Just Too Happily Married

Around 10:30 Barb and I headed off to bed. Next day was Sunday. We're Methodists, and the first Sunday after Labor Day is Rally Day. We didn't expect the kids to go anymore, but we sure went. Barb already had a casserole ready. I'd forgotten about any bulletins.

Well we got to bed and cuddled. Barb said she was kind of tired. I was disappointed but said I understood. We both kissed and rolled over to go to sleep. She got another text. She apologized, said it was probably a girl from work; she said the girl had been having problems with a program and might need some help.

I gave my Barb a kiss as she got up. She said she'd call the girl back on the land line downstairs and walk her through whatever the problem was. I didn't think a thing of it. An hour later I still wasn't asleep, and Barb still hadn't come up.

Was I worried: no not really. What was to worry about? How many times had people in my office called me on a Saturday night with a problem? I couldn't think of a single time. How many times had Barb gotten a similar call when I knew none of the girls in her office had done anything Friday afternoon except maybe get drunk.

Barb came up a little later. I asked her if the problem had been solved. She said she thought so, but she might need to check in with the young woman tomorrow afternoon after church. I asked her if she planned on calling. Barb said no she'd probably go over. I said OK.

~~v~~

Well Sunday came. Church was church. Derek was gone. Elaine needed money to get her car washed. Around 2:00 p.m. Barb left to check on the young woman's problem.

Barb's car had a GPS. I activated it and checked back from time to time to see where she was. I wasn't spying on her. I was just checking. I know she didn't go to her office. She did manage to swing over to a location on Cashmere Drive. I got on the Internet, did a satellite search and saw an apartment complex over there.

Now these global satellite things don't give a live shot; it's usually something a few months or more old so I knew I wouldn't see Barb's car or anything like that. I did see that it was a pretty upscale complex. I made a note of it on my laptop.

Barb got back around 4:00 p.m. She seemed pretty fresh. Well she'd had a shower that morning. Church hardly constituted hard labor, and a trip a few miles away in a thermally controlled car was hardly something that would work up a sweat so I had no reason to suspect anything. I didn't either.

OK, I'd been reading up. There must be a hundred web sites that address all kinds of marital things. Maybe I had skimmed around a little. So what.

Barb got back. I asked her, "What you had to go to the office?"

She replied, "Yeah, had a little problem getting in though; the burglar warning system was turned on. Oh I know the code; just had to type it all in."

I said, "You don't say. Did you get the girl straightened out?"

Barb sort of half laughed, "You know some of these young kids; they panic over everything. I got her straightened out though."

I outwardly smiled, inwardly not so much, I said, "We'll I'm glad you got her fixed."

Barb said, "Me too. Want to eat out tonight?"

I thought no. I didn't feel much like being around Barb right then. That's not what I said though. I said, "Olive Garden?"

She said, "Sounds great. We'll wait for the kids and all go."

That's what we did.

While at the restaurant Barb got a text, and wanted to step away since Elaine and I were talking about her car. I was getting a little worried. Elaine had been driving a little more than I wanted her to. I told her, "Now Elaine you know this car is mainly for school. I don't want you gallivanting all over the neighborhood."

I love that kid, "Don't worry dad. I'll be careful."

I warned, "No texting or talking on the phone while you're behind the wheel." I glared at Derek, "That means you too buster."

Derek just grinned and said, "You going to get a GPS for Elaine's car. I think you're going to need it."

That spoiled the evening for me but I didn't let on. I told him, "You can take that to the bank." I smiled at Elaine; we'll get that little baby done tomorrow when I get home from work."

She smiled, "I'm all yours dad."

Barb came back. I asked, "More trouble at work?"

She had a concerned look on her face, "No that was mom."

I asked, "She OK?"

She kept her eyes on her plate of salad, "No just lonely."

We finished dinner. I had some red wine. Barb had some too. The kids drank soda. We piled in my Chevrolet, Barb drives a BMW, and we went home.

Later that night when the kids were off in their rooms I tried to snuggle up to my wife. She begged off, said she had a headache and was worried about her mom. I thought, 'wow, nothing the whole weekend.'

Barb turned out her light; the last thing she said before she curled up in her pillow was that she thought she better take tomorrow off. She wasn't feeling too good. I snuggled over. I thought we'd spoon a little, but Barb rolled further away and said she was sorry.

