to the human condition then make sure there are laws in place. If you are not actively seeking real solutions to violence then you are part of the problem. ****

Good story writing is a complex skill I have not learned to do well from the creative side. Therefore, you will not find any of my stories in my Lit library.

This submission from NRBonz would have benefited from an editor, especially in the areas of pacing and flow. Please seek such assistance and Keep Writing!

Keep 'em comin'!

should be in the non-erotic category

So your brilliant ending is to beat up the boyfriend and divorce her. Hemingway your not.

This wasn't a loving wife story not even the fucked up norm for a loving wife story on this site it should have been either non erotic or possible a non concent story your secenio on how the alibi would go and the revenge plot had so many holes a blind man could have seen through as far as no record being kept between the army and marines well you clearly showed you didn't have a damn clue what you're talking about in the times of war they work side by side basically if a Army medic pulls 2 marine soldiers out of harms way and basically ends up saying his life it is recorded by both branches the revenge itself was lacking and well was just weak and more importantly the ending as well as the story plot in general was flat

Decent story if a bit too... well, I don't know. A much simpler revenge on the good doctor, or a more clever one that didn't involve just brute force would have gone down well. Also, title dropping at the end was cringe AF. It felt really unnatural in the dialogue lol. Still, it was decent - 4/5 stars buddy.