All Comments on 'Karen Ch. 01'

Now if he thinks REAL hard he'll remember Jim Belson, what he looked like.

Something broke them up before and that problem isn't there now.

time to hire a private investigator and if she is cheating ...as she is lying ... well he said she looked 10 years younger ..hes a man he can get one that is ten years younger that looks ten years younger than that ... what can she get ...some one who is ten years older than he is ... lol who wins ...if she lied and she was cheating ..get the evidence and get that younger woman and have fun kick her sorry ass out

I am not going to kill you because you are new however have a little respect for your readers ability to read and the importance of their time. This is not even half complete so as a reader I wasted my time. Its fine to write stories in chapters but they should be a bit more complete.

Another problem is that by the time I see the next one I will have to re read this one otherwise it wont make sense.

So please in the future write a full story or at least a good size chapter and dont worry we can all read quite well.

Keep writing

The pain and confusion of the husband is compelling. But it's hard to see why, having caught his wife in a blatant lie, he doesn't simply call her on it: "I saw you at lunch today, why are you lying to me, what's really going on?"

For him not to do that, presumably so the story can be strung out longer, weakens it in my opinion.

I hope we will have more stories from you, though. The emotional power of this one is what I enjoyed about it.

Good story, for you first. A lot of writters here like the cheating wife thing cuckold hubby story. But please give us a story that has some reality. Not all men or women roll over and let the spouse do what ever they want. Most people have limits as to how they will go.

Well written and the theme implied (marital cheating with consequence) is very much appreciated as a reality of normal life.

My concern, like others, is that it might turn to the non-reality of a wimpy cuckolded non-action type husband who sickly watches the mother of his children slate herself with others. The cream pie possibility(2) of this story is another non-tolerable wimpy and pitiful sick wife expectation of her loving supportive long term husband.

As a new author, we await your direction. Us semi-normals hope for some entertaining real life scenarios with the appropriate consequence as opposed to the high percentage of marital deviant crap spewed elsewise here for the few jaded sicko's.

So lead on author - we are optimistic and hope you don't disgustingly disappoint - with Regard

Nice to see some fresh insight into these stories. Keep writing what feels good for you and don't let the nay sayers get you down. Looking forward to more. Thanks for a good write.

Beautifully written, especially for a new writer,but I wish you and other writers would not potray husbands as such idiots. If he cannot figure out similarity between current sexual zeal on the part of his wife and that of twenty some odd years ago, everyone reading the story can, I'm sure.Please don't suddenly recall that stranger in Marriot was Jim Belton from the old days. You write very well, but you telegraph your punches as they say in the fighting world. 60 year old George

A good start, looking forward to the next Chapter.

My Regards

Good start.

Say what you want, when you want, the way you want. And people will read you (or not). Don't write to satisfy those that screech, satisfy yourself.

You've wet my whistle with this part; a discovery (he never saw that one coming) that could lead to investigation then either forgiveness or divorce. No matter which way you go, you will be damned by a few on either side of the equation. And then there are even a few that seek to prove that point with all caps.

As how the story started, it will take some thinking to

come up with a way to make the husband both "slow" and

smart and believable simultaneously.

He's been with this "loving" woman for close to 30 years and to say he "knew" her, as he as loved her --- he would NOT have loved her so, if he did NOT think he knew her, right? --- but has been this clewless all these years, and it is only NOW that he's been thinking about her "sudden" and, seemingly serial, and extreme "urges" for pussy sucking activities (from him) from a tired day "at the job"

and is just NOW beginning to see if he could put 2 and 2 together ------- it's gonna take some serious thinking on the author's part to pull this off,,,

Of course, there's the easy $10 porno DVD route: nothing but fake noises, or, as the man said, all sound and fury signifying nothin', and then we're done with another forgetable round of masturbtory attempt,,,

Excellent start. Ignore the naysayers and write what you want to.