I gave up. Monday was going to be busy for me.

~~v~~

What's the old line, "Monday, Monday, can't trust that day?"

I was up early. I awakened Elaine and Derek. Barb came down before I left, I asked, "Feeling any better?"

She sort of sighed or maybe it was a whine, "I'll be better. I just think maybe I ate too much, or what I ate disagreed with me."

I said OK. I kissed her forehead and left for work.

My Monday morning routine is pretty hectic. By the time I got myself organized I looked up and it nearly 12:00. I called John Huffman's office. John and I worked together on a lot of projects, and we spent most of our lunches together. We agreed to meet downstairs and cross over to eat at Luigi's, a small lunch restaurant and habitué of people like us. We went over, ordered and went to work. I had a shrimp salad. John got their chef's salad. We ate and talked about the usual nonsense.

John and I have been good friends and coworkers for a long time. In the past Barb and I used to have him and his wife over once in a while for dinner, but a little over a year ago things had gone south for the Huffman's. John's wife had taken up with a neighbor, ditched John and her kids and moved out. John had a tough time for quite a while. He and I had talked about it when it all happened; his one constant comment was that he never believed it could happen to him. But it had.

I felt sorry for him; he never deserved it. He worked hard; they had four kids, all a little older than mine. She'd filed for divorced on the grounds of mental cruelty. We both lived in Maryland; he lived in Chevy Chase, Barb and I lived a lot farther out. In Maryland there's no such thing as no fault divorce, at least not technically, and the term irreconcilable differences doesn't mean anything. In Maryland a beleaguered spouse can get at his or her mate using adultery, and the complainant doesn't even need visual or electronic proof either, they just need to be able to prove the likelihood of misconduct. Go figure what that means. John could've nailed her, but he had the kids and he didn't want to ruin things for them. Man he took it on the chin.

I was glad I didn't have that problem. My marriage was on solid ground. John's life was a lot different. Oh he dated around; said he 'got it on' a few times, but it wasn't quite the same. He said twenty-two years is a long time; it's not easy just walking away, even if you're in the right. Like I said I was glad my marriage was OK.

I went back to the office after lunch and thought about John. I thought about Barb too. I thought about Matthew Woodland. Oh of course I was stupid. I knew that.

Around 2:00 p.m. I took a break; thought I'd look a few things up. Now everyone around the country thinks of Maryland as this big 'blue state', and it is in a lot of ways, but in a lot of other ways it's still very much 'old seer-sucker suit', Panama hat, 'big cigar' Old South. The Liberals and the lefties had done a lot, but like anything, they hadn't gotten everything. The schools and public companies were still expected to meet some pretty stiff standards. I didn't know, maybe it was a Liberal thing, but I found out most local companies, and the state government were pretty tight about things like morality.

It was just a joke, a silly lark, but I checked up on Barb's company. Oh yeah, her company policies were there, all over the place on the Internet. Barb's company had some pretty stringent rules regarding sexual harassment, job site bullying, and something I'd never heard of, called a hostile working environment.

I thought about this chap, Matthew Woodland. Who was he? What if he's been harassing my beautiful girl? What if he's been forcing himself on her? Barb's a good girl, a company girl; she'd be scared to death to bring anything like that up. Of course if this Woodland guy was some kind of big deal, if he'd been chasing my lovely wife I'd have to fix him, yeah fix him good. I could imagine my sweet girl being afraid to rock the boat. She might even be afraid to say something to me. Of course she'd be afraid to tell me; she knew I'd be up the bastard's ass in a New York minute!

I called over to her company and got a hold of an acquaintance; this was a guy I'd known since Barb started there. He was one of the good ones. I'd seen him at Hank's retirement. His name was Hugh Ballantine.

I got Hugh's secretary, told her who I was, and that I needed to speak with her boss. She put me right through.

I got Hugh on the line, "Hey Hugh this is Ryan Greene, Barb's husband."

"Yeah Ryan we just talked Friday. How was your weekend?"

"Good, yours was too I hope."

"Yeah mine was OK, what can I do for you?"

I started, "You've got a man over there, name's Matthew Woodland. What can you tell me about him?"

Hugh chided, "You're not secretly working for the CIA are you?"

"No I just wanted to know a little about him."

Hugh started, "Well let's see, he's nobody really. I think twenty-two or twenty-three. Fresh out of college. He's sort of a flunky right now, but some of the middle men have high hopes. Why?"

