Jym E 01

"OMG, is that a "tee he" also then, Kenny?"

"It doesn't have to be "tee he", Jym E, so?"

Well, snap!

"We'll walk around there later to see things, Kenny, but for now, we need to get Peacock Penny her other bunches of colorful hair because if her rear hair isn't pointing in twelve different directions, she's impossible! Also, my Capri beach pants will not come off without a steam bath, Kenny!"

"Oh, like straddling over the cooking pits then, Jym E?"

Well, snap again!

Also, that ended up being a playful walk. I mean, just because I don't play house with my nerd crew, that doesn't mean I haven't role played the maid a few times elsewhere! And I only scrubbed his floor off in the trees so I would know what size his clam shell opening knife was, you know, just in case I fell for those makeshift tree steps later! And to check his skin tone in the middle because that seems to matter to me because skin tone can change where clothes are mostly worn, so. And nope, don't ask me about that because I have no idea why my fantasy has perfectly transitioning skin tones.

"Well Kenny, that's all for now, okay? Especially since old man Palmer spied on us!"

"Aha, aha, aha, are you sure those short pants won't drop tonight, Jym E?"

"[Mwah] not tonight, but we can walk the couple's trail again later, like when Peacock Penny forgets to bring me my movies clambake pullover college logo hoodie!"

Well, Kenny's skin tone transition coloring was perfect, so.

"Ahem! Are you on the clock now, Jym E?"

"Oh, yes, I am, Mrs. Palmer and I'm straightening up the serving rays and pans, so?"

"Well, I wouldn't be mad if that damn little blue and green girl tossed one of her casts offs my way later tonight, so?"

"I'm on it later, Mrs. Palmer! Arm hook a cast off and distract Mr. Palmer. Pauline, you're looking good on the grill tonight! And I never saw such low-rise short shorts before, not that I look at anything other than your perfectly grilled corn on the cob and asparagus, so?"

"Oh, I'm huffing and puffing already over the grill, Jym E. And you know, since it's Strip Night, tee he, well, finally we'll have some dinner guests closer to my age! And since you already measured my hint of visible butt crack, I assume that's perfect too then, hmm?"

"Ahh, picture perfect, Pauline, absolutely picture perfect!

"Hmph! That's a pretty hefty "three" measuring stick, Jym E!"

"Oh, well, oh, hey Sandra, you got those crab legs boiling and the butter melting then, hmm?"

"The water is boiling and trashing my hair, Jym E! Also, your two nerd boyfriends are here early, so (whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper) and then get right back here and get with it!"

Huh? Erm, huh? What a nice ice breaker. Or ball breaker!

"Blake, Josh, this is a one time serving of a combo plater basket and one time only, so don't either of you gloat over it!"

[Plops down two clambake seafood combo platter baskets]

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jym E! I mean, I mean, I mean, well, what I mean is, well, what the hell did we just spy then, huh? And by that, I mean, did we just witness Sandi and yourself oyster on the half battling and by that, I mean, was that a battle of downing slimy oysters and by that, I mean, OMG, was that a swallowing battle and by that, I mean, SOB, were both your heads tilted back and your throats pointed upwards and by that, I mean, holy clambake oyster battle, Jym E!"

"Oh, you caught that battle, did you, Todd? I mean, I said to Sandra that you might like it if I shucked your ear of corn personally tonight and then Sandra brought up how we're all in the friend's zone, but then she asked exactly how much I knew about the taste, the texture and the consistency of some stuff because she has had a few boyfriends and then I had to lower my head and admit that I've cheated my way through a couple of moments of heat and corn shucking is my biggest hit and then Sandra grabbed a tray of six oysters on the half, three for each of us and then she said to go on three and that was more than perfect for me since I'm a perfect three and that's when we swallowed battled our three oysters on the half with our heads tilted back and then we both said "ahh" out loud and then we clanked oyster shells and then Sandra said that's the way a guy really likes his ear of corn shucked these days and then that's when she said that a lot of girls around Middleton have the initials "SYS", so I shouldn't read too much into what I saw along the couple's trail and that's when I gulped really, really hard and grabbed a tray of two clambake platter baskets and then I showed up right here with you guys, so?"

[Basket plop, splat, basket plop, spalt on the pebbly sand]

"BRB with two new platter baskets, guys!"

Well, he asked what the whispering and the battle was about, so.

"So, ahem, hey."

"Oh, OMG, Todd, what are you doing here at Dunn's at Dusk, hmm?"