The story is probably already written and will be released over the next week or so but I hope there is more suspense, more doubt about what is going on---not blatant cuckolding, but suspense, suspicion. The private detective phase w/all the electronic gizmos is good but don't let that be the whole story or the lawyering & the throwing up on a parking lot & the taking the offenders to the cleaners---vengence is better than wimpism but I hope there is more emphasis on the beginnings of suspicion.

I like this first Chapter. I like the thrill of the chase----thrill?---well, fictional thrill and suspense, though I think everyone knows the general drift of the tale.

Blue88, I hope you have written a great story. We'll see. Hope so.

---playingcardcompany

welcome to the site, Karen. we need more writers, that can start a story like this. i will wait until i see it all to tell you what i think but i do welcome you to the site.

Good start! Don't keep us waiting too long for the rest, please..... :-)

I enjoyed the first chapter. I hope you can maintain the tension throughout the story and that we don't have to wait too long for the rest.

KK

I read chapter one and was thrilled that a new contributor was writing with such taste. I am now waiting for chapter two....where the hell is it? Come on Blue....write the damn thing and get us all out of our misery.....Ole Reb

I'd like to apologize for the delay, but Lit. has Chapters 2, 3 and 4. I guess I did not submit the chapters in a timely manner. I hope that they appear soon. I'm writing Chapter 5 now and it should be finished in a few days.

I read chapter 4 and was waiting for 5 and the next day it disappeared....! It was great! I was really hoping her husband would set her straight, ask her if she had already started the affair and tell her its jim or him...

You should have confronted the woman when you caught her lying to you about her not eating out and you should have told her that you saw her with that man strutting thru the lobby of the hotel and then you should then later have her followed by a P.I.so you can find out whats going on then nail her for cheating on you.

Pat

Atlanta,Ga.

I hate stupid and the writers who write stupid characters into their stories.

Give me an intelligent character who may be flawed, but get rid of the stupid characters.

idiot. No duh, he can't remember what caused the two voracious episodes? Well I'm the reader sitting back wondering how stupid the hero is. So I guess the writer is manipulating my emotions and has succeeded?

1* old hide

recognize this quote?

**Should he confront her? "No, not yet," he concluded. He really had nothing concrete.**

this inner dialog is fantastically unbelievable. first, in the general sense, that is just not a logical masculine thought process. nor a feminine one, for that matter. the only circumstance i can think of where a person would think that is if the person was already recognizably mentally ill.

second, specifically in this story, he DID have something concrete: he saw his wife with another man, and she lied to him. from this point on it becomes impossible to empathize with the protagonist. BTW, this is one reason why you get the hate mail. as a writer, you need to realize the reader wants to either love or hate your main character. the only emotional attachment to the protagonist the reader gets is a feeling of disgust, which is transferred to you for the abject failure of your storytelling to satisfy your audience.

third, the two phrases, "confront her with your concerns" and "accuse her of cheating" are NOT synonymous. inexplicably, nearly every LW author here erroneously equates the two. i've seen this plot device used when the cuck hears the wife conversing with someone about her infidelity, which is even more unbelievable.

you folks need to quit listening to whoever it is that's mentoring/advising you authors to continue using this plot device. do some research. if you have never been cheated on (or betrayed in any manner by a lover/friend/family member), talk to people who have. if the cuck does NOT want a split, the progression is: 1 suspect, 2 confront, 3 investigate and verify/debunk, THEN 4 accuse/apologize and move on. only people who WANT to break up regardless will skip #2 or 3.

For sharing.

a cream pie from her lover - what a fucking cunt.

whats a guy to do, but go carefully and plan, TK U MLJ LV NV

A very good beginning.

because his wife would never do anything like that again. TK U MLJ LV NV

Our hero isn't too bright. He had all the evidence in front of him. Is he going to wait for her to rape him again?

" What was there in common with both events?," he pondered. Try as he might, he could come to no logical conclusion. He saw absolutely no link in common between that event and this one. "

Come on you are a good writer. Do not make your characters stupid or stretch the credulity of the reader. No common link, seriously!!??!!

