Justice

"That's how Athena saw it too," Dr. Vinson said. "Without the experience of conflict or even disagreement between the two of you, Athena had doubts about whether your relationship would withstand you learning of her illness. Right or wrong, in her mind, she saw the best chance of you accepting her fully into your life and supporting her was for her to have the baby first, and then divulge her condition to you. Her exact words were, "Hayden might not want a crazy girlfriend, but I know in my heart that he would want a crazy mother for his child."

"That doesn't make any sense," Hayden groaned. "Why lie to me about not being the father of her child if she wanted me to accept her as the mother of my child?"

Dr. Vinson nodded in understanding and said, "It goes back to what I mentioned earlier related to her going off all of her medications and our uncertainty over what her pregnancy would mean to her body's chemical balance. Athena believed that if you saw the worst of her potential behaviors if they occurred before the baby was born, she would lose any chance of you accepting her, baby or not. I realize that her reasoning might not sound rational but it is that type of irrational reasoning that compelled her to hide the truth from you until after her baby was born."

Placing her hand on Hayden's forearm, Minerva said, "From what I remember reading in the documents, Athena and you had discussed her eventually explaining things to Hayden and she wanted your help to gain his understanding of her condition."

"Yes, we discussed that in some detail over multiple sessions. As her pregnancy progressed and her moods became darker, more erratic, and more depressed, I would frequently raise the subject of the three of us meeting as a means to stimulate her natural dopamine secretions. Hope can overcome despair, and even though it is too late to achieve the reconciliation that Athena had hoped for, I felt that I owed it to her to at least present the facts that she had always intended to share."

Hearing noises from beyond the closed doors to the office, Dr. Vinson stood and said, "Excuse me a minute."

When the door closed, Minerva asked, "What do you think?"

Hayden considered her question before answering, "A lot of what the doctor has told us makes some things that Athena used to say make sense..."

"Like what?"

"Like when I would ask her if she wanted to go someplace or do something with me, she would get contemplatively silent for a long time before saying to herself something like, 'What would a normal person do?' I didn't consider her words anything more than her insecurity and her way of trying to convince herself to possibly take a risk outside her comfort zone."

Nodding, Minerva asked, "What about the reasoning that Dr. Vinson gave for why Athena lied to you? You don't believe that she was sort of playing the martyr?"

Hayden looked askance at Minerva. It wasn't an expression that she ever wanted to see aimed at her again.

"I'm sorry... it's just I want so much for you to come away from this meeting with closure, or as close to closure over what Athena did to you as possible. I'll be more careful with my words."

His expression calmed, and he asked, "What about you? How do you feel about Athena's actions as you're hearing about them?"

"I still have a couple of questions," Minerva said. "I certainly understand her medical problems better, but I remain confused over several of her actions. I guess that I'm hoping for some validation of my belief that Athena would approve of my wanting to bring you and Alex together as father and son. I think I may have misinterpreted her wishes for years, and I'm hoping that Dr. Vinson has some information that will confirm that for me."

"For us..."

Leaning over to kiss Hayden on the cheek, Minerva caught movement outside the window in her peripheral vision. "Who's that?"

Turning on the sofa to glance out the window behind it, Hayden saw two men on the back patio, getting situated in chairs under the pergola. He recognized one of them as the man in the pictures on the wall of the office, so Hayden naturally assumed that he was Dr. Vinson's husband.

"Dr. Vinson's husband and their friends must have returned," Hayden explained. "That's why she excused herself. Since they're out on the patio, she'll probably be back here soon."

His words were prophetic as the office door opened at that moment and Dr. Vinson quickly returned to her seat across from them.

"I'm sorry, but we're going to have to cut this short. My husband is feeling worn out from his brief sojourn and needs to take a nap. I'll need to go out and keep our friends, Dru and Randy, company while he gets some rest."

"We understand," Minerva said. "Can I ask you just a couple of other quick questions?"

"Certainly, as long as they're not too involved, I can answer a couple of questions."

Minerva nodded before asking, "I think we understand Athena's reasoning for lying to Hayden, but why didn't she want me or our parents to know about either her medical issues or even about her being pregnant?"

