Just Slip Out the Back, Jack

This is my entry in the "50 Ways to Leave You Lover" event.

It has been edited by my Sweet Inspiration, blackrandl1958.

*

Leigh was cheating on me; I was sure of it.

How did I know? Does it really matter? Strange car in the driveway; came home early; Girls' Night Out; more sex, less sex, she was cheating, and I knew it.

I didn't know who or how, but all the signs were there.

We weren't married, thank goodness, and no kids, but we were living together, with high hopes for both in the foreseeable future.

Leigh and I had met at a Simon & Garfunkle reunion concert. How two members of Gen X became such fans of a group that technically hadn't existed for years has to be blamed on our Boomer parents, whose playlists, while containing many Sixties acts, were probably 50 percent Simon & Garfunkle. I think they played "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" so often as a lullaby, that it still puts me to sleep.

By a quirk of fate, I managed to score a couple of primo tickets to the Paul Simon show at the Gahden. Yeah, I'm from Boston, deal with it.

I was thinking that this might be our chance to reconnect, maybe I could get past her cheating, when my phone rang. It was Leigh.

Before I could even tell her the good news, she was giving me the bad news.

"Jack, I'm sorry, but I have to work late again tonight."

"Again? This is the third time this week, and I've got . . ."

"Jack, you know I'm up for promotion, and this project might be the final piece to get it for me. I'll make it up to you this weekend. Love you," and she was gone.

Yeah, she'd "make it up to me." If I put all the time she had to make up to me together, we wouldn't do anything else for a year.

With all these late nights at work I was pretty sure it must be someone at work, but how could I find out? PI's weren't exactly in my budget.

Well, I certainly wasn't going to let those tickets go to waste, so I called my boy, Roy, who was almost as big a fan as I was, and he was only too happy to come along.

"Do you wanna grab a bite first?" I asked him.

"Yeah, but let's just grab a slice at Regina's, I hate all those new Yuppie places."

"Works for me," I said, and we headed out.

We took the "T;" no way were we going to fight the traffic and pay the outrageous parking fees, also, no worries getting a DUI.

We had a couple of brews with our pizza; we didn't want to pay for too many at the show, not at the highway robbery prices they charged inside.

We walked to the Garden, went through the ridiculous screening you have to through everywhere these days, and we were ready for one more beer, probably the last until after the show.

Our seats weren't quite as good as they seemed, but still pretty damn good, though we didn't spend much time sitting; everyone was standing.

The show was great, Simon was in fine voice, and his band kicked ass.

I was having a great time until just before the encore, when a camera started panning around the arena, showing the images on the Jumbotron.

"Hey, look, Jack, there we are," Roy said, pointing at the screen, just before the camera moved on.

Before I could look away it settled on a couple just a few sections away. It was Leigh and her boss. He had his arm around her, but more important was the shocked look on her face as she was pointing at the screen. From her expression, it wasn't seeing herself, which should have been a kick, but that she had seen me, and knew that I was probably seeing her.

The jig was up. Now I had both the proof that she was cheating on me, and with whom.

She started moving towards me, and as the band started up I had to laugh; they were playing "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover."

"Hey, Roy, I don't want to deal with this here; let's split."

"Shit, she's coming," Roy said, "let's slip out the back, Jack," and he pulled me towards an exit I hadn't noticed before.

I chanced a look back, and it seemed like she had lost sight of us. I turned back around and kept my head down until we were through the door.

"Man, that sucks," Roy said.

"Yeah, what were the chances she'd be here with her lover?" I said.

"No, I mean we missed the end of the concert!"

"Smart ass," I said as I punched him on the shoulder.

"I'm just yanking your chain, but seriously, what are you gonna do?"

"Do? Fuck, I'm gonna dump her cheating ass, that's what I'm gonna do."

"But, you two have been together for so long."

"Yeah, but she's been cheating on me for a while. Just because I've only just caught her, how can I trust how long this has been going on, or if this is even the only time?"

"You going home, Jack?"

"No. I don't know if she's gonna dump lover boy, maybe since she didn't catch up with us, she'll decide to still fuck him, but I'm in no mood to deal with her tonight. Can I crash at your place?"

"Of course, man, for as long as you need."

