Kathleen's Secret Life

SS:“What about Bill? Why couldn’t he satisfy those desires for you?”

K:“A lot of reasons, really. Even now it’s almost humorous thinking about it! First, I didn’t want Bill to find out about the new me. I went back to being very passive about sex and let him take the lead. I knew that if I became a tiger in the bedroom, eventually he would know that something was different. Secondly, the excitement of being blindfolded and being taken by so many men just isn’t something that Bill would be able to duplicate. I don’t think any one man could do that. So you see, I was forced to keep my lives separate. I wanted to continue to be the Kathleen that Bill fell in love with and married, but I still wanted to explore the excitement and sexuality of “Lisa”. Can you understand?”

SS: “Yes, I understand perfectly, but I don’t agree, and I have to tell you that what you did, what you are doing is not healthy. You can’t be two different people. That’s a psychological disorder.”

K: “I not schizophrenic, if that’s what you mean, and quite frankly, I didn’t come her to be “cured” of my new sexual passion and awareness Dr. Sharp. I guess it’s hard for you to understand, hard for you not to judge, but I really enjoy my life, every aspect of it. I don’t want to be cured.”

SS: “Than what do you want Kathleen? What do you want from me?”

K: “I want my husband, who I love with all my heart, to accepted me for who I am. I want you to help me tell Bill about who I am and try to convince him that our life can go on just the way it has for the past six years. Is that so bad?”

SS: “Once you let the genie out of the bottle, you can’t put him back in! Look Kathleen, I’m sorry if I was judgmental, that was not called for here. This is your life and your entitled to live it the way you see fit. We are almost out of time. But I have one more question before we reconvene next week. If you are so content with your life why do you want to rock the boat and tell your happy but oblivious husband about your “other life” and that your three children are not his? Why don’t you just keep your little secret?”

K: Because I have to. I’m being blackmailed.

END OF TAPE 5

Session 4 Tape 6

SS:“OK, here we go. This is our fourth session with Kathleen and this is Tape 6.”

K: “Good afternoon, Dr. Sharp, I’m sorry I’m a little late, I had to drive my oldest daughter to her dance lesson and I got stuck in traffic.”

SS:“That’s fine, I was just going my notes of our last session while I was waiting for you. First, let me confirm that Bill will be here next week . . .”

K:“Yes, that’s right.”

SS:“without you.”

K:“Yes, he will be coming by himself the first time.”

SS:“Good. Before we continue where we left off last week, I will tell you what I am planning for that session. I have alread started the process of having our last four tapes transcribed. Just to let you know, the girl who transcrbed your tapes worked non-stop until I had to throw her out at 10 PM each night! She couldn’t tear herself away from the job!

K:“I guess they were pretty hot. Imagine if that one tape had not run out!”

SS:“Anyway, the reason I started transcribing the tapes so soon, while we are in session, is that I plan to give Bill a transcript of the tapes to read immediately before I meet with him. I believe that is the best way to disclose your behavior to your husband in a more dispassionate way. Also, I have reviewed the transcripts, and it’s clear that you truly love him and care about him when you read them. I’m sure he will be shocked, but that is something that I will have to deal with in my professional capacity.”

K:“This is so scary for me. I can’t imagine letting him read those transcripts. It almost seems cruel. But I also can’t imagine sitting next to him in this room and telling him the things I told to you. I’m sure it would come out all wrong.”

SS:“That was pretty much my assessment of the situation. We can let the transcrips tell your husband the “facts”. That will allow me to deal with his emotional response once he is finished. I hope that your husband is not a violent or angry man?”

K:“No, not in the least. He would never be violent and he is very controlled, even when he is angry.”

SS: “Then it’s settled. I still have to work out the details before I meet with him, but you have the broad outline of how I plan the session to go. I would just ask you not to upset him before he comes to see me.”

K:“Ok.”

SS:“Now, when we left off last week, you told me that one of the reasons you have sought my help is that you are being blackmailed. Please explain.”

K:“About a month ago, Tony Salerno called me into his office. He had one of his typical leering grins on. His brother Vince was there as usual. He asked me to sit down and then turned to Vince and said “Well, our “gang bang” accountant is here. How are you doing “Lisa”.” I looked at the both of them in silence. Finally I said in a small voice, “How did you find out?” Vince laughed and said “What did you think we are, stupid?” I guess I lost it and I spit out “Yes, as a matter of fact!”