"I need to remind both of you," Dr. Vinson said, "That I practiced as a pediatric psychiatrist. I dealt with medical issues affecting children's behavioral and cognitive challenges. I am not, and never was, a psychologist. I agreed to continue treating Athena's condition only because I had an established history with her."

"Okay," Hayden said, "So?"

"There are three primary influencers of human behavior," Dr. Vinson explained. "Environmental, which refers to factors such as external stimuli from one's surroundings; drugs, chemicals, allergens, and even things such as sound and light can stimulate or depress a person. Next is physical, which is what I specialized in. The ways that imbalances in the human body or damage to the brain can contribute to the behavior of an individual. The third influencer is emotional, which is where psychology reigns. From childhood abuse to traumas that lead to post-traumatic stress syndrome, there is a myriad of reasons why something affecting a person's emotions can influence their behavior. I believe Athena's behaviors toward Mr. Justice were influenced entirely by the physical factors discussed earlier. It would have taken extensive psychotherapy with an experienced psychologist to understand why Athena's behaviors towards her family were what they were. I can share with you that it is my opinion that Athena was simply so focused on her attempts to remain a functional person during her pregnancy that she didn't assign any priority to communicating with her family. Don't perceive it as anything malicious on her part. After all, she did leave everything to you in her will, including her son."

"Here, I would like you both to read something called 'Surfing the Emotional Wave'."

She handed them each a copy of an article with a heading indicating that it had been reprinted from some psychology journal.

They each read: "Emotional experiences can feel so overwhelming. So much so that they can make us convinced that they are insurmountable, like a large wave coming over you as you stand in the shallow waters. It turns out that this is a very fitting metaphor for emotional spikes.

Just as one can be overtaken and overwhelmed by a large wave, so too can one learn the skills needed to read the onset of the wave, position themselves effectively with it, and surf the wave which allows one to experience emotions with mastery and confidence. Additionally, because we experience emotions everyday of our lives, learning to surf your emotional waves can be practiced every day.

This starts with seeing your feelings as a wave; strong, influential, and temporary... yes... temporary. Many cognitive patterns that lead to mental health disorders are habits that take single-emotion events and reinforce them again and again until they feel chronic. The emotion typically only lasted a few seconds or a few minutes at most and any secondary or lingering feelings are being upheld by what your thoughts, beliefs, and responses create.

With this understanding, one can experience the emotional wave effectively in the moment before allowing that wave to return to the ocean never to come back in that exact form ever again."

Setting the page aside, Minerva looked at Dr. Vinson and said, "Athena kept getting surprised by her waves, didn't she?"

Nodding, "Yes. When she didn't have the emotional stability provided by the love she had shared with Mr. Justice, she was as helpless against the waves as a jellyfish is in the ocean."

"Thank you," Minerva said. Turning to Hayden, she asked, "Do you have any more questions?"

"I don't think so," Hayden said as he stood. "I do think that you and I have a lot more to discuss, though."

Standing to join him, Minerva said, "Definitely."

Dr. Vinson also stood and asked, "Would you two mind waiting here for just a few more minutes while I get my husband situated, and then I'll show you out?"

"Of course," Minerva said. "Take your time."

After the doctor left, Minerva was just about to speak when they both caught motion on the patio outside. Turning to look out the window once more, they watched as Dr. Vinson strode over to the spot where her husband and the other man were sitting. Hayden and Minerva couldn't hear what was being said, but it appeared from the body language of the participants in the conversation that Dr. Vinson and her husband were not in agreement on something.

Watching from the office, and taking in the full scene out the window rather than just the conversation between Dr. Vinson and her husband, Hayden chuckled and pointed for Minerva to see what he had seen,

'That must be the female half of the other couple, Dru McLean."

He was pointing to the sunbathing swimsuit model who was lying on a towel next to the pool in a shiny black string bikini. It appeared to be made of soft leather. Very little soft leather.

Giggling, Minerva said, "It looks like the guys out there got busted enjoying the view too much. She certainly is beautiful and definitely knows how to rock a bikini."