The next morning I went to work without going home first, but I was sure that I would see her when I got home that afternoon.

Sure enough, she was there when I got home, but she was waiting for me outside, not inside.

"Why are you out here, Leigh? You have your own key."

"After last night I wasn't sure I'd be welcome."

"It is still your home . . . at least for now." I took some satisfaction when she winced at that last part.

"Well, why don't we go inside, I don't think we want to be having this discussion out here," I said, unlocking the door and following her in.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Just coffee," she said. "I need to keep my wits about me."

I popped a hazelnut pod in the Keurig for her, a French vanilla for me, added our usual cream and sugar and brought them to the living room, putting them on the coffee table.

Sitting on opposite ends of the couch, Leigh took a couple of nervous sips, then began.

"I know it's a cliché, but it wasn't what it looked like . . ."

"Oh, give me a fucking break. I can't believe that you actually said that."

"But it's true! Chuck had tickets for the show, and you know how much we love . . ."

"Yes, Leigh, we! That's why I had two tickets, one for me and one for you. Tell me, did you try to buy the tickets from Chuck?"

She couldn't meet my eyes.

"Didn't think so.

"I suppose I don't need to ask if this was your first time going out with Chuck, and I won't ask how many of your late nights at work were really spent working."

"You're wrong," she said.

"Wrong? What was I wrong about?"

"The late nights. I really was working. I won't lie to you, not anymore."

I raised my eyebrows.

"We'd usually stop for a drink or two, just to unwind, we never did anything that wouldn't pass the boyfriend test . . ."

I was about to say something, but she continued on.

"We didn't. Oh, I won't say that I wasn't attracted to him, and I'm sure that he would have been interested if I had given him any encouragement, but I didn't, until . . ."

"Until?"

"Until last night."

"What the fuck! Do you expect me to believe that was your first time out with him?"

"Yes, because it's the truth. Yes, we sometimes had a drink or two after work, but it was just like I told you, it was just to unwind."

"So what was different about last night?"

"I don't know, exactly," she sniffed, "but for the last month or so I've felt us drifting apart . . ."

"Oh, no you don't; don't you be putting this on me. I've been begging you for weeks to cut back on your hours, to spend more time on us, but you kept blowing me off."

Leigh was silent for a moment.

"Maybe if we can get over this hump we can get some counseling to work on our other issues, but if we can't, then the rest doesn't matter."

"I guess I can't really argue with that," I said, and motioned for her to continue.

"As I said, I did find him attractive, but certainly nothing that I would normally act on. While he was never inappropriate, especially given that he was my boss, but I'm not blind, I knew he wouldn't exactly fight me off.

"What happened was sort of a perfect storm. Over drinks I had mentioned that we were big Simon & Garfunkle fans, and were hoping to get tickets for Simon's show. He mentioned that he was a fan, also, but in hindsight I don't know if he just said that to get closer to me."

"I wouldn't doubt it," I replied.

"Yesterday at lunch," she said, glancing at me. "Yes, we had lunches together, he asked me if we had any luck getting tickets. I told him we hadn't, and he mentioned that he just happened to have two tickets, and would I like to go with him.

"I know that I should have at least tried to buy the tickets from him. I was pretty sure that this was probably the first step in a planned seduction, but I was sure that I could handle him, and I REALLY wanted to see the show."

"I suppose our "drifting apart" figured in there somewhere," I said, with some irritation.

"I honestly didn't think it consciously, but it was probably working on me at some level."

"And then I called."

"Yes, you called, and I dearly wish that I had let you speak, because I assume you were calling to tell me about your tickets?"

"Got it in one," I said, "but why not tell me about you going to the show with Chuck?"

"Well, I obviously couldn't tell you about that, even I could see that it was too much like a date. There was no way that you would let me go, and I had no good reason why you should."

"So why are you here?"

"Well as I said, it was sort of a perfect storm, several things coming together at just the right, or maybe the wrong, time.

"Since we had time, Chuck suggested that we have dinner first, so we went to The Harp. I was in a bit of a funk about us, having a couple of drinks, looking at Chuck."

I'm sure she could see the steam coming out of my ears.