Tony scowled at me. “Forget about how we found out. We know that you’ve been doing the bachelor parties, you little slut. How do you think we feel knowing that our partner is a slut and a whore.” It felt as if he had physically slapped me in the face. My cheeks were red and I was seething. “What’s going on here Tony?” I asked, afraid of the answer. Vince laughed. “We just think that we should’nt be partners with a whore. When we found out what you really are we began to ask ourselves why we’ve been so generous with you.”

“Generous!” I hissed. “You ungrateful bastards! If it wasn’t for me you would still be selling dollar beers in Patterson and this Club would be just another one of your wet dreams!” Tony responded impatiently. “Listen, we don’t want to hear your sob stories, slut. We called you in here for one reason. From now on you lose your cut of the cash skim. We want you to split your share between Vince and my account overseas, you get nothing. And another thing, your cash draw is cut to $1,000 per month effect immediately.”

“And why should I agree to that!” I said.

“Because, if you don’t go along with the new program, we’ll your tell your cuckhold husband where you’ve been spending your Friday nights recently.” With that, Tony tossed a pack of photos to me in a “One Hour Photo” folder. My hands shook as I leafed through them. It was me, in a number of very compromising poses at the last bachelor party. The pictures left nothing to the imagination. “We have a video too, it came out real good, very professional.With sound!” Vince laughed at Tony’s statement. I turned white and felt frozen to the chair. “Here look at this one, its my favorite!” Tony ripped the photos out of my hand and leafed through them. He held up a close-up of me, naked on my hands and knees with my mouth open, in obvious pleasure. “I think that’s a pretty good likeness, don’t you. I’m sure your husband will recognize you, even with that wig.”

I knew I needed time to deal with this situation. “Look,” I said, “I’ll agree to your terms, but you have to give me a couple of months so I can sort this out.”

“You got until the end of the year, six weeks. By that time all the paperwork has to be done or your husband gets invited to a private screening. And don’t think for a minute that we’re bluffing.”

I left Tony’s office in a daze, got into my car and drove around aimlessly. I knew that the Salerno’s couldn’t threaten to turn me into the police or the IRS since they were just as guilty of tax fraud as I was. It was then I knew that I needed Bill’s help. He is the only person I could turn to. But before I went to him, I needed to find a way to explain my side of the story. That’s when I came to you for help.”

SS:“Why didn’t you just take Mr. Salerno’s offer or walk away from EXstacy? Wouldn’t that have solved your problem?”

K:“Dr. Sharp, if it wasn’t for me EXstacy would not even exist! I accumulate over $200,000 tax free offshore from the Club each year. That money is reinvested and grows at a faster rate than if it were in investments in this country. In addition, not counting my dancing and “party” tips, I now take home over $4,000 a month in cash from the Club. That’s a nice bit of spending money for my family, and, its tax free. I will be damned if I am going to give up that kind of money because those two wop bastards threaten to blackmail me. If the truth be known, the Salerno’s could leave the Club tommorrow and no one would ever miss them. And I know the revenues would go up since they spend money like water and all kinds of usless things. To make things worse, I recently went to contract on a resort hotel in the Carribean and need at least six months’ more revnues from the Club to close on the contract or I lose a sizable down payment. I just can’t let them squeeze me out like this!” SS: “You sound angry.”

K:“I AM angry. This is why you have to help me. I’m not letting those two hoodlums take away everything I worked all these years for. I’ve got to explain everything to Bill.

SS:Kathleen, I have been counselling married couples for almost 30 years and I have never had a more difficult assignment thrust in front of me. You must prepare yourself for the worse. I don’t know your husband, but it seems unlikely to me that you will ever be able to have the life that you enjoyed in the past, not that I think you should continue in some of the behaviors you have described. Please be reasonable in your expectations.

K:Dr. Sharp, I came to you because you are one of the best in your field. I am confident that you will be able to make Bill see things the way I do. I don’t intend to lose my husband’s love or the life I’ve worked so hard for all these years because of the Salerno’s threats. I know you can help it.