"Well, Peacock Penny asked me if I got a whiff of that seafood and then I took big a whiff of all that and then Peacock Penny pointed you out and reminded me that we used to play video together and then Peacock Penny went bat crazy about not having enough bunches of hair sticking out in fifteen directions and took off trotting and then Mia Maya whispered to me that I should say something nice about the look of your uniform, so, hey, Jym E, you've changed for the better since back in the day and you look really nice, like well put together, so."

[Seafood serving trays, pans and serving utensils clank away]

"Well, it's good to see you, Todd and I'll help put together a seafood dinner platter basket for you, but and this is a big butt, unlike mine, but what you thought you saw that day wasn't what you saw, so?"

"Oh, so I didn't see you laying in the fetal position with a banana firmly gripped between your thighs while just wearing your undies and while making little grunt sounds then, Jym E? And I don't know what they call that space up between the transitional point of your thighs and the curvy hidden area where a curved banana fits perfectly, so that's why I said you gripped it between your thighs perfectly, but that's what I saw! Also, I saw everything! (And everything looked really, really nice.)"

"Oh, well, I don't know why you were in my bedroom anyways, Todd. And I think they call that space "as close to being all up in there without being all up in there as you can get" or something like that, so."

"OMG, Jym E, I entered your bedroom because you texted me while I was in the living room playing video and you asked me what percentage of guys were shaped like a banana!"

"Well."

"Well?"

"Well, you should have just texted me back your answer! I was very vulnerable. Anyways, I'll make you a seafood platter right quick, so."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jym E! I did text you with my answer!"

"OMG, Todd, you texted me a dick pic! Well, pictorially, I suppose it answered my question from your end, but still, I was in a private moment! And you didn't have to slam my bedroom door shut so hard just because you didn't like what saw, not that I'm admitting that what you thought you saw was what you think you saw, so?"

"Well, wait a minute, Jym E, I never said that I didn't like what I saw. Wait, you, your teeny tiny body in undies while in the fetal position, that's what I liked, so? Well, it didn't make me mad about the banana either, so."

"Well."

"Well?"

"Well, we're back to your seafood clambake platter basket then, Todd. Where are you sitting or standing and how many and count the girlfriends first! Also, forget what you saw!"

"Hah! You liked it, Jym E!"

"And I like the rearview mirror in my truck too, Todd, which is where all of this is now, so what? But because that did happen, well, sometimes I close my eyes and imagine you in a yellow condom, but don't read into that, Todd."

"Hah! You used a Sharpie and wrote my name on a banana skin more than once, Jym E!"

"Well."

"Well, hah! Anyways, I'm over there by the upside down row boat and solo, so."

I mean, there was no way that I was going to mention that I wrote his name on all four flat sides like at least twice, so.

"Mildred, do you have any bananas over there in the greenery salad area? And a Sharpie?"

"Oh, well, I had four bananas, sugar plum, but they were still pretty green, which made them a little too firm for use, you know, firm like how both you and I like it, so, well, I used one green banana, erm, for, um, for personal reasons and then that crazy blue and green girl came over squawking about how the other three were her bunches of green hair extensions and to tell you the truth, well, I was too busy with my personal reasons and I just let her squawk, so, sorry to disappoint then, sugar bee."

"Ahem, also, the rest of just heard all that, Jym E!"

"Oh, sorry, Pauline, sorry, Sandra and sorry, Mrs. Palmer."

"Jym E, I've been slinging clambakes here at Dunn's at Dusk for ten years and I've enjoyed having my clam shells split by the casts offs from the younger honey bees around here, but I never, well, wait, ugh, maybe one time, erm, damn it, Mildred, get on the horn to the Fruit Market along the Strip and get some more bananas all up in here!"

Well, I didn't need to hear much more about all that, so I went back about keeping the empty food pans refilled. Also, when Mrs. Palmer said she enjoyed having her clam shells split, I mean, she meant the front clam shells, right? And I'm only asking because Mrs. Palmer actually has a shapely behind, which makes me think things could go either way, so.

"I'm busy working, Dawson!"

"Hey relax, Jimmy James, I'm just scooping up a platter of..."

"Jym E, butthead."

"Fine, what did you expect then, Jym E?"

"A simple no or thanks, but no thanks would have been better than running your mouth all around town just because I made somewhat of a move!"

"Well, that's all in the rearview now and by the way, you've filled out and look, hmm, well put together, so, listen, since I like corn on the cob and since these are just third cuts, I mean, can I put three pieces on my platter then, huh?"

[Turns head to get approval from Pauline since two cobs are the expected normal]

"LOL, he acknowledged that you look nice and filled out, Jym E, so."

"And, and, and, can I snag a few extra crab legs too then, huh?"