"Please, Jack, bear with me, I'm almost finished. He was doing a lousy job of pretending that we were just two co-workers out having fun. I knew he was hoping that that might be the night that he sealed the deal, and I wasn't sure that he was wrong."

"You know," I said, "this isn't exactly helping your cause."

"I know, Jack, but I'm trying to be honest here. I don't think this is the time to try to sweep things under the rug."

I took a deep breath to settle myself down, and nodded for her to continue.

"As we left the restaurant, he tried to take my hand, but I shook him off. When we got closer and the crowd got denser, he put his arm around me. I tried to pretend that it was just to make sure that we didn't get separated, but I knew better.

"I'd like to be able to tell you that we were there just as two friends, but that would be a lie. Oh, the words might not have been spoken, but I was on a date, but not with my boyfriend. I was cheating on you.

"I honestly don't know how far we would have gone that night. It was our first "date" after all, but while I didn't consciously think it, I had to know it was only a matter of time before we would have gone too far . . ."

The look I gave her told her that I wasn't so sure that she hadn't already done that, and she gulped nervously.

"Then I saw you on the Jumbotron, then there I was, and I knew you had to have seen me."

"So you knew you were caught."

"No, well, yes, but that wasn't what upset me. At that moment I realized that I had thrown away the best thing in my life, maybe irretrievably. I couldn't live myself if I didn't at least try to get back to where we were, and I quit my job."

"No," I said.

"No?" she said, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Where we were was a place that you were comfortable lying to me, willing to cheat on me. I don't want to go back there."

"What will we do?"

"If you can, I'd like for you to get your job back."

"Why would you want that?"

"There's going to be temptations wherever we are. Running away from them isn't the answer, we have to learn to deal with them. If we can't, then maybe we aren't meant to be together."

We sat silently for what seemed like hours, but was really only a few moments before I came to a decision.

"I think that we should separate for a while." I said.

"You're breaking up with me?" she said with tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Well, yes and no."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that we should live apart, maybe see other people, decide what we want in a relationship, and see if we can give that to each other."

"I know what I want. I want you."

I sighed.

"I obviously wasn't giving you all that you needed, or we wouldn't have been "drifting apart." You wouldn't have been tempted by Chuck.

"I have to look inside myself, also. Was I giving you all that I could; was I paying enough attention to your needs? Was I taking you for granted?"

"Don't say that," she cried. "I know it's a cliché, but it wasn't you, it was me. You were the perfect boyfriend."

"Heh, nobody's perfect, believe me, I'm not. I think we're just too close to see things dispassionately. I'll go crash at Roy's for a while, you can stay here."

"But I want to stay with you!"

"I'm sorry, Leigh, that's just not possible right now. If we try to force things it will be the end of us. It's better to call a time-out, hopefully we can build something new and stronger."

She just sat there with her head in her hands sobbing. I put my arm around her shoulders, kissed the top of her head, and was out the door.

It was hard not rushing back to Leigh, especially when I learned that she hadn't consummated her affair, but she had done enough that I knew we couldn't just pretend that it didn't happen.

A few days later I received a text that Leigh had moved most of her belongings from my apartment, and I could return home.

It was strange entering the apartment, devoid of all the sights, sounds and smells of Leigh's presence. Even so, I could still sense her. I could tell it was going to take me a while to adjust to her being gone.

While it was obviously Leigh's fault that we had split up, I couldn't help blaming myself for being unable to forgive her,

Finally, Roy had enough of my moping around.

"C'mon, Jack," he said, "It's time to get back on that horse, dip your toe back in the dating pool, get yourself some . . ."

"Okay, Roy, okay, I get it, there's other fish in the sea, yada, yada."

"That's right, Jack, and you ain't gonna catch any sitting here binging on Netflix. Get your shoes on and let's see if we can get you some action."

"Dial it back, Roy, I just need to get outta this place for at least one night."

We had no sooner sat down with our first drink, and who should walk in but Leigh.

Thankfully, she wasn't with a date, but a few girlfriends. Before I had a chance to make a fight or flight decision she saw me. She was nearly in tears when she turned and rushed out of the club. As her friends went after her, one turned my way, and gave me a look that would freeze a furnace.

Thus began a slow dance, each of us in our own orbits, occasionally overlapping like a Venn diagram. We got to the point that we could actually talk to each other, but never about "us."