SS:(Sigh) We will see. We will see. END OF TAPE 6

Session Notes: Session 5 – Tape 7

SS: I am dictating this tape prior to Kathleen’s husband, Bill, arirving for his 3 o’clock appointment. I have scheduled him early in the afternoon, and have cleared my calander so that I am able to allow him to complete the transcripts of his wife’s previous sessions and then spend time with me discussing his reactions and feeling about what is disclosed in the transcripts. I spoke to Bill twice by phone since Kathleen’s last session. He appeared calm and cooperative but slightly reserved and cautious. I intend to allow him to read through the transcripts without interruption in front of me, so that I can gauge his reaction and engage him in the event he cannot complete reading them. [Tape 7 Paused]

SS: Well Bill, I’m glad that you were able to finish reading your wife’s transcripts without interruption. As we discussed on the phone, I intend to tape our conversations in order to have a complete transcript of your wife’s case. Is that agreeable to you?

B:(Unintelligible)

SS:Excuse me?

B:I said that’s fine with me.

SS:Well, what is your reaction to what you just read?

B:What do you mean?

SS:How did you feel when you read the transcripts?

B:Angry!

SS:Because of your wife’s behavior I imagine.

B:No, at those bastards, the Salernos.

SS:I don’t understand, Bill.

B:I feel like going over there and punching out both of them!

SS:Is that your only reacation, your only feelings? Anger toward the Salernos?

B:No, I’m surprised, very surprised.

SS:At what?

B:I never knew that Kath had a secret interest in EXstacy. I feel kind of dumb not having figured that out.

SS:What?

B:I never suspected she was a silent partner, you know, in the Club.

SS:Excuse me. Bill. Is that the only thing that surprised you in your wife’s transcripts? Weren’t you surprised that she was an “exotic dancer” at a strip club and a “party girl” at bachelor parties?

B:No, I’ve known all along.

SS:Excuse me?

B:I’ve known all along. I found her gym bag with her dancing costume about a week after she started dancing. I suspected something was going on, so I took off from work a few days when I was supposed to be out of town and followed her. I wanted to know what she was up to. I was curious.

SS:Tell me about it?

B:I found the costume one weekend. She couldn’t have been dancing more than a couple of weeks. That was over five, no six years ago. There was a napkin in the bottom of the bag that read “Exstacy – A Gentlemen’s Club” with the address in Union. I was supposed to travel that week, but instead, I had one of our junior people make the trip and took some time off. I went to the Club on Monday afternoon. There were pictures of the “performers” pasted on a poster near the door. I recognized Kathleen when I saw Lisa’s picture with the same green string bikini I found in the bag at home. I asked the bouncer at the door and he told me that she danced on Tuesday afternoons. The next afternoon, I was back.

SS:Didn’t she recognize you?

B:No, I played the same game she did. I hid my sandy hair under a dark wig, pasted on a matching mustache and bought a pair of fake, black rimmed glasses. I must of looked like a geek and at least 15 years older. Of course, I sat in the back in a dark corner.

SS:What was your reaction when you saw your wife on stage like that?

B:My reaction? I was stunned! I couldn’t believe it was Kath. My brain kept flip-flopping. You know. That’s her. It can’t be her! Finally, as I watched her mannerisms closely, I knew without a doubt that the woman dancing stark naked up there on the stage was my sweet, conservative wife!

SS:How did you feel when you finally came to grips with your realization that it was actually her?

B:Feel? All kinds of feelings. Stunned, excited, betrayed, angry – and horny. Actually, when I calmed down I actually felt proud that she was able to do something like this. I was proud of my hot wife.

SS:How did you feel though when you saw all those men ogling your wife, naked?

B:I felt – proud, proud that she was mine. “Eat your hearts out” I was thinking to myself. Until I watched her do her first “table dance”, that is.

SS:“Table dance, what do you mean?

B:I noticed Kathleen left that part out. The dancers are supposed to go up to the customer’s after their set and convince them to buy them a drink and to pay for a table dance.

SS:They dance up on the table? That sound’s dangerous, particularly in those high heels they wear.

B:No, they get naked and sit on the man’s lap and shimmy to the music. It’s like dry humping, only the woman is naked.

SS:Kathleen did that in public? B:Many times, and she was very good at it and VERY popular.

SS:You must have been angry or jealous or both.

B:It’s funny. Once I got used to the idea that she was an exotic dancer at the club, I just viewed it as part of her job. And, as always with Kathleen, she was very good at her job. She never let the men touch, and as far as I could see, never went any further than bumping and grinding. I never saw her leave the club with a man.

SS:How many days did you observe her?