I asked, "Has he got anything to do with my Barb?"

"No," Hugh responded, "he's off in another part of the forest. Is there something I need to know?"

"Well the reason I'm asking Hugh is I think someone might be harassing my wife, and his name came up."

It got quiet on the other end; it seemed like a pregnant moment. I wondered, had I caught a sexual predator? If I had I'd get the son-of-a-bitch.

Hugh finally said something, "You know Ryan it seems like I have seen the two of them together every now and then. You want me to say something to HR?"

I sat back. I got the bastard, "No Hugh, Don't bother. I can handle this."

I sat farther back; 'Thank God. I found the problem.' The rest of the day was a breeze. On the way home I stopped and bought Barb a dozen red roses and a bottle of her favorite perfume. She needed to be comforted, I was her husband, and that was my job.

I got home my usual time. Barb was in the kitchen. She wasn't doing anything, just sitting at the table. I looked around and saw no sign of either Elaine or Derek. Glancing back at Barb it looked like she'd been crying.

I handed her the flowers and the perfume. I sat down, "What's wrong honey?"

She wouldn't look at me. She looked down at the floor, "The kids...they've run away."

I sat back, "What?"

"They ran away. They left a note saying they weren't coming back until you came home. Elaine wants you to call her right away."

'Holy shit,' I thought, 'what's gotten into them?' I yanked out my cell phone and smashed my finger on Elaine's number. It only rang once, she answered. I was pissed, "Elaine what's going on. You and your brother get home right this minute!"

I heard Elaine crying, "Oh daddy."

I got scared, "You're not hurt. Derek's OK. You two weren't in an accident?" I cringed. I knew she was too young to have her own car.

She must have handed her phone to Derek. He sounded high pitched, kind of shrill, like he'd lost something, his poise, "Dad?"

"Derek what's going on?"

"Dad we're sorry. It was a mistake. We didn't know."

"For Christ's sake, what? Didn't know what?"

It was Elaine again, "Daddy..."

I thought, 'shit it was daddy. This really was serious', "What wrong sweetie?"

"Daddy just go to your laptop. Open mom's text messages."

I was flabbergasted, then I remembered. She'd connected my laptop with Barb's cell phone, but she'd connected it to hers too! I said, "Wait a minute."

I looked over at Barb. She was silently weeping, and she wouldn't look at me, "You know something about this?"

She whimpered, "No, I just know they're both very angry about something and they're blaming me."

I got Elaine back on the phone, "Where are you now?"

"Daddy."

"I said "Where are you?"

"We're at my girlfriend Cheryl's. Daddy you have to look at mom's texts."

My stomach was all in knots. That mother-fucker Woodland had not only been harassing my wife, but his shit was starting to infect my kids. I told her, "Come on home. I think I know what the problem is. Get on home. I'll fix this."

Elaine kept crying, she said, "No you don't daddy."

"Come home Elaine, and bring Derek with you. You can wait in the car if you don't want to come in."

Elaine sniffed, "OK daddy, and then, "Daddy I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart. Now come home. We can fix whatever it is."

I closed my phone. I looked over at my wife, "Has anybody been bothering you at your work? Who is Matthew Woodland?"

I swear I would have never believed it. I've heard people say they've seen someone turn as white as a sheet. I thought for a split second Barb was going to pass out. It was so quiet we could have been in a mausoleum.

I asked her, "Has been he harassing you?"

Stiff as aboard, white as a piece of printer paper, quiet as death Barb answered so faintly I could hardly hear her, she said, "No."

I was mad, really mad! This bastard Woodland had been harassing my wife, fucking with my family, and he had my wife so scared she wouldn't even tell me. I tried to calm down. I took a deep breath, "Barb listen to me. This last Friday I got a call. Someone told me about Henry Chenowith's retirement. I went over to the Moor. You weren't there. I called your office and it was closed. I know you made up the story about work. Don't be afraid there're laws about this. He's been harassing you hasn't he?"

She was wringing her hands together, twisting them all around. Her eyes were wider than saucers. I was getting afraid for her health. I spoke as calmly and as quietly as I could, "Tell me Barb. We can take care of this." I reached across to hold her hands, "Tell me honey."