She always had a wistful look about her, and I'm sure I must have looked pretty similar.

To her credit, she never tried to press me, though there were times that I wished that that she would. For my part, I was too afraid of getting hurt again to make the first move.

We might have remained in that slow dance of coming together, then moving apart, until one of us just gave up and moved on, if it hadn't been for Stan's wedding.

I don't know if he and his bride had planned it or not, but I was a groomsman, Leigh was a bridesmaid and we were paired up.

It all started at the rehearsal dinner. We were just chatting with the rest of the bridal party when somehow, the others moved on to another topic and Leigh and I were just talking to each other. It was easy and natural, just like before . . .

My mind was all confused, and I made my excuses and left. I didn't look back, but I'm sure Leigh must have been crushed. That was made clear when I got a call from Stan's fiancée, Ella, ripping me a new asshole.

"I don't know what you said to Leigh, but you better fix it," she said. "She told me that she's dropping out of the wedding."

"I didn't say anything to her."

"Well, you must have done something, and you better fucking fix it!" She ended the call.

I didn't see any way out but to call Leigh.

She picked up on the first ring.

"Hello, Jack."

"Hi, Leigh. Ella told me that you dropped out of the wedding."

"Yes, Jack, I could see that I was making you uncomfortable."

"But you weren't, and I wish you would tell Ella that you'll still be in the wedding."

"Then why did you run off at the rehearsal dinner?"

There it was. Could I tell her the truth? I took the coward's way out and told her a half truth.

"Talking to you was comfortable, like the way it used to be. I was confused, I should have been angry with you, and I wasn't. I had to get out, get my head on straight, before I made a mistake."

"A mistake? What kind of a mistake?"

I could hardly tell her the truth because I wasn't completely sure myself.

"Leigh, I'm just not sure of my feelings right now. Being with you tonight brought back some feelings that I thought were gone, but I still have some anger issues about what happened.

"Let's go to the wedding, have a good time, and see what happens."

The silence was deafening.

"Okay, Jack. I'll call Ella and let her know. See you at the wedding." She hung up.

I was still confused, but one thing I was clear on: I was either going to get back together with Leigh, or I was going to cut ties completely, even if I had to leave town to do it.

The wedding went off without a hitch. I managed to get down the aisle without tripping, despite sneaking glances at Leigh.

At the reception, we picked up where we left off at the rehearsal dinner, before my panic attack and my resolve to maintain our break-up was definitely weakening.

We avoided all talk about the relationship over dinner, but all too soon it was time to dance.

It was easy at first, with all the "official" dances, the father-daughter, mother-son, etc., but then the dance floor was open, and I took Leigh's hand and led her to the dance floor. Her hand was so soft and warm, it was all that I could do to keep from wrapping her in my arms.

The first songs were fast songs, and the sight of Leigh's lithe body moving to the music did nothing to weaken my growing attraction for her, but when the band switched to a slow song, and her body melted into mine, I was afraid that I was lost.

I pushed her away, got a fresh drink and returned to the table. Leigh was already there, with tears in her eyes.

"Am I that repulsive, Jack?"

"Not at all. Far from it."

"Then what's the problem? You must know that I want you back, Jack, and I think you want me, too."

"Yes, and that's the problem. I'm afraid that if I take you back you'll just hurt me again."

"Jack, people make mistakes, and I made a huge one, but if we're smart, we can learn from them. I hurt you, I know, but believe me, I hurt, also, and God knows I don't want to feel such pain again.

"I'm not asking you to completely take me back, as much as I'd like to. All that I'm asking is that you'll go out with me again, let me prove to you that I'm worthy of your love. If it doesn't work out, I'll be sad, but at least we'll have given it our best shot. Please, Jack."

I was torn. I was wary of being hurt again, but damn it, I was miserable without her. In the end, my decision was pretty obvious.

"Okay, Leigh, I'll go out with you, but I'm not making any promises."

She threw her arms around me, and I already felt myself weakening, so I gently pushed her away, said my good-byes and left.

I knew I had said that I would go out with her again, but I was afraid, and it took me two weeks to get up my nerve to call her. I thought she might play hard to get, but she was saying yes almost before I finished asking her.