Have to mark you down for that.

In fact, along with those who descry the lack of reality, you did the dumbest naming of characters in a LW story in a long time. Don't you have more imagination than Jack and Jill and John, and Bell and Belsen and Benson? If you did that on purpose, it's a sad joke.

Author always sets up an engaging storyline. Five stars.

fag cuck shit.

Give the reader some credit for intelligence, in other words don't insult it. Otherwise very good story 5*

Interesting start. Did she cheat? I'll continue...

What has Karen been up to. We need another chapter.

He couldn’t figure it out. Naive and stupid. Let me guess, it turns out to be Jack. DNA tests for the kids.

If he couldn't figure it out, he's an A-grade moron!

I think the author wants us to believe that he loves and trusts his wife so much that she would never stray. This guy is in denial. I think she wants him to go down on her because she is full of another man.

Again,starting off looking like trouble for Jack.

To me it is obvious. Karen enjoys having her husband Jack lick up what Jim Belson leaves in her. She is secretly cuckolding Jack. I think their first child is Jim's and they foisted it on Jack to raise. Jim knows about Jack and is guiding Karen in this relationship. Actually, I much prefer the unknowing...and, if he knew, the unwilling...cuckold stories. I like the element of all Hell is about to start.

Cuckold...

First, of COURSE he should have confronted her on her lie!

\

Second, the link is obvious! Both times she likely fucked the other guy and made him eat their cream pies!

Stopped reading after the first couple of paragraphs when Jack just walked away at the restaurant without going over to say hello to his wife. Whether he thought she was doing something she shouldn't or not. No husband would just walk away he would have gone over and embarrassed his wife.

I agree with the previous commenters about Jack not confronting his loving wife of 25 years. The only input we have is through this voting system, so I give a 1 for spinning this out onto another page. Enough of these stories that stretch things out for months to create false tension. Not saying that's gonna happen here...

LWlurker

Stupid from the beginning. She making her eat a creampie and he didn't even flinch. as a matter of fact, it's pretty sure she fucked her lover and even so he fucked the slut a LW cliche I never understood. Seems your MC is as braindead a most of the wives in this category

Wow - some of these comments are way beyond reasonable. This is a story that is written as the author sees it. No one appointed critics to ridicule this good start to a new multi part story. Waiting to continue

Good start to story - good story setup

Oooooh cream pie entrée and a sloppy seconds main course, such a kind and loving wife.

You make husbands seem to be the dumbest creatures on earth. In the beginning restaurant scene, wife and stranger walking intimately into restaurant, at a hotel. No husband would ignore that scene and leave. Then the cunt wife come home and demand oral sex and be really aggressive. Something she hasn't done in 20 years. Then the guy looks Familiar. Hell I see through this already. Bet it's the old boy friend. In the next page will we find the kids are not his, Hot sex in car First cream pie? Are you nuts? 2*

Oh please! NO man, husband or boyfriend, would see that dinning room scene as anything other than intimacy between two people. NO professional ever behaves that way in public. Confirmation, if even needed, is sealed with her lie neatly tied up in guilty body language. All that, followed by her manic sex action at home, would alert even the densest rock his wife was cheating on him.

So, cut the BS, get a detective to seal the intell, while concurrently setting an appointment with BOTH an attorney AND, very important for him, a crisis counselor to support him in the forthcoming nightmare.

No, don't confront her now. Wait for documentation then nuke her.

Setting this up nicely,

good setup

Cue the Twilight Zone music.

It's not very realistic that he would not be CERTAIN his wife It's likely cheating on him given what he saw and her lie. This is planned deception. The hypersexual behavior is her using her husband to satisfy her lust from her date; she hadn't had sex with the guy so hubby became the replacement outlet. Dude, your wife has already left the marriage. Sorry bout that.

He caught her in the act and he caught her lying about it. And he says he has "nothing concrete"? I hate this LW device where main characters act confused and clueless and "need more information" when they already know exactly what's happening. It's just so unrealistic.