All Comments on 'Karen, Tom, Mark's Pickup Game'

You need an editor because this good story is full of typos, incorrect verbs, misspellings, omitted words, and other errors. Also, the introduction of bladder infections at the end of the story is a real downer and not at all in keeping with the tenor of the story you built; realistic, yes; appropriate here, no. Keep writing, but do get an editor.