Hayden nodded and said, "How much do you want to bet that Dr. Vinson is trying to get her husband to come in for his nap, but he doesn't want to be seen walking with a limp?"

"You think the stroke affected his gait?" Minerva asked.

Pulling her into an embrace, Hayden stifled his laugh and said, "Stroking would probably help his limp, but it has nothing to do with his stroke."

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Setting her cell phone on the table beside her, Minerva gazed out at the dark and tranquil Atlantic Ocean as she recalled her early studies of mythology. The Gods believed that when a man truly loved a woman, she becomes his weakness. When a woman truly loved a man, he becomes her strength. Athena had certainly become Hayden's weakness. After their discussion with Dr. Vinson, it had been made obvious that he had been her sister's strength. It had been her love for him that had elevated her moods while they were together and depressed her so much when they we apart.

Some believed that a broken heart could love more deeply and stronger than before. Would knowing and accepting why Athena had acted as she did allow Hayden to live and love again, not just exist? Could his heart find a new home with her?

Being with Hayden made Minerva excited to find out what happens next, but she didn't trust her heart when she was with him. She wanted Hayden to be confident that her heart would be open to him, but she struggled with how vulnerable she felt while doing so.

"Are you finished with your call?"

Turning and looking over her shoulder at Hayden, she said, "Yes. Are you done with your e-mails?"

Taking the seat beside Minerva, Hayden chuckled and said, "No, I just took care of the ones that had attachments. The rest I can review easily enough on my phone tomorrow morning during the drive. Speaking of which, shouldn't you be heading home to get some rest?"

Minerva's parents had agreed to drive Alexander back from Greenville to Myrtle Beach tomorrow, but she had insisted that they at least let her meet them halfway. Otherwise, the four-hour trip to Myrtle Beach would turn into eight hours of driving for them. By meeting in Columbia, both she and her parents would split the trip in half.

When he had learned of her plans, Hayden had suggested that he accompany her on the trip so that they could spend the time together explaining things to Alexander. Minerva wanted to explain to her nephew that they would be relocating to Myrtle Beach and all the reasons why. The explanation about growing her law practice in this area would be easy. Having Hayden with her would place some of the burden of explaining that new relationship on him.

As much as she wanted to look into his eyes to gauge his reaction to her words, she couldn't bring herself to look anywhere other than skyward. She saw the stars but didn't focus on them when she softly said, "From the first moment that I saw you in the pub, I had a sense that you and I would not be quick. It's funny when I look back on it, because you got so pissed at me that night that I should have thought that I would never see you again, but deep inside, I knew that I would. I don't know how; I just knew."

"You were a surprise for me," Hayden smiled. "I'm sorry about reacting the way that I did. What do you mean by 'quick'?"

Finally turning to look at him, Minerva asked, "Can I borrow a t-shirt from you?"

Seeing the confused expression on Hayden's face as he stood, she said, "It makes more sense for me to stay here tonight so that we can get an early start in the morning. It will also allow us to discuss our progress since the meeting with Dr. Vinson."

Hayden's confusion wasn't related to Minerva's request to borrow a t-shirt. Minerva had brought her suitcase from the condo with her when she arrived that morning. She had explained that it was so she would be prepared to leave for Greenville after their meeting. The arrangements with her parents to meet halfway changed those plans, but Hayden was still curious.

He ventured a guess, "Have you considered which room Alexander will sleep in?

Minerva rose and stood before Hayden. Without hesitation, she said, "I have. He can have my room. Now, have you given any consideration to which room I will sleep in?"

Her response made Hayden laugh. Minerva had been using the guest bedroom next to his room each time she needed to change clothes or shower after spending time on the beach. He liked her boldness in claiming it as "hers". The same boldness that apparently had her deciding she and Alex would be living with him, at least for a while.

He took her hand and led her back into the house and closed the patio door before asking, "You didn't pack anything to sleep in?"

She responded over her shoulder while heading for the stairs, "I don't have anything. I usually sleep naked and just keep a robe nearby in case I need to check on Alex or anything during the night."

Following her ascent, Hayden said, "Well, as long as you have your robe, then you won't need anything to sleep here either."