[Turns head to get approval from Sandra since four are the expected normal]

"Hah, he's dying that he didn't take his chance when his chance was right there, so, well, fuck him unless he confesses right now, Jym E!"

"Well, in hindsight and in private..."

"Enough! Take the extra food, Dawson. Also, butthead, take this extra platter and you know, wander down to the docking area where Riley, the screaming boat pilot is still unloading the extra beverages for tonight and see if she is hungry. And, and, and, do not and I repeat, do not try to twirl her hair with your finger or you will lose it!"

Tee he, I so made a move on Dawson once after a basketball game! And not tee he, he so rejected me! Which is how it is sometimes, I guess.

"Erm, you look puzzled, so?"

"Well, what's the process here? Do I just scoop and plop it down on the platter or is there a certain arrangement that I'm supposed to follow, hmm?"

"Oh, it can go either way, but everything seems to work out on the platter, so, can you handle it or would you care for me to help you out then, hmm?"

"Oh, show me your plating skills then, um????"

"Jym E, food runner, food prep, plating advisor, utensils cleaner and although I'm desperate for a real sexual experience, I'm even more desperate to know why you thought "bumping" into me three Friday nights ago on the Strip is or was the same as schmoozing me, which is way in the rearview now, so, take your seafood platter, enjoy it and then claim that you are a Peacock Penny cast off and ask Mrs. Palmer if she needs anything and be gone from my life, Hank, so?"

[Scoop, spalt, rake, sploosh, scoop, slide, corn, corn, asparagus, asparagus]

"Well, I never! Also, which one is Mrs. Palmer then, hmm?"

I mean, the idiot tried hip bumping flirting with me and bumped me so hard that I lost my footing and that idiot I was going down to my knees for him! Right there on the Strip! Idiot!

"Hey, Sabrina, hey, let me hook you up with a perfectly plated seafood platter basket, okay?"

"Sounds good to me, Jym E, but listen, have you seen my step brother, Dawson? I know he's here, but I can't locate him, so?"

"Oh, I sent him down to the beverage docking area to help Riley unload and to feed her, so?"

"Riley? The screaming girl?"

See, folks? Everybody knows Riley the same way!

"I'm PILOT, I'm PILOT, I'm O, O, O, O, O, O, O, O, O, O, O, O, O, I'm off the market! Dawson!"

Well, Dawson has his charms and all and it sounded like he got to know her a little different, so.

"Well, never mind then, Jym E, right? Anyways, half of clambake is abuzz with whispers, Jym E, so, Sandi darling, can you slightly over cook six crab legs then sweetie, hmm?"

"Ahh, that's the easy part, Sabrina, but why would I do that? And is anyone whispering about me?"

"Well, it's said that slightly over cooking crab legs is the only way to battle suck them clean of meat without cracking the hard leg armor! And Franks wants to take you into next week the hard way! or he good way, either way. Anyways, Jym E, I'm not a big fan of that Ned guy, but he has an eye out for you tonight, so, crab leg meat battle suck with me then, Jym E?"

Well, there was no such thing, so.

[Suck, ahh, slurp, ooh, suck, ugh, suck, ahh, slurp, ooh, suck, ugh]

"Aha, aha, aha, tie, Sabrina!"

"Oh, oh, oh, tie, Jym E!"

I mean, I eat well at the Dunn's at Dusk clambake anyways. Also, I've never met or heard of anyone with the first name or last name of Dunn, so don't ask me about that.

"Well, that drew a crowd! Sandi, oysters! You know, just to warm up the palettes!"

[Glug, glug, glug, gasp, gasp, gasp, gulp, gulp, gulp, glug, glug, gasp, gasp, gasp, gulp, gulp, gulp]

"Holy clambake battle of battles smokes! Does this battle show cost extra?"

Well, if 'that drew a crowd" is the same as everyone in attendance at the clambake, well, okay.

"So, Peacock Penny, just what are you doing then, hmm?"

"Scoot over, Jym E and give me a pair of those latex gloves! People, the clambake is just about over, so if you haven't eaten, line up directly in front of me and for those of you that just want seconds or what's left over, then form a line to my left and for those of you that I cast aside tonight, well, form a line to my right where Mrs. Palmer is panting, aha, aha, aha and Ned, I mean, Ned, do you have an initials carving knife on your person, hmm?"

[Switch, flip, swirl, swirl, flip, flip, swing, swirl, flip, swirl, twirl, boing!]

Great! A Butterfly knife no less!

"Lip smack me and go, Jym E, go get with it!"

"[Peck]"

Well, the stupid pieces of wood that were nailed to the stupid trees to form makeshift stepping stairs worked perfectly!

And lots of people have the initials "JJJ", so.

End Jym E 01