All Comments on 'Kaleidoscope Eyes Pt. 01'

Tale got kinetic in a QUICK hurry with scenes including little girl's genetic ocular trait, clouds of Afghani dust mingled with blood and antipathy of Mayberry beatdown.

Ergo the obvious score

Full marks *****

Wow! Great start. I hope you give us the rest soon. RPL

A woman gets gang raped and he disappears for 5 years. Then she marries the ultimate douchebag after all of that. I’m not sure it’s worth writing the follow up to this nonsense. The whole war zone stuff was over cooked and unnecessary. Sorry K...gotta flush this one.

and I'll be waiting to read Part 2.

Brilliant. Can't wait for part 2. I hope it's written and ready to be posted. Revenge is coming and I hope it is severe.

Please no more, stop writing now

Thank you

I could claim credit for it,

"Yeah; life's a bitch; and her 'stripper name' is 'Karma'."

That is one of the single best thoughts I have read

You had me hooked quickly but I am truly ill from this vile turn of events.

There is a call for much blood sir and I hope you intend to deliver.

Great start to a terrible and interesting story.

My hands are shaking while I type this.

Good work.

Decent story so far, good writing but poor design of the plot unless next parts change it. More than half the story is devoted to the Afghanistan plotline, which at the moment seems completely irrelevant and could have achieved the same in a couple of paragraphs. The actual relevant part of the plot is rushed, we never get to bond with Ruthanne or get why our protagonist might really like her, since as soon as she is introduced she becomes a plot device and not a character, and her marrying Boyd is done with in one single sentence, with barely any impact in our protagonist. She doesnt even get any relevant sentence in the story, whereas you included flashbacks for secondary characters even inside of flashbacks. Even the random shop clerk gets more character development than the girl.

If next parts make the army section relevant, my opinion of the story will go up, as currently it seems like a very weird page filler in a story that could use more meat in other parts. Again, the writing is good and you kept my interest, but what you chose to focus on seems very weird for now.

A well written story with a plot! Stories like this keep us coming back in hopes of finding a hidden gem. Nice job so far!

I think you've done a good job of setting the scene for some heroic world-fixing. Top score so far.

“Vengeance is in my heart, death in my hand, Blood and revenge are hammering in my head” - William Shakespeare, Titus Andronicus.

Wonderfully constructed tale. Excellent job.

A multi chapter story.

5* - because I can’t give more.

Excellent story so far, looking forward to its continuation!. High marks (*****) and thanks for the read. Hope that bitch Karma puts a serious beat down on those local yokels.

Love it

High drama.

That's the only fault, so far.

Extreme drama.

Everything else is spot on.

Beautiful writing opening the story.

And even though I don't like military stories,

I loved the Afgan part.

Excellent work that.

It's clear that Flavian has put a lot of work and thought

into writing this story.

The outcome is top shelf material.

Top ratings from me.

Great start, but don't liked to be left hanging with such an abrupt ending to the first segment. I'll hang in there, patiently waiting for the next part. Do dislike this style of presentation. As others may feel similarly, get to to us the rest of it soon, please!

Can't wait for the next chapter.

Great start. 5*.

Hooked

Can't wait - bring us more!

Does Lit somehow compensate authors to break their stories into smaller pieces?

I don’t understand why authors do this otherwise. Are there really that many people that don’t have an attention span capable of handling a longer story?

Long way to get to where we are, but a fun read. 5 stars so far.

gamblnluck

Good beginning!

5

A story about a serial seducer and a combat hero. Yawn. Two stars.

so his mother lives, and presumably he grew up, within a stones throw of this town; yet knew nothing about the corruption?

Please post Part Two soon!

I don't usually rate multi-part stories until they're done, but this cries out for a five.

Base off your other work this is gonna be wimpy trash

This has all the making of another Literotica classic. 5* of course.

@Anonymous Re: "Why do authors do this?" - There are plenty of longer stories if that's your thing. Four pages isn't all that short, as long as the rest comes along promptly, I don't see the issue. If it bothers you, wait until all parts are posted, then read them back to back.

I can't get past the writing style. Too many distracting and puzzling or pointless side stories, rabbit trails, dead end details, and unintelligible military lingo. Your use of all the abbreviations and acronyms and jargon remind me of those old Victorian novels where the author gets to some important point in the story or dialogue, then switches to a foreign language like French or Italian. Like who the fuck knows or cares about the special language of some specialty or profession when you're trying to enjoy a story? Guess this story is written for the military savvy, and us civilians can go look it the fuck up. Or just stop reading. And the sad truth for me is that whatever plot I detected developing somewhere buried in all this bullshit just isn't worth the effort.

So don't change a thing if this was your goal. There are a few other stories on this site; I won't stay bored for long.

Thanks for the effort, and congratulations on the high rating and positive comments.

Is that it's one page of LW story (maybe because there sure wasn't any loving wife in this chapter) and three pages of military service. Boring as hell that military part. I hope you wrap this up in the next installment and show us why you're in this category.

1. The little girl obviously is his daughter from that night.

2. Obviously, Ruthanne married Boyd because of pressure. Pressure from her father, the preacher, now that Boyd had had her? Pressure from Boyd ruling the town, and could besmirch her name? Combination of all.

3. Obviously, things are not smooth between Ruthanne and Boyd, even 5 years later. The daughter and Ruthanne's mother are being monitored by Boy'd man. That man with them was not a bodyguard, but more like hostage keeper!?

4. I see the Crawford brothers and some other special forces guys being called in on this. They owe him from that night!?