"Even if I'm sleeping in your bed?"

"Especially if you're sleeping in 'our' bed.

His choice of words was clear to Minerva. She led him to his bedroom. She stood at the foot of his bed and gazed up at him with a mixture of apprehension, innocence, and seductive allure. Hayden drank it all in as he moved to stand in front of her.

Minerva whispered, "If you were to tell me that you wanted me, for the first time in my life I would believe it."

Leaning down to place the tip of his nose against hers, Hayden softly said, "I want you more than words can describe, but I so don't want to screw this up."

Putting her hands on the small of Hayden's back, Minerva pulled his body against hers, "I appreciate your concern. I really do. I have no frame of reference for how you make me feel. I just know that you taste like stability and that's new to me. It feels safe to continue progressing with you. I'm not saying that we should throw caution to the wind, but you need to know that I have complete trust in you - in us."

Hayden lowering his head slightly allowed their lips to meet. The intensity of Minerva's kiss surprised Hayden but it certainly didn't disappoint him. He would provide any needed guidance to her eagerly growing passion, but Hayden wouldn't do anything to discourage Minerva's desires, or his own, from now on.

~~~

"How did we go to sleep at the beach and wake up at a farm?" a groggy Minerva softly moaned.

Hayden's chuckling caused the slumbering head on his chest to bounce slightly.

"You have a problem with 'Roosters of the Sea'? You better get used to it. The gulls always get noisy and take flight to celebrate sunrise."

"Used to it, schmoosed to it," Minerva said as she extricated herself from Hayden. "I need to go powder my nose."

"I heard the coffee maker signaling the brewing had stopped. Would you like me to get us some coffee while you powder your nose?"

"No, I'll wait until we're on the road for mine," Minerva said over her shoulder. "You go ahead though if you want some."

Admiring her beautifully bare backside, Hayden replied, "I think I'll wait too. I'm going to head into another bathroom though."

When he returned to his room, he found Minerva propped up with pillows against the headboard of the bed. Her smile melted his heart and convinced Hayden that this was the picture that he wanted to see every morning for the rest of his life. He crawled onto the bed beside her and that is when he heard her softly humming some tune. After he was situated, Minerva cuddled up against him and continued humming.

"That sounds familiar," he said. "What are you humming?"

"Oh, it's an old classic that popped into my head while I was brushing my teeth."

She sang the verse currently in her mind, "Across my dreams with nets of wonder, I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love."

"Bob Lind," Hayden said. "From 1966. That is a classic. Did you ever read Yeats?"

"William Butler Yeats?" Minerva asked.

When Hayden nodded, she said, "I read a few of his poems in college."

"Was one of them 'The Song of Wandering Aengus'?"

"That doesn't sound familiar. Why?"

"It's about an old fisherman who catches a glimmering fish," Hayden explained. "The fish turns into a beautiful girl who runs away and old Aengus spends the rest of his life searching for her. Lind claimed that this Yeats poem was the inspiration for that song."

Stretching up to nibble along Hayden's jawline, Minerva said, "I'll check it out sometime, but I have finally caught my elusive butterfly, so some glimmering fish girl isn't a priority for me."

Hayden kissed the top of Minerva's head and asked, "Are you feeling all right this morning? You were pretty exhausted last night."

Minerva shifted until her body was laying entirely on top of Hayden's. She ran her fingers through his hair and said, "Your concern over me giving you my maidenhood is appreciated, but if you must know, I feel wonderful. Not as wonderful as you made me feel last night, but that could be easily remedied."

Without her admonition, Hayden never would have guessed at Minerva's lack of sexual experience. She had an instinctive way of responding to his actions in ways that no other woman ever had. He had taken the lead in pleasuring her but as her confidence and arousal grew, her attention to their joint pleasure increased dramatically.

Her energy and enthusiasm for exploration nearly wore Hayden out. It was only Minerva's own fatigue that allowed her zest to wane after more than four hours of passionate lovemaking.

"The essence of love is concern," Hayden said. "My concern for you will always be one of the ways that I demonstrate my love for you. That and letting you drive the Bentley."