B:I hate to admit this, but I became obsessed with it. I managed to take off almost every Tuesday afternoon to catch her dancing. When I couldn’t make it, I was wild with jealousy and anticipation. I was addicted to it – probably more than she was addicted to doing it!

SS:So you were a secret voyeur to your wife’s secret life. I am glad that I have this on tape, because my collegues would never believe it! I am amazed that you never told her about your fascination with her dancing.

B:I wanted to – many times.

SS:Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you discuss it with her?

B:A lot of reasons, I guess. I didn’t want her to know I had snuck around looking through her things and that I was trailing her. I was hoping, and dreading I guess, that I would find out about other exiciting things that she was doing. Which, of course, I did.

SS:You mean the bachelor parties . . .

B:Yes. Also, I guess I was afraid that if I confronted her, she would stop. I didn’t want that. I just didn’t know how to tell her that I was turned on by her dancing and was, well, addicted to her. It was a lot of things.

SS:It all sounds very complex. Let’s move on. You intimated that you eventually found out that she was doing bachelor parties. How did that happen.

B:I became friendly with one of the bouncers at the Club. I told him I had a crush on “Lisa” and that she was my favorite. I guess he figured it out himself since I was there whenever she was and left right after her time was up. We used to kid around at the bar sometimes and one day he said to me “You know, your girlfriend Lisa, is scheduled to do a bachelor party next Friday.” I thought for a few minutes and stared into my drink. “How does someone get into a party like that?” I asked him. “Well, he said, if you know the bouncer who is working the party, it could be arranged, for a fee, that is.” My heart was racing. At that second I would have paid this guy ANYTHING to be allowed into that party.

Luckily, he only asked for $100 and offered to slip me in after the action started. My mind was churning like crazy all the way back to my office in Manhattan. I went from feeling overjoyed at my luck, to feeling depressed knowing that my beautiful, loving, conservative, professional wife had agreed to become a complete whore, not only for one man, but for an entire room of testoterone charged young bachelors! For a time I thought that I should confront her and stop this before it went too far. Then I thought, “If that’s what she really wants, fuck her!” I reasoned that it wouldn’t do any good to stop her since, if that’s what she wanted, she would only find another time and place to do it, probably when I wasn’t able to observe. So I decided to bring a digital camera with me to use for evidence in the divorce. Dr. Sharp, I was a basket case!

SS: Did you see her that night?

B:Yes. I told her I had to leave on business the next morning and wouldn’t be back until Saturday afternoon. My plan was to take pictures on Friday night, have them developed Saturday morning and then confront her when I got home. I knew that I couldn’t be with her until Friday, I just couldn’t. That night I lay next to her in bed fuming. All kinds of things were going through my head. I was incensed that she was able to fall asleep like an innocent angel, as if nothing was going on. But as angry as I was, I had an incredible erection that just wouldn’t go away. The last thing I wanted to do was to touch Kathleen. I guess I had lots of emotions churning inside of me, a lot that I didn’t want to recognize.

SS:You mean that you were sexually aroused by the fact that your wife was willing to behave this way?

B:I suppose so. Now I know that is true. But that night I was confused and angry. I couldn’t sleep at all, and left early in the morning before Kath woke up. I just couldn’t look at her.

SS:Tell me about that night, Friday night of the bachelor party.

B:Well, I had on my disguise. I was really afraid that she would recognize me, and I wanted to catch her in the act, you know, get the pictures of her with all those men. I waited outside the party room until the bouncer came out to get me and handed him the $100. Then I tried to fade into the background in a corner where a couple of the party goers were standing. When I got in, the music was playing and Kathleen and the other dancer were stark naked unter the bright lights in the center of the room. When I realized she couldn’t see me, I relaxed a little more, and grabbed a drink.

Then the DJ announced that the fun was about to begin. When I saw them blindfold Kathleen, I was ecstatic. That gave me the freedom I needed to get up close where all the action was without giving myself away. I immediately moved up to the stage and got my camera ready. When I saw the other dancer start kissing my wife all over her lucious, naked body, something snapped inside me. I don’t know what it was, but I realized how much I loved this woman and how much I wanted her, how much I really longed for her! I think it was then that I decided that I could never leave her, that I could never hurt her. I wanted her so much! I started taking pictures and got carried away. I’m embarrassed but I brought some of them with me. I expected that I would need them as “ammunition” when I spoke to you.