She pulled her hands back, "No...he hasn't been harassing me. It's nothing like that"

I was just barely under control. I didn't quite know what to do. Should I drive over to where he lived and beat the living shit out of him? Or what?

OK this is not where I stop and tell everybody I was in the military, that I was a navy SEAL, how I earned the Silver Star in Iraq or Afghanistan when I saved twenty of my buddies from an RPG attack. No nothing like that. But here's the truth.

I had joined the Maryland National Guard right after high school. I used the money they provided to help get through college. I never did anything. I was a clerk typist. I got through Basic Training, but I never really did anything.

But! This is the big but. While I was in the Guard I smoked some; not a lot, but some. One day one of the officers who happened to be a doctor in the real world grabbed one of my arms. I never got past E5 by the way. He grabbed my arm and told me I had a problem. He said I should quit smoking or else! He said to go see my family doctor. Well I did.

I went to our family physician. He took a look at me and gave me an immediate diagnosis. He said I had a disease called Cardiovascular Obliterans. For the unschooled it's also called Buerger's, or Burger's Disease. I don't remember. He asked me if I remembered how dizzy I got the first time I lit up a butt. I said yes. He said that was because my capillaries were squeezing together and squeezing out the oxygen. He told me in time they'd stay closed and I'd start to lose body parts because of gangrene.

He said, "Don't believe me? Look it up." He got up out of his chair, walked around and with his hand cut across my legs just at the groin. He said in the end we'll probably cut them off about here. Then he said "Ryan you will walk or you will smoke, but you won't do both."

I nearly shit my pants.

He told me to quit smoking and do anything and everything that would improve and restore circulation. Well I did. I started jogging. I got out the old set of York barbells that I'd bought back in the ninth grade. I started lifting weights. I lifted day and night. I ran every day. If anyone wanted to they could smell the fear on my weights and on my clothes. Did I resort to steroids, or honey, or vitamins? Hell no! I just worked. I worked my mother fucking ass off. Did I lose my legs? No! Did I quit smoking? Yes! Did I beef up? Did I get physically stronger? You bet your sweet ass I did!

For sure I can't fight; never thrown a punch in anger in my whole life. But I was angry now, and I was built like a brick shit house. No rippling abs for sure, but I had the arms, the biceps, the shoulders, and the mother fucking power. If I said I could kick the bastard's ass, I could kick his ass. Fuck with my wife! Fuck with my family! God damn!

I tried my damnedest to stay calm, "It's OK Barb. You can tell me. This is Ryan. You know me."

Barb looked as scared as I felt mad. She whispered again, "No Ry", she called me Ry instead of Ryan sometimes, "he didn't harass me."

I had to get her to see. I told her, "Honey it's OK. Friday night Elaine took your cell phone and with an AP of some sort she hooked her laptop and my laptop in to it. We've got all the texts you've made to the bastard ever since. If we have to we can haul his ass to court. I know the law. I'm familiar with the harassment policies in your company's handbook. Believe me it'll be all right."

She collapsed. She dropped her head in her hands on the table, "No Ryan," she said, "he didn't harass me. I harassed him."

I was shocked. I heard but I just couldn't believe it. No! I got up from the table and walked back and found my laptop. I turned it on, found the folder, opened it, and started to read.

Everything was wrong! This couldn't be! There were only maybe two hundred words; all in the day. They were like death! She was right; she was chasing him! Not him her. He wasn't married; at least I didn't think so. I read some of those lines over and over and over.

There they were! They were awful!

"I love you Matt. You make me feel young again. When can we meet again? I can get away this Sunday. I want you so much. You're my heart. You have my heart. Let's both take Monday off? I need you inside me. I don't care. I'll do whatever you want. I'll leave my husband. I'll leave my kids. I can't live without you."

Well there it was. There it was in black and white. My wife, my family, my life, everything I'd ever worked for, all I'd ever wanted, all I ever valued sitting there on a computer screen. Dead. I felt dead. I wanted to die. I knew my life was over.

Then I heard a car pull up in front of the house; it was the kids. I shut down the screen and packed up the laptop. Carrying the laptop I briskly walked to the car. I got there just as Derek and Elaine were getting out. I pushed Derek back inside, "Go back to Cheryl's. Stay there until I call you."

Elaine looked at me. Oh her tear stained face! She said, "You read them didn't you."

I told her, "Just go back to Cheryl's and wait for my call."