All Comments on 'Kasia's Story'

Hi

I'm sorry to say, but you lost me very early, It's not about how hot it get's or how the people looks or even if I get off or not reading it.

It's all about you writing in a boring way, not catching me, not making me wanting to know more in my zapping reading style.

I suggest you try again, same story but making it follow basic ideas in writing.

Don't tell it all, make me look for it.

Don't show it all, make me long for it.

Make the hook, and catch me on it, forcing me to look for more.

All this is basic writing.

I've read alot, and can tell some stories still lives in my mind by the writers choice of a goof title.

Then build gradually but fast. Like my professor says, using lots of paper makes you unconvincing. Learn from Einstein... you know e=mc2.... no need for lots of paper there...

Use cliffhangers and walk the "room" as a reader walks it.

Use different starts of lines so it wont be the same on too many lines. Your pages look like a shoppinglist sometimes.

Now for something good... the effort to at least try.

I like that and hope you feel like a student actually looking to get better by reading comments, and just give it another try.

Well, have you read any of my work?

No?

This is how it works, write a lot, read a lot, publish when you really feel it is finished.

I've written lots of stories and poems, and yet nothing good enough to be finished.

On the site the level and skills of writers varies.

A few are good to really earn a 100 rating. Most bellong to 50 and I really think only a few first timewriters are above 10-20.

And NO it's not about how explicit they write. It all back to school making a story in the class, as good as it gets.

Now get back on the horse and give it another try.

Same idea, just rewrite it.

If you don't get it, just read more, and think how a good thrillerwriter would tell your story.

I will always remember the beginnings by Alistar Mc Lean in his first books. He really got your attention and often kept it until...in my case I read all night long...being late for school.

<P>I tried to remember when I last read a story with quite so many pretentions. It is full of very pretty words and flowery phrases yet not one catches the readers imagination to keep enough interest in the characters or story. I was faced with sad 'motes of dust', a heroine who breathes 'modestly', and a writer who 'was bored with this story'. I wasn't sure who was more bored the author or the reader.</P>

<P>A quote from the story is incredibly prophetic: "switch of viewpoints disorients". Attempts to use clever literary techniques are best left to very experienced authors, in the hands of the amateur they are comic at best and make the story unreadable at worst.</P>

<P>I wanted to quote some of the worst phrases in the story but sadly there were so many and I could not pick any that were worse than the others. More adjectives and adverbs rarely improve a story, use better nouns and verbs.</P>

<P>I am surprised that ten people managed to read to the end to vote. I seriously doubt that the average erotic coupling reader would bother with it.</P>

This really wasn't what I was expecting from an erotic couplings story at all. The abrupt changes of point of view, the sudden intrusion of the narrator (the bit where we're somehow watching Kasia), not to mention the bit in the middle where you tell us about not really wanting to write--all of these things made it really hard to read. It was a struggle to force myself to read to the end.

Why write a story that you didn't want to write? Next time, write something that inspires you. And keep it simple. Flowery phrases are currently rather out of vogue. You can get away with the odd one or two and those of us that are so-minded will look at them and think, "ooh, that's clever." But when they appear sentence after sentence, frankly, it starts to feel a bit pretentious. Stop trying to impress and write a story. Something that grips and engages us. Something that grips and engages <i>you</I> too.

If you like writing keep at it. It doesn't always get any easier, except when continueing with the same characters where they take over and the story unfolds within the bounds of their personality.

Yes it was a little too flowery for me. It was probably because of the literature you read (although I do read the 'older' authors works too) my own writing tends to be to the point with little literary embelishments. It is easier writing an action story or novel but the audience here requires less plot, less characterisation and more sex.

However, your own style should be a format for what you think others will be interested in reading. What ever you write, you can't please everyone. The same story can be too short or too long for different readers.

The secret is to just keep on writing. StoryTeller07