All Comments on 'Kami's Secret Lover'

This was a great story but ruined by small errors. For example it was not necessary to have a change of tense. Also never use '&' to abbreviate the word 'and'. Finally the word laid. Remember - he lay, she lay, I lay, they lay. The word laid is more commonly used when we say for example 'the chickens laid the eggs early in the morning.' I apologize for being pedantic but all I want is to help you to improve your writing. Regardless of this I found your story erotic and original. Thank you for the experience.