5. I see lots of hick, white trash, ass kicking coming up. The best kind!

Riddle me this, riddle me that, why does anyone on a sex site copyright their crap? Honestly, why? There is not a single story on here that is worth stealing. Yes, there are some that are good enough to print and use as toilet paper, if I ever run out of actual toilet paper. It's quite hilarious to see how delusional these authors are, thinking they have something that's worth anything. In fact, right now, I've got a few tears in my eyes because I'm laughing so hard.

Nice opening salvo, Mr. Flavian. Next, please. Randi.

Descriptive build of plot and good character building, acronyms aren't difficult to understand and are mostly explained anyway. Cracking story starting here, thank you Flavian.

I see all of these anons write and comment about the futile words of this story and yet, they sit on their throne of hipocacracy without sticking their necks on the chopping block of literotica.com. They piss and moan about the "crap" (that is free by the way) as if they could do any better. All I see is a bunch of pussies that can barely write their name on a government pay check while they still live in their mama's basement room and they're pissed off because this isn't a story that they can choke their chicken to. They aren't man enough to write a story and leave themselves open to criticism as this author does. And like me, they're too lazy, or scared, to do anything other than read free stories and have no balls. To the author.........write on!! And to the ungrateful readers.......a big FUCK YOU!!

I’m looking forward to the rest of the story. One of the few good entries in a week Of lazy stupid “cuck” stories. Thank you.

Thank you for writing a story that draws you in. I look forward to how this plays out.

I'm glad to find this new story (by you) that is worth reading in Loving Wives. Well done!!!

@Annie, “Why.”

My, aren’t you the condescending douche? As a matter of fact, I can name probably 100 writers who have had their stories stolen and posted for sale on the various websites that sell books. Some writers, Dreamcloud, for example, had it done so many times they quit posting here. Now, I know that really makes you look like an ass, Annie, but sometimes it be like that.

I'm loving this tale ....

.....you better be ready to pay attention, because he gives you depth, detail, and nuance.

5 *’s.

Hopefully the next installment won’t be in too long a time ... retaining all of the detail for more than a couple weeks is something I can’t do anymore :)

A most excellent start; I am excited to see where this goes.

I think this will turn out to be a feel good happy ending were lost love is found good wins. 5s

You're a good writer. Looking forward to part two -

but I really loved it. Riveting! A great tale. Well written - 5 stars

The story is a little convoluted but...the illogical plot points(ie. Marrying one of your rapists) can be resolved in subsequent parts. The story will still be odd but will make better sense.

I waited a few days before reading this because I knew how good it would be. First you took me back to old, good memories of Forts Benning, Rucker, and Campbell, as well as the 101st Air Assault. Then you started a great story about a vicious rape of an innocent woman, and "Rusty's" beating at the hands of Boyd and his friends. I can't wait to see justice fall on Boyd and the other rapists, and our hero reunited with Ruthanne and his daughter. Great story.

In looking at your stories in the past, it usually only took a day or two to see chapter 2 etc. Hoping the other chapters will show up soon so this stays fresh in my mind. Enjoy this story but am not very patient. Sorry.

Great start, most recent stories , I merely skim through. I read this one. Good character development.

Looks to be a good revenge series. I’ll admit that I gloss over a bit at the military lingo and equipment discussions, though. I am a bit confused where his seduction happened. They were sitting at a park bench when they were accosted? I must have missed something.

"That boy's so dumb he thinks Poontang is the capital of Viet Nam."

I’m sure that’s not the first time that joke has been told, but it’s the first time I’ve heard it in my 40+ yrs and found it absolutely hilarious. Love this story. Surprised I haven’t read any of your stories so far but I will definitely be reading all of your stories over the next couple of days. Thank you!

Fun Fact: Greensville County has been been a flagrant speed trap for decades. They must support the County government on the revenue from the fines! ;-)

Now on to "the rest of the story"....

Excellent story! Your Army Aviation jargon brought back fond memories of my time in Aviation. Great start! Five Stars.

Very well written as witness to the skills or your aforementioned editing staff. Cant wait to get to chapter 2

Really good start to this story. I have enjoyed this first chapter and look forward to the rest. 5*

I was at bragg, benning and Campbell. Brings back memories

So much perfunctory drivel to get into the story. Cut the crap down to a tolerable minimum, you are not Faulkner.

101st 4th battalion Blackhawks. You should’ve mentioned going to Catwest right outside gate 4. Lol

Jeez I wish that damned donut hole would write his own stories so someone could feed him back some of his own spew. I’m enjoying getting into the story, looking forward to the evil Boyd and his minions getting just what they need: destroyed. A very good start.

Great start and it has me completely involved! So I'm telling you... the girl seemed to be with her grandmother. If I that's because Ruthanne died, I'm leaving the story right there and awarding 1 star!

Very good start. I hope the story will continue that well.

The cops are so ignorant in Ole Virginny they can't even spell "sheriff". Can you imagine putting "SHERRIFF" on your car?

Here, let me summarize for you. Dude was rolled while having sex years before. He was beaten and left for dead while his girl was raped. She had a kid and he came across her in the present. He went to war and met some people.

That's it. All those pages for useless nonsense. This author is the drizzling shits

very good and interesting but somehow just a bit too long, did set everything up for the future though.

Good start on what seems like it might be a good story. I’m looking forward to reading more of it. Thanks for sharing, Flavian. Oh, and. ‘summary’ ignored, AR.

5 stars.

Bored to tears...dragged on with no discernable point.

Easy 5 stars for me. Great intro, looking good plot. Looking forward to the real meat of the story.

So Dos’Nuts and Angleryder don’t like the story, huh? That just makes it so much better to me. Thanks, Flavian, a great story so far. It’s looking to me like it’s time for somebody to die. Or to at least make them wish they were dead.